Joel Osteen? (Full Version)

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notmycity -> Joel Osteen? (4/29/2005 4:36:11 PM)

Thoughts about him and his "ministry"?

Thanks.



JohnnyBulky -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/29/2005 7:21:04 PM)

Country Club Christianity



Halls -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/29/2005 8:07:34 PM)

I think he is one of those WOF preachers. I don't really listen to him, but when I have I noticed there wasn't much of Christ in his messages.



happydays -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/29/2005 8:21:22 PM)

I am not a fan of churches / ministries run entirely by one family, nor do I think Pastoral postitions shuld be inherited. just my opinion, though.



GPickypick -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 9:24:00 AM)

False prophet. See Matthew 7:13-15. He leads people through the wide gate down the broad road to destruction, by avoiding telling them about their sin and their need to repent.



notmycity -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 11:18:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GPickypick

False prophet. See Matthew 7:13-15. He leads people through the wide gate down the broad road to destruction, by avoiding telling them about their sin and their need to repent.


Thank you. I've recently been asked about this fellow, and have decided to check him out for myself in greater detail so I may provide a better answer to those who have asked. What I have seen of him does lean heavily on the "positive confession", "blab it and grab it" mentality, but I thought I'd solicite other observations from other Christians. Please keep'em coming. Thanks...



psalm100 -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 11:46:56 AM)

I love Joel Osteen. He is very practical and teaches people how to live everyday life according to the Word of God.



P31 -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 12:13:12 PM)

City,

I was so glad yesterday when I saw you post this!!!! From the first time I heard him preach I have had an uneasy feeling. I even warned my Sunday School class about him. I don't watch him often and don't plan to ever spend one penny of money on anything we sales but do know that many people here like him.

I told my class that if they listened to him to keep in mind these topics:

How much time is he spending telling me that I am a sinner in need of a Savior.

How much time does he spend elevating "me" and making "my life better" in comparion to elevating God and the price of being a follower of Jesus Christ. (die to self, take up your Cross (your symbol of death)

I also pointed out to them that I don't like the way he does the 15 second closing of his program with the "if you want this" then just say this prayer with me!!!!!! Shallow understanding of salvation. Cheap grace is being handed out I fear.

I have no "proof" that he is off the mark but from what little I have watched him I certainly see reason to wave a red flag to others.



notmycity -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 12:58:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeepSouth

City,

I was so glad yesterday when I saw you post this!!!! From the first time I heard him preach I have had an uneasy feeling. I even warned my Sunday School class about him. I don't watch him often and don't plan to ever spend one penny of money on anything we sales but do know that many people here like him.

I told my class that if they listened to him to keep in mind these topics:

How much time is he spending telling me that I am a sinner in need of a Savior.

How much time does he spend elevating "me" and making "my life better" in comparion to elevating God and the price of being a follower of Jesus Christ. (die to self, take up your Cross (your symbol of death)

I also pointed out to them that I don't like the way he does the 15 second closing of his program with the "if you want this" then just say this prayer with me!!!!!! Shallow understanding of salvation. Cheap grace is being handed out I fear.

I have no "proof" that he is off the mark but from what little I have watched him I certainly see reason to wave a red flag to others.


Thank you DeepSouth. We share many of the same concerns. Appreciate the feedback.



christiancapitalist -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 2:24:52 PM)

I'm not famliar with Joel Olsteen, but I am concerned with logic by which you judge him. I did a search of the Gospels, and NOT ONE TIME did Jesus go and remind people that they were sinners. In fact, he focused on on them leaving their sinful nature behind them. To walk around saying, "I'm a sinner in need of a savior" is rediculous. I was a sinner; I was saved by my Savior; now, I'm a saint who lives for righteousness by the power of the Holy Spirit. It would be like a someone who lost weight walking around saying, "I'm a fat person skinny by exercise." Yeah, like they'll keep off the weight for very long.



