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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:39:29 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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March 5, 2005
So, where to begin. I haven’t posted for a while. Life this past week has been quite busy. I have also been purposely trying to spend more time away from the computer and with my wife and kids.
I’ve known this for quite some time and it’s no revelation really. But, a marriage is very time consuming. It takes a lot of work as I must suppress my desires and place hers before my own. To love my wife as Christ loved the church can be more than difficult to grasp sometime. It’s not that the concept is difficult, it’s putting the concept into practice that brings on the mental/spiritual battle.
The other night as I was driving home, I was struck with a thought about 1 Corinthians 7:1 “Now for the matters your wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.” Paul continues his dialogue speaking about the sexual relationship between husband and wife. But, in verse 8-9 he says: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry than to burn with passion.”
Paul had a passion for Jesus Christ. Before his conversion, his passion was elimination of the Christian faith. After his conversion, the rest of his writing communicate a burning passion for the gospel. During my drive home and the thought that precipitated this writing was how my time becomes divided. I love the Lord with all my heart and yearn to serve Him in all aspects. Yet, sometimes my own poor time management skills leave the most important people in my life shortchanged. In Ephesians 5, I am commanded to love my wife just as Christ loved the church meaning that I must give up my own life for her.
I also love my job. I feel as though Christ placed me in a field where I can minister to others and let His glory be seen. I can see where Paul was more effective in presenting the gospel because his attention was devoted fully to the gospel. Whereas, in order to be fully devoted to the gospel, I have to place my wife and kids before my profession. If I were not married, I could literally spend countless hours on the job working with hurting people. Yet, I also know that if I were to immerse myself in the business of hurting people, I too would become a hurting person. There would be no balance. My love for my God would lack that balance. Simply writing this down helps bring me back into perspective of how truly blessed I am.
It helps me to realize that my passion must be for Christ alone and allow Him to guide where my time is spent with the other passions He has for my life.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:40:01 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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March 15, 2005
Joe (not his real name) is truly the most pathetic person I have ever met. If life were an institution of higher learning, He would have a doctorate in victimology. Over the past several years I have known Joe, he seeks sympathy for everything. Nothing is his fault. He is a victim of circumstance. He came to me today to tell me he had pled guilty to frauding the government of welfare benefits. He knows that I am the most unsympathetic person toward him. Yet, he comes to me like a puppy who has just pooped on the floor displaying sad eyes that cry out for compassion.
I have written about Joe before. He molested the daughters of a former girlfriend which is how I came to be involved in his life. He then shacked up with a woman who was married to a man on his way to prison for having molested her daughter. Joe knows that this relationship with this woman is parasitic. They feed off each other with each taking from the other and neither contributing. Joe has expressed desire to get out of the relationship. But, the few opportunities he has had, he returns for more misery. He has a freighter full of excuses as to why he can’t leave the relationship. Each of his excuses boil down to material matters. He even seems to acknowledge that he will lose all of it when she gets tired of him and moves on to another host.
Joe is one of those cases where I look at scripture and the commandment to love my neighbor as myself and I find difficulty. Over the past several years I have shown love. I have shown mercy when I could have brought him back before the court for violations. I have worked with him to get him on the right track to keep him from repeating the same relationship mistakes over and over again. He can verbalize the things he has learned. If he were to sit and talk with a stranger, he would give advice to live differently than he lives. But for Joe to apply this to his own life has proved to be impossible.
I struggle with this as I feel that showing love does not mean stepping aside and granting permission to live in contradiction to scripture. While I can not stand in Joe’s way to prevent him from living as he pleases, I can point out to him that he is making serious errors in judgment and that there are consequences for those decisions. I then have to let him experience the consequences. I cannot intervene. Joe has become accustomed to other intervention when he tells others about what he is going through and how a series of circumstances have resulted in hardship for him. When he presents as a victim as he does so well, it becomes clear to well meaning people who really want to help that it is truly not his fault for the misfortune he suffers. When he finds one of these big hearted people of the opposite gender, it allows him to build not only a support network who will provide financial and emotional support, he tends to find friends with benefits. Even though he has a live in girlfriend, there is no emotional attachment. With her being as mean and evil as she truly is, this is another piece to his game of playing the victim.
Yet, I cannot give up on Joe. I have to continue to love as Christ does. I can point the sin out, but it’s up to him to decide what to do with what’s revealed to him. I cannot let my personal feeling that Joe is pathetic lead me into treating him as though he is worthless. Someday, the light bulb might go off in Joe’s head and he may truly surrender to. Jesus Christ and do great things for God. I know the seed has been planted. Joe makes enough of his own manure with the stuff he allows into his life. All I can do is water and stir the fertilizer once in a while.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:40:24 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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March 17, 2005
I have been wrestling with some thoughts following a lunch time conversation with a friend who also happens to be a Lutheran pastor. We began speaking about church politics when he told me about going through the membership roles of his church. He said that his church had over 250 members on the roster, but there are less than 50 in attendance on a weekly basis. I found the large number of “members” perplexing considering the membership exceeds the population of the town the church is located.
From the discussion about membership, we discussed finances; a topic that tends to kill a conversation. He happened to mention that his congregation had over $200,000 in the bank and that the board refuses to touch the money for anything from his salary to outreach. Since the conversation was over lunch and was not planned as we happened to both be eating at the same restaurant, the conversation quickly turned to a funeral that occurred in his church and how the sanctuary is holy ground. He spoke about how he struggles with allowing people to speak at a funeral because he wants his services to be filled only with the word of God, not the words of man.
