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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/20/2009 9:28:29 AM
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DaveW
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quote:
ORIGINAL: michele_erin
My own personal opinion that if we can't take a compliment because we want to appear humble, is false humility In my case it was not whether or not I appeared "humble." This was an entirely internal struggle that only negative comments were really the truth and anything positive was a lie. I would shield myself internally (put up the armor) when I expected to get compliments to appear gracious. After which I would ask my wife or someone else to give me the "truth" and would get mad if it was not sufficienly negative. (I also tried to hide the anger)
Sans that, I would go into a conversation with myself where I cut myself down in every concievable way in my own mind.
Some would (and have) call that low self esteem. Some would (and have) call that cursing what God has blessed. I called it getting noticed, which means someone is looking at me instead of God and I found that abhorant. I had always tried to be as invisible as possible.
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Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/20/2009 10:21:19 AM
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heremainsfaithful
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I have a friend who sing in church. When someone compliments the songs or her singing or something, she actually says, "Don't give glory to me. God should get the glory." I see her point, but it comes off as a rude rebuke rather than spiritual. When someone says they were touched by what you sang, they don't expect to basically be told they are unspiritual. I mean, let's use some common sense.
I used to sing in churches a lot, and I had a problem with it. I just say things like, "Thank You," or "I appreciate your encouragement."
I also agree that trying to appear humble is, in fact, usually false humility. The people I know who are truly humble don't have to prove it to anyone.
I am not sure what the point of the verse in John in an earlier post was supposed to be, but I will not be quoting it to anyone who compliments me 
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/20/2009 12:27:05 PM
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Focusing
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quote:
Do you accept compliments well?
It depends upon the circumstances. Are they sincere? Then, yes, I accept them well. Is the "compliment" coming from someone who is trying to manipulate me? Then, no. I usually give them the look.
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11/21 is the 11th Annual National Survivors of Suicide Day
Please remember to lift those in prayer who have lost a loved one to suicide
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/20/2009 1:23:39 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 3812
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: heremainsfaithful
I am not sure what the point of the verse in John in an earlier post was supposed to be, but I will not be quoting it to anyone who compliments me quote:
But I receive not testimony from man:
John 5:34 It seems to be completely out of context here. Lets look at it and the surrounding verses:
Joh 5:30 "I can do nothing on My own initiative. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.
Joh 5:31 "If I alone testify about Myself, My testimony is not true.
Joh 5:32 "There is another who testifies of Me, and I know that the testimony which He gives about Me is true.
Joh 5:33 "You have sent to John, and he has testified to the truth.
Joh 5:34 "But the testimony which I receive is not from man, but I say these things so that you may be saved.
Joh 5:35 "He was the lamp that was burning and was shining and you were willing to rejoice for a while in his light.
Joh 5:36 "But the testimony which I have is greater than the testimony of John; for the works which the Father has given Me to accomplish--the very works that I do--testify about Me, that the Father has sent Me.
Joh 5:37 "And the Father who sent Me, He has testified of Me. You have neither heard His voice at any time nor seen His form.
Does not seem to fit the situation being discussed.
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Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/20/2009 1:43:49 PM
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allisonbrett
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No I don't accept compliments well. For the most part I don't feel I deserve them or it seems rather false. The person may be quite genuine in their meaning or even attempting to be encourageing but for some reason I just can't accept what I feel to be untrue. For the times when I can see their compliment as authentic then I'm more able to accept the kinds words.
There seems to be a fine line between being gracious and being humble. We want to be seen as both yet want to avoid all hints at arrogance or conceit. In some ways my refusal to accept compliments is based more on what I think about myself rather than what is actually being said about me or to me. I guess my insecurities and lack of self-esteem and confidence get in the way of me feeling good about myself. I struggle with seeing myself as God sees me.
There are always those that equate feelings of acceptance, high self-worth and self-esteem as ungodly arrogance. It's this perception that also goes through my mind and I hope to avoid it as well.
