|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 12:10:58 AM
|
|
|
BugLady
Posts: 2528
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
Why would anyone travel to meet a person they are not interested in?
Because you are interested in meeting a person you've spent time getting to know and you value them as a friend, and brother or sister in Christ. Men and women can be friends.
_____________________________
I'm a little surprised the author of the book pictured in my avatar hasn't had someone contact me to remove it... but then, my purpose in posting it is to solve a crime. Or maybe he wonders who I even am...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 12:16:24 AM
|
|
|
shemaromans
Posts: 3750
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
quote:
Why would anyone travel to meet a person they are not interested in?
Because you are interested in meeting a person you've spent time getting to know and you value them as a friend, and brother or sister in Christ. Men and women can be friends.
And/or you want to take a trip but singlehood necessitates that you travel alone. I did this almost a year ago. During my trip, I met someone from CW in person but also spent some time in that particular part of the country with another friend who lived there.
I agree with communication, communication, communication. There wasn't a problem with me and the CW person since this person and I had discussed and maintained "friendship" long before the the plans for my trip ever materialized.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 12:17:09 AM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 3282
Status: offline
|
quote:
Why would anyone travel to meet a person they are not interested in? It's beyond my comprehension as I do not think that way.
Are we talking visiting online friends you've never met in person before? Or just visiting opposite sex friends om general?
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 12:31:45 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8040
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
quote:
Why would anyone travel to meet a person they are not interested in?
Because you are interested in meeting a person you've spent time getting to know and you value them as a friend, and brother or sister in Christ.
You talk to them online, You've already met them. Why travel just to see them in person? Even if I value them as people etc, Why travel if you're not interested? It's beyond me.
quote:
Men and women can be friends.
As I said, it's beyond me. On line is different but in person I just don't see the need for it. Too many troubles and not enough benefits.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 12:37:01 AM
|
|
|
Focusing
Posts: 6009
Status: offline
|
quote:
You talk to them online, You've already met them. Why travel just to see them in person?
Why have GTs? You can just post together online.
Sometimes it's just fun to get together with someone, a friend, that you share a common interest with. And sometimes that friend just happens to be of the opposite gender.
_____________________________
Instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend. That would be giving as the angels give.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 1:55:24 AM
|
|
|
SamsonUSA
Posts: 1055
Joined: 10/5/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
quote:
(or very up front about it)
And this is where communication, communication, communication comes in. It's really not that difficult.
But it's also very heavily dependant on the people involved. If some lady came to visit me (other than as a group like a GT) I would assume she was interested no matter what she said. Why would anyone travel to meet a person they are not interested in? It's beyond my comprehension as I do not think that way.
I agree 100%.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 8:07:36 AM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23538
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
|
John and Samson:
If a person tells someone that a trip can be made without any underlying romantic interest (or even hope of possible romantic interest); and up to that point, you have always believed them to be honest, why would you choose to not believe them on that particular point? I am specifically speaking of two friends who have private conversations; and in the process, a trip is planned for the two of them to get together.
If a person isn't honest about how they see a relationship (say, platonic vs. romantic), and they take a trip . . . then when things get messy, that is their responsibility for not being honest.
However, if a person IS honest and tells another person that an upcoming trip to meet them is platonic and the hearer chooses not to believe what is being told to them, then the responsibility is the hearer's for when things get messy - because they were told the truth but chose not to believe it.
Just because someone chooses to not believe what is being told to them doesn't mean that it's not the truth.
Having said that, if I were having private conversations with a man who I considered to be a great (but, platonic) friend and he simply wouldn't believe me when I told him that the trip wasn't going to be romantic, I would most very likely cancel the trip, because it would indicate to me that he had a possible romantic interest in me.
And frankly, if he didn't believe what I was telling him (regardless of what "it' was), that would probably annoy me so much (to not be taken at my word, especially regarding an important matter), that the friendship, itself, would experience a major diminishing.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:03:30 AM
|
|
|
SamsonUSA
Posts: 1055
Joined: 10/5/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
John and Samson:
If a person tells someone that a trip can be made without any underlying romantic interest (or even hope of possible romantic interest); and up to that point, you have always believed them to be honest, why would you choose to not believe them on that particular point? I am specifically speaking of two friends who have private conversations; and in the process, a trip is planned for the two of them to get together.
