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Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/3/2009 3:15:15 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2358
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
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OK ladies I need your opinions. Since you never know who is lurking I will try to explain this as best I can without giving too many details and try to keep it (relatively) short. First a little background for those of you that don't know me, I am quite shy. If there is someone I am interested in I will tend to observe them for a while just to see if they seem like someone I would like to get to know better before approaching them. If they have a nasty attitude or treat other people poorly I won't bother approaching them to get to know them no matter how they treat me personally or how attractive they are.
So here is the situation. I attend a church related group for singles. There is an attractive woman in the group who I always figured was sort of out of my league. I’m not sure why I felt that way I just did. She is very nice to everyone and seems to be very spiritual with a good attitude all the time. I started a volunteer job in the group that is related to something she does (no I didn't volunteer for the job to meet her, I actually had no idea I would have to interact with her at all with this job). I had had very little interaction with her before the situation I will describe, basically I knew her name and might say hi.
Anyway she was gone the first couple meetings after I started the job and when she came back she came to a regular group meeting and sat down next to me and immediately struck up a conversation about what a good job I was doing and if I liked it etc. After the meeting I found out I had to go over something with her and I said something moderately funny and she laughed and rubbed my arm.
The next meeting she was asked to speak in front of the entire group. She would scan the room right to left and back again. I was sitting close to the middle and noticed she always stopped and made eye contact with me and she would hold for it for a little bit then turn her head and come back and do the same thing. This went on the entire time she talked, for about 5 minutes.
The next time I saw her they were going to take pictures of some people doing something. I was going to be in the picture. There was a different woman next to me and just before they were going to take the picture, "she" appeared and just insisted that "she" switch places with the woman next to me b/c "she" was much taller (in reality by an inch or maybe 2 at most) and they wouldn’t see the other woman in the picture. Then "she" kept saying funny stuff that had me cracking up the entire time they were taking the pictures.
Here is where I need your opinions. I don’t always pick up “hints” very well. Does it sound like she is interested in me or just being friendly? From what I know about her I would be interested in getting to know her better but I have hardly ever been in this type of situation before and blow it if I am. What would be the best way to respond without appearing creepy if she isn't interested?
_____________________________
Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/3/2009 3:32:11 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8047
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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I am not much of a hint dropper so I honestly couldn't tell you what women do when they drop hints.
I do know that if she intrigues you and you have a good repport then there is no reason (other than your own self consciousness) to just ask her for a cup of coffee or a nice walk and talk.
The worst she can do is say no, and from what you described of her she would be gracious with her refusal.
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/3/2009 4:30:26 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 2537
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
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Continue to treat her as a friend. If that is all she wants, enjoy it. If she would like more she may make it more clear. Please don't rush anything because it sounds like you are in a good place. I agree with Tinkerbell, there is no reason not to ask if she would like to join you in a cup of coffee.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
http://car2ner.imagekind.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/3/2009 6:45:08 PM
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sudden
Posts: 148
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
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Dear trainfan:
I wonder why you think she is out of your league? Did you know that many beautiful women have trouble getting dates because many men think as you do?
Get on your brave man costume and ask her out on a date, if she says yes you then you will know if she likes you and if she says no you will know she was just being friendly.
Listen to the Charles Stanley quote at the end of your post for heaven's sake!
Yours for taking a chance,
Sudden
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/4/2009 2:05:32 PM
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BelleWeather
Posts: 708
Joined: 7/29/2009
From: New York City
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
Anyway she was gone the first couple meetings after I started the job and when she came back she came to a regular group meeting and sat down next to me and immediately struck up a conversation about what a good job I was doing and if I liked it etc.
This is a hint.
quote:
After the meeting I found out I had to go over something with her and I said something moderately funny and she laughed and rubbed my arm.
This is a hint.
quote:
The next meeting she was asked to speak in front of the entire group. She would scan the room right to left and back again. I was sitting close to the middle and noticed she always stopped and made eye contact with me and she would hold for it for a little bit then turn her head and come back and do the same thing. This went on the entire time she talked, for about 5 minutes.
This is a hint.
quote:
The next time I saw her they were going to take pictures of some people doing something. I was going to be in the picture. There was a different woman next to me and just before they were going to take the picture, "she" appeared and just insisted that "she" switch places with the woman next to me b/c "she" was much taller (in reality by an inch or maybe 2 at most) and they wouldn’t see the other woman in the picture.