Andy M -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 3:03:49 PM)

He seems like more of a motivational speaker than anything.



notmycity -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 3:39:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: christiancapitalist

I'm not famliar with Joel Olsteen, but I am concerned with logic by which you judge him. I did a search of the Gospels, and NOT ONE TIME did Jesus go and remind people that they were sinners. In fact, he focused on on them leaving their sinful nature behind them. To walk around saying, "I'm a sinner in need of a savior" is rediculous. I was a sinner; I was saved by my Savior; now, I'm a saint who lives for righteousness by the power of the Holy Spirit. It would be like a someone who lost weight walking around saying, "I'm a fat person skinny by exercise." Yeah, like they'll keep off the weight for very long.


No one is judging Joel Osteen. What is being called into question is his “teaching”. His is the emphasis of the false doctrine of prosperity here on the earth, yet Jesus Himself had nothing but the clothes on His back during His ministry.

2 Pet 2:1-3
1 But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.
2 And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of.
3 And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.
(KJV)

2 Tim 4:3-5
3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
4 And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.
(KJV)

I’ve checked this chap’s web site. Interesting to note that the opening page has NO mention of Jesus Christ or God, but “Joel” is sprinkled all over at least a dozen times. Very telling.

Also, the “About Joel” page is all about his personal accomplishments, with only a very slight ambiguous mention of, “God's message of unconditional love and unending hope to capacity crowds in arenas all across America” with absolutely NO reference to the gospel of Christ. Again, very telling of this chap’s priorities. More on this later, as it’s almost time to log off again.



christiancapitalist -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 4:44:46 PM)

Really? hmm. 2. Cor 9:11 You will be made rich in every way, so that you can be generous on every occasion, so that through us, your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."
Matt 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you
Proverbs 10:22 The blessings of the Lord make you rich, and He adds no sorrow to it.
Deut 8:18 And you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day
Gen 26:12-14 12 Then Isaac sowed in that land, and reaped in the same year a hundredfold; and the Lord blessed him. 13 The man began to prosper, and continued prospering until he became very prosperous; 14 for he had possessions of flocks and possessions of herds and a great number of servants. So the Philistines envied him
Gen 39:3 And his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord made all he did to prosper in his hand
Deut 29:9 Therefore keep the words of this covenant, and do them, that you may prosper in all that you do
Jos 1:7 Only be strong and very courageous, that you may observe to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go
Why do I believe in the prospeity message? Let's see. In the King James Bible, the word prosper is used in 48 seperate verses. Both Old Testament patriarchs and New Testament Saints were wealthy. I'm not talking about greed. I'm talking about by blessing others, the end result will be myself being blessed. I give because I want to, because I enjoy giving. But I know that my God will meet all of my physical needs, and will also provide for my enjoyment. ! tim 6:17-19 Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy. 18 Let them do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, 19 storing up for themselves a good foundation for the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life. Oh, God gives us things for our enjoyment. I'm sorry you desire to be poor. Do we one favor though. Pray that I will recieve your protion of blessing. After all, it would be a waste to yourself.



P31 -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 4:50:00 PM)

CC,

Matt 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you

When I listen to Joel I don't hear much about seeking the Kingdom of God or seeking God's righteousness rahter I hear about how "I' can have a bunch of stuff.



JohnnyBulky -> RE: Joel Osteen? (4/30/2005 8:28:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: christiancapitalist
Why do I believe in the prospeity message? Let's see. In the King James Bible, the word prosper is used in 48 seperate verses. Both Old Testament patriarchs and New Testament Saints were wealthy. I'm not talking about greed. I'm talking about by blessing others, the end result will be myself being blessed. I give because I want to, because I enjoy giving. But I know that my God will meet all of my physical needs, and will also provide for my enjoyment. ! tim 6:17-19 Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy. 18 Let them do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, 19 storing up for themselves a good foundation for the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life. Oh, God gives us things for our enjoyment. I'm sorry you desire to be poor. Do we one favor though. Pray that I will recieve your protion of blessing. After all, it would be a waste to yourself.
There are people in this world that live in poverty beyond your imagination but yet worship God with a fervency that makes your faith seem superficial by comparison.



yeshua_seven -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/1/2005 12:20:52 AM)

I've watched Joel Osteen a little, and I woudn't recommend him. Him and other preaches like him tend to focus too much on certain aspects of the Bible. What they say is true, but they don't tell us what we have to do on our part in order to receive such things they tell us about. They speak of the things we can receive from God, but they don't speak of the things that we have to do to get such things. I believe obedience is more important than prayer in many cases. You can pray for all types of things, but if you extremely rebellious, is God going to give what you pray for? No, He will not. Blessings come from obedience and prayer, but not prayer alone.

