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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 5:26:27 PM
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Consecrated2God
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We have some friends that recently adopted four children in a sibling group. They almost didn't get the kids, because they were given to another family first. That family kept the children for a week and then changed their mind. Why? Because the children were putting their feet on the backs of the seats of their Cadillac Escalade and they couldn't handle that. There is absolutely an element of parenting where you have to learn to relax and learn to live with the mess that children make. I wouldn't say it's about them being destructive and obnoxious, they just aren't born with any sense or knowledge of the value of adult things like cars and furniture and priceless heirlooms.
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 5:30:55 PM
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mamajennleigh
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quote:
But there are moments that are just plain awful. Not every day, or week or even month but they are a part of my life as a mom too. That doesn't mean I dwell on them, I do the best I can, move on and strive to do better the next time. Nor are they the first ones I share with people who ask what having kids is like - but I do say it is hard and messy and wonderful and the best thing I've ever done - all at once! And if some of you ladies don't have those moments or see them as bad, well I am happy for you. I really, really am. But I do and I'm glad other people are willing to admit it as well. So when someone comes up with an absurd, tongue in cheek way of looking at some of those not so rosy parts of my life, I laugh. And really don't see how anyone would ever look at that article and see it as anything other than a ridiculously exaggerated, never meant to be taken seriously piece.
My thoughts exactly, Krislynx.
Honestly, though, I really cannot think of a single time that someone without kids has asked me what having kids is like. I think back to when I didn't have kids, and honestly there was nothing anyone was going to say that would have marred the rosy, fuzzy, perfect picture I had in my head. Certainly not some silly meant-to-be-funny article.
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 5:33:34 PM
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SweetLittleErin
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My point is not that this funny is so awful. I personally was using this example as a springboard for a discussion about how, in general, people give a negative, even when joking, viewpoint of parenting. Not just parenting, it happens with other things as well. And its sad. Believe me, I've had my rough days as a parent, and it always frustrates me when people make a joking, negative, comment about being a parent. Maybe its because becoming a parent was a hard road for me and I am so grateful for what I have now. I was so eternally grateful to have a baby crying keeping me up at night, it meant he made it when we werent sure he would. The same goes for when he gets into stuff and pulls everything out of my kitchen cabinet and throws in in the floor just moments after I picked it all up, it means he's normal, when we wondered for a while if he would be. I'm sorry people got so frustrated and upset with this thread, I just thought it made for interesting discussion. but I guess we all should have just said "ha ha, thats funny" and let it fall to the bottom of the list. 
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~Erin~
Wife to Klay
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A Glimpse Of Pink (My Blog)
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 5:53:37 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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quote:
But I do and I'm glad other people are willing to admit it as well. So when someone comes up with an absurd, tongue in cheek way of looking at some of those not so rosy parts of my life, I laugh. And really don't see how anyone would ever look at that article and see it as anything other than a ridiculously exaggerated, never meant to be taken seriously piece.
I agree. I really don't mind parenting. Really, I don't. Most days it doesn't even phase me. But there are days when Gabby is drinking out of the toilet, dumping water on the floor, spilling yogurt on the carpet, rubbing lotion into her clothing, dumping every.single.toy on the floor, and pulling the tupperware out of the cabinet. Sure, it's all "normal" but good grief it gets old fast. Typically I can clean it up and laugh, after all, I have a younger sister who was equally active at that age and I saw it then. I know it's hard, but I know it will pass and that tomorrow I'll laugh. But in the moment when it's happening I want to go hide in the closet and eat chocolate alone.
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Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 6:46:51 PM
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Krislynx
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I certainly wasn't trying to make anyone feel bad with my post. i apologize for that. But right now I am in kind of a stinky place as a mom and some of the previous comments have not come across so much as discussion as an indictment of those of us who do struggle more than others. I probably should have stayed out of here today and come back tomorrow with a better outlook (hopefully)!
Kris
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 6:50:40 PM
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Sunnymom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Krislynx
I certainly wasn't trying to make anyone feel bad with my post. i apologize for that. But right now I am in kind of a stinky place as a mom and some of the previous comments have not come across so much as discussion as an indictment of those of us who do struggle more than others. I probably should have stayed out of here today and come back tomorrow with a better outlook (hopefully)!
Kris
I've been going back through the thread- where are the comments that have come across as an indictment of parents who struggle? AAMOF, is there any parent in this thread who has said that they don't have struggles?
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 7:08:52 PM
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SurpassingPeace
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Erin, I just want to make sure I understand, are you saying it isn't the piece that you have a problem with but how many people are negative about parenting? I can see the merit in that. I think, however, those people are just negative about life in general. Everyone's outlook is different.
I have the child right now that trying to feed is like trying to hit a moving object. Dressing him is one hot funny mess because he is in constant motion and really flexible. The only reason I don't completely relate to the goats is because right now my 2 year old is either in the cart or held firmly by the hand.
