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how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/30/2009 3:32:51 PM
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keithyhuntington
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(polling of the minds if you will)
i've been thinking about this alot, not specifially about me, because i feel like currently my relationship with my wife is in pretty decent standing... but there's ALOT Of divorce in my family (about a 80% chance of it in my family) and it gets me to thinking. now i realize theres not a one top solution to beating divorce. this is a VERY tricky and spider web like subject.
it seems to me that the major cause of divorce i've seen is just plain, ol' fashioned naivety. from what i've seen in my family and such... most of teh divorces come from rushing into marriage. i don't think 6 months is a very good qualifyer for marriage. so what do you guys think? do you guys think if we spent about 5 years from meeting someone, to marrying someone teh divorce rate would be about 20% across the board?
the other major contributor ive seen is infidelity. which seems about 40% of teh divorce rate in my family. so if we could keep our heads on, and our pants... do you think that divorce rate would be brought down to like 10%???
the main thing that really got my mind going was i work for a ministry. for teh most part i take orders for dvds and books and whatnot for the bookstore. every once in a while someone will give me a prayer request, which i just make a detailed not of, and send it to the deacons to pray over. but this one person gave me a prayer request and said how her and her husband had been married for 1 month. and she said 2 weeks into their marriage she discovered he drinks, does drugs, uses profanity, listens to secular music, watches r-rated movies, practices witch craft, and stays out all hours of teh night. she said she NEVER been around stuff like that in her life. she was raised a preachers kid, and her ex husband 18 years ago was a preacher as well, and she brought her kids up in a very g-rated house. so immediately im thinking "ok, so long did you date this guy that you were COMPLETELY blinded to this?" i asked her if i could file teh prayer request under marriage restoration, she said she doesnt believe its supposed to be restored. she believes that she made 1 huge mistake with this guy, and god is making it apparant that she just needs to get out. it just goes back to peolpe jumping into marriage too fast.
so for those of you who have gone through a divorce... can you honestly say you got married too fast? or is there a multitude of other contributors to factor in, and i'm reading too much into it...
< Message edited by keithyhuntington -- 10/30/2009 3:42:10 PM >
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/30/2009 4:14:45 PM
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herestoresmysoul
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There have been loads of divorces both in my family, my ex husbands family, and my second husbands family and 95% were caused by affairs, so yes, if people could be faithful and stop sleeping around the divorce rate would go down dramatically in my opinion.
Apparently 60% of married men have affairs and 40% of married women do so that is very high. Its so sad and so apalling.I am sure that many spouses who are cheated on never even find out but still many clearly do.
Of course there are other reaons for divorces, but in my experience that is the main reason.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/30/2009 4:37:41 PM
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laughinggirl
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I don't think there's a hard and fast rule about how long you should date prior to marriage. People and relationships are all different. What age you meet makes a difference, too. I met my DH at 32 - no way were we waiting 5 years at that point. Yes, you should know someone very well before "jumping into" marriage. But that timeframe will be different for everyone.
-My parents met and married in less than a year and still have a strong marriage 39 years later.
-My husband and I met and married in less than a year, and over three years later, are more in love every day.
-My brother dated/was engaged to his ex for 5 years prior to marriage; they separated before their second anniversary and were divorced shortly after.
One way to make marriage less prone to divorce is for both of you to commit to the premise that divorce is NOT an option. Never joke about it or throw that word around in the heat of an argument. Ever.
< Message edited by laughinggirl -- 10/30/2009 4:50:28 PM >
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/30/2009 4:41:18 PM
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mrtigger
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There haven't been many divorces in my extended family and I don't think any of them have been due to affairs.
Naivety (like thinking marriage will change yourself or your spouse) and marrying too young seems to be the common theme in my families broken marriages. And a couple of them married too young because they were trying to escape an abusive home situation.
A longer dating period, and getting our heads out of emotional la la land long enough to get an objective look at who we are thinking of marrying would help.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/31/2009 1:02:59 PM
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dianemccrary
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I don't think rather it 2 weeks, 6 months, 1yr, 4 yrs. unless the two people involved are truly grounded and rooted in thier spiritual life and then committed to living thier spiritual life and to each other of course the marriage will end in divorce. My Great-Grandparents dated for 2 weeks and were married for a number of years before they passed away, my parents dated for 4 yrs. and will be celebrating 33 yrs. of marriage come Jan. I myself dated 2 months to my first Husband before we married. Sadly he passed away after only 3 months of marriage. I was blessed again to date my second Husband for 6 months and in Nov we will be celebrating 7 yrs of marriage.