The thought of the $200,000 in the bank has really been rolling through my skull. In many ways, having that much put aside is commendable. It shows that they have been frugal with God’s money. But, then I get to thinking about the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. In the parable, the master gives the three servants each a different amount of talents. The first two invest their talents and double their returns. The third buries his talent only to be surprised to find that the master is displeased with his frugality. The master calls the third servant wicked and lazy. The master then took the one talent and gave it to the one who had ten. As I think about my friends congregation, this parable strikes me as to why so many churches seem to be so ineffective in reaching the lost and why those attending churches such as this fail to be salt or light in a darkened, tasteless world.
I don’t know much about the Lutheran denomination. I know many people who attend Lutheran churches. Like any other denomination, there are some who stand out because their character reflects Christ. Yet, there are more than enough who attend services on Sunday but live like the rest of the world Monday through Saturday. I don’t want to pick on any denomination. I am someone who views “the church” as those of us who occupy the pews on Sunday and serve in various capacities. I am someone who feels that in order for “the church” to be effective in changing the culture in which we live, we have to live what we profess to believe.
As I think about the $200,000 that this church has in the bank in terms of the parable of the talents, it strikes me that there is a correlation as to why the attendance of my friend’s church has dwindled and why they are not growing. Other tings he said about the sanctuary being holy ground and fearing the words of man being spoken contribute to the poor attendance. It seems that this particular church is about ritual and rules as opposed to relationships and lifting each other up.
From a humanistic standpoint, having that much money in the bank is considered good business. I fear that my friends church is more concerned with pleasing other men, not God. I don’t doubt the faith of my friend and his desire to get members of his congregation to apply biblical principles to their daily lives. What I do have concern about is that he may be more focused on denominational leaderships teaching than on the word of God.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:40:52 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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March 20, 2005
I just returned home from a Family Life Weekend to Remember conference. This is the second one we have been to. We went eight years ago when our marriage was in trouble. It was just what we needed to get our marriage back on track and keep us from headed to divorce court. Family Life does a marvelous job of presenting marriage as designed by God to bring both the husband and the wife into submission to Him and to each other.
For those of us who are dad’s, they also do an excellent job of teaching what an impact we have on our offspring. Whether we are present or not. Family Life sets out a challenge to all the men to be dad’s who influence their kids to seek godly character. This is best achieved through managing, ministering, and modeling.
During both conferences I have attended, I was profoundly impacted by this section of the teaching. In the corrections field, I am a first hand witness to the powerful, devastating effects of abusive or absent fathers. If there is one common denominator in the majority of the people I have worked with, it’s that they either did not have a dad or the dad they had did not do his job. As a dad, I know all too well that aside from scripture, we lack a formidable, consistent manual to teach us how to be a dad.
When I consider the example of my own father, I see a kind, warm, happy, funny man who was involved in my life. Yet, when it came to the sports I played, he only sat on the sidelines. I don’t remember any games of catch with a baseball. Although I’m sure we did, it’s not something that stuck out in my mind. When I played football, he attended my games, but I know he couldn’t stand to watch as he was afraid to see his little guy get his head knocked off. I remember riding in the skateboard park and catching air in the empty swimming pool and seeing the back of his head as I looked to see approval on his face. He could not watch as he knew I would be in pain if I missed my landing.
When I was 14, he disappeared. He was still available to me, but mom filed for divorce. Instead of fighting with her or trying to stick it out, he did what he felt was best. He signed all the papers and committed to give her whatever material/financial needs she had, and he moved away. I used to go spend some time with him in his new home. It was nothing more than a vacation for me. He returned to the city and there was a lot to do, but not much that required any type of deep interaction. He didn’t stay single long. He met a widow and married her in no time at all. Now I had a step mother, brother, and sister. After the wedding, there were more vacations at dad’s house. As a teen, it seemed that I had my own interests to attend to. At the same time, he had a new family and career to attend to.
I have no complaints. My dad is a great dad. He used the skills he had and did the best job he knew how. I am one of the fortunate ones. He was there for me during the important years and never caused me to fear harm from him. As I have learned, the most powerful influence we have comes from our fathers. Although not perfect, mine was pretty darned good.
God has given me another lens through which to look at my own upbringing in comparison to others. Last week I interviewed a man in his fifties who has pled guilty to selling meth and trying to collect a drug debt. When I asked about his relationship with his parents, he broke into tears and spoke about how harsh his dad was, that his dad was a mean alcoholic and that he has never been able to live up to some standard his dad had set for him. I recall a kid in the youth facility who told me that he felt safe when he heard the sound of the slamming door at night as he knew no one was going to enter his room and harm him. This kid still had fear in him that his dad was going to get him despite the fact that he had shot and killed his dad. I have spoken to countless men and women who have shed more than a few tears in my office as they began to speak about the influence of their dad’s. Far too many have described them as absent, drunk, stoned, verbally abusive, physically abusive, sexually abusive, controlling, domineering, the list goes on.