And here is my not so secret shame. For years, I realy did look down my nose at people that kept their cars in such a mess and tried to claim it was the kids. Right now, my car looks like a tornado threw a garbage can in it. There are blankets, coats, books, toys, and I just found an entire school of goldfish crackers that have made a home under my dd's carseat. But you see, I have to get them both out and my husband is gone and my son is asleep and, and, and.....yeah, that's what they said too. 
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 9:14:00 PM
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Krislynx
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Sunnymom - the 2 that come to mind are "you are the adult. Act like it" And "I don't 'deal with him all the time." I am the adult. I act like it. And as someone else said I don't "deal", I parent. My computer is acting up and cutting out on its own so I am not going to try and quote, paste etc right now. And the tone (not specific statements) of some posts is coming across to me as if you just have the right attitude/skills/experience etc it shouldn't phase you that much. In other words - good parents don't struggle they cope. Now like I said - I am in a rough place right now and that is undoubtedly coloring my response (both emotional and written) more than it should or I would like. With that in mind I am going to try and take a step back and view things from other perspective.
Kris
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 9:43:32 PM
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Sunnymom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Krislynx
Sunnymom - the 2 that come to mind are "you are the adult. Act like it"
That quote is in reference to the OP, and is framed as advice to new parents- I also clarified that statement later by saying that "having children does not mean they have to give up control of their lives and possessions. "
quote:
I am the adult. I act like it. ...And the tone (not specific statements) of some posts is coming across to me as if you just have the right attitude/skills/experience etc it shouldn't phase you that much. In other words - good parents don't struggle they cope.
Well, I can't do anything about the 'tone' you have chosen to perceive, but I've re-read every single one of my posts, and all of them were aimed at the OP, and I very clearly stated that more than once. I gave the reason that I didn't find juggling the physical aspects of parenting all that challenging, but I've never said that just the right attitude or skills or experience guarantees anything, or that parenting should be without struggles. I did offer other situations that I do struggle with- what is easy for you might be hard for me, but it isn't going to offend me if you were to talk about your strengths.
I believe that certain attitudes or skills can prepare you for some of the challenges you might face, but none of my life experiences prepared me for being married to an abusive alcoholic or talking my firstborn out of killing himself when he was 11 years old- and while God's grace was sufficient and I'm years on the other side of those days, neither experience will ever be the source of a humorous essay. 
My concerns regarding the OP are about the overall picture of children as consistently uncontrollable and destructive, and being compared to barnyard animals. There have been other threads where people talked about the 'humorous' comments they've heard from people about their large families, or how some parents disparage their children right in front of them- would you tell your child that they are the reason the family doesn't have a nicer vehicle? So... I suppose the next time we should just laugh at all the crass and insensitive comments made at the children's expense because it's 'humorous'? It's because there is this general acceptance of over-the-top mockery of marriage and child rearing that so much disrespect is tolerated. In. My. Opinion.
quote:
Now like I said - I am in a rough place right now and that is undoubtedly coloring my response (both emotional and written) more than it should or I would like. With that in mind I am going to try and take a step back and view things from other perspective.
I'm sorry that you are in a rough place right now. I'd be happy to pray that God will strengthen and comfort you in whatever you are going through. But please don't transmit your difficulties into the motives and intents of others in a virtually anonymous forum.
< Message edited by Sunnymom -- 11/13/2009 10:20:53 PM >
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 10:22:42 PM
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Krislynx
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Sunnymom, thanks. I normally do a much better job of just "going with the flow" of a discussion. But this one hit wrong. Yesterday I was frustrated, today I got mad and it shows. I should know better than to post without counting to ten so to speak. And I am one of those people who has posted about the rude comments made about family size (going from 1 to the 2 or "perfect family" in our case) in front of kids. No, I don't think we should laugh at everything. But to me it is different to write a generic essay than to make pointed comments about a particular family's size, gender distribution or what have you. And although I have been very blessed with my husband and child(ren) I know there are many out there who are not. Having said that, I still find that there are some pretty bad moments in parenting and that it does a disservice not to acknowledge them. Personally I think many new moms would have a better time of it if they didn't think (as I so often did those first few months) that they are the only ones that can't get out of the house without changing everybody (themselves included) at least twice because of poop and spit up. They aren't the only ones who can't get an obviously hungry child to eat. That it is ok that their baby is 6 months old and they can't tell the difference in the "I pooped" and "I need to eat" cries from 3 rooms away. So personally I am against the "parenting is all roses" perspective as well as the "parenting is like living it the garbage dump" outlook. But to me the absurdity of the article gives it the space required to look at those unpleasant aspects without making it sound like something you would never want to do. Just a way of not taking those rough times too seriously. In my opinion, of course.
