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Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 7:25:08 AM
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guarded
Posts: 8
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Guys,
2 years ago, my wife had breat cancer. Praise God she has beaten that and no signs of breast cancer returning. I am currently in Florida taking care of my mother who had surgery on her back. I spoke to my wife last night and hse told me that her Dr. has called her because her most recent PAP test showed abnormal results and wants to see her today. We are both believers and trust that God has been and is in control of her health. Do I leave my mother in Florida with very minimal help and return to Arizona to be with my wife? Do I call upon those in the Church to be with her until I can return. My mother is 74 years old and widowed 2 years ago. There is no one here for her. I don't want either to feel abandoned. My wifes faith is strong and she too has put this in God's hands. I guess this is more about me and the feelings that I am struggling with. Where should I be?
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 8:12:49 AM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 8038
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
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I believe this is where you call upon your family in the church and have them stand by your wife until you can get there.
Has you wife asked you to decide between her and your mother? How much longer do you anticipate your Mom will need you there, and is it possible to transport her to your home in Arizona when she is well enough?
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 10:39:06 AM
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trainfan
Posts: 2358
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From: The land of confusion
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Moving from Men Only to Relationships.
I think this would be better suited in the Relationships folder.
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< Message edited by trainfan -- 11/6/2009 10:50:20 AM >
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Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 10:55:10 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1451
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Has your mother got friends /relatives who could help her apart from you? Does she have a church family who could rally round?Are there any other siblings who could come?Could she get help from govt agencies?How much longer will she need you to be there?
This is hard. if your wife wants you there then you really need to go, but after arranging help for your mother if she is really not able to cope alone.
If I had that news, I really would want my husband and not people from the church but thats just me. If you will only be another week or so then thats not too bad, but if it is to be much more than that then I think you really need to be getiing her help form elsewhere while you go to be with your wife..
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 11:29:48 AM
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Kat_D
Posts: 1406
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From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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"Abnormal Results" could mean anything. I would encourage you to take a deep breath and wait to see what her doctor says. Then, if it is something serious, you can start to make arrangements for for your mom's care so you can go home to be with your wife.
This would be a good time to check with your Mom's health care insurance (I assume she has Medicare) and see what benefits she qualifies for in the way of home health care or rehab just in case you do have to leave.
Blessings and I commend you for all you are doing for your mom and for your care and concern for your wife.
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~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 1:52:00 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3383
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kat_D
"Abnormal Results" could mean anything. I would encourage you to take a deep breath and wait to see what her doctor says. Then, if it is something serious, you can start to make arrangements for for your mom's care so you can go home to be with your wife.
This would be a good time to check with your Mom's health care insurance (I assume she has Medicare) and see what benefits she qualifies for in the way of home health care or rehab just in case you do have to leave.
Blessings and I commend you for all you are doing for your mom and for your care and concern for your wife.
Yes, I agree.
I've had 2 years worth of PAP's with abnormal results, while it is alarming at first it's not typically an emergent situation. I would wait and see what is wrong with your wife's results before getting to wound up or anxious.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 2:16:36 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8165
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kat_D
"Abnormal Results" could mean anything. I would encourage you to take a deep breath and wait to see what her doctor says. Then, if it is something serious, you can start to make arrangements for for your mom's care so you can go home to be with your wife.
This would be a good time to check with your Mom's health care insurance (I assume she has Medicare) and see what benefits she qualifies for in the way of home health care or rehab just in case you do have to leave.
Yep, what Kat said.
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"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 6:52:32 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2218
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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I'd stay on the phone with your wife (has she got a cell so you can be "with her" at the doctor's?) as her problem is not an emergency. Stay in close contact with her, though, so she's not alone.
If your wife needs you to return, could you take your mom, too? Could she sit in an airplane? Could your wife get medical help where your mom is?
May God heal them both. Good for you for being there are a husband and a son; God bless you all. I am praying for you all tonight.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/6/2009 9:39:59 PM
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teacher1982
Posts: 190
Joined: 10/11/2009
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IF your wife is diagnosed with cancer again (and I pray that she isn't) you HAVE to rush to be by her side. Surely there are other people to help your mother. But you are commanded to cling to your wife. She will need you more than ever in her life. It's a difficult situation, but the decision will be made if the news is bad for your wife.
Let us know. We are praying for all of your family.
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/8/2009 6:17:47 PM
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guarded
Posts: 8
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Thanks to all of you for your replies. What a wonderful God we serve. The news from home is not great but good. What was found is considered as precancerous cells. There are decisions to be made, but not of an immediate nature. I am married to a wonderful obedient woman of God who trusts that this is in the Fathers hands. I will stay with my mother for another week before returning to Arizona. I will arrive the day before her next appointment with her oncologist. God has given my wife and I a peace on this matter. As with her previous cancer, we have placed this in the control of the the Great Physician. Please continue to intercede on her behalf (Lisa). But all is well. Thanks again to those that responded. It is amazing what God will do when you give him the opportunity.
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/13/2009 1:18:55 PM
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Redjasper
Posts: 340
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Guarded, I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with such a difficult situation. I hope you have had good news since you posted first. I would agree with the folks suggesting that your wife should be your priority when choosing location, however it seems we don't know enough about your mother's circumstances.
Just a word of comfort, abnormal pap doesn't necessarily mean cancer, 6 years ago I was 'diagnosed' twice in a row (plus the doctor looked at me at the visit like I have only a week to live), but I just knew it wasn't true. There is a lot of reasons why tests come out false. I hope this latter one is the case here.
God's blessings and prayers.
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RE: Mother vs Wife / surgery vs cancer - 11/14/2009 2:02:09 PM
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CMT8808
Posts: 238
Joined: 9/4/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Redjasper
Just a word of comfort, abnormal pap doesn't necessarily mean cancer, 6 years ago I was 'diagnosed' twice in a row (plus the doctor looked at me at the visit like I have only a week to live), but I just knew it wasn't true. There is a lot of reasons why tests come out false. I hope this latter one is the case here.
God's blessings and prayers.
I agree with Redjasper~ positive results in paps a lot of times are false positives. The best way to rule it out is by having the CA125 blood test done.
*Also for the record Medicare and Bc/Bs consider this test along with the breast cancer tumor marker CA15.3 experiemental tests so most insurances will not cover them, but is well worth the out of pocket expense.
CMT
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