|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Prayer Request for Relationships - 11/2/2009 3:21:38 AM
|
|
|
seekinpeace
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/2/2009
Status: offline
|
Hi, I'm 29yo, divorced twice and currently living with my boyfriend and his two kids. Before I get all the "living together" lectures, I know, I did wrong. I've been very torn lately about how to handle the situation I've gotten myself in. I've been getting back into church, after being out of it for a few years, and I'm really feeling convicted about it all.
I just need prayer that things will work out how they are supposed to.
I really like this guy a lot. He is a wonderful family man, his extended family is close and they love me and I love them. His kids and I hit it off real well at first. Now, it's almost a constant battle with his daughter. She's just turning 15. I know part of it is it's a difficult age, and much of it has to do with things she's experienced in her past, but it's about got me to the place where I don't want to be here. I want to eventually marry this guy and have a family with him. He wants the same. I want to have a child, but am scared to death to bring a child into this house with his daughter the way she is.
I'm trying to look into some mental health counseling for her. A lot of her family just blows off how she acts saying "its just her mother in her". Well, I think that's a cop out. I'm afraid she's already burned her bridges with me and that's a concern as well. I have a very hard time, though I pray a lot for patience, but she has hurt me so much in the past year that I want little to do with her anymore. She's admitted to saying things just to be hurtful when she's mad and not getting her way. She's also admitted to being very jealous of me, but says I'm not doing anything wrong, she just doesn't like me in her dad's life.
Where am I torn? My boyfriend says he doesn't think we will be able to see eachother enough to maintain the relationship if I move out. Our schedules are crazy with both of us being deputies. I don't want to rush into another marriage to have it fail. That's the premise we moved in together on. Neither of us want to get remarried right now, or anytime soon for that matter, but we wanted to be together. I know that's not right, but it's what I did. I don't want to break up with him, but I can't stand his daughter anymore and the stress between her and I is making me into someone I don't want my boyfriend to see.
I know what I need to do, I'm just really scared of what I'll lose if I go and I so don't want to hurt my boyfriend and he will be devastated if I leave. Just pray for us. Please. Thanks.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Prayer Request for Relationships - 11/2/2009 6:34:03 AM
|
|
|
herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1453
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline
|
What does your boyfriend do when she treates you so badly? is he firm with her? Does he set boundaries with her?
Does she allow her to say terrible things to you?
From what you have said I think it would definately be the best thing to actually live apart, to see him on dates (without the daughter)and take it from there. This will be the best for you spiritually and give you time to seek God and also will give you and the daughter time apart.
God does also warns us about not being yoked with an unbeliever and I am assuming that he isnt a christian?That is another VERY important factor.
If you are serious about God you also need to stop the sex, as that is wrong (as you know anyway).
I do think it would be a huge mistake for you to marry him with all of this going on expecially as you have been through 2 divorces already. God wants the best for you but you do need to give God time and alow Him to lead you the way that HE knows is best.
Take things slowly, get to know God and see what heppens. Move out, maybe see your boyfriend as often as you can and in a couple of years the daughter may well have changed and may also be thinking of going to college etc. 15 year old girls are PRETTY difficult at the best of times, but she does seem to need some boundaries to be set..
Him saying that you may not be able to maintain a relationship of you move out is a bit controlling in my opinion. Its like he is saying that 'if you go you may loose me' sort of thing.
People all over the world maintain realtionships with other and arent living togather, My son and his girlfriend can only see each other every other weekend (due to distance)but they are very close and maintain a close relationship through phone calls, texts, e-meils etc, and plan to marry in a year or so.
God Bless you seekinpeace
< Message edited by herestoresmysoul -- 11/2/2009 8:54:51 AM >
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Prayer Request for Relationships - 11/2/2009 8:13:49 AM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 2209
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
Welcome, Seekinpeace! I'm glad you're here! 
quote:
Now, it's almost a constant battle with his daughter. She's just turning 15. I know part of it is it's a difficult age, and much of it has to do with things she's experienced in her past, but it's about got me to the place where I don't want to be here. I want to eventually marry this guy and have a family with him. He wants the same. I want to have a child, but am scared to death to bring a child into this house with his daughter the way she is.
I'm trying to look into some mental health counseling for her. A lot of her family just blows off how she acts saying "its just her mother in her".