I like preachers that can speak sermons on a wide range of topics. Many television preachers only have a narrow range of topics they cover.

God is using these people to bring people to Christ however. Nobody should stick with a single teacher of God's Word, but listen to many preachers. I listen to the preachers at my church, I listen to preachers on Christian radio, I listen to preachers on television, I read teachings on the Internet, and I read teachings in books written by preachers. God doesn't reveal everything to a single person, because that creates a danger of pride and self-boasting, so we must learn from many difference sources.



gratefulbear -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/1/2005 1:12:55 PM)

Christianity Today has an excellent review of Osteen's new book: Thou Shalt Not Be Negative. The review shows how Osteen and other Word of Faith teachers trivialize prayer.



floydette -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/1/2005 5:07:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: psalm100

I love Joel Osteen. He is very practical and teaches people how to live everyday life according to the Word of God.


This is what I have noticed about him as well. I enjoy his teaching. In fact this morning my spouse and I commented on the fact that he was teaching just what my spouse is walking thru....



floydette -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/1/2005 5:09:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeepSouth

CC,

Matt 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you

When I listen to Joel I don't hear much about seeking the Kingdom of God or seeking God's righteousness rahter I hear about how "I' can have a bunch of stuff.


Interesting....I have to say I have not heard this at all.



GPickypick -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/2/2005 10:25:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: christiancapitalist

I did a search of the Gospels, and NOT ONE TIME did Jesus go and remind people that they were sinners.


I'm sad to say that this is very wrong. The Sermon on the Mount is the most famous evangelistic sermon in the Bible, and throughout the whole thing Jesus is showing the people the depth of their sin against God. Showing people their sin is the only way to make them realize they need a Savior.

You assume that everyone at Joel Osteen's church is saved. Yet how could they be! And how can they go every week to hear things that are obviously not what the passage means, if they are indeed Christians?

Luke 18 and the Rich Young Ruler would serve as a tremendous answer to those who think Joel Osteen is like Jesus. Osteen is as far away from the Lord as a person can be.

I would also add that I watched Joel Osteen and thoroughly enjoyed him before I became a Christian. He made me feel good about myself. But yet the gospel is a call to self-hate, not self-love. Look at the following passages:

John 12:25: "Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

Luke 9:23-24: "And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it."

Luke 14:26: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple."

Does this sound like what Joel Osteen is preaching? Or does he preach that you should love yourself, love your life, and try to have your best life in this world (as opposed to what Jesus taught, which is to hate this life and seek treasure in heaven)?

Please, I'm begging you all, don't be deceived by this guy! He will lead you straight down the road to hell. Jesus came to seek and save the lost, and Joel Osteen doesn't see people as lost, he sees them as financially poor and in need of God's blessing. You won't ever seek the cure if you don't know you have the disease, so I plead with you, read the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20), read the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), see if you meet the divine standard of perfect, and if you don't, then ask God to give you the righteousness of Christ as you forsake any efforts to please God on your own, and as you turn from sin to live for Christ (not for you) for the rest of your life.



Tirno -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/2/2005 11:55:24 PM)

Just to lighten the mood a little, Michael Spencer (www.internetmonk.com) wrote this a few months ago. I laughed out loud. It's between Larry King and Joel Osteen. This is not meant to be taken seriously. It is a parody (as noted at the bottom).

Posted by Michael Spencer at February 4, 2005 12:34 AM
LK: Can animals go to heaven?

JO: Animals can have a good life now. They shouldn't say, "This is just a dog's life." They can be blessed today!

LK: Can you explain the Mormon concept of Holy underwear?

JO: There's better underwear for you today!

LK: No, not "holey." H-O-L-Y.

JO: I don't know that word, but it makes me smile.

LK: Why does God let bad things happen to anybody? Isn't it rude to let someone, let's say, lose an ebay auction or misplace their cell phone? How do you handle meaningless suffering?