Kris
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 10:45:16 PM
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Sunnymom
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Kris- I agree that we should acknowledge those difficult times, and let other moms know that their struggles are not unique. I am all for a good laugh as well. But just as I don't like 'bratty kid' movies or crude humor, I didn't like how bleak the OP sounded for all its crazy analogies and funny pictures. It's important IMO that in the midst of presenting this facetious 'reality' of parenting, one should include the fact that in the trying times by God's grace you can be stronger than you thought you could ever be.
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/13/2009 10:54:51 PM
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Krislynx
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Well, good to know we agree on more than we disagree. I too am not a fan of crude humor or the bratty kid genre. It is definitely important to acknowledge God's grace in parenting, I certainly need a good measure of it even on the good days.
Kris
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/14/2009 8:57:26 AM
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PrincessDonna
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See, I totally get the goat in a store thing. In the past, I have preferred to only take infants (under a year or so) to the store with me. IME, between 14 months and 3.5 years is not fun for either of us to go to the store. They just don't understand they can't have everything they see, and aren't mature enough to take a "no" with grace. I DO train my kids to behave in the store, but I prefer to wait until they are a bit older.
Taking the three little kids (4, 2, 14 months) to the store alone is awful right now. Awful. I absolutely have to have a cart to strap Esther and Levi into if I take them both. Esther can wiggle out of the regular belts, and Levi would run off and toss things off shelves right now, just for fun, all the while Hannah will be walking around whining or just throwing things in my cart. We are working on obedience at home, but out in public with just Momma...I don't have enough hands or patience to deal with them all at once. When I have one, I can focus on their behavior and they usually do great, barring a tired or hungry kid. So...I don't take more than one or two kids right now, and if two, I prefer one to be one of the older boys who are actually a help.
Now today...I have to take all three little ones. Just works out that way. I don't think I'm a bad mom. I don't think I let them get away with things, and acting like brats surely doesn't get them any reward. I just happen to have 3 very lively, very young, very opinionated children who I can't count on to behave at this point in time.
So yes...goats. Pray for me. LOL
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/14/2009 10:09:32 AM
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Consecrated2God
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No goats in my house, but some of the others I could relate to. The ones that I could say, "Yeah, I remember that!" are the ones that made me laugh. Others I shrugged and thought, "My kids aren't like that".
My oldest was impossible to get dressed. My husband was sure it was my fault that he was so wiggly. He thought that by laughing instead of swatting him when he did that I was encouraging the baby to continue to turn over and crawl away in the middle of a diaper change. I disagreed with my husband. My first was a handful, although today he's as good as gold. I've always said that if I'd had my youngest child first I would have written a book on parenting. They just have such completely different personalities.
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"A faith that can be destroyed by suffering is not faith."--Richard Wurmbrand
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/14/2009 12:54:22 PM
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purejoy
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For many, the things in the article just are...it's life. Not negative, not rosy, just reality. Obviously it's not everyone's reality, but certainly it is for some. That doesn't mean they are being negative, or that they have a negative view of parenting, or that they aren't good parents. It just means they have a different reality. I think that's where a lot of the conflict is coming from. If something is my reality, and someone else looks at it and says it's a negative view of parenting, that can be hard to take, because it's still my reality. A reality which, overall, I probably still really really love and wouldn't change. That's just my observation...because I really do not think anyone is intending to put down others. There is obviously just a gap between our "normals."
My reality: I think it's funny, nothing more, nothing less. After some of the comments about how negative it is, I had to go back and re-read it to see if I was missing something or not taking something seriously enough. I still thought it was funny. So obviously I just have a different reality and/or a really different sense of humor!
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/15/2009 12:19:04 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
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quote:
I don't think I'm a bad mom. I don't think I let them get away with things, and acting like brats surely doesn't get them any reward. I just happen to have 3 very lively, very young, very opinionated children who I can't count on to behave at this point in time.
Right there with ya.
Although we have mostly mastered the leaving things that we aren't buying a the store without a fit thing. I tell Gabby "ok, we aren't taking any "xyz" home today. Let's tell it bye-bye and we'll see it next time". NORMALLY, this is well received and works just great but we all have those days.
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Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/15/2009 1:46:38 AM
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myka
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quote:
I just happen to have 3 very lively, very young, very opinionated children who I can't count on to behave at this point in time.
So yes...goats. Pray for me. LOL
I think goats might be easier than some children...
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/15/2009 3:07:07 AM
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Sideways
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On a night like tonight, no I'm not ready. Sure I'm ok getting up to nurse, but the 10 month old won't go back to sleep, and I refuse to take her out of her crib to play. 3am is not playtime. So, dH and I are awake while she cries. Yes, we go in every 5-10 minutes, but she's not coming out to play. And I hate not being able to get decent sleep. I'm not even asking for uninterrupted sleep, just a decent total hours of sleep.
We're not doing this again. 2 kids fills our "quiver".
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RE: Are You Ready for Parenthood? - 11/15/2009 6:49:59 AM
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SurpassingPeace
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Ruth, Logan is boycotting sleep in many forms right now as well. Our quiver is feeing rather full right now,
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