Saying all that I am saying I don't think it matters how long you date before marriage. It is in the time you do date how much are truly allowing God to lead you and being open to the other person and if that person is for you to marry. We get in self and choose not to listen to God and go thru marriage anyways. But if both persons are truly rooted and grounded in God's Word and living God's Word close as possible then you know how God feels about divorce and the persons are truly committed then in most cases you won't see divorce.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/31/2009 2:43:28 PM
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Anon101
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dianemccrary
I don't think rather it 2 weeks, 6 months, 1yr, 4 yrs. unless the two people involved are truly grounded and rooted in thier spiritual life and then committed to living thier spiritual life and to each other of course the marriage will end in divorce. My Great-Grandparents dated for 2 weeks and were married for a number of years before they passed away, my parents dated for 4 yrs. and will be celebrating 33 yrs. of marriage come Jan. I myself dated 2 months to my first Husband before we married. Sadly he passed away after only 3 months of marriage. I was blessed again to date my second Husband for 6 months and in Nov we will be celebrating 7 yrs of marriage.
Saying all that I am saying I don't think it matters how long you date before marriage. It is in the time you do date how much are truly allowing God to lead you and being open to the other person and if that person is for you to marry. We get in self and choose not to listen to God and go thru marriage anyways. But if both persons are truly rooted and grounded in God's Word and living God's Word close as possible then you know how God feels about divorce and the persons are truly committed then in most cases you won't see divorce.
You'd think that marriages where there was a longer courting period last longer, but a study was done a few years back (within the last five years) that arranged marriages in America have the lowest divorce rate. When interviewed the families stated that they were very happily married. I don't know if that is true or if he/she had to say that for religious/cultural reasons but I thought it was interesting.
I also read an article about the existence of love at first sight and many of the people interviewed met and knew right away that they were to be with each other. They got married quickly and have married longer.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/31/2009 2:45:56 PM
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herestoresmysoul
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lorilynn777
quote:
ORIGINAL: dianemccrary
I don't think rather it 2 weeks, 6 months, 1yr, 4 yrs. unless the two people involved are truly grounded and rooted in thier spiritual life and then committed to living thier spiritual life and to each other of course the marriage will end in divorce. My Great-Grandparents dated for 2 weeks and were married for a number of years before they passed away, my parents dated for 4 yrs. and will be celebrating 33 yrs. of marriage come Jan. I myself dated 2 months to my first Husband before we married. Sadly he passed away after only 3 months of marriage. I was blessed again to date my second Husband for 6 months and in Nov we will be celebrating 7 yrs of marriage.
Saying all that I am saying I don't think it matters how long you date before marriage. It is in the time you do date how much are truly allowing God to lead you and being open to the other person and if that person is for you to marry. We get in self and choose not to listen to God and go thru marriage anyways. But if both persons are truly rooted and grounded in God's Word and living God's Word close as possible then you know how God feels about divorce and the persons are truly committed then in most cases you won't see divorce.
You'd think that marriages where there was a longer courting period last longer, but a study was done a few years back (within the last five years) that arranged marriages in America have the lowest divorce rate. When interviewed the families stated that they were very happily married. I don't know if that is true or if he/she had to say that for religious/cultural reasons but I thought it was interesting.
I also read an article about the existence of love at first sight and many of the people interviewed met and knew right away that they were to be with each other. They got married quickly and have married longer.
Good news for me then Lorilynn. I knew right away that my dh was 'the one' and that we would marry.We married after 9 months but if we could have,I would have married sooner.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/31/2009 2:59:42 PM
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Konstantinos
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quote:
how to divorce-proof your marriage?
love. from both.