This is a hint.
quote:
Then "she" kept saying funny stuff that had me cracking up the entire time they were taking the pictures.
This is a hint.
quote:
Here is where I need your opinions. I don’t always pick up “hints” very well. Does it sound like she is interested in me or just being friendly?
These actions are all an invitation.
quote:
From what I know about her I would be interested in getting to know her better but I have hardly ever been in this type of situation before and blow it if I am. What would be the best way to respond without appearing creepy if she isn't interested?
Prior to your commitee meeting, shave, shower, brush your teeth, floss, get a hair cut, iron your shirt and pants, polish shoes.
Before the meeting, ask the lady if she is not busy, would she like to meet for coffee/tea after the meeting.
If she accepts--
Make sure the place you meet is nice. Nice as in clean, food available.
You pay.
Use etiquette (open doors, pull out chair, elbows off the table, don't slurp, use a napkin). If you don't have any manners, get some. Miss Manners books are very helpful.
Keep it light and friendly. Laugh and have fun.
When it's over, walk her to her car.
If it went well, ask her if she would like to go for lunch.
If she says yes, exchange numbers if need be, extend your hand, smile, and tell her you had a very enjoyable time, and you will call her tomorrow to set plans for lunch.
Stay until she gets her car started, smile and wave.
Next day, call her at the agreed upon time.
Rinse, Repeat.
If she declines, because of another obligation--
Say, "Perhaps after next week's meeting."
If she says yes, see above.
If she says no thank you, she's not interested. Remain pleasant and move on.
If she continues to encourage your attention but declines to socialize, then she's a flirt.
_____________________________
We think we fathom the depths
when we are just skimming the surface with our finger.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/4/2009 4:02:12 PM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1451
Joined: 3/13/2009
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well by rubbing your arm she is either hinting or she does that to all the men which would be rather strange.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/4/2009 4:34:42 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2218
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BelleWeather
If she declines, because of another obligation--
Say, "Perhaps after next week's meeting."
If she says yes, see above.
If she says no thank you, she's not interested. Remain pleasant and move on.
I think this is right on; it covers you either way and you'll soon know. Unless she's the kind of gal who thinks it's rude to say no when she'd actually rather not.
Personally, I'd encourage you to wait a while and just interact so she can see you and how you live, too. I think you're so smart to just watch people for a while and see how they live.
Some women play games and it drives men crazy. That may be ignorance or fear or selfishness or poor training. But it doesn't sound to me like she's playing games with you. She's either a real encourager and a touchy-feely person, or she's sending you a message. How does she act with others? That could be a fast answer, too. And even if she is like this with others, it doesn't rule out that you two could become a match.
If you were my son, I'd counsel you to pray like crazy and move slow. If she starts dating someone else, remember Ps. 84:11b and don't regret getting God's best either way. God hasn't said if you aren't married in 6 months then you never can. 
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/4/2009 7:54:21 PM
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blueeyedgirl2
Posts: 2209
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline
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I agree with Belle as well. It seems like us girls fall into a couple categories. One type of girl is great at giving signals, but the signals mean nothing because she is just a flirt. The second type of girl doesn't know how to give signals to the guys and in general is lousy at letting a guy know she is interested (that would be me).  I do think though, that there is a third group. There are a few women who give the hints in such a way that the guy gets it. I think that's what this girl is doing. So. . .
Keep getting to know her. Make an effort to ask her open-ended questions. Sit by her. Smile and be yourself. If her behavior continues, ask her if she wants to meet for coffee/tea/ice cream, etc sometime.
If she says "yes", great! Just make plans for a short get-together such as those mentioned above.
If she says, "no", don't be discouraged. You could even say, "No as in never or no as in not now?" If you say that with a smile or a twinkle in your eye, she'll be impressed by your forthrightness. And then you'll know. It's just not healthy be to in a limbo state for too long. So. . . continue observing her and getting to know her, but pursue her in a timely manner if the "interested" vibes continue.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/5/2009 8:19:35 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 4035
Status: offline
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You know what, TF, don't worry about whether she's dropping hints or not. YOu could be totally wrong. We women can be confusing. People often get confused about me because i'm too friendly and I tend to be more comfortable interacting with men than women.
You said you like her and you want to get to know her. Then, try to get to know her. Don't put yourself in a situation that will confused you more. If you're not the friends first type of person, then don't do that approach. If you like her and you're treating her as a friend, it might send her mixed messages. For me, if I'm interested in a man and he treats me as a friend only, I'd likely turn my attention elsewhere. I don't believe in being friends first. I believe in intentional dating.
