RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or exposed to something of a sexual nature?
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[Poll]
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Have you ever been inappropriately touched or exposed to something of a sexual nature?
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| No |
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Total Votes : 102
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(last vote on : 1/9/2009 4:57:42 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 7:01:52 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1251
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
ORIGINAL: Roberta_
Yes.
I'll leave it at that since I'm one of the few who didn't know to fight back, find a way to escape or tell an adult.
Tragically, I don't think it was the few who didn't know to do those things, I think it was the majority. Especially if the incidents did happen in childhood.
I agree, I think a large majority just don't say anything at all, because they are to scared, or because they truly don't believe that anyone would believe them.
When It went on with my father, I was raped, and molested for years, and I was to scared to say anything about it, I probably wouldn't have ever said anything if my sister did not find out and tell for me, now my father is in a prison for quite a long time.
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 7:16:58 PM
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karlie
Posts: 16431
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Central California
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Never as a child, but last year, I had a sexual harassment issue with someone in one of my classes at school. At first, it was just a come-on. When I made it clear I was married and not interested, he got aggressive and suggestive in the looks he gave me. I tried to ignore it, thinking he'd give up if he got no reaction, but one day he pushed himself up against me when I was walking through the door, and more less held me there for a couple of seconds. He said "sorry" like it was an accident, but it was very obvious it was intentional. He kept watching me in class that day and was beyond crude if I happened to glance up and see him.
I decided I had to report him and had a big mess of filing reports, re-telling the story to authorities, etc. But, he got expelled from our university, so it was well worth the hassle.
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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf~
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 7:21:27 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1251
Joined: 10/23/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: karlie
Never as a child, but last year, I had a sexual harassment issue with someone in one of my classes at school. At first, it was just a come-on. When I made it clear I was married and not interested, he got aggressive and suggestive in the looks he gave me. I tried to ignore it, thinking he'd give up if he got no reaction, but one day he pushed himself up against me when I was walking through the door, and more less held me there for a couple of seconds. He said "sorry" like it was an accident, but it was very obvious it was intentional. He kept watching me in class that day and was beyond crude if I happened to glance up and see him.
I decided I had to report him and had a big mess of filing reports, re-telling the story to authorities, etc. But, he got expelled from our university, so it was well worth the hassle.
I am sorry that happened, but good for you that you reported it!
Something that we do have to remember in not reporting things like that is most likely when they are finished bothering you, or doing whatever they want with you, it won't end, they will just find someone else.
B
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 7:36:07 PM
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StephK
Posts: 2236
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southwest Louisiana
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Roberta_
Yes.
I'll leave it at that since I'm one of the few who didn't know to fight back, find a way to escape or tell an adult.
That is just one of the ways that sex offenders manipulate their victims. Don't feel bad.
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Stephanie
The heart of the wise inclines to the right but the heart of the fool to the left.
Even as he walks along the road, the fool lacks sense and shows everyone how stupid he is. ~ Ecc. 10:2-3
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 8:14:52 PM
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betterisoneday
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I voted yes, but I'm kinda on the confused side of all this, I figure I didn't end up pregnant or with broken bones so it's not fair to those who went through worse to really let myself feel bad about it.
Anyway, I'm learning to not hate my grandfather and try not to think about a guy I worked with or my ex-husband.
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No reserves. No retreat. No regret.
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 8:21:47 PM
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Roberta_
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I ran into a situation this week where I ran into a pastor at a church that I no longer attend. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead. I just told him that I'm not a very demonstrative person (not true) and that I just prefer a handshake. I didn't feel that it was appropriate, but I don't know that it was a sexual nature type of thing either.
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 8:28:42 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10218
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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I should add that the man who date raped me is now serving a 7-14 year sentence for molesting children at a daycare center he worked at. I wish I would have told. But I am now sure that there is something wrong with HIM, not me.
quote:
I voted yes, but I'm kinda on the confused side of all this, I figure I didn't end up pregnant or with broken bones so it's not fair to those who went through worse to really let myself feel bad about it.
No one's experiences negate yours and I don't share to make anyone else's seem smaller somehow. Some may be worse on the scale of things, but all can be tools of satan in our lives. I'm sorry you had any experiences like this at all.
As a child, I thought I was the only one. Now I know better.
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 8:45:02 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6192
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: betterisoneday
I voted yes, but I'm kinda on the confused side of all this, I figure I didn't end up pregnant or with broken bones so it's not fair to those who went through worse to really let myself feel bad about it.
My way of thinking is that it's not what we go through, it's how we feel/it affects us that counts.
Your trauma over what happened is just as valid as anyone else's.
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"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 8:45:07 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3283
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I just re-read my post and realized that the first thing I said after admitting that I've had this happened to me is to blame myself for being naive and trusting. I'm shaking my head after reading it. This is how most victim feels. We always think it's our fault.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 8:46:42 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6040
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: betterisoneday
I voted yes, but I'm kinda on the confused side of all this, I figure I didn't end up pregnant or with broken bones so it's not fair to those who went through worse to really let myself feel bad about it.
My way of thinking is that it's not what we go through, it's how we feel/it affects us that counts.