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eh.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/31/2009 3:47:24 PM
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keithyhuntington
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yeah... it seems in TV theres been more "selfish people" lately....
take for instance... Cougar Town. man... that show is humerous... but the story really grates on my nerves. woman marries man, man is on tour for most of their 10+ yr marriage, man sleeps around on woman. woman finds out and divores man in her 40s. now woman is trying to find love, lokoing in all the wrong places, while comparing dating notes with her neighbor across the street who divorces his wife so he "could get more tail" and i feel bad for teh people involvled in lives like this. your spouce leaving you because he wakes up on day and says "i wanna sleep with as many peolpe as possible, and your holding me back"
and yesterday's dr. phil was TRULY sickening. evidently its on ongoing series hes been working with this family. 2 adults in their 50s, who have 6 daughters from 12-27, and the mom just decided "i need to go find myself. this isnt the life i wanted." so she starts dating around the office, and ripping teh family straight through the middle. shes in her 50s and shes going getting her hair did, shopping at trendy clothing stores. i'm just thinking 'you selfish pig. your 50. you'll be dead in a few more years... just stick it out." i can see getting a divorce at 20.... but i your 50s? when you've been married for 25 years, and tehres no abuse, no cheating ON you, how selfish can you be to just say "i want MORE out of life" just hold your husbands hand and walk to teh graveyard.
i'm sorry but that story really got me fuming. cause i could see myself in that. my parents divorced aroudn their 19th anniversary. their excuses were: we fell out of love, we want more out of life, i was your father's first ever girlfriend and he has regrets with not sewing his wild oats, yadda yadda" my parents hid the mid life crisis things hard. my mom went and got her bellybutton pierced at 39... i'm just sick and tired of the selfishness....
but as i said... my whole family is notorious for meeting and marrying in VERY short term.... then 15 years later saying "man... i wish i had more permiscuous sex... lets end this" so thats why i was so adamant to date my wife for like 4 years just to maybe see if i cuold see love from a different angle. i dunno if it changed anything... but i still enjoy being with her :)
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Jesus Christ please help me 'cause i'm lonely. Whats the use in living, if you can't make a good living?
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/31/2009 4:08:22 PM
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dnp200450
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keithyhuntington,
What did Dr. Phil say to Miss Midlife Crisis? Did he tell her what an idiot she is? Or did he talk a lot of psycho-babble? A lot of these counselors and many of these so-called relationship experts are a major part of the problem IMO.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/31/2009 5:03:40 PM
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mrtigger
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quote:
ORIGINAL: keithyhuntington
i'm sorry but that story really got me fuming. cause i could see myself in that. my parents divorced aroudn their 19th anniversary. their excuses were: we fell out of love, we want more out of life, i was your father's first ever girlfriend and he has regrets with not sewing his wild oats, yadda yadda" my parents hid the mid life crisis things hard. my mom went and got her bellybutton pierced at 39... i'm just sick and tired of the selfishness....
I'm sorry for your parents divorce. It seems common that marriages are tested at about 20 years or so into it. I know mine was. We did not divorce but we were pretty close to it a couple of times.
I think what often happens is that you are so busy raising little kids until then and you become more of a Dad & Mom and the husband & wife role is neglected. Then at about 20 years or so, the kids are older and don't need you as parents so so much and you feel like you don't really have a purpose being there anymore.. Mid-life is upon you and that adds its own emotional stuff.
None of that is an excuse for a divorce -- just my attempt at analyzing how it goes wrong at that point in the marriage.
You seem like a good kid. I wish you well in your life & marriage.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 10/31/2009 5:55:45 PM
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Scottinla57
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quote:
ORIGINAL: keithyhuntington
yeah... it seems in TV theres been more "selfish people" lately....
Whoa! Dude, turn off the TV and pick up the Bible... then turn to Romans 12:1, 2 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m as guilty as anyone at putting my brain on hold and flipping on the old tube after a day at work. 
But you have to remember the majority of TV programming is done by selfish, self centered, worldly people for selfish, self centered, worldly people… go there for mindless entertainment not for… well, for anything else!
Looking at my parent’s long successful marriage the word unselfish come to mind… and commitment/determination… failure/divorce was just not an option.
People are just such spoiled brats today, like in the examples you gave… the minute things get difficult they bail.
Not that I know much on the subject but from a biblical standpoint I think if you want to succeed at marriage you need to go into it with a servants heart and not a “what is in it for me” attitude.
Just my two cents 
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Keep deception and lies far from me, Give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is my portion, That I not be full and deny You and say, "Who is the LORD?" Or that I not be in want and steal, And profane the name of my God.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 3:02:48 AM
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michele_erin
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Great question. Okay, first marriage. I met him when I was 14 years old (I was not a Christian, neither was he), we dated for 7 years, married for 11 years. Divorce ended due to abuse by him towards me, and adultery by both of us -- again not Christians. About 1 year after my divorce I gave my life to Jesus Christ; began focusing solely on my relationship with Him and Him alone. I did not want a man in my life -- I truly wanted to focus on my relationship with the Lord.