JO: Have you ever just smiled at everyone you meet, and thought how much better you feel when you smile? I think that's what God wants us to know, Larry. Smile, and the whole world smiles with you.

LK: When you eat canned corn, do you ever regret it? Or any other vegetables for that matter? What about vegtables?

JO: Vegetables are wonderful. Victoria and I were visiting the store just the other day, and we saw a huge squash. The largest I've ever seen. And we walked by it, and she said "Joel, I believe one day we will have a squash as big as that one, or bigger." I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to speak a word of negativity into her confession. So, a few days later, I was driving past an overturned truck, and I looked inside the trailer, and there was a squash. Three times the size of the one in the store. So I grabbed it, left a copy of my book in payment, and took it to Victoria. We ate it that night, and it was like we were eating our dreams, and we couldn't wait to see what happens next. God wants to bless everyone with a big squash, or a
bigger cucumber. Whateve the vegetable happens to be, confess it, and you will have it.

LK: Joel Osteen. The Book is "Your Best Friend's Wife...I mean, Your Best Life Now." We'll be right back.

[Commercial break]

LK: OK we're back with another ten minutes with Joel Osteen. Let's take some calls. Pontiac, Michigan.

Caller: I'm an angry gay man, and I want to know what Joel thinks of me.

LK: Angry gay men. Christians hate them, right?

JO: I think we need to be more positive with angry gay men. We are going to have a hundred thousand people at our church in a few years, Larry, and angry gay men will have their own section, their own ministries, even their own band. I'm not angry. Caller, I'm smiling at you right now.

LK: Munich, Germany. Go ahead.

Caller: There is no God. Do you hear me? No God. So shut up, you big noodle head.

JO: That's the kind of person we enjoy working with the most, Larry. My messages are perfect to help a person like that say "If there is no God, that doesn't mean I still can't have a great life now."

LK: Does God care about the fact that I've been married 23 times? Should I go to hell?

JO: God isn't keeping count of wives, Larry. Just think of God as someone who taps you on the shoulder and says, "Don't tell yourself you aren't good enough for that woman. You are. You can talk to her and she will like you. Go ahead."

LK: And if she is, let's say, the wife of my producer?

JO: I have a chapter on that. And the short answer is that we all need to give more. Your producer. His wife, and you. Just live for giving and we will be better off.

LK: Another caller. The International Space Station. Go ahead.

Caller: Your book makes me want to go on a space walk and hurl myself into the sun. It's unbelievably bad. How could you charge for this?

LK: Good call. Do you ever get discouraged? Or on you on strong medication?

JO: No medications, Larry. You just need to start the day with the right kind of thoughts. That's why we start every church service with lots of music and celebration. We're having a good time. And just because my book might make someone want to throw themselves into the sun, we aren't going to get down about it. It won't put the sun out, and you'll be part of the sunshine we enjoy every day.

LK: Rick Warren has sold more books than you, but you're better looking. How do you explain that?

JO: He's a rat [illegitimate child], and I'll wipe him off my shoe like doggy doo.

LK: Joel Osteen everybody. The book is "You Bet Your Life Now." After this commercial, Van Til, The BHT's Magic Tail Chasing Dog with his photographs of fire hydrants around the world. Right back.

*parody*



MartinfromOz -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/3/2005 12:04:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gratefulbear

Christianity Today has an excellent review of Osteen's new book: Thou Shalt Not Be Negative. The review shows how Osteen and other Word of Faith teachers trivialize prayer.


I think the article has Osteen pretty well covered. I would agree that he is more Kenneth Copeland/Benny Hinn Lite & that may have more to do with his style in comparison with them. He is probably somewhere between Robert Schuller & Benny Hinn/Kenneth Copeland.



MartinfromOz -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/3/2005 12:05:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tirno

Just to lighten the mood a little, Michael Spencer (www.internetmonk.com) wrote this a few months ago. I laughed out loud. It's between Larry King and Joel Osteen. This is not meant to be taken seriously. It is a parody (as noted at the bottom).

Posted by Michael Spencer at February 4, 2005 12:34 AM
LK: Can animals go to heaven?