As I write this I pray that God will keep reminders before me to remain completely focused on Him so that when my children sit down to write their thoughts about their dad, that they will use words that describe godly character. I also pray that God will give me the strength and the courage to lead them into a life of righteousness in the face of a dark world. I pray that God allows me to influence them so that the character of Christ lives on in the generations that follow. My prayer also extends to other fathers who will make the decision to dedicate their lives to Christ and to begin a new legacy. I pray more father will raise their kids so that the corrections system does not have to. I want to pray myself out of a job.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:41:29 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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March 22, 2005
Red Lake. It’s disturbing to watch the news and see the devastation that’s occurred there. Like the rest of the nation, I am in shock and in prayer. I don’t know all the details yet. And, I am quite sure that we won’t have all the details for some time to come. One thing I know I’ll be praying for is for restoration. I pray that something good will come of this and that the gospel of Christ will be opened and accepted by those most directly affected by this tragedy.
I have not listened to much of the media spin on the matter thus far. I know that locally, it’s the headline for all the news agencies here in Minnesota. There are so many factors to be considered and so much speculation that news agencies seem to be tripping all over themselves to be the first to get the scoop from some inside connection or other knowledgeable source.
I have been struck by some other thoughts that I have had with local law enforcement officials. Red Lake is a sovereign nation. While it is in the State of Minnesota, it is a separately governed entity. Those living on the reservation don’t want interference from outsiders and have expressed this with violence. I have heard stories coming from the reservation of the homes of law enforcement officers being shot at. I have heard the social workers and teachers come to various trainings on the meth epidemic in this state and cry for help in battling the substance abuse that plagues their culture.
I have been exposed to native culture throughout my years of living in Alaska. I came to be great friends with many Alaska natives while working, while attending the university, and while serving in the National Guard. Like any culture, there are good people and there are those who ruin it for everyone. I have no hatred for any people as I love people. I make no judgment based on external appearances, only on what I hear and see coming from a person’s heart.
My introduction to native culture in Minnesota was a culture shock. Upon moving to Minnesota, I began working in a state prison. What I saw of native culture in the prison was gang activity that was legitimized by way of religious freedom as all native inmates were allowed to spend time in the sweat lodge. No others were allowed. I know that I will hear comments that tell me that the native tradition is the sweat lodge and this is not sanctioned gang activity. Yet, inside the prison, the native gangs were the most organized. In addition, many of the inmates received revenues from the casino’s which meant that he had the ability to add dollars to their power.
After coming from a weekend at a Family Life conference where I learned about the five threats to oneness in a marriage, I see a correlation with the people living on the Red Lake reservation. Let me explain with three of the five: When we fail to make necessary adjustments to move toward oneness, isolation is inventible. The devastating result of selfishness is isolation. A failure to grasp God’s perspective together on these problems will result in isolation.
I see where the native population has sought to be separate from the rest of American culture. They want to be left alone, yet they are saturated with American media and identify with all things American. When they have problems of poverty, despair, and hopelessness, they turn and find external causes for their difficulties and bemoan the fact that those they don’t want involved in their affairs are not doing anything for them. In the prison system, when an inmate can’t behave, the inmate is removed from the population and isolated. Isolation in our society is deemed to be a form of punishment. When the Amish discipline someone from their culture, they banish them for a period. Isolation. This is what the native population has done to themselves.
The church (meaning we) need to reach out to a hurting people. Yet, those who are hurting must also reach out and embrace the hand extended to them. Without cooperation and a sense of purpose toward oneness, I fear that native culture will cease to exist and will, like cancer, die from the inside out. It is my prayer that Jesus Christ will be glorified and that He will bring healing to us all.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:41:47 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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March 23, 2005
I love what I do for a living. Even more, I love the fact that Jesus Christ is an integral part of what I do. I had a meeting with a man today. We meet once a month to go over his conditions and for me to make sure he is doing what the court has ordered him to do. I think he tends to view our sessions together as more of a counseling session as he wants to stay and talk. He brings up an assortment of life issues that have nothing to do with his conditions of probation. Most probationers I meet with tend to want to come in and have as little dialogue as possible, hope that I don’t ask questions, say yes to all the appropriate things and get out of the office until the next required meeting.
Like most people I write about, Ill call him Joe. Joe informed me today that he is getting baptized on Easter Sunday. He’s been telling me about this for months, but Easter is the day. It’s obvious that he is excited. It’s been fascinating for me to see the growth each time we speak. On one hand I am excited for him, on the other hand I am skeptical as I don’t know him extremely well. I have gotten to know him well as I wrote the pre sentence investigation report on him. Yet, I don’t spend inordinate amounts of time with him.
Over the past few months Joe has spoken of his growing relationship with Christ and some of the struggles he has had shaking his past. He wants to serve his church, but knows that he will be limited in the capacity he can serve because his criminal history involves sexual offenses. I have seen the growth as he has gotten past the belief that he was beyond redemption in the eyes of God. Joe has done some horrific things in his lifetime. Things that his victims could may have extreme difficulty in forgiving him for. Things that many who call themselves Christian will have their metal tested when they are faced with having to decide whether they can see beyond Joe’s past and show him love despite their prejudices. This is still one of his greater fears in his desire to serve his church.
Today’s conversation took an interesting turn as he spoke about how he struggles with the idea of giving up control of his life to God. I told him that this is something he will always struggle with. Even though the battle for control gets less intense as time goes on, the struggle remains. I see what I want and I begin to work for what I want. God puts road blocks in my way to get my attention and, all too often, my response is to keep focused on what I want. God frequently gets my attention by getting in my way. As I mature in my faith, I have come to recognize that these road blocks are coming from him as my desires may not be meshing with God’s will. I assured Joe that obedience is never easy and that he will continue to have struggles with surrendering to God.