So, why not get the courage to ask her out on a date or for coffee. That's the surest way you'll know if she's intersted. If she's not, then you can move on. If she is interested, then you can go from there.
_____________________________
Search me, Oh God, and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, and
Lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:22-24
-------------------------------------
Go Steelers!!!
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/5/2009 9:22:17 AM
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manda59
Posts: 8165
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
Anyway she was gone the first couple meetings after I started the job and when she came back she came to a regular group meeting and sat down next to me and immediately struck up a conversation about what a good job I was doing and if I liked it etc. After the meeting I found out I had to go over something with her and I said something moderately funny and she laughed and rubbed my arm.
Might have been a hint, might not have been. Could be that she's just a touchy-feely friendly kind of person who knows how to make people feel good about themselves.
quote:
The next meeting she was asked to speak in front of the entire group. She would scan the room right to left and back again. I was sitting close to the middle and noticed she always stopped and made eye contact with me and she would hold for it for a little bit then turn her head and come back and do the same thing. This went on the entire time she talked, for about 5 minutes.
Was anyone else making eye contact with her? It might have been a hint, it might just have been that yours was the only friendly face making eye contact, or it could just have been because you were sat in the middle and her gaze naturally fell there.
quote:
The next time I saw her they were going to take pictures of some people doing something. I was going to be in the picture. There was a different woman next to me and just before they were going to take the picture, "she" appeared and just insisted that "she" switch places with the woman next to me b/c "she" was much taller (in reality by an inch or maybe 2 at most) and they wouldn’t see the other woman in the picture. Then "she" kept saying funny stuff that had me cracking up the entire time they were taking the pictures.
Again, it might have been a hint, it might just have been her deciding where she would look best in the photo.
I'd say give things a bit longer, watch her for another few weeks and see if she does any more of the same.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/5/2009 1:18:01 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2358
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
Status: offline
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Thank you for all the responses so far, they are all very helpful. Everyone so far seems to agree that I should try to find out more about her either by talking at the group or over coffee.
There are a few things I will reply to directly.
quote:
I wonder why you think she is out of your league? Did you know that many beautiful women have trouble getting dates because many men think as you do?
I don't think this has as much to do with her looks alone as it does with her with the type of job she does.
quote:
well by rubbing your arm she is either hinting or she does that to all the men which would be rather strange.
quote:
Might have been a hint, might not have been. Could be that she's just a touchy-feely friendly kind of person who knows how to make people feel good about themselves.
quote:
Some women play games and it drives men crazy. That may be ignorance or fear or selfishness or poor training. But it doesn't sound to me like she's playing games with you. She's either a real encourager and a touchy-feely person, or she's sending you a message. How does she act with others? That could be a fast answer, too. And even if she is like this with others, it doesn't rule out that you two could become a match.
I can't say I have seen her act that way with other guys in the group. She is always friendly to everyone but I have never seen her rub anyone elses arm or be a touchy-feely type of person, even with the people she hangs out with the most.
quote:
I agree with Belle as well. It seems like us girls fall into a couple categories. One type of girl is great at giving signals, but the signals mean nothing because she is just a flirt. The second type of girl doesn't know how to give signals to the guys and in general is lousy at letting a guy know she is interested (that would be me). I do think though, that there is a third group. There are a few women who give the hints in such a way that the guy gets it. I think that's what this girl is doing. So. .
Maybe you should take notes.
Some guys catch the hints. If I had never started posting on CW I am about 99% sure her hints would have gone right past me. Even now I am obvisously still unsure since I had to ask.
quote:
You know what, TF, don't worry about whether she's dropping hints or not. YOu could be totally wrong. We women can be confusing. People often get confused about me because i'm too friendly and I tend to be more comfortable interacting with men than women.
She seems to interact with men and women equally well. I just seem to get more attention from her than other guys.
quote:
Was anyone else making eye contact with her? It might have been a hint, it might just have been that yours was the only friendly face making eye contact, or it could just have been because you were sat in the middle and her gaze naturally fell there.
Not as far as I could tell. It was only on me that she would pause for any length of time. There were other people near me that I know she is friends with and she didn't seem to pause on them nor anywhere else in the room. Just seemed odd that she would pause on me everytime she scanned from side to side. 
Thanks again for the responses so far. I would like to hear some more, this definitely gives me something to think about. I probably won't see her too soon with the holiday this weekend.