JO: Animals can have a good life now. They shouldn't say, "This is just a dog's life." They can be blessed today!

LK: Can you explain the Mormon concept of Holy underwear?

JO: There's better underwear for you today!

LK: No, not "holey." H-O-L-Y.

JO: I don't know that word, but it makes me smile.

LK: Why does God let bad things happen to anybody? Isn't it rude to let someone, let's say, lose an ebay auction or misplace their cell phone? How do you handle meaningless suffering?

JO: Have you ever just smiled at everyone you meet, and thought how much better you feel when you smile? I think that's what God wants us to know, Larry. Smile, and the whole world smiles with you.

LK: When you eat canned corn, do you ever regret it? Or any other vegetables for that matter? What about vegtables?

JO: Vegetables are wonderful. Victoria and I were visiting the store just the other day, and we saw a huge squash. The largest I've ever seen. And we walked by it, and she said "Joel, I believe one day we will have a squash as big as that one, or bigger." I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to speak a word of negativity into her confession. So, a few days later, I was driving past an overturned truck, and I looked inside the trailer, and there was a squash. Three times the size of the one in the store. So I grabbed it, left a copy of my book in payment, and took it to Victoria. We ate it that night, and it was like we were eating our dreams, and we couldn't wait to see what happens next. God wants to bless everyone with a big squash, or a
bigger cucumber. Whateve the vegetable happens to be, confess it, and you will have it.

LK: Joel Osteen. The Book is "Your Best Friend's Wife...I mean, Your Best Life Now." We'll be right back.

[Commercial break]

LK: OK we're back with another ten minutes with Joel Osteen. Let's take some calls. Pontiac, Michigan.

Caller: I'm an angry gay man, and I want to know what Joel thinks of me.

LK: Angry gay men. Christians hate them, right?

JO: I think we need to be more positive with angry gay men. We are going to have a hundred thousand people at our church in a few years, Larry, and angry gay men will have their own section, their own ministries, even their own band. I'm not angry. Caller, I'm smiling at you right now.

LK: Munich, Germany. Go ahead.

Caller: There is no God. Do you hear me? No God. So shut up, you big noodle head.

JO: That's the kind of person we enjoy working with the most, Larry. My messages are perfect to help a person like that say "If there is no God, that doesn't mean I still can't have a great life now."

LK: Does God care about the fact that I've been married 23 times? Should I go to hell?

JO: God isn't keeping count of wives, Larry. Just think of God as someone who taps you on the shoulder and says, "Don't tell yourself you aren't good enough for that woman. You are. You can talk to her and she will like you. Go ahead."

LK: And if she is, let's say, the wife of my producer?

JO: I have a chapter on that. And the short answer is that we all need to give more. Your producer. His wife, and you. Just live for giving and we will be better off.

LK: Another caller. The International Space Station. Go ahead.

Caller: Your book makes me want to go on a space walk and hurl myself into the sun. It's unbelievably bad. How could you charge for this?

LK: Good call. Do you ever get discouraged? Or on you on strong medication?

JO: No medications, Larry. You just need to start the day with the right kind of thoughts. That's why we start every church service with lots of music and celebration. We're having a good time. And just because my book might make someone want to throw themselves into the sun, we aren't going to get down about it. It won't put the sun out, and you'll be part of the sunshine we enjoy every day.

LK: Rick Warren has sold more books than you, but you're better looking. How do you explain that?

JO: He's a rat [illegitimate child], and I'll wipe him off my shoe like doggy doo.

LK: Joel Osteen everybody. The book is "You Bet Your Life Now." After this commercial, Van Til, The BHT's Magic Tail Chasing Dog with his photographs of fire hydrants around the world. Right back.

*parody*


[:D][:D][:D]



notmycity -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/3/2005 11:15:38 AM)

Thanks to all who have posted. Also, the LK "interview" is hilarious[:D]
and is definitely consistent with what I've observed about this chap. I promised someone we'd watch J.O. a few times before making an assessment on his "teaching".

Another sign of our time, huh?