I love to see how God works in my life and the lives of others I happen to interact with.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:42:10 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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March 24, 2005
It’s late and I am just getting home from working an evening of conducting home visits. I am troubled as I had to arrest a sex offender tonight. It’s the second time in two weeks I have caught him with porn. When he was first placed on probation for his offense, I conducted a visit of his place and found a Playgirl magazine. Of course, his girlfriend took responsibility for that magazine. I told them both at that time that porn was not allowed in the house and, that if it was found there, he could go to jail for it.
Two weeks ago I was at the home and found a bunch of pornographic magazines. Of course, once again, she took responsibility for bringing the porn into the home. I confiscated what I found that day and locked it away in an evidence locker. I told them both that if there was any more, this was the last opportunity to gather it up and either dispose of it or bring it to the law enforcement center to be disposed of. I also advised them to go their video tapes and make sure they had no porn mixed in among the tapes collection.
Over the course of the past two weeks, I have asked him if all the porn was disposed of. He assured me it was gone, that there was no more. Tonight, I showed up at his house with a cop. The visit was routine. I was not looking for anything in particular. The cop happened to move an article of clothing with his foot. When he moved the clothing, some video tapes become visible underneath the clothing. The cop picked up one tape. The title on the label was obviously porn. Another tape had a pornographic label and the third tape had no label. Once again, the offender claimed to have no idea the tapes were there and, the girlfriend took responsibility.
I reiterated to her that we had already discussed on more than one occasion that possession of porn was a jail sentence for him. As I was talking with them, the cop brought out a notebook he found and asked me to examine the contents. I opened the notebook and found some of the most disturbing literature I have ever read. I briefly read through some writing by a female describing sexual thoughts about being intimate with the Columbine shooters. There were pictures of the two killers with hand written notes indicating Dylan was sexy. There was some more handwritten material with sexual descriptions of the shooters. I looked at her and asked her if she was in counseling. She said she is no longer depressed and that she does not need counseling. She said the book was something from when she was in high school and that she had gotten the printed material off the internet. She told me she has no problems.
I find myself quite disturbed over these discoveries. She has claimed responsibility for the porn. And, considering how simple the guy is, I believe her. I think he is into his porn, but she is just as into the porn if not more so. I fear that she was an accomplice in setting up his offense as all the facts have continued to be puzzling. She was present when he attempted to sexually assault another female in their home. She knows full well that possession of porn for him could become a prison commitment, but she chooses to bring the stuff into the home regardless.
This man is doomed to reoffend if he chooses to continue his present lifestyle. He is even more doomed to reoffend if he remains with this woman and if she refuses to acknowledge a problem. I really struggle with how either of this pair will ever know change as both seem to be living out what was considered normal in their upbringing. For both of them, it’s a stretch to comprehend that their lifestyle is outside the norm.
They will also, most likely, have difficulty finding Christian brothers and sisters who can help them get off their path. Unfortunately, most in the church are not equipped to deal with sexual sin as blatant as this unless they are getting paid for it.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:42:26 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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March 30, 2005
There are several threads I have been participating in that have a common theme: The Purpose of Large Churches, The Hurting in the Church, and One in Three Adults is unchurched. What I find interesting is that in each of these threads is how so many of the comments sound like that country western song, “I wanna Talk About Me.”
It seems that so many grumble because they feel they are not being fed by their church, or someone else hurt them in some way, or the leadership ignores them. Euty pointed out that the Navy has a saying that “A griping sailor is a happy sailor because he doesn't have enough work to keep him occupied.” I had no idea this saying came from the Navy. It falls in line with a philosophy I developed while still in high school that people aren’t happy unless they have something to complain about.
I worked in a large prison a few years ago that was filled with many happy people. Nearly everyone complained about everything all the time. No one was appreciated, no one felt loved or wanted, everything was us verse them. Some people actually belonged to several groups who were posed against each other for some silly reason. I remember telling a sergeant who was whining at me that he must be the happiest man alive because he sure seemed to have a lot to gripe about. That really made him happy.
Now, working in community corrections, I have to go into the local jail frequently. Many of the inmates are there because, as far as they’re concerned, I put them there. They fail to see that their behavior was the cause of their incarceration. But hey, it makes them really happy as they have much to complain about. I told one of the jailers that the comments I hear aimed at me in the jail don’t bother me as I have learned to hear them as a chorus of praise.
The church is no different. It seems like most churches operate on the 10/90 or 20/80 rule. Ten percent of the people do 90 percent of the work. Then, those who attend but are not getting their needs met grumble because the ten percent are not working hard enough to meet their expectations. Most churches are screaming for volunteers to fill various ministries, but these same people who complain that their needs are not getting met are too busy with their daily lives to find the time or put forth the energy to serve where their gifts and talents could be utilized and further developed. I attended a community meeting once in which the local college was asking employers what they could do to develop better character in future employees; to build a better work ethic. The conversation quickly turned into defining the problem of poor work ethic or bad character traits as being the product of parenting. The role of the church came into the conversation as well. The question was asked of the audience as to how they would respond when they learn about needs arising in the community where their personal involvement might make a difference. Several people spoke up about how if they learned of such a need, they would go to their pastor and tell the pastor and that would take care of it.
