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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/21/2009 1:18:46 PM
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manda59
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bolt
And what if the daugher *still* maintained, after all of that, that she was not going to tell anyone?
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/21/2009 1:29:30 PM
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bolt.
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If her plan was 'not telling anyone' but taking other actions that she believed had a reasonable chance of success (even if I felt that her confidence, or the plan itself, was unrealistic) then I would encourage her to put a time limit on her 'plan A' and to choose a 'plan B'. I would provide accountability as to when she committed to moving forward with 'plan B'.
If her plan was 'not telling anyone' -- as in doing nothing and having no intent to do anything, I would tell her that I considered that decision to be inconsistent with the Christian faith, that I was disappointed, and that I hoped she would make herself right with her Saviour shortly. Then I would in an extremely open and ostentatious manner talk myself through the process, choose a possibility that seemed plausible and palatable to me -- and do my own duty.
If she was doing the plan A/B thing, and the time went on too long (say 2 weeks?) I would go forward with my own duty, in that ostentatious way. (But without the expression of disappointment or faith-evaluation... there is a difference between trying to do the right thing unwisely, and refusing to try to do the right thing.)
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/21/2009 1:38:00 PM
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manda59
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The thing is, though, whilst I can relate to why you'd want to do things that way (and have used a similar method with both of my children - now 20 and 16), all this (in your scenario) is taking time, quite a fair bit of time, and whilst all the discussion, fasting, praying, thinking, deciding, reconsidering, is going on, the girl remains traumatised and at risk.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/21/2009 2:02:07 PM
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bolt.
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I was thinking 48 hours or so. It could be done in 24, being that this is a weekend or if a day was taken off school, if the fasting & prayer started before the brainstorming... which seems wise, come to think of it.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/21/2009 4:00:25 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
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quote:
The thing is, though, whilst I can relate to why you'd want to do things that way (and have used a similar method with both of my children - now 20 and 16), all this (in your scenario) is taking time, quite a fair bit of time, and whilst all the discussion, fasting, praying, thinking, deciding, reconsidering, is going on, the girl remains traumatised and at risk.
Yep. And this thread is more than 48 hours old. 
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/22/2009 1:38:57 PM
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onecoolmom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
quote:
The thing is, though, whilst I can relate to why you'd want to do things that way (and have used a similar method with both of my children - now 20 and 16), all this (in your scenario) is taking time, quite a fair bit of time, and whilst all the discussion, fasting, praying, thinking, deciding, reconsidering, is going on, the girl remains traumatised and at risk.
Yep. And this thread is more than 48 hours old.
Steps have been taken, things have been done...
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/22/2009 3:24:39 PM
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cynthia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coolfamily6
Steps have been taken, things have been done...
Has someone read this thread and you don't want to tell us if the girl is safe and what happened?
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Often times the battle is the worst right before a breakthrough. In order to get us to give up, the devil wants us to think we are losing, when in fact we need to fight on to victory.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/23/2009 9:06:28 AM
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onecoolmom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
quote:
ORIGINAL: coolfamily6
Steps have been taken, things have been done...
Has someone read this thread and you don't want to tell us if the girl is safe and what happened?
No, I just felt that the tone of some posts was that I was not doing enough quickly enough. I did not come back to post the update right when it happened because of that.
I have kept close tabs on the situation and the resolution. Believe me I would never stand back and watch a child be victimized. I called Child Protective Services recently when I thought my sister's BIL was harming my niece. Stepping in to protect a child is not a problem for me.
For the privacy of the girl there is only so much I can write on a message board about what was done and when.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/23/2009 9:15:27 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coolfamily6
For the privacy of the girl there is only so much I can write on a message board about what was done and when.
It's your choice absolutely, of course, but it just seems a bit strange to me that you have already told us so many details about what happened to her, but are now concerned about her privacy (especially since no-one here knows her name, where she lives, what school she goes to or anything at all that would identify her).
I wasn't looking for major details, I imagine no-one was; for me I was just interested to know which course of action you chose, and how it worked out. Which of course might also help other parents here who face similar situations in which it is hard to know how to decide what is best.
To say "the school are now dealing with it", "the parents now know" or "the police are involved" would be all that would be needed, or even just "she is safe now".
< Message edited by manda59 -- 11/23/2009 9:23:32 AM >
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/23/2009 9:52:32 AM
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onecoolmom
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The parents know.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/23/2009 12:33:13 PM
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writerchick
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SurpassingPeace
quote:
The photo she sent him is considered child pornography. Depending on where you live, there are DAs going after kids for this kind of thing. It's called "Sexting."
You could call the police and report what the boy has on the phone. The investigation will more likely than not uncover the threats and abuse without your daughter looking like a snitch.
Just something else to think about.
If she sent him the picture, then she would be the one guilty of child pornography distribution. If they did prosecute then she would be a sex offender. I don't think that would be helpful in the situation.
Yes. She would be guilty of distribution. However, it is also a crime to possess it. That's the boy's crime.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/23/2009 12:45:32 PM
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cynthia
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Coolfamily, I am glad you took this situation seriously and did something to help the girl involved. Not only did you help the girl, but you also helped the boy, because he needs to know that this kind of behavior is unacceptable, dangerous and will not be tolerated. Perhaps your action helped to make him aware that his behavior is not going to produce positive results in his life.
One of the neat things about these threads is that many people can learn from them. If you would be willing to share what happened, it could provide insight for some of us if we were to face a similar situation. It's like knowing the mystery, but the rest of the book is missing. If we can see how you solved the mystery, maybe we can use that information in the future if a similar situation arises. Unfortunately these kinds of threats in dating relationships are all too common. Many of these girls become women who do not know how to set boundaries. They move in with these men and/or marry them and have children who then grow up in an abusive home. The cycle continues through generations.
To understand what you did to stop this and how things turned could possible help save other girls from a similar fate. Please share with us.
_____________________________
Often times the battle is the worst right before a breakthrough. In order to get us to give up, the devil wants us to think we are losing, when in fact we need to fight on to victory.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/24/2009 7:09:42 AM
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deermousie
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A death threat on a minor child? Call the police and CPS. Now.
In her shoes, I'd grab my daughter and go visit an aunt and uncle with only DH and the police knowing where we - or she - are/is.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/24/2009 8:25:26 AM
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RichLP
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Call 911.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/24/2009 10:07:58 AM
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onecoolmom
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Just for everyone's information. These are children that I know very well. They are not kids that I know only through my DD telling me stuff about them. I worked at the middle school for 2.5 yrs. I worked with them everyday during that time. We are also talking about kids who cannot drive, who do not live near each other. He never even called her or texted her after the initial conversation. They talked in school, nothing threatening. DD said A was telling her that he said he was sorry and he knew that he was wrong for doing that to her a couple of days later.
IF I thought that DCF or 911 needed to be called I would not have posted this here. I called DCF in the past when I thought that my niece was being harmed by her uncle. I do not hesitate or ask questions when I think there is immediate danger.
quote:
If you read the whole thread you will see that the OP has already decided on her course of action and taken it, since the parents now know.
This is correct.
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/24/2009 10:10:31 AM
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onecoolmom
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Cynthia,
I do not know the outcome, yet. If I am made aware of the anything I will post an update.
Traci
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RE: Would you call the parents (take two) - 11/24/2009 1:46:40 PM
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cynthia
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Thanks, Traci.
_____________________________
Often times the battle is the worst right before a breakthrough. In order to get us to give up, the devil wants us to think we are losing, when in fact we need to fight on to victory.
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you will see that the OP has already decided on her course of action and taken it, since the parents now know. 