_____________________________
Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/5/2009 2:55:30 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 4321
Joined: 5/2/2005
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I agree with most of what's being said here, especially PH's statement:
quote:
You said you like her and you want to get to know her. Then, try to get to know her.
It's that simple. Unfortunately, dating is so complicated these days!!
Just want to address something else real quick. You said:
quote:
I don't think this has as much to do with her looks alone as it does with her with the type of job she does.
Again, don't let that deter you. I have a job that could deter some people, or it could impress some... who knows. But if I'm looking for a husband, I shouldn't be looking at what kind of job he does, I should be looking at his character, values, responsiveness, ability to communicate, etc. You don't know what kind of person she's looking for. I'm talking to myself here, too.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/5/2009 4:45:05 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2218
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
But if I'm looking for a husband, I shouldn't be looking at what kind of job he does, I should be looking at his character, values, responsiveness, ability to communicate, etc. You don't know what kind of person she's looking for. I'm talking to myself here, too.
I agree, and so do several of us, so you're not talking just to yourself, dear Sister.
We gals have to look past the sparkling eyes and smiles, too, sometimes, and ask/remind ourselves what really counts. Grace-N-Mercy said it, but let me say it again:
Character is king.
Period.
If a prospective husband or wife is lacking in character, nothing else is going to matter.
Yeah, when I made my "list" for what qualities I wanted in a husband, I wanted someone who was in the life sciences, just because that's where I am and that's how I tick (geekitude sees eye-to-eye with geekitude). You should hear the dinner table discussions at my house! But the first thing I asked of people who knew him was "Is he a man of integrity?" If I had gotten a "no," the relationship would have died right there.
So, TrainFan (do you count cars when trains go by?), you're seeing what could be a woman of character who could be interested in you. Too cool! God bless you both, and let us know. You've got time.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/6/2009 8:20:35 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 7606
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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Hey TF - she's dropping hints. Coming from a woman who many consider out of their league, I recognize what she is doing. Ask her for coffee - start simple. Who knows - she may turn it around on you and suggest dinner!
It sounds promising.....just continue to get to know her. I'm sure you will not be sorry!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
14 (go Tony!)
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/14/2009 11:46:25 AM
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blueeyedgirl2
Posts: 2209
Joined: 8/31/2008
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Any updates?
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/16/2009 5:34:36 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2358
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: blueeyedgirl2
Any updates?
She has continued with similar things to what I have already mentioned. I still seem to get "extra" attention compared with other guys she talks to. I was quite a ways away from her at the last meeting and I did see her looking my direction a few times. She would quickly look away when she saw me look her way.
I do have another question though. Are these "hints" too? She has mentioned twice when she was not busy. The first time someone asked if she wanted to do something a particular night with others from the group and she said "I am busy that night but if it were this other night I'm not busy". That was said in front of me. The other time I asked if she was going to go to a specific event (not asked her to go, just asked if she was going) she said "I don't have plans then but am not sure I want to go to that."
< Message edited by trainfan -- 9/16/2009 5:43:56 PM >
_____________________________
Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/16/2009 9:05:44 PM
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rebakahblam
Posts: 1587
Joined: 12/6/2008
From: Indianapolis
Status: offline
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The only thing that will stop all this wondering is getting the word straight from the horses mouth as it were...
What's the harm in asking her to coffee?
Use it to test it out...if it goes well invite her to dinner later on...
To love takes courage, if a man lacks the courage to ask then I wonder what else he lacks the courage to do.
-reba.
_____________________________
<<<<can't nobody pull off aviators like i can.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/17/2009 6:43:39 AM
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roscoeoz
Posts: 19
Joined: 5/21/2009
From: Australia
Status: offline
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Because I've misread people in the past and have been hurt, I'm overly wary of misreading these things. If a young lady shows me interest, I now err on the side of caution and assume she's just being polite and friendly. If she has another motive in mind, and actually likes me, she'll tell me plainly. It could be that I've missed opportunities for relationships with this attitude, but I don't want to be hurt again.
Having said that, I agree with those above who are saying that this particular woman is dropping hints, so please don't let me discourage you.
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/17/2009 9:48:32 AM
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WalkingwithHim2
Posts: 2468
Joined: 12/13/2007
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Invite her for coffee!!!
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RE: Is she dropping hints or just being friendly? - 9/17/2009 10:12:31 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8047
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WalkingwithHim2
Invite her for coffee!!!
Ditto!!!!!
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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