I felt the heat of some flaming arrows shot past me as I spoke up and said that it was wonderful that these people wanted to tell their pastors, but that the pastors are not the personal care attendants of the community, that scripture tells us to get out of the pews and serve those around us. You know, that love thy neighbor passage and quite a few others. I think I made a few more people happy.
When we enter relationships of any kind with the expectation that that relationship is going to fill a void, we are going to be hurt or disappointed. Hurt and disappointment cause anger, rage, jealousy, envy and a whole host of other emotions that are spelled out in the Bible as not being characteristic of God. Only God can fill that void and we have to give all the hurt and disappointment to Him. In return He gives us peace, contentment, understanding and all the other characteristics described in the Bible as Godly; He gives us Himself.
If we, as church leaders, are going to be effective in serving others, we must work on being disciples. We have to engage in deep meaningful relationships with others in the church. But, we as church leaders, can only do so much. We have to be equipping those we disciple to be building up and equipping others. We have to build reproduceable relationships grounded in Christ so that the character of Christ is passed from one generation to the next. And, we all have to take responsibility for our own emotions. Jesus taught us that we are going to get hurt in the daily battles of life. We are to persevere. If we give our pain to Him, He will gladly bear it for us and give us hope filled with peace in exchange.
If you are hurting in your church or feel like a number rather than a name, ask yourself why. Ask God to fill that void and pray for direction as to where He wants you to serve. I don’t think He wants us sitting idle. He wants us serving Him by serving others. He died for us, what are a few emotional wounds compared to His sacrifice for us.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:50:25 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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April 2, 2005
I think I am becoming quite cynical today. I logged on to CW and read through some posts and have found myself getting somewhat angry with people who are posting on things. For instance, there was a new thread in the morality and ethics folder about seal hunting. Two posters wrote, what I perceived to be, very judgmental statements about people that they have no way of understanding as they are basing their value judgment on their own cultural values. I cannot think of anywhere in scripture they could support their value judgment.
I think I am troubled because of a comment I heard last night from a man a respect and admire. He is a police officer and used to be a pastor. I know he is still very active in his church and seems to be a Godly man. I think he may have made his comments because of the cultural setting, with a group of law enforcement officers. We had been talking about the prevalence of convicted sex offenders in the area. His comment was that we should shoot them all. Knowing that he is a Christian, I was surprised to hear the comment. But, then again, I am not surprised. I have heard this comment from many Christians in my church, other churches, in the community, and even on the boards here at CW.
It seems that we have an innate ability to compartmentalize our lives. Some things are right, some are wrong no matter what. But, then we find other areas where we aren’t so sure. There is a little bit of gray. Where are we making these judgments from? Are they based on scripture? Or, are they culturally influenced?
I think far too often our value judgments come from cultural influence rather than biblical influence. In light of the sex offenders, we are taught to love our neighbor. Yet, the culture tells us to fear convicted sex offenders. They are assigned a cultural label and we understand nothing more than the label. We take no time and expend no effort to get to know those who have been labeled. We hear of the label and know we are supposed to fear them. And then we get mad because no one is fixing them. We become even more upset when we learn that one of these offenders has perped on someone else and point the fingers of blame on the system for not protecting us. Yet, where was the love when this sex offender was reaching out to find belonging in a community?
I think too that we wrestle with the concept of love. Love does not mean open your door to everyone and leave yourself open to danger. Love means accepting someone for who they are and engaging them in a relationship to better understand them and lead them to a better understanding of Jesus Christ and who we are in Christ. And, who they can become in Christ. Love means saying no to them when they are wanting to sin in the outright. Love means being there to support and try and rebuild after they have come to learn the error of their ways and express a willingness to repent. Love is patient. Love is kind even when the other person is trying to verbally cut you to pieces. Love is a journey that costs me at every turn. Love is an investment that does not guarantee a reward. Love is difficult to comprehend.
What do we love more, God or our culture? In thinking about the posters on the seal hunt thread, there seems to be a love of culture. They make judgments of a culture they do not understand, therefore, because there is a values clash in the cultures, the culture that kills seals is wrong. In trying to correlate the sex offenders to this discussion, our culture is immersed in sexuality. It is something we can all relate to. We have conflicting values in competition for the focus and direction of our culture. Sex offenders have violated our cultural standards. Yet, those standards are constantly being challenged. What’s missing from the equation? The love of Jesus Christ. He has been challenged for centuries and has been the only standard that has lived on. If we, as individuals, will embrace Jesus Christ and love as he taught, one home at a time we will change the focus and direction of our culture.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:50:39 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
Joined: 4/8/2005
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April 3, 2005
Two weeks ago one of my clients was arrested for an assault. It turned out that he did not do the assault, but was indirectly involved. In any case, he was on parole from prison and admitted to several other violations and we had our parole hearing the other day. Something that he said really struck me. He said that he was not willing to admit mistakes.
His life, like my life and the life of every other human I know, is filled with mistakes. His are easy to point out because he has a documented history of mistakes that have led to the serious injury of other people. His mistakes have landed him in prison.
Making mistakes is something we, as humans, cannot avoid. I believe God has a purpose in letting us make mistakes. I believe that His purpose is so that we will learn from our mistakes. If we are truly tuned into God’s will, we will learn that we are completely dependent on Him. When I try to do things my way, I usually make mistakes. Unfortunately, when I make mistakes, the lives of others are affected. In looking in the rear view mirror at my past, I can see where having to have my own way was detrimental not just to me, but to many others who were influential in my life. I thank the Lord that when I prayed for wisdom he told me to pay attention to the gray heads around me. It has made enrollment in the school of hard knocks less costly.