_____________________________
Allison
A work in progress so please be patient, God is still working on me. Ouch, it sure is painful!
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/26/2009 11:37:56 PM
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RichLP
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Yes.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/1/2009 5:35:42 PM
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Oberdan
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I blame society in general for setting standards of criticism for folks who have a problem with taking compliments. I was raised old school... and not the old school you're thinking of. My dad was born in 1911. He was in his 30's while fighting in WW2. I was born in 1968, so he was no young spring chicken. Heck, my grandpa was a gun packing cowboy, born in the 1860's and he too was an older gentlemen when my dad was born. I'm only a third generation from the old west, folks. Now you know what I mean by old school.
There was a day when a man would walk up to a total stranger, they would both mutually shake hands in acknowledgment of the other, then the one with an agenda, like maybe finding a place or person, would introduce themselves and offer a truth compliment at the same time. "I'm Mr. Roberts, pleasure to meet a nice local such as yourself. Could you please point me to the nearest post office?" You get so much from that. You know the guy is a stranger and not just by looks, you know he's lost and needs help. Now it's up to the receiver to either help or not. Once directions are given while grinning, both men would tip hats and be on their way.
Society has evolved into a place where people are in their private, gloomy shells. People don't like to make eye contact. Women feel men have an ulterior motive for even remote eye contact and will look uncomfrtable to recieve even a polite, how are you today type of smile. Try and ask one for directions even while being guarded and withdrawn, a guy risks being maced just because.
I give compliments as long as they are the truth. If the truth doesn't pay a compliment, I keep my mouth sealed. I receive compliments with a happy smile and warm look that says I am about to return one just as sincere. Even if that person is a complete stranger. Yeah, I'm out of my era but at least while I live, there is still one guy on the planet who will pay a gentlemen or a lady the respect they deserve by word and deed, in a dignified tone that by no means would impose on the self esteem of my audience. In that, I respect everyone unless a person gives me a reason not too.
:)
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/1/2009 6:25:25 PM
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sue244
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It depends on who is giving it and how it is given. If its one of those I'm suppose to say something nice so here I go compliments I say thank you but don't even really register what they said. But if its someone who only says what they mean then it really means a lot and I will make a point of looking at them and saying Thank you I appreciate that coming from you.
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Equal rights for all, special privileges for none.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/1/2009 9:55:18 PM
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teacher1982
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No, I don't. I get suspicious of most people. Now if I was married and my husband told me I was pretty, I would feel loved. But when someone else tells me that, I either feel like they want something or are just being kind.
I have several mirrors and I know what I look like. I know how intelligent I am, so no one can tell me that I am smarter than I am. I know that I can't carry a tune in a bucket, so don't tell me that I sing good.
I think that most people know the truth about themselves and if someone "compliments" them and it isn't the truth, it's suspicious.
I'm just a practical person.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/12/2009 12:29:29 PM
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jeffshalomngsus
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From: VA
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I've read the posts so far, and I appreciate everyone's honesty. Sadly though, it hurts to see what our world has done to so many. So many have been hurt by friends, family and strangers, that even someone offering a sincere compliment, is looked upon with doubt.
May our Lord comfort each hurting heart, and treat others the way He would treat them.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/12/2009 1:36:29 PM
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m4maggie
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I don't take compliments well and I know why I don't take them well. It's because when I am complimented, it's almost always on my appearance. It bothers me because it makes me feel like that is all I am.. just an attractive shell and I refuse to put my energy or base my self esteem into how I look. One day I won't be as young or as "pretty" as I once was and if I put my all into how I look, the aging process alone would devestate me, which is ridiculous. I rarely get complimented on anything else and when I do.. I'm taken aback by it. that and I'm good at finding fault in what I do. LOL I'm my own worst enemy that way I guess. I just know we all have potential to be awesome wonderful human beings and I'm no different than anyone else.
made me think of the worst "compliment" I ever got.. someone once said to me
"boy.. for being as "hot" as you are, you're not a complete b****"
I was disgusted and offended by that..