Trust your gut. If you think she'd be a bad influence or dangerous to a child, you're probably right. I'd move out now and marry after she's left home. Ask your guy if he wants his daughter to live with him after she becomes an adult; you may have a "her or me" situation, and sometimes parents hang on to difficult adult children, hoping to influence them when all the training is already done.
quote:
she has hurt me so much in the past year that I want little to do with her anymore. She's admitted to saying things just to be hurtful when she's mad and not getting her way. She's also admitted to being very jealous of me, but says I'm not doing anything wrong, she just doesn't like me in her dad's life.
Two huge red flags. She's acting badly and her father isn't stopping it.  You sure you want to sign up for a lifetime of being in her crosshairs? You're being hurt and he isn't preventing it. Don't ignore this.
quote:
My boyfriend says he doesn't think we will be able to see eachother enough to maintain the relationship if I move out.
Then you're not the person he'll hang on to no matter what. He's not going to swim oceans and climb mountains for you.
quote:
I can't stand his daughter anymore and the stress between her and it is making me into someone I don't want my boyfriend to see.
I think you already know the answer - it's in that last sentence.
You fear he won't stay commited to you if he sees you at less than you were before.
quote:
I know what I need to do, I'm just really scared of what I'll lose if I go and I so don't want to hurt my boyfriend and he will be devastated if I leave. Just pray for us. Please. Thanks.
Instead of worrying what you might lose, think about what God wants you to do as your primary goal. You have much to gain.
If you leave, he won't be devastated enough to keep up the relationship with you - he's hinting already.
I'm sorry, dear one; I don't think this is the fairy tale romance/marriage you dreamed of when you were a little girl. And God can't bless it when it's based on what He said to not do. Go fix it and let God give you His good gifts instead. (((HUgs))) I'm praying for you today.
< Message edited by deermousie -- 11/2/2009 8:30:46 AM >
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Prayer Request for Relationships - 11/2/2009 5:33:19 PM
|
|
|
saraimay75
Posts: 8843
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
Welcome, Seekinpeace! I'm glad you're here!
quote:
Now, it's almost a constant battle with his daughter. She's just turning 15. I know part of it is it's a difficult age, and much of it has to do with things she's experienced in her past, but it's about got me to the place where I don't want to be here. I want to eventually marry this guy and have a family with him. He wants the same. I want to have a child, but am scared to death to bring a child into this house with his daughter the way she is.
I'm trying to look into some mental health counseling for her. A lot of her family just blows off how she acts saying "its just her mother in her".
Trust your gut. If you think she'd be a bad influence or dangerous to a child, you're probably right. I'd move out now and marry after she's left home. Ask your guy if he wants his daughter to live with him after she becomes an adult; you may have a "her or me" situation, and sometimes parents hang on to difficult adult children, hoping to influence them when all the training is already done.
quote:
she has hurt me so much in the past year that I want little to do with her anymore. She's admitted to saying things just to be hurtful when she's mad and not getting her way. She's also admitted to being very jealous of me, but says I'm not doing anything wrong, she just doesn't like me in her dad's life.
Two huge red flags. She's acting badly and her father isn't stopping it. You sure you want to sign up for a lifetime of being in her crosshairs? You're being hurt and he isn't preventing it. Don't ignore this.
quote:
My boyfriend says he doesn't think we will be able to see eachother enough to maintain the relationship if I move out.
Then you're not the person he'll hang on to no matter what. He's not going to swim oceans and climb mountains for you.
quote:
I can't stand his daughter anymore and the stress between her and it is making me into someone I don't want my boyfriend to see.
I think you already know the answer - it's in that last sentence.
You fear he won't stay commited to you if he sees you at less than you were before.
quote:
I know what I need to do, I'm just really scared of what I'll lose if I go and I so don't want to hurt my boyfriend and he will be devastated if I leave. Just pray for us. Please. Thanks.
Instead of worrying what you might lose, think about what God wants you to do as your primary goal. You have much to gain.
If you leave, he won't be devastated enough to keep up the relationship with you - he's hinting already.
I'm sorry, dear one; I don't think this is the fairy tale romance/marriage you dreamed of when you were a little girl. And God can't bless it when it's based on what He said to not do. Go fix it and let God give you His good gifts instead. (((HUgs))) I'm praying for you today.
I agree. No one needs to be in a relationship this badly. This man does not love you. He does not respect you.
_____________________________
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
~Dr. Seuss
http://forums.crosswalk.com/Saraimay75_Cruising_Around
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