If a person isn't honest about how they see a relationship (say, platonic vs. romantic), and they take a trip . . . then when things get messy, that is their responsibility for not being honest.
However, if a person IS honest and tells another person that an upcoming trip to meet them is platonic and the hearer chooses not to believe what is being told to them, then the responsibility is the hearer's for when things get messy - because they were told the truth but chose not to believe it.
Just because someone chooses to not believe what is being told to them doesn't mean that it's not the truth.
Having said that, if I were having private conversations with a man who I considered to be a great (but, platonic) friend and he simply wouldn't believe me when I told him that the trip wasn't going to be romantic, I would most very likely cancel the trip, because it would indicate to me that he had a possible romantic interest in me.
And frankly, if he didn't believe what I was telling him (regardless of what "it' was), that would probably annoy me so much (to not be taken at my word, especially regarding an important matter), that the friendship, itself, would experience a major diminishing.
WRB,
Lonely people searching for a life partner will gravitate towards those of the opposite sex who are just being friendly to them in the Lord. In their relentless search to fill what they perceive as a big empty void in their life oftentimes they will throw discernment out the window, and try and force things in their own strength without relying on guidance from the Holy Spirit.
If these people will stop putting all of their trust in Him and stop seeking the Holy Spirits guidance to lead them to a life partner what makes you think they are going to listen to you when told your interested in a friendship only relationship with them?
I urge all of my brothers and ( especially ) sisters to use Godly caution and discernment when meeting anyone in person that they met online.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:07:17 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8040
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Focusing
quote:
You talk to them online, You've already met them. Why travel just to see them in person?
Why have GTs? You can just post together online.
Sometimes it's just fun to get together with someone, a friend, that you share a common interest with. And sometimes that friend just happens to be of the opposite gender.
It's very hard to ride the boat on-line. Or to hold a pitch in dinner. Even for friends I have common interests with, I don't travel.
A bunch of college buddies of mine (including the best man at my wedding) are getting together to play cards one of these Friday nights. On line of course. no reason or need to travel.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:07:53 AM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
It's not just meeting someone from online. It happens with people in your every day interactions as well.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:11:57 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8040
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
John and Samson:
If a person tells someone that a trip can be made without any underlying romantic interest (or even hope of possible romantic interest); and up to that point, you have always believed them to be honest, why would you choose to not believe them on that particular point? I am specifically speaking of two friends who have private conversations; and in the process, a trip is planned for the two of them to get together.
Because I can not for the life of me fathom why anyone would travel to see some one they were not interested in. Life is far far too short to waste the time traveling for some one who will not be a permanent part of my life. (Remember that I do not believe a married man should have single female friends or married female friends that are not primarily his wife's)
If there is no interest in more than friendship then it just doesn't make sense to me to make the trip at all.
quote:
If a person isn't honest about how they see a relationship (say, platonic vs. romantic), and they take a trip . . . then when things get messy, that is their responsibility for not being honest.
However, if a person IS honest and tells another person that an upcoming trip to meet them is platonic and the hearer chooses not to believe what is being told to them, then the responsibility is the hearer's for when things get messy - because they were told the truth but chose not to believe it.
Just because someone chooses to not believe what is being told to them doesn't mean that it's not the truth.
As I said, it's beyond me. I cannot imagine anyone traveling to see some one they are not interested in.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:19:10 AM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
Because I can not for the life of me fathom why anyone would travel to see some one they were not interested in. Life is far far too short to waste the time traveling for some one who will not be a permanent part of my life. (Remember that I do not believe a married man should have single female friends or married female friends that are not primarily his wife's)
John, it's the boat It's a chick magnet! Cause i want to ride in your boat! Is that so hard to understand??? 
LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:24:10 AM
|
|
|
CoeurdeLeon_
Posts: 9048
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
quote:
Why would anyone travel to meet a person they are not interested in?
Because you are interested in meeting a person you've spent time getting to know and you value them as a friend, and brother or sister in Christ. Men and women can be friends.
Exactly. I have done just that. I met someone that I'd gotten to know online and there was no question of romantic interest. We are friends.
