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ORIGINAL: rgod

Sunshine - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm had a different situation, in that I'm the one who did the leaving. I had a friend that I've known for years and who really treated me poorly for a long time. As I began to heal from many hurts and wounds and as I began to know who I am in Christ I changed ALL (and I mean all) of my friendships, with the exception of this one. I tolerated her treatment less and less and started standing up for myself. When I tried to talk to her about the issues, she'd get defensive and would justify herself and turn around and attack me. So I finally cut her out of my life - cold turkey. I'm in the process of forgiving her, and I pray for her because some of her other friends have stopped sharing major parts of their lives with her (like the fact that they were getting married), but I don't know if I'll ever really want to see or talk with her again. Should I do so, I will tell her why I ended contact - although I doubt that she'd receive it.

I don't get the sense though, that you've been that way with this person. The only question I would ask if during the friendship - did you spend more time talking about yourself and your problems? Like, did you know what happened in your friend's day to day life? Was it all about you? I've had people try to do that to me too and I had to distance myself from them because they were too draining. If that doesn't sound like you, it might just be your friend. I do know that sometimes when you are vulnerable with people (and it sounds like you've been that way with your friend), some people can't handle it. They can turn on you because for some reason, they thrive on treating you poorly. Those people are not friends. Revealing yourself to people gradually can help with this - you'll probably find that there will only be a select few that you can share with at a very deep level.

Whatever it is, you'll need to just forgive and move on. Respect her decision to end the relationship. Withdraw and pray for her. At some point in the future, you might be able to find out why this happened. It sounds like you've found some people who appreciate you for who you are. Focus on those relationships. You seem to be a very nice, very sweet person. Lots of people will appreciate that about you.

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ORIGINAL: m4maggie

Aw.. Sunshine, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
I lost my best friend of fifteen years two years ago and to this day I don't think I'll ever know why. I have my suspicions, but I know I'll never learn the truth of the matter. She cut me out of her life in one of the meanest nastiest ways ever! and also managed to stab me in the back to boot. Even today I still grieve over the loss but like others who have written, I've learned to lean on those who are still my friends as well as Jesus, who loves me as I am. All I can suggest is just to pray for her, grieve the loss and keep reminding yourself that you're lovable and you deserve people in your life who love you and will always be there for you

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ORIGINAL: spiritualbutterfly

Wow! I hadn't realized how often people lose friends they thought would be forever-friends. A few years ago, I lost 3 friends I had known for 10 years, and just as I was recovering from that, I met another "friend" at work who suddenly cut off contact with me for reasons I may never know. This was particularly strange to me because she was the one who initiated contact outside of work -- she would call me to go shopping when she had coupons to our favorite clothing stores, and I started doing the same when I had them. I took her to the ER one evening when she was in pain because all her family, including her fiance, lived over 60 miles away. She invited me to help her choose her veil for her wedding dress and had started saying that she should include me in her bridal party because I had been more helpful than many of her maids. Then, her fiance moved to town, and we started to spend MUCH less time together. I understood this because, obviously, she would rather spend time with her fiance than with me. I couldn't even get her on the phone. Then, one day she called and left me a voicemail asking for my address so she could mail a wedding invitation. This was the last I ever heard from her, and I never received the invitation.

Recently, I saw her at a conference. I was unprepared and didn't really know what to do so I just walked past her because she was on her phone and didn't seem to have noticed me. She came up and gave me an awkward hug minutes later and then walked off -- no updates on the marriage or the BABY she's had since we last talked. I spent the rest of the day in the same room with her wondering whether I should try to talk to her about what happened between us -- I didn't.

Now I wish I had at least told her that I hoped I hadn't done anything to offend her and that I hoped she could forgive me if I had. I don't know if I've ever prayed for her because I was too puzzled and hurt to even think of doing so. I will begin to do that.

Sunshine, I've just learned that people sometimes come and go like seasons, and even when they stick around, it doesn't mean they have to have a front row seat in your life or you in theirs. I've learned to go to God first and then to a friend if I still feel like I want to talk to someone with skin. I've learned to try to be the best friend I can be but not to expect that others will feel obligated to return the favor (even though it hurts when they don't). I've learned that you can still feel very close to someone even if you don't talk to them or see them as much as you used to or would like to. And, I've learned to try not to take it personally when friendships don't work out the way I expected them to. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with me as a person (even though I have my faults as others have theirs). God promised to give me people for my life so I just have to wait and see who they turn out to be.