< Message edited by m4maggie -- 11/12/2009 1:50:25 PM >
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/15/2009 8:58:04 PM
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makarizo
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compliments mean almost nothing to me. I learned at a very young age that what other people think is nothing more than their momentary perception.
growing up, I was sooooooo insulted all the time by my parents...... as a child, whenever someone complimented me, my parents would always have to negetivize it with some insult.
I have a special mental filing cabinet for compliments... sometimes they are just kind, sometimes they are a manipulation tool, but every time they are just words.
if I am a good musician, it only matters (to me) that I think I am....... I just want to be honest with myself.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/16/2009 11:26:08 AM
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DaveW
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quote:
ORIGINAL: makarizo
if I am a good musician, it only matters (to me) that I think I am....... I just want to be honest with myself.
Do you? Think yourself to be a good musician? If not, how do you deal with those who are not as good as you thinking themselves to be the hottest player in town?
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/16/2009 7:13:48 PM
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makarizo
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
quote:
ORIGINAL: makarizo
if I am a good musician, it only matters (to me) that I think I am....... I just want to be honest with myself.
Do you? Think yourself to be a good musician? If not, how do you deal with those who are not as good as you thinking themselves to be the hottest player in town?
I do think I am a good musician, I know I have perfect pitch, & I know music theory pretty rock solid, I can improvise, transpose in my head, I write songs with complicated chord structures, I can play almost anything after hearing..... BUT I don't think I am a very good piano player even tho I receive many compliments.
I think "honesty" is the correct answer, but if someone thinks they are the hottest player in town, they are only interested in fan talk, and could care less about the musical truth, or even constructive criticism........ you have been in bands, you know how this works..... there is something about a crowds cheering that can be a huge temptation.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/20/2009 6:45:20 AM
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DaveW
Posts: 3812
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quote:
ORIGINAL: makarizoquote:
Yeah, so? I can do that too. than I believe that if you are honest with yourself, you are indeed a good musician too. "Good" is such a relative term. It depends on who you compare your self to.
The people I hung out with in my post-college years:
* A guy who has a MA in music theory and composition and is the best copy-guitarist I have ever heard. (drums/percussion was his main instrument);
* A guy who has been first chair bassoon in 2 orchestras for decades, and has been a fill-in conductor;
* A guy who played 2nd chair violin in the Detroit Symphony (DSO), concertmaster in another smaller symphony, and now teaches jazz violin at the University of Miami (FL) and his wife who was 3rd or 4th chair flute in the DSO, and now teaches flute at U of Maimi;
* Phil Keaggy hung out there on occasion.
These are the guys whom I grew up in their company. So they are my benchmark. I consider myself a hack at best.
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/20/2009 7:39:57 AM
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makarizo
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
]"Good" is such a relative term. It depends on who you compare your self to.
yeah, that is kind of what I was getting at. I was alway first chair, in every situation all the way back to 5th grade..... I started playing in HS jazz band when I was in 7th grade, I was sent to "other schools" to play some "tough stuff' in musicals, I was constantly invited to churches and events... by my sophomore year I already had 2 musical scholarships. when Maynard Fergusen came to the area, He wanted to meet me... I don't even know how he heard of me.????? (nice man)
when someone complimented me, It didn't give me the right to think more highly of myself...... unfortunately I didn't learn this until it was too late.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 11/20/2009 8:35:02 AM
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juanler
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I tend to accept compliments well. My respnose depends on the person and the compliment. I generally say, "Thank you" or "To God be The Glory". Once, a friend said; "I really lilke your style". I responded, "To God be The Glory" and he said, "yeah, but you put those outfits together, that's your style". I guess he percieved my response differently than I meant it. I don't have self-esteem issues and I only compliment when I'm being sincere, so I guess I tend to think that if someone else compliments me, they really mean it. 
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