As I think about the client, his unwillingness to admit that he has made mistakes is a willing admission that he has no desire to learn. He has no desire to change. I think he views himself as a failure, therefore there is no point in change. To admit a mistake is akin to admitting weakness. He does not seem willing to come to the realization that failure is an event, not a person.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:51:04 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
Joined: 4/8/2005
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April 4, 2005
My last few entries have been on the serious side of life. I was telling this story to a friend the other day and thought it was something worth sharing here n CW.
We bought our property nearly five years ago and built a house on the property. Before building the house, we had to clear the woods. We moved into the house before it was officially complete. For the first two weeks we lived in the house, we had no running water. As the house was being completed, we had been living in a bunk house at a local Bible camp. Being anxious to get out of the bunk house, we moved into the new house as we continued working on the finishing touches. We are surrounded by several acres of woods and have no neighbors within eyesight.
As we began living in the house, we told our kids that if they had to use the bathroom before heading home, to use the facilities wherever we may be so that there were no emergencies at home. While working on one of the many projects during construction one day, my son came out of the house and yelled that he had to go. I yelled back at him, “There’s the woods.” He yelled back, I gotta go number two.” I told him to get some TP and head into the woods and take care of business like an infantryman.
Several minutes later I looked into the woods and could see my son sitting on an upright log. I shouted, “What are you doing!?” He stood up and pointed at the log he was sitting on and yelled back, “There’s a hole in it!”
I have to give him credit for ingenuity.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:51:22 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
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April 5, 2005
I feel as if I spent the better part of the day slamming my head against the wall. I have written about Joe in the past. He is a sex offender and lives with his girlfriend in a relationship that seems more like two ticks competing for the same dog. It seems that they have both come to the realization that they need a dog to be a host to their parasitic tendencies.
Each of them are staying in the relationship with the expectation that some other prince or princess charming is going to come along and rescue them from their current situation. In other words, each one has an eye out for a new host. Someone who will love them and take care of them; meet their ever changing momentary needs.
Joe drains the life out of me now whenever I meet with him. He is very needy. He seeks approval for anything he has going on his life. He’s 45 going on 16. We have spoken countless times now about how he has to begin taking responsibility for his life. He has to make decisions about what he wants for his life and how he is going to accomplish achieving his goals. Today, he told me his goal is to leave her and move closer to where his kids live. While this is a good goal, he has no idea how to get there. As I spoke about several situations that could hinder his progress toward his goal, his tome became one of defeat. He sees the world in black and white and has the blinders on so that he cannot see the obstacles approaching him. This, when a perceived obstacle appears before him, it’s time to give up and retreat.
In thinking about how difficult it is it work with Joe, I find myself wishing I had a good Christian mentor for him. Joe professes to be a Christian. He attends a church regularly and serves as an usher. Yet, those who attend his church and know him want nothing to do with him. I fear that like Joe, most of the people in his church are there as part of a social club, there to put in an appearance and leave until the following Sunday. My prayer is that someone will enter Joe’s life who will be willing to truly disciple him. It will be difficult. Joe has been living for many years in conflict with the values he professes. He has learned compartmentalization and comparison. He sees his church life as something for Sunday and compares his sin to all the rest of the people he knows who call the name of Christ. Joe needs someone to come along side him and walk with him from where he is at taking him down the path to showing him what the character of Christ is all about. It can’t be me as I am getting paid to be in Joe’s life. I can do my job and steer him in the right direction, but personally and professionally I cannot devote the time or the energy.
Yet, there are thousand’s more Joe’s out there filing pews in churches across the world. If we are to disciple as we go, we are to invest in others despite the cost to our emotions and energy. Christ has the strength to renew us. I know that I get my strength to face Joe from Christ. And even though I feel drained after meeting with Joe, Christ renews me. How do we, as a church, convey to others what discipleship is and how to do it? How do we counter the message of our culture to look out for number one? Lord, how are you going to reach Joe? He does not seem to want to get to know the real you, Lord. He seems to like the image of You he has created.
Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 10:58:12 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
Joined: 4/8/2005
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Saturday, April 23, 2005
I lost two friends this week. I know I will see them again someday as I know they are in the presence of God right now. They both went home to be with the Lord on Tuesday morning about two hours apart from one another. Neither of them knew the other. I know they are acquainted now.
Both of these men have been such a wonderful influence on the communities they lived in. Both of them loved Jesus Christ and were never ashamed to admit that Christ was the lord of their lives. Both brought joy into every life they touched. Both gave all the credit for everything to God.
Willard was 85 and had lived a great, long life. He served the Lord faithfully throughout his life. The testimonies of his family and all the people who attended his funeral showed that Christ lived through him.
Rod was 40 and was diagnosed with ALS less than two years ago. Rod never bemoaned the fact that he was ill. Never a “Why me?” He accepted the fact that he was ill and spoke to others about how good God was.
It hurts to see each of them go. Yet, at the same time, I rejoice knowing that they are home with their Lord. I wish I could have heard Jesus when He met them, “Well done good and faithful servant.”
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/24/2005 6:05:35 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
Joined: 4/8/2005
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Sunday, April 24, 2005
I visited a church today. One of my kids sings in a choir that was the guest of a Lutheran Church in another community. I arrived at the service a few minutes late and found a seat in the back. I saw my wife sitting up front with the kids and noticed there was no room next to her, so I remained in the rear.