_____________________________
This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
New Blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:33:42 AM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23538
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: SamsonUSA
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
John and Samson:
If a person tells someone that a trip can be made without any underlying romantic interest (or even hope of possible romantic interest); and up to that point, you have always believed them to be honest, why would you choose to not believe them on that particular point? I am specifically speaking of two friends who have private conversations; and in the process, a trip is planned for the two of them to get together.
If a person isn't honest about how they see a relationship (say, platonic vs. romantic), and they take a trip . . . then when things get messy, that is their responsibility for not being honest.
However, if a person IS honest and tells another person that an upcoming trip to meet them is platonic and the hearer chooses not to believe what is being told to them, then the responsibility is the hearer's for when things get messy - because they were told the truth but chose not to believe it.
Just because someone chooses to not believe what is being told to them doesn't mean that it's not the truth.
Having said that, if I were having private conversations with a man who I considered to be a great (but, platonic) friend and he simply wouldn't believe me when I told him that the trip wasn't going to be romantic, I would most very likely cancel the trip, because it would indicate to me that he had a possible romantic interest in me.
And frankly, if he didn't believe what I was telling him (regardless of what "it' was), that would probably annoy me so much (to not be taken at my word, especially regarding an important matter), that the friendship, itself, would experience a major diminishing.
WRB,
Lonely people searching for a life partner will gravitate towards those of the opposite sex who are just being friendly to them in the Lord. In their relentless search to fill what they perceive as a big empty void in their life oftentimes they will throw discernment out the window, and try and force things in their own strength without relying on guidance from the Holy Spirit. I agree. However, if I were in a situation where I felt someone was doing what you have described above, I would not be making plans to meet them in the first place . . . for a variety of reasons.
If I felt that someone had a romantic interest in me and I did not return such romantic interest, it would be irresponsible of me to make such plans to meet (I even mentioned that in my previous post . . . different words, but conveying the same thing).
If I felt that someone wanted to meet me because they were lonely and was very focused on "finding someone", I would not meet them . . . because I would already know ahead of time that there would be either an expectation or a hope of things turning romantic.
But none of that is what I was talking about in my other post. I was talking about two people who have established a good, honest friendship; and suddenly one of them doesn't want to believe what the other one is saying. I was absolutely not talking about two people with hidden agendas of hoping to hook up with each other.
See . . . not every single person is on a "relentless search" to find someone. However, I sometimes get the impression that some of the single people who are on such searches do not believe what I have just said.
quote:
ORIGINAL: SamsonUSA
If these people will stop putting all of their trust in Him and stop seeking the Holy Spirits guidance to lead them to a life partner what makes you think they are going to listen to you when told your interested in a friendship only relationship with them? Samson, "these people" of which you speak are you and John . . . based on your previous posts in this thread. You have both indicated that you would not believe a woman if she told you she had no romantic interest, but wanted to make a trip to meet you.
What makes me think that someone is going to believe me when I tell them I have no romantic interest in them but yet want to take a trip to meet them? I'll be very happy to tell you . . . what makes me think it, is I expect grown adults to take me at my word when I say something. I expect that if I and another person have made plans to meet that we have talked extensively, openly and honestly and that both of us are mature people. If they choose not to believe me when I tell them I am not romantically interested in them, that is not of my doing; that is their's.
If someone doesn't believe someone when they say they want to take a platonic trip to meet, the trip needs to be cancelled; by one or both people. To not do so would be foolish.
Incidentally, anyone in these forums is welcomed to call me either Sharon-Marie or SharMar. 
.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:35:28 AM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23538
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
John and Samson:
If a person tells someone that a trip can be made without any underlying romantic interest (or even hope of possible romantic interest); and up to that point, you have always believed them to be honest, why would you choose to not believe them on that particular point? I am specifically speaking of two friends who have private conversations; and in the process, a trip is planned for the two of them to get together.
Because I can not for the life of me fathom why anyone would travel to see some one they were not interested in. Life is far far too short to waste the time traveling for some one who will not be a permanent part of my life. (Remember that I do not believe a married man should have single female friends or married female friends that are not primarily his wife's)
If there is no interest in more than friendship then it just doesn't make sense to me to make the trip at all.
quote:
If a person isn't honest about how they see a relationship (say, platonic vs. romantic), and they take a trip . . . then when things get messy, that is their responsibility for not being honest.