P31 -> RE: Joel Osteen? (5/3/2005 12:00:44 PM)

quote:

Just to lighten the mood a little, Michael Spencer (www.internetmonk.com) wrote this a few months ago. I laughed out loud. It's between Larry King and Joel Osteen. This is not meant to be taken seriously. It is a parody (as noted at the bottom).

Posted by Michael Spencer at February 4, 2005 12:34 AM
LK: Can animals go to heaven?

JO: Animals can have a good life now. They shouldn't say, "This is just a dog's life." They can be blessed today!

LK: Can you explain the Mormon concept of Holy underwear?

JO: There's better underwear for you today!

LK: No, not "holey." H-O-L-Y.

JO: I don't know that word, but it makes me smile.

LK: Why does God let bad things happen to anybody? Isn't it rude to let someone, let's say, lose an ebay auction or misplace their cell phone? How do you handle meaningless suffering?

JO: Have you ever just smiled at everyone you meet, and thought how much better you feel when you smile? I think that's what God wants us to know, Larry. Smile, and the whole world smiles with you.

LK: When you eat canned corn, do you ever regret it? Or any other vegetables for that matter? What about vegtables?

JO: Vegetables are wonderful. Victoria and I were visiting the store just the other day, and we saw a huge squash. The largest I've ever seen. And we walked by it, and she said "Joel, I believe one day we will have a squash as big as that one, or bigger." I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to speak a word of negativity into her confession. So, a few days later, I was driving past an overturned truck, and I looked inside the trailer, and there was a squash. Three times the size of the one in the store. So I grabbed it, left a copy of my book in payment, and took it to Victoria. We ate it that night, and it was like we were eating our dreams, and we couldn't wait to see what happens next. God wants to bless everyone with a big squash, or a
bigger cucumber. Whateve the vegetable happens to be, confess it, and you will have it.

LK: Joel Osteen. The Book is "Your Best Friend's Wife...I mean, Your Best Life Now." We'll be right back.

[Commercial break]

LK: OK we're back with another ten minutes with Joel Osteen. Let's take some calls. Pontiac, Michigan.

Caller: I'm an angry gay man, and I want to know what Joel thinks of me.

LK: Angry gay men. Christians hate them, right?

JO: I think we need to be more positive with angry gay men. We are going to have a hundred thousand people at our church in a few years, Larry, and angry gay men will have their own section, their own ministries, even their own band. I'm not angry. Caller, I'm smiling at you right now.

LK: Munich, Germany. Go ahead.

Caller: There is no God. Do you hear me? No God. So shut up, you big noodle head.

JO: That's the kind of person we enjoy working with the most, Larry. My messages are perfect to help a person like that say "If there is no God, that doesn't mean I still can't have a great life now."

LK: Does God care about the fact that I've been married 23 times? Should I go to hell?

JO: God isn't keeping count of wives, Larry. Just think of God as someone who taps you on the shoulder and says, "Don't tell yourself you aren't good enough for that woman. You are. You can talk to her and she will like you. Go ahead."

LK: And if she is, let's say, the wife of my producer?

JO: I have a chapter on that. And the short answer is that we all need to give more. Your producer. His wife, and you. Just live for giving and we will be better off.

LK: Another caller. The International Space Station. Go ahead.

Caller: Your book makes me want to go on a space walk and hurl myself into the sun. It's unbelievably bad. How could you charge for this?

LK: Good call. Do you ever get discouraged? Or on you on strong medication?

JO: No medications, Larry. You just need to start the day with the right kind of thoughts. That's why we start every church service with lots of music and celebration. We're having a good time. And just because my book might make someone want to throw themselves into the sun, we aren't going to get down about it. It won't put the sun out, and you'll be part of the sunshine we enjoy every day.

LK: Rick Warren has sold more books than you, but you're better looking. How do you explain that?

JO: He's a rat [illegitimate child], and I'll wipe him off my shoe like doggy doo.

LK: Joel Osteen everybody. The book is "You Bet Your Life Now." After this commercial, Van Til, The BHT's Magic Tail Chasing Dog with his photographs of fire hydrants around the world. Right back.

*parody*


Tirno two stars for you!!!!!! The squash thing I believe I have heard it!!!! ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLl[:D][:D][:D]

I was laughing so hard that I choked on my spit!



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