I’m not Lutheran so I am not used to following Lutheran traditions. There was no hymnal in the seat where I sat. Some of the songs I knew and was able to sing along with. But, for those I was unfamiliar with, I just hummed along. The choir sang several songs and did an excellent job. The pastor got up and read from the Bible and then spoke for about 10 minutes about the passage of scripture. I don’t recall what passage he referred to or anything that he said about the passage. There did not seem to be much meat to what he was saying. The offering was taken and a few closing songs and the place began to empty out.
Because I had arrived late and was waiting for my wife to come out. I noticed that several people began to grab chairs and take them into the fellowship hall. I grabbed four chairs and made my way into the fellowship hall. I placed one chair at a table and saw that there were not more chairs needed. A man came out with a chair rack and I helped him get chairs on the rack. Once the chairs were done, I returned to the narthex and stood near the main doors as everyone filed out. As I stood there, I noticed that several people looked at me, but then they kept on going. I stood there for 10 minutes as the building emptied and not a single person said hi or asked me my name. My wife and the kids were still in the sanctuary so I made my way past the remaining parishioners making their escape and found my wife.
The church had set up a potluck lunch for the kids and their families. Along with the kids, I marched into the fellowship hall and got in line for food. I noticed that several parishioners remained to take part in the potluck as well. I got in line behind the kids and filled my plate with some good food. I went to a table with several of the kids and my wife and sat to begin eating. The pastor happened to come by with his plate and asked if he could join us. He sat down and we spoke about the choir, the area surrounding the church, other communities in the area, and where the kids were going to be singing next. As he completed his meal, he thanked us for coming and went on to speak to others.
I told my wife that I found it odd that no one, other than the pastor, said hi, offered a handshake, or asked our names. As I stood by the exit door, not a soul seemed interested that there was a visitor among them. As I stood in line for food, no one cared to find out who we were or where we were from. As I ate, the only person to approach us was the pastor. My wife told me after we were driving home that when she entered the sanctuary b4 the service began, she sat next to a man and his wife and they engaged in some small talk prior to the service. She said the man pointed to a woman and said, “Her kids are the worst ones here and she is married to the principal of the school.”
I am really saddened by my experience today. I am not that familiar with Lutheranism and do not want to knock the church in general. I know many Christians who represent Jesus Christ well and attend Lutheran churches. I am also aware that there are many evangelical Christians who are as lukewarm as those I experienced today. It saddens me to see how people get so caught up in going through the motions that they fail to fully comprehend the message of the gospel. It saddens me to see how “religion” has become nothing more than ritual and that the people who consider themselves a part of “the church” do not seem to be willing to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/26/2005 10:16:18 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
Joined: 4/8/2005
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April 26, 2005
Canine Culture Shock
I recently took a trip down to Arkansas to my grandfather’s farm. I bought a truck and trailer from him and was on my way down to pick up my purchase. On the way down, I received a telephone call that my grandfather had taken a fall and had been hospitalized. He needed to begin physical therapy to regain strength in his legs as his strength had greatly deteriorated since the death of my grandmother. The doctor told him that he was discharging him to a nursing home to begin the therapy.
I spent several days between the farm and the hospital and the nursing home trying to get the things he needed and to make sure all the loose ends were tied together. Seeing that he was not going to be coming home for quite some time, I asked him what he wanted to do with his dog. The dog was grandma’s before her death. Since grandma’s passing, grandpa began spoiling the dog. He began allowing the dog to spend the night inside and feeding her twice per day. Grandpa and the dog bonded as wherever grandpa went, the dog was by his side. Grandpa told me to see if I could find a shelter for the dog or ask around and see if someone would be willing to take her. I told him that I would be glad to take the dog with me and allow her to live on my farm. He smiled and said he felt the dog would be happy with some kids to play with and other dogs to run with.
The day I was departing for home, grandpa called and said that the dog had never been in a car before. I thanked him for telling me and thought about how I was going to coax this dog into the car. I had already gone to Wal-Mart and bought a leash and collar. I then got to thinking that this dog has probably never been in a collar, let alone a leash. I don’t think she has ever been off the farm.
I invited the dog to jump up in the car. She looked at me like she wanted to go with me, but she would just run along side the car. I know this was her normal routine to the end of the long driveway. I picked her up and placed her in the car where blankets and her pillow had been placed for her. As we began driving out, she kept trying to get in my lap as we traveled over the bumpy gravel road. When we reached pavement, we had a long journey over winding mountain roads. I feared the dog would become car sick and I had not thought about doggie Dramamine. The dog seemed to be settling in as we reached the next large town. I stopped the car and went into Wal-Mart to pick up some last minute supplies for the remaining drive home.
When I returned to the car, I attempted to put the collar on the dog. Her head pulled back like a turtle withdrawing into its shell as she saw something round coming toward her. I got the collar on and snapped the leash into place and picked her up to set her on the ground. I don’t thinks she had ever been on pavement before as her feet hit the ground, her legs seemed to buckle and she rolled onto her back. Her face said she did not like the ground she was on. I placed her back in the car and figured I would find a grassy spot to stop and let her out to relieve herself. We drove down the interstate and she seemed to be overwhelmed at the size and sound of passing semi’s. We found a grassy spot off the interstate. I picked her up and set her on the ground and she walked around sniffing the air, but not seeming to want to take her eyes off the highway where all the scary noises were coming from.
