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Do you accept compliments well? - 9/25/2009 6:39:27 PM
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mrtigger
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This is a spin off from a He says thread....
quote:
I do not take compliments well. I have actually gotten mad and yelled at people who tried to compliment me. (but not for several years)
I have the same attribute in that I don't feel comfortable getting compliments (although I've never been hostile to someone who gives me one.).
Even from my wife I did not accept compliments well and that was hurtful to her. It seems like it would be a fairly minor thing but over time, the little hurts from those rejections built up and it started harming my marriage.
It is a curious personality trait. On the surface it makes no sense to reject compliments and I did not, for a long time, understand why I was that way. Some counselers thought that it meant that I had a low self esteem but they were wrong.
I eventually figured out that it was from me being unwilling to give another person the authority to judge me. A compliment is a judgment of me even though it is a judgement of goodness. If I willfully accept a persons compliments as valid then I must also be willing to accept their judgments of badness about me.
I am unwilling to voluntarily (any more than life compels me to) give another person that authority over me. And so to keep them from gaining authority to judge me, I have to reject their compliments. That reasoning was not something I was consciously thinking - but somewhere in my brain it was processing it that way and resulted in me rejecting of compliments.
Anyway, I learned to accept my wifes compliments and resolved that particular issue. I still usually won't accept them from other people.
< Message edited by mrtigger -- 9/25/2009 6:45:58 PM >
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Do you accept compliments well? - 9/25/2009 8:19:53 PM
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PinkCarnations
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No, I don't accept them well at all.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/25/2009 10:40:34 PM
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sunshine4God
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not really,I always say thank you but never seem to believe people.For instance if someone says I'm pretty I will say Really?? Its hard for me to just say thank you and sincerely believe the person.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/26/2009 12:12:22 AM
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MainstayNut
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It depends on the compliment.
If someone admires my artwork, for instance, I just smile and say "thank you."
If someone says they like my shirt, I say "thanks." Plain and simple.
If someone says I sing or play an instrument well (especially after a concert), I say, "Thank you, I have a great teacher" or something along those lines.
So basically, I try to keep my responses simple. I've had some really embarassing things happen to me beacuse I took compliments too seriously. 
Now if a cute guy tells me he likes my hair (true story!), I drop my jaw and mumble something like, "uhhh....thank you..." 
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/26/2009 12:47:12 AM
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Bountiful
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I'm not comfortable with compliments either.
I enjoy them if they relate to something I have done i.e my work, but if they are personal they make me very uncomfortable. It is a low self-esteem issue, but I'm trying to work on it.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/26/2009 1:07:45 AM
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deermousie
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There's another aspect of this which trips me up occasionally - what if someone compliments a person on something that they didn't do or accomplish? Like eye color?
I guess a simple "thank you" would be most gracious, as they are probably just trying to be gracious themselves.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/26/2009 3:40:20 AM
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Feyth
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I think not easily accepting compliments isn't always about low self esteem
but about being humble.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/26/2009 9:59:07 AM
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SurpassingPeace
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I do accept them well now because of two things.
1. If I didn't accept them because I didn't want someone to think I wasn't humble then that was more about perseption rather than if in my heart I was truly humble. In most things, if not all things really, it is so easy to give the glory to God. (Thank you so much but truthfully, if God hadn't given me the strength I couldn't have done it.) You don't have to take the glory for yourself.
2. I think not accepting a compliment graciously can be rude. You put that person in a position to feel uncomfortable. They gave you a compliment and now they have to deal with you basically telling them how wrong they are. I don't think this is kind. Even if you don't completely agree with them you can smile, say thank you, and leave it at that.
Karen
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/26/2009 1:49:10 PM
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HappyAlto514
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It was always hard for me to accept a complement. After receiving one, I always felt the need to discredit the complement A wise peson told me to just say "thank you" and shut up. It worked well. Now i don't get freaked out when someone gives me a complement. I say thank you and move on.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/26/2009 3:09:02 PM
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BelleWeather
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As a professional dancer, I accept compliments graciously. It is the dissatisfaction with my performance, my aspiration for perfection, that keeps me striving for more.
As a woman, I accept compliments graciously. I cannot know another person's reason for their regard of me, but I can be polite and thank them for that regard.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/27/2009 3:00:47 PM
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a_sparrow
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quote:
Most people see others as a reflection of themselves (it's in Proverbs somewhere) so when someone compliments me I know it's really a reflection of who they are, and I rejoice to know a kind person.
Thank you - I had never thought about it that way before. It does say more about the compliment-er, really, and it does make sense to focus more on them and on what their choice to compliment means.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/27/2009 9:51:25 PM
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lovelorn21
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When people gives compliments it really depends on their point of subject whether you did a great job or not. Sometimes it's quite irritating to know they've been complimenting too much... They just don't appreciate things..
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 9/27/2009 9:55:12 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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I have a very hard time accepting them. I see myself, I know what I look like, sound like...everything. I know it's nothing complimentary worth.
So I guess you could say it's a self esteem issue. 
I am getting better at taking compliments from my boyfriend but that's about it. *shrug*
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/5/2009 10:10:10 AM
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DaveW
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As I am the person quoted in the OP, (MrTigger, you should have referenced me!) I would like to comment. The last time I yelled at someone for complementing me was about 9 years ago. DW and I were going thru some counseling at the time so I mentioned it to the counselor and we had a couple of individual sessions on the issue.
