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RE: possible abuse - 11/6/2009 5:51:56 PM
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Narcil
Posts: 50
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: San Diego, CA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SurpassingPeace
I have offered the SS director to get the woman in contact with a good friend of mine. She has worked with people with special needs for 12 years and adopted a special needs child herself. She could get her hooked up with Respite (sp?), a mother's support group, all kinds of things for free.
...I am thinking the only thing I can do is try to get to know her so I can offer this personally. Also, perhaps there is something I can do to relieve some burden.
These are both excellent ideas. I would encourage both of these thoughts.
I would also avoid getting CPS involved unless I knew there was real abuse going on and nothing else could be done. CPS is a mixed bags. Some employees are good and level headed, and some are truly awful. My wife is a nurse and has worked with both kinds (unfortunately, in her experience, the awful ones are more common than you would guess).
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RE: possible abuse - 11/7/2009 4:52:49 PM
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silent12
Posts: 19
Joined: 11/7/2009
Status: offline
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Firstly, I would like to say that I think you have done the right thing by calling for help, whether she is assigned a "good" or "bad" employee, this women will receive a network of support and they will have the necessary experience to make those desicions, which you do not.
They can assess her ability to care for the child and it is likely that she will have access to more resources and they will help her to parent her child.
Secondly, you are not her friend. And in my opinion, this means you can't approach her and voice your opinion; however well intentioned it is, nobody wants to hear that you think she is capable of seriously hurting their child and it may cause her to pull away from the church all together and lose a possible support system.
I, personally, think that you should not try to initiate a relationship; as the person who might be "ruining her life" (and she might have this reaction) you will just appear superior and condecending towards her (or atleast that is how it would feel to me).
Finally, I don't think that she is being "abusive". I believe that hitting your child is wrong. That is just how I feel. I do think that abuse; physical, emotional or sexually is about having power over somebody else. This women probably feels out of control and frustrated and she has no support system to help her and this child may be the cause of her failed marriage. She feels out of control, her child becomes upset, she becomes frustrated, her child becomes scared, fear in children often results in crying, crying makes her annoyed, she wants to punish the child for crying so she hits him. The child cries and is confused further (the child needed comforting and instead was punished) and cries harder, the mother becomes more out of control, more annoyed and hits the child again who cries harder because it hurts and it contines. She needs somebody to help her to understand that she should not hit the child in the first place and that the child needs x or y. Which is something that a professional can do, and you probably can't.
I in no way meant this to be offensive, I just wan't you to be cautious about starting a relationship with her so that you can save her child. Not only could you offend her and push her away from the church and make her become more frustrated with her child (who she may blame further). But you might simply offend her and make her feel inadeuquite; if she believes that what she is doing is perfectly fine (and some parents do believe that they have the right to hit their children) then you may be putting her in a awkward postion.
On a side note, my friend has a son with downs and he just doesn't respond to language, they have a buzzer which they buzz for no (instead of saying no) and obviously they praise with lots of hugs and cuddles. But they do not punish at all, and this women may just need help implementing a system as her current one does not work.
Again, I do not mean to offend, I merely want to give my opinion.
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