Well, the Lord had other plans. He brought my husband into my life in late 2004. Our friendship started out different because he was a client, and I worked for his attorney (not for divorce btw). He asked me out in May 05 and I said yes, but then 3 days later cancelled because I did not want to date a client. My husband did not give up, and continued to pray if it was the Lord's will, He would make a way. So all during this time it allowed us to build a friendship -- I got to see him with other people and how he acted in those situations, see how he was with kids (he was a coach for my daughter's basketball team), got to see that he had friends, see how he was in ministry, etc. I didn't realize I was watching him, but the Lord knew what He was doing.
After his case was done, he asked me to lunch. I told him sure, and it was nice. I continued to tell him I wanted to be just friends because I just wanted to focus on my relationship with the Lord. He then asked me out to coffee. My response was that I needed to pray about it -- I figured that would scare him off. It didn't, and he totally understood. The entire time we began our dating, he was praying that if it wasn't the Lord's will that He would close the door, and I was praying the same prayer. Blew my mind.
Needless to say, in Jan. 06 we were at dinner, and because we had had a period of time of developing a foundation for our relationship, I realized that I was in love with him. We both had that hit us at the same time. Four months later he proposed, and we were married 02-03-2007. It hasn't always been easy, but we put God first in our relationship. God picked out the most wonderful husband for me -- He knew what I needed better than I did.
I think what people need to do is to seek God's will for the mate that He has prepared for them, rather than what their flesh wants. Save yourself for marriage -- we did -- it wasn't easy, but well worth it. I think when couples add sex into the mix prior to marriage, it clouds their judgment, hence the not seeing the red flags that you would see if lust wasn't covering it up.
This is just my two cents -- again, great question! Love hearing all the answers.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 3:13:26 AM
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michele_erin
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Your title was "How to divorce proof your marriage" -- I didn't quite answer that. Prior to marrying we made a pact to never say the "D" word (that's hard sometimes especially if things get tough). One thing I noticed while we were dating is that my husband made a point of not looking at other women, turning away when underwear ads come on tv, not watching the cheerleaders when we went to a NBA game (that surprised me). I asked him why. He said he has no need to do that. He also doesn't want to sin. I notice that his boys (16 and 19 yrs old) do the same thing! They have learned by example. Blows my mind. They will be great husbands some day.
Me personally -- I don't make eye contact with men who I find attractive. I am friendly, but not flirtatious. At first that was difficult for me because I used to love attention that men would give me. It was a rush. I make a point of not allowing myself to spend time one -on-one with any man. I used to lead a ministry that had both men and women in it, and occasionally a man would want me to counsel him -- I would immediately, and gently, take him over to a man for counsel and especially if they started talking to me about things of a sexual nature, I would tell them that it wasn't appropriate for me to discuss things like that with them. I try to do the same thing as my husband --if we're watching a movie, and a man takes off his shirt and is exceptionally attractive, I will also look away.
There are a lot of things that you can do to protect that -- and the biggest thing is putting God first, husband next. If I find myself thinking of a past relationship, I try to put it out of my mind and think of my husband only. If I think of more things, I'll post more later.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 6:08:33 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1449
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quote:
ORIGINAL: michele_erin
Your title was "How to divorce proof your marriage" -- I didn't quite answer that. Prior to marrying we made a pact to never say the "D" word (that's hard sometimes especially if things get tough). One thing I noticed while we were dating is that my husband made a point of not looking at other women, turning away when underwear ads come on tv, not watching the cheerleaders when we went to a NBA game (that surprised me). I asked him why. He said he has no need to do that. He also doesn't want to sin. I notice that his boys (16 and 19 yrs old) do the same thing! They have learned by example. Blows my mind. They will be great husbands some day.
Me personally -- I don't make eye contact with men who I find attractive. I am friendly, but not flirtatious. At first that was difficult for me because I used to love attention that men would give me. It was a rush. I make a point of not allowing myself to spend time one -on-one with any man. I used to lead a ministry that had both men and women in it, and occasionally a man would want me to counsel him -- I would immediately, and gently, take him over to a man for counsel and especially if they started talking to me about things of a sexual nature, I would tell them that it wasn't appropriate for me to discuss things like that with them. I try to do the same thing as my husband --if we're watching a movie, and a man takes off his shirt and is exceptionally attractive, I will also look away.