We had moved across country about 2 years earlier and this was the first time I was asked to sit in with the music team. One of the middle aged single women in the congregation complimented me on my guitar work after the service while I was packing up my stuff. I usually had braced myself internally for the "onslaught" of compliments but as I had not played publically for a while, was completely caught off-guard. I really let her have it. (had to go back later and really beg her forgiveness)
So what the counselor and I worked out was that I was trying to hide and got upset when people noticed me. (childhood issues)
I have just begun to actually have compliments feel good to me, and not have an urge to lash out that has to be squelched. It actually seems very odd to me.
Edited to add:
That had an interesting (not in a good way) side effect that came off as very judgemental, although that is not how I intended it. For instance, there were a lot of younger guys that say how all-fired great they were at something, like playing guitar or bass. I always tell them I am not that good, but if it turns out that I am better than they are, they feel judged.
IOW, If I am "not that good" and they are not up to my level where does that leave them?
Hey, when I can keep up with Phil Keaggy, maybe then I will say I am good. Maybe.
< Message edited by DaveW -- 10/5/2009 10:20:49 AM >
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/5/2009 3:33:55 PM
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mrtigger
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
As I am the person quoted in the OP, (MrTigger, you should have referenced me!) I
Sorry - no offense intended. I wasn't sure what the proper netiquette is when starting a new thread with a fragment from another. My best guess was to retain just the quoted text.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/6/2009 2:13:35 AM
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michele_erin
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I never used to be good at taking compliments, and I attribute it to low self esteem on my part during that time in my life. My own personal opinion that if we can't take a compliment because we want to appear humble, is false humility -- no offense to those who think otherwise, just my opinion.
Now, having said that tho, there are those people who overly compliment you not because they think what they are saying, but are saying it to gain favor with you -- those ones, I will say a simple "thank you" and move on.
Now people who are genuine and you know they are genuine, I thank them for their compliment, because me personally when I give someone a compliment I mean it -- and if they can't accept it sometimes its like getting a bucket of water thrown in your face or basically feels like they tell you that you are lying to them - which doesn't feel good.
It was hard when I started to just say "thank you" rather than throwing in a side comment on my part, such as if someone complimented an outfit I was wearing and saying "oh its old", or complimenting my hair, and me saying "oh thanks, but I hate it." Just say thank you, and let it be that. :-)
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/6/2009 6:38:14 AM
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DaveW
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mrtiggerquote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
As I am the person quoted in the OP, (MrTigger, you should have referenced me!) I Sorry - no offense intended. I wasn't sure what the proper netiquette is when starting a new thread with a fragment from another. My best guess was to retain just the quoted text. You're cool.
Retain the quote but say "XXX said this in another thread:" and then give the quote.
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Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/8/2009 2:14:24 AM
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bondChristian
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quote:
ORIGINAL: michele_erin
My own personal opinion that if we can't take a compliment because we want to appear humble, is false humility -- no offense to those who think otherwise, just my opinion.
Excellent point. To me, it seems like insecurity in one's humility, something I struggle with all the time (like wondering if I'm humble enough because I know I often come off as arrogant).
Most of the time, I try to appear humble by down-playing the compliment. This isn't really the best way to do it though. It has the inkling of calling the compliment a lie.
Someone once told me the best way to avoid false humility (and be truly humble) is to be truly thankful. Instead of refuting the compliment, I've found that expressing sincere thankfulness is a powerful response. I've found this to be true from both sides of the compliment, me receiving it and me giving it.
Because of this, our response to compliments is one of our most revealing actions.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/8/2009 3:15:55 AM
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LastofAll
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But I receive not testimony from man:
John 5:34
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/9/2009 8:44:44 PM
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willfs
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I have also experienced not being confortable accepting compliments. I led a Bible Study several years ago that mentions that the best reaction to a compliment is a "Thank You". It has helped a lot. No matter how uncomfortable I am I can say thank you and move on. It actually makes me feel better and more at ease. Why not thank the person? That's seems like the best response one can give to a compliment.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/9/2009 9:24:51 PM
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Elena1030
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
I have also experienced not being confortable accepting compliments. I led a Bible Study several years ago that mentions that the best reaction to a compliment is a "Thank You". It has helped a lot. No matter how uncomfortable I am I can say thank you and move on. It actually makes me feel better and more at ease. Why not thank the person? That's seems like the best response one can give to a compliment.
That's what I've tried to work on... just saying thank you, no matter how I feel about the compliment itself, what it's about, or the person giving it. I don't always stop at thank you; sometimes I add "but ..." and then an explanation as to why I disagree with the person's assessment. And doing that can be a bad habit of mine. So I need to stop.
I do appreciate compliments. It's just sometimes hard to believe that the person is being sincere... and isn't saying it merely to be nice and cheer me up. Yeah, a self-esteem issue.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/10/2009 9:40:58 AM
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LivingParadox
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It's a little embarassing and humbling (and a honor) if it comes from a sincere place...
and if doesn't come from a sincere place it's kind of weird.
Either way, I've learned say "thank you" either way.
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RE: Do you accept compliments well? - 10/19/2009 4:29:37 PM
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jeffshalomngsus
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For a long time, I would be embarassed to receive compliments. A godly friend then reminded me, "because I had a heart of service, when people compliment you, they are blessing the Lord that you serve with all your heart." So, I don't go out of my way to receive compliments, but if someone does offer one, I do not rebuke them, but graciously accept it, and thank the Lord for the opportunity to reflect Him in all areas of my life.
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