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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/19/2009 2:45:54 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8171
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Jenn
Do your children know that you and your husband are struggling financially?
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"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/19/2009 3:32:19 PM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 969
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
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They know that things are tight, but I am pretty sure they think that I buy things at thrift stores and yard sales on principle, not because we have to. They are right - I wouldn't buy a lot of things new even if I could because I'm frugal by nature - but right now our frugality is what keeps us afloat. We are down to just the car and a few medical bills in the way of debt (we don't own our home - we rent), and I don't see how I'm ever going to be able to NOT do this. We have already cut down on just about everything - we don't have cable, we only have one contract cell phone that hubby has to have for work, we don't eat out, we don't buy anything new, we don't go shopping unless we have to, etc.
So, like I said, I just need to suck it up and stop whining. I'm just overly tired today. I'm not sleeping well again and I don't know why, so I'm crankier than usual  .
On the bright side, Aaron and the older girl (she's 2) that I keep went down for naps at 2pm without a fuss. Now it's just me and the girl's little brother (he just turned 1) hanging out in the living room with my 12-year old. My 11-year old is still on his field trip, and my 16-year old is late coming home from school. . . again, so other than wondering where he's gone off to without telling me, all is well. It's quiet and that's the way I like it :)
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We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/19/2009 7:13:06 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8171
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
They know that things are tight, but I am pretty sure they think that I buy things at thrift stores and yard sales on principle, not because we have to. They are right - I wouldn't buy a lot of things new even if I could because I'm frugal by nature - but right now our frugality is what keeps us afloat. We are down to just the car and a few medical bills in the way of debt (we don't own our home - we rent), and I don't see how I'm ever going to be able to NOT do this. We have already cut down on just about everything - we don't have cable, we only have one contract cell phone that hubby has to have for work, we don't eat out, we don't buy anything new, we don't go shopping unless we have to, etc.
My thoughts on this were for you to consider having a family conference, and you and your dh explaining to your children that you both understand that having the babies there means that you don't have so much time for them, that you get stressed, that they can't have a quiet safe place for homework, but that until the bills are paid off, you need to do this job and want to ask for their help and cooperation.
And *then* the two of you could talk to your 11yr old on his own, explaining that you appreciate that he's under pressure and finding things difficult, but that he needs to talk to you about this rather than lie; that because he has been lying about his homework he is going to have to face consequences, involving you and your dh checking up on him much much more, even to the point of embarrassing him (eg your thoughts on removing him from the field trip). You could then work out a plan with him that every night he tells you immediately he comes in what homework he has and when it has to be handed in. And that then you will check this with the school the next day, and will also require him to show you the piece of work when it's finished. Tell him that you want to be able to trust him and leave it to him to do this, and that this will happen WHEN he has shown you that he is willing to knuckle down and at least get his work in on time, and hopefully even get better grades. You could ask him what he think he needs in order to be able to get his work done, ask him what he thinks is getting in the way, and try and see if there's anything you can do to help him.
You could also impose other consequences, like privileges (eg going out, playing games etc) that can be *earned* by, say, handing in all his homework on time for a week, or two weeks, or whatever.
What do you think? 
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/19/2009 7:48:54 PM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 969
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: online
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That's wonderful, Manda, really  . I showed it to dh and he likes it as well. We knew something along these lines was to be our next step, but it's hard to put it all into a solid plan, especially when by this time in the week, my brain feels like mush.
Dh and I are going to have a talk about this tonight, after the kids are in bed. We all watched a movie together after the babies left today and now he's out getting dinner (a rare treat, to be sure) so we did things a little backwards today, but at least we did them.
Now, I'm off to get Aaron a bath and get him ready for bed . I can't believe how tired I am.
_____________________________
We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/21/2009 1:22:24 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8171
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Michelle
Could I just encourage you to make it a permanently ongoing conversation, rather than just one "talk"?
How old are your girls btw?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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My 5 year old (6 in two weeks) weighs 36 pounds- she can't understand why she can't just jump on us or hang on me like she used to 
MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS! 
Life tends to bust out of the confines when we try to contain it. Don't get me wrong there are a lot of good days. Those are the days that I have a loose plan but just go with whatever the flow happens to be. Those are the days I trust God the most. Anyway, I ran into a wonderful blog on the subject and I thought I would share it.