There are a lot of things that you can do to protect that -- and the biggest thing is putting God first, husband next. If I find myself thinking of a past relationship, I try to put it out of my mind and think of my husband only. If I think of more things, I'll post more later.
wow michele my husband does that as well. He quickly looks away if a women passes by who is showing things that she shouldnt, he closes his eyes during adverts that show women with little on, he wont watch any films or programmes with sex scenes or any srto fo partial nudity, and sometimes even closes his eyes in church if there is a women dressing immodasly in front of him. He wont watch thinsg like strictly come dancing as here in the uK the costumes are REALLY skimpy and along with the dancing it is so provacative.
Dont you just LOVE your husband for being like that? I do, I think my dh is amazing. He has always done that from when he was young and after all as he says these other women are not his to look at.
It makes me respect him SOOO much and also makes me want to be the best wife ever.
I love what you said about his sons as well, isnt that just brilliant that they have learnt from him?
Also like you we are strict about not spending time alone with members of the oppostite sex and would not counsel anyone or get too close to anyone of the opposite sex either.
God Bless
< Message edited by herestoresmysoul -- 11/2/2009 6:16:30 AM >
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 6:12:34 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1449
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quote:
ORIGINAL: herestoresmysoul
quote:
ORIGINAL: michele_erin
Your title was "How to divorce proof your marriage" -- I didn't quite answer that. Prior to marrying we made a pact to never say the "D" word (that's hard sometimes especially if things get tough). One thing I noticed while we were dating is that my husband made a point of not looking at other women, turning away when underwear ads come on tv, not watching the cheerleaders when we went to a NBA game (that surprised me). I asked him why. He said he has no need to do that. He also doesn't want to sin. I notice that his boys (16 and 19 yrs old) do the same thing! They have learned by example. Blows my mind. They will be great husbands some day.
Me personally -- I don't make eye contact with men who I find attractive. I am friendly, but not flirtatious. At first that was difficult for me because I used to love attention that men would give me. It was a rush. I make a point of not allowing myself to spend time one -on-one with any man. I used to lead a ministry that had both men and women in it, and occasionally a man would want me to counsel him -- I would immediately, and gently, take him over to a man for counsel and especially if they started talking to me about things of a sexual nature, I would tell them that it wasn't appropriate for me to discuss things like that with them. I try to do the same thing as my husband --if we're watching a movie, and a man takes off his shirt and is exceptionally attractive, I will also look away.
There are a lot of things that you can do to protect that -- and the biggest thing is putting God first, husband next. If I find myself thinking of a past relationship, I try to put it out of my mind and think of my husband only. If I think of more things, I'll post more later.
wow michele my husband does that as well. He quickly looks away if a women passes by who is showing things that she shouldnt, he closes his eyes during adverts that show women with little on, he wont watch any films or programmes with sex scenes or any sort of partial nudity, and sometimes even closes his eyes in church if there is a women dressed immodestly in front of him. He wont watch things like strictly come dancing as here in the uK the costumes are REALLY skimpy and along with the dancing it is so provacative.
Dont you just LOVE your husband for being like that? I do, I think my dh is amazing. He has always done that from when he was young and after all as he says these other women are not his to look at.
It makes me respect him SOOO much and also makes me want to be the best wife ever.
I love what you said about his sons as well, isnt that just brilliant that they have learnt from him?
Also like you we are strict about not spending time alone with members of the oppostite sex and would not counsel anyone or get too close to anyone of the opposite sex either.
God Bless
< Message edited by herestoresmysoul -- 11/2/2009 6:19:14 AM >
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 6:19:28 AM
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keithyhuntington
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I'm on my phone, so it's toomuch trouble to quote people, but as far as dr. Phil, I'm not a huge fan, butbwe don't have cable so I watch him usually if I have a feeling he's going to yell at his guests. I like seeing that bald head turn red with anger :P it cracks me up. But what he Tod the lady was she needs t cut off the extra-marital relationship and focus on her family for 6 months and see how she still feels with out any outside nfluence.
_____________________________
Jesus Christ please help me 'cause i'm lonely. Whats the use in living, if you can't make a good living?
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 11:26:23 AM
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laura...