The first night of travel I checked into a motel that said “no pets allowed.” I had to leave her in the car. I cracked the windows so she would have air and placed her water bowl in a spot where she could have water. I checked on her late at night before falling asleep and she seemed to be doing okay considering the stress she was under.
We finally arrived home late the second evening. She was welcomed to her new home by three adoring kids. The doors to the car flew open and the other dogs came to greet me as well. She snapped at the other dogs. Within a few minutes, the pecking order had been established and the leash came off. She has adapted extremely well to her new home and loves having the kids to play with. She follows me around the farm just like she did grandpa. I only wish I could have gotten inside her head as she was taking in the sights, sounds and smells of life away from the farm she had grown up on.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/26/2005 10:42:56 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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April 26, 2005
I interviewed a guy in the jail today. I had never met the man prior to today. However, I was familiar with him through reputation. He has been known to be a drug dealer in the area for a number of years. He was caught with a large amount of methamphetamine and cash and eventually pled guilty to the crime. He is facing a hefty prison sentence and I will be writing the pre-sentence investigation.
As I began the interview, this man began telling me how he has been attending Bible studies in jail. He said his dad was a preacher and that he has been away from god for quite some time and that he wants to get his life straight with God. He said he learned about a faith based treatment program and that he wants to go there as opposed to prison. My radar went into alert right away. He said that the chaplain had told him to ask me specifically about this faith based program and see if I could do something about making a recommendation for him to go. I attempted to sidestep his inquiries and focus on the questions I had to ask him knowing that sine of the questions would bring the topic back to spiritual matters.
He also spoke about his desire to get into school if he has to go to prison. He wants to finish his business degree and figured that if he was going to prison, he might as well make the most of the time. I also informed him that if he was serious about wanting to turn hi life over to God, he could do the same thing inside the prison as he could in the treatment program. I told him about the Prison Fellowship Ministries program, IFI. He did not balk at the idea like other prisoners have.
As the interview progressed I began to wonder if I was being conned. This guy has the gift of gab. He can articulate himself well. He has the ability to find common ground with people and identify with them right off the bat. I don’t believe I will ever know if this man is serious about his desire to turn his life over to the Lord. Perhaps I will get a chance to see. I hope it is real. Yet, knowing that he has been a con and drug dealer for quite some time, I am still left wondering if this is all part of a game for him.
I began thinking about how those involved in jail ministry will begin working with him and find hope in him because he can say just the right things. He can use his relationship skills to convince others of his sincerity. He will bank on the fact that once he is released from prison, no one will get close enough to him to monitor his actions and see if his conversion is genuine. If he is playing the game, well meaning Christians will tend to his needs while he sits behind the gray walls. But, once he is in the community, those well meaning Christians will have difficulty finding time to get out and meet him in his environment where they can be exposed to the risks of the unknown. I fear that discipleship will cease when the gray walls no longer contain him.
If his desire to serve God is genuine, he will do great things for God before and after the walls release him.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/30/2005 11:53:45 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1668
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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April 30, 2005
Character. I have been thinking about character a lot the past few days. I recently traveled to visit my grandfather and wound up having to assist him in entering a nursing home. It was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do. Upon arriving home, I lost two dear friends the same day. One was an 86 year old man who lived his life fully for Jesus Christ, the other was a 40 year old man who also lived his life for Jesus. Two weeks before, another 80 year old man from my church passed away.
In attending the funerals, I heard great testimonies from loved ones about the character of my two friends. Every person who spoke highlighted the positive things these men had done for them and the things they had taught them. The character of Christ was present in each and every testimony.
I did not attend the funeral of the other man from my church. I knew of the man, but did not know him well. I knew that he and his wife had lived together for some time before the pastor spoke to them about being members in the church and living in sin. Both had been widowed and somehow, they moved in together after developing a relationship. Both had kids from their prior marriages, thus two families were blended. At the funeral, someone from his side of the family got up and spoke about all the dirty magazines he had. This person spoke about being in possession of an early magazine, in case anyone was interested in it. The other comments I heard about reflected poorly on the man’s character.
In moving my grandfather into the nursing home, I had to go through his personal effects. I think it was highly embarrassing for him to know that his grandson had to dig through his things. Before leaving, he asked me if I had seen all the alcohol bottles. He explained that he was not a drinker, the bottles were from former coworkers and had been gifts or intended gifts for other coworkers for retirement parties and birthdays and the like. I told my grandfather I was aware he was not a drinker. I told him that I was not concerned about the alcohol and that I knew he was not a drinker because there had to have been 30 years of dust on the bottles in his closet. In going through his things, I found absolutely nothing that would tarnish his character. He had pictures of his family, his financial statements, some guns, and his clothes in his room. Nothing else in the house would indicate that he is a man with secrets.
I feel fortunate to have had such an example of integrity in my life. I am blessed. In my employ in the corrections field, I have more than enough witness to double minded men and women. As a PO I get to go through some very personal areas in the lives of the clientele I work with. I was not expecting to go through my grandfathers things so closely when I went to visit him. I am so thankful to learn that he is as genuine as I had always thought him to be. So many people cling to secrets that are never revealed until the family has to go through belongings at the time of a funeral. I guess this is why scripture teaches us to treasure things in heaven. Not only can we not take our earthly treasures with us, our family will learn where our hearts truly are when the end comes.
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