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Widower - 10/25/2009 1:37:12 AM
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NextstopHeaven
Posts: 36
Joined: 10/20/2009
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Lost my wife 2 1/2 years ago to a long illness . The love of my life and I miss her terribly . I am doing pretty good and have mixed feelings about what lies ahead for me as far as possibilties of meeting someone and remarrying . I know alot of people in my church that have lost there spouse and are still single and have never remarried. Right now not a big concern for me ,but I do think about whats lies ahead . Any thoughts on this subject .
Jim
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Rev 21-4 NIV
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 2:21:53 AM
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Ps103
Posts: 12133
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
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Hi, Jim.
Accept my condolences for the loss of your beloved wife.
How old are you, if you don't mind my asking? I think that would make a big difference in my thoughts on the matter. If you are relatively young, with time you might feel more open to finding another wife.
I do not think anyone would fault you regardless of what you decide to do. Personally, if Himself were to die before me, I cannot envision wanting to remarry, but unless I am in that position I cannot say categorically that I never would.
Do you want to remarry? That is the important question. And if you do, that is fine and there is nothing wrong with it.
If you do not--or even if you do not *right now*--that is fine too, and no one has the right to "fix you up" or hound you to go out with them.
Men have it much harder in that respect than women. I have seen some pretty sorry displays from women vying for the attention of men whose wives have just died, and they ought to be ashamed of themselves 
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 3:14:37 AM
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NextstopHeaven
Posts: 36
Joined: 10/20/2009
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Hi Ps103 - I am 61 and my thoughts of remarrying are very mixed . I have not dated or really made any attempt to seek out a relationship with anyone . I do at times feel a little lonely and miss having someone talk to . Thanks for your reply .
Jim
_____________________________
Rev 21-4 NIV
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 7:44:04 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1453
Joined: 3/13/2009
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Jim the decision is totally yours. Maybe it is a little soon yet, or maybe you feel that you will never find anyone like your wife.(and of course you wont, all women are different).
The good thing is though that if you do decide to seek another realtionship there are FAR more Christian women around of your age than men, I think it is about 4 or 5 to one, so at least there is far more chance that you will meet someone wheras most women of that age are very likely to remain single even if they dont want to.
When my long first marriage ended after a very sudden and traumatic seperation and divorce (just as bad as a death believe me)It was about 3 years before I felt emotionally strong enough to consider another man.It was 2 more years before I met my wonderful husband and we have now been married for 4 happy years.
I actually wanted to mary again and I did pray that God would find me a husband. I am now 53, but I do feel that if anything happened to him, I wouldnt want to marry again as I cant see that any man would come close to him, but we are all different.
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 12:41:21 PM
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teacher1982
Posts: 190
Joined: 10/11/2009
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Why not try socialing with a some singles your age, or a few couples that are single and see how you feel. Then try casual dating and see if you enjoy it. As everyone is saying, there are whole lot more single women your age to chose from. Men have it made in this area. Many more women that age are single by either divorce or death and sure don't want to be. But the pickins are slim - especially for a real Christian man with Christian values and who really lives the life.
You have a choice. Most women our age do not.
I have heard that if a person has a long and happy marriage, they are more content to remarry because they liked the lifestyle. If a person wasn't happy and struggled during their marriage, they may find single-hood much more comfortable and a whole lot less stressful.
Blessings to you in your future. Pray and God will lead you in the right direction.
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 12:57:50 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3177
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From: being knit together in my mother's womb
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I was widowed while very young, so I only understand your position a little bit. My experience was that after about the prescribed year, I did date, but it was disastrous. One year was entirely too soon for me, and I became embittered by what I thought was available to me.
Part of the problem is that because I had a great first husband, no one else could meet my expectations. But my other problem was that I had been used to being treated decently and had certain standards for how I wanted to be treated. The ones I met were not capable.
So I quit looking and, in fact, told the children I would never remarry. I was wrong.
I did eventually meet someone who met my expectations, treated me as I wanted to be treated, and we married. We have been married for 22 years now, and while there were struggles at first, he has become everything I want in a husband. He loves the L-rd first, loves me next, and he continually treats me with respect and tenderness. And we are going on a date tonight.
I am 60, Nextstop; he is 63. If this is the desire of your heart, talk to the L-rd about it and wait patiently for Him.
On the other hand, my husband's father was widowed about 10 years ago. He has filled his life with church, other activities, and people. He is enjoying himself and has a love for his life as it is. There were ladies, and he dated a little, but he decided that the single life is great! In his late 80s and very active, he does live across the street from his daughter, and she and her husband look after him in a way that is prize-worthy. This has, over the last couple years especially, been a huge benefit, and it will become more so in the near years.
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While in prayer or praise, I am only as devoted to G-d as I am in my most private moments.
Abiyah, if you had known them as G-d knows them, you would have answered them differently.
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 1:16:44 PM
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Chrystal-J-007
Posts: 3090
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Detroit
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Hi Jim
My husband passed away 2 years ago. I don't date, but I think I probably will at some point down the road because I'm in my early 40's.
I'm kind of in your boat. I'm on the fence. Sometimes I think it would be nice to date and meet new people. But, other times, I just want to stay alone. I finally decided to not seek out someone to date, but if someone should happen to come along that I like, who has the qualities I need in a mate (Christian, easy-going, non-drinking/drug taking, etc.)...then, I'll date them.
In the meantime, I'm going to church as often as possible (I'm Catholic, so we have services 7 days a week). And I'm doing home bible study with friends. I've joined different community groups and clubs. Staying busy has helped me a lot.
I hope that if you do decide to date, things go well for you.
God Bless,
C J
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Random Thoughts:
If at first you don't succeed--skydiving is not for you.
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
If Noah had been smart he would have swatted those two flies.
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 2:01:54 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 1575
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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Hi Jim :)
While I am not a widow, I would like to give this daughters' perspective.
My Mother passed away four years ago Oct 13.
About a year after, my Dad began dating. A few of my siblings were upset about it, but my older sister and I were happy to see Dad trying to find someone to share his life with.
There is a difference between being alone and being lonely and I would never want my Daddy to be lonely.
Remarrying does not mean you love your wife less, it means you have room in your heart to love again.
((hugs))
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If you don't believe King Jesus and his saints will be riding white horses when he returns to the earth, then you can just walk and I will ride.
John G. Hall
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 2:48:20 PM
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NextstopHeaven
Posts: 36
Joined: 10/20/2009
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Thank you everyone for your replies ,they are very helpful. I am active in my church and have many friends there . I belong to a small group bible study that meets weekly which gives me people to pray with and be pray for . I believe God will lead me in the right direction in his timing as long as I do not get in his way with my own will . Marriage was very special and this is what I miss having someone to love and be loved . Thanks again for all the replies .
Jim
_____________________________
Rev 21-4 NIV
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
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RE: Widower - 10/25/2009 4:54:05 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 1760
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
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My Grandma became a widow in her mid 70's. After a few years she began socializing with a 'special friend' -- they date, and they don't date others, but are not exactly 'dating' because they won't marry and don't intend to. They have accepted this situation because if my Grandma remarries, she looses her spousal benefit from my late Grandpa's company pension. So they have no intention of ever being more than special friends who talk, visit each other, live in the same facility, share meals, go to each other's family events... kind of like being perpetually and permanently engaged. They do not spend nights. She is 85 now, and the relationship is a great comfort to them both.
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