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As I was reading this thread this morning the words of my Pastor from yesterday's sermon started ringing in my head..."People are lovers of pleasure more than they are lovers of God." That's the bottom line. When a person's whole motivation in life is to please themselves then their marriage is doomed before the "I do's" are spoken no matter how long they knew each other.
quote:
but as i said... my whole family is notorious for meeting and marrying in VERY short term.... then 15 years later saying "man... i wish i had more permiscuous sex... lets end this"
My husband and I married 8 weeks after we met. I'm not a bit worried that we will divorce because we didn't have enough promiscuous sex before marriage. Why? Because neither of us has ever been interested in having promiscuous sex. Loving God is more important to both of us than what passes as pleasure these days that should really be called what it is -- sin. It was my husband's obvious love for God that made it very easy for me to marry him in 8 weeks. It will be our love for God that will keep us married and enjoying real pleasure.
So, there's the answer for how to divorce-proof your marriage -- love God more than ______.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 12:09:03 PM
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madlyrics
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I have been divorced twice and let me say both times I did not have God in my life. This is my third marriage and we have been married 8 months now it has been rocky but we give it to God He is the head of our relationship we only dated for 5months before marrying and we have took a class called prepared to last and we also have christian marriage mentors in our life. We both decided that when we got into this marriage that was it there was no out because there is nothing that God can not fix so we just stay focused on God and what the Bible teaches and that is that once you are joined together let no man tear apart. God only grants a divorce because of adultery. I pray that neither of us ever cheat but if that does happen I believe God will heal and work it all out. His word says He works for the good of those who love Him and in our house we serve Him and worship Him. I think people just don't take marriage seriously divorce is the easy way out. Letting God work is a lot harder it requires staying focused on Him and the Bible.
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Loving and living for Jesus one day at a time
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 2:08:41 PM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1449
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: vijendrasnv
Hi,
I don't think there's a hard and fast rule about how long you should date prior to marriage.
People and relationships are all different. What you realize the feelings of each other.
You'd think that marriages where there was a longer courting period last longer, but a study was done a few years back that arranged marriages in many countries have the lowest divorce rate.
Thanks.
divorce support groups
Could that be becuase arranged marriages are very much more common in countries and cultures where the women have little say when it comes to mariage, divorce or how they are treated in a marriage?Many couldnt leave even if they wanted to and many are treated like property.
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 2:17:52 PM
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michele_erin
Posts: 98
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
herestoresmysoul: wow michele my husband does that as well. He quickly looks away if a women passes by who is showing things that she shouldnt, he closes his eyes during adverts that show women with little on, he wont watch any films or programmes with sex scenes or any srto fo partial nudity, and sometimes even closes his eyes in church if there is a women dressing immodasly in front of him. He wont watch thinsg like strictly come dancing as here in the uK the costumes are REALLY skimpy and along with the dancing it is so provacative.
Dont you just LOVE your husband for being like that? I do, I think my dh is amazing. He has always done that from when he was young and after all as he says these other women are not his to look at.
It makes me respect him SOOO much and also makes me want to be the best wife ever.
I love what you said about his sons as well, isnt that just brilliant that they have learnt from him?
Also like you we are strict about not spending time alone with members of the oppostite sex and would not counsel anyone or get too close to anyone of the opposite sex either.
God Bless
quote:
Dont you just LOVE your husband for being like that? -- YES!! the basketball game situation. He got courtside seats given to him by his boss and invited me to go while we were dating. Well, before the game the cheerleaders put on a show. I didn't think anything of it -- but noticed that my husband was looking in the other direction (away from the cheerleaders) as they were performing. I looked to see what he was looking at -- and there was nothing. So I asked him. I was floored! That made me fall in love with him all the more.
I am so thankful to the Lord that my husband has raised his sons this way too (by example) because their wives will so appreciate that. God is so good!
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/2/2009 2:29:25 PM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 839
Joined: 5/29/2008
From: A bit north of the Big Chicken
Status: offline
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The #1 cause of divorce: selfishness.
_____________________________
Allison
A work in progress so please be patient, God is still working on me. Ouch, it sure is painful!
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RE: how to divorce-proof your marriage? - 11/4/2009 12:28:12 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 373
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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Quote from Ruth Graham "It's my job to love Billy. It's God's job to make him good."
Maybe love our spouse the way we love our children, unconditionally, but MORE than we love our children, as they move on with their own lives.
Loving more like this;(no amy grant discussions please)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaCvWDb5WZ0
(I won't try to fix you, just love you through it!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CYI5bKZMes
(we will get old and won't be perfect, but lets do that together)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOkUkrCyzwA
(life is ordinary and boring sometimes, but I love it with you)
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