Your trauma over what happened is just as valid as anyone else's.
Very true. Also, even if you didn't suffer any physical effects, the emotional effects can last for many years.
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<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 8:49:54 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1251
Joined: 10/23/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: betterisoneday
I voted yes, but I'm kinda on the confused side of all this, I figure I didn't end up pregnant or with broken bones so it's not fair to those who went through worse to really let myself feel bad about it.
Anyway, I'm learning to not hate my grandfather and try not to think about a guy I worked with or my ex-husband.
just because you did not end up pregnant or with broken bones does not mean that what you went through is not at all traumatizing, or not as bad as what other women/men have gone through, a crude comment, or inappropriate touching, or being harassed is completely unacceptable!! anything that makes YOU feel uncomfortable is completely unacceptable!
I am sorry that their are so many women/men who have had experiences like these!
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 8:51:15 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1251
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: betterisoneday
I voted yes, but I'm kinda on the confused side of all this, I figure I didn't end up pregnant or with broken bones so it's not fair to those who went through worse to really let myself feel bad about it.
My way of thinking is that it's not what we go through, it's how we feel/it affects us that counts.
Your trauma over what happened is just as valid as anyone else's.
I agree!
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 9:14:31 PM
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danas_mom
Posts: 526
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BeeLuvsAva
I think a large majority just don't say anything at all, because they are to scared, or because they truly don't believe that anyone would believe them.
Thinking no one would believe me was never my problem, I just never thought anyone would care. To this day, at age 34, I still struggle with being surprised by the idea that anyone (beyond my hubby and kids) really cares what happens to me.
As to what created that deepset sense of self-unworth in me, I truly have no idea. I don't think I really want to know.
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I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing. ~ 2 Samuel 24:24
Spirit of Ashes Creations
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 9:19:39 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2528
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One thing I do know. When attempting to comfort someone who has been raped, you should never say, "Buck up. There are worse things that could happen."
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I'm a little surprised the author of the book pictured in my avatar hasn't had someone contact me to remove it... but then, my purpose in posting it is to solve a crime. Or maybe he wonders who I even am...
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 9:21:51 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6040
Joined: 5/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: danas_mom
quote:
ORIGINAL: BeeLuvsAva
I think a large majority just don't say anything at all, because they are to scared, or because they truly don't believe that anyone would believe them.
Thinking no one would believe me was never my problem, I just never thought anyone would care. To this day, at age 34, I still struggle with being surprised by the idea that anyone (beyond my hubby and kids) really cares what happens to me.
As to what created that deepset sense of self-unworth in me, I truly have no idea. I don't think I really want to know.
This is interesting that this thread came up today because I'm sitting here with three books in front of me, all three dealing with this issue. And believe me, sometimes this stuff is hard to read. I'll read and have to walk away in tears, then pick it up again only to repeat the tears a few minutes later. BTW, I struggle with the same things.
Anyway, I won't attempt to summarize the books here or the concepts, but if you're interested, the book Hurt People Hurt People by Sandra D. Wilson, Ph.D. covers the topic quite well. Supplemental to that are Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge and Waking the Dead by John Eldredge.
_____________________________
<-- When did Hollywood go from classy to 'cheap & easy'?
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 9:23:28 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1251
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: danas_mom
Thinking no one would believe me was never my problem, I just never thought anyone would care. To this day, at age 34, I still struggle with being surprised by the idea that anyone (beyond my hubby and kids) really cares what happens to me.
As to what created that deepset sense of self-unworth in me, I truly have no idea. I don't think I really want to know.
(((((Danas_mom)))) people care, people you don't even realize care! and most of all God cares.
quote:
I'm shocked to see this many people just on these forums have gone through this type of stuff, I've always figured it was a rare thing.
It is shocking to see how many people have gone through things like this, I know when it was happening to me I never thought anyone else went through it, and that it was very rare, but when I was 16 and it finally stopped and things came out in the open, I realized that sadly it happens to so many of us.
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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RE: Have you ever been inappropriately touched or expos... - 11/16/2008 9:27:02 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1251
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
quote:
ORIGINAL: danas_mom
quote:
ORIGINAL: BeeLuvsAva
I think a large majority just don't say anything at all, because they are to scared, or because they truly don't believe that anyone would believe them.
Thinking no one would believe me was never my problem, I just never thought anyone would care. To this day, at age 34, I still struggle with being surprised by the idea that anyone (beyond my hubby and kids) really cares what happens to me.
As to what created that deepset sense of self-unworth in me, I truly have no idea. I don't think I really want to know.
This is interesting that this thread came up today because I'm sitting here with three books in front of me, all three dealing with this issue. And believe me, sometimes this stuff is hard to read. I'll read and have to walk away in tears, then pick it up again only to repeat the tears a few minutes later. BTW, I struggle with the same things.
Anyway, I won't attempt to summarize the books here or the concepts, but if you're interested, the book Hurt People Hurt People by Sandra D. Wilson, Ph.D. covers the topic quite well. Supplemental to that are Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge and Waking the Dead by John Eldredge.
I have read 'captivating' and 'hurt people hurt people' I like 'captivating' a lot, it is very helpful.
_____________________________
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
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