However, if a person IS honest and tells another person that an upcoming trip to meet them is platonic and the hearer chooses not to believe what is being told to them, then the responsibility is the hearer's for when things get messy - because they were told the truth but chose not to believe it.
Just because someone chooses to not believe what is being told to them doesn't mean that it's not the truth.
As I said, it's beyond me. I cannot imagine anyone traveling to see some one they are not interested in.
You don't have to understand something to believe it when someone tells you something about themself. You can still choose to believe that someone is telling you the truth.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:54:29 AM
|
|
|
WalkingwithHim2
Posts: 3078
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline
|
If I ever make it to The Carolina's I plan to stop and visit Dude & Loverly... no romantic interest. If I should happen to travel to Boston I would like to meet up with Humble... no romantic interest. NY....TreyEd again no romantic interests.
_____________________________
Jesus saves the soul not necessarily the brain
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 10:59:11 AM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: WalkingwithHim2
If I ever make it to The Carolina's I plan to stop and visit Dude & Loverly... no romantic interest. If I should happen to travel to Boston I would like to meet up with Humble... no romantic interest. NY....TreyEd again no romantic interests.
But that's the difference - you said IF you ever make it to those places you'd like to meet up with those folks. You are not INTENTIONALLY planning a trip there to meet them. In the first situation, it's pretty obvious there is no romantic interest. In the 2nd situation, yes, some can be construed very easily - unless, from the start, it is said that there is no romantic interest or intention of romantic interest.
Speaking from the female POV - if someone intentionally planned a trip to come see me, yes, I would think there was interest, regardless of what was said. Remember, our actions speak louder than words.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 11:08:10 AM
|
|
|
WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23538
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
|
WWH2. . . You heart breaker, you!
. . . I have a few minutes while I'm waiting on my hair to dry, and I thought I would try to clarify something . . .
Yes, definitely, one should always seek Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance in anything and everything.
In the case of two people planning to meet - whether platonically or romantically, I would hope that Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance had been continuously sought long before the "meet planning" even begins.
There are people on this forum who I absolutely would not even think about having private conversations with, based on their posts and/or based on Our Lord's Leading.
And, I can't imagine two people who barely have had any communication with each other to agree to meet - whether platonically or romantically. That would be foolish on both of their parts.
I'm talking about two people . . . two mature people, who have been communicating for a while. Openly and honestly. If one of them suddenly gets a yellow flag about the person's forthrightness or motives, then, yes, that needs to be dealt with. If it comes up in the planning of a trip, then the trip needs to be cancelled.
However, to just blanket-state that no one can ever be telling the truth about wanting to meet in a platonic atmosphere is as wrong as not seeking Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance regarding individual people.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 11:09:54 AM
|
|
|
WalkingwithHim2
Posts: 3078
Joined: 12/13/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
WWH2. . . You heart breaker, you!
. . . I have a few minutes while I'm waiting on my hair to dry, and I thought I would try to clarify something . . .
Yes, definitely, one should always seek Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance in anything and everything.
In the case of two people planning to meet - whether platonically or romantically, I would hope that Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance had been continuously sought long before the "meet planning" even begins.
There are people on this forum who I absolutely would not even think about having private conversations with, based on their posts and/or based on Our Lord's Leading.
And, I can't imagine two people who barely have had any communication with each other to agree to meet - whether platonically or romantically. That would be foolish on both of their parts.
I'm talking about two people . . . two mature people, who have been communicating for a while. Openly and honestly. If one of them suddenly gets a yellow flag about the person's forthrightness or motives, then, yes, that needs to be dealt with. If it comes up in the planning of a trip, then the trip needs to be cancelled.
However, to just blanket-state that no one can ever be telling the truth about wanting to meet in a platonic atmosphere is as wrong as not seeking Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance regarding individual people.
SharMar, one of these days I'll make it to Jackson for a visit. Please do not think I am romantically interested in ya 
edited cuz I needed to edit
_____________________________
Jesus saves the soul not necessarily the brain
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Didn't Mean To Lead You On - 11/16/2008 11:17:04 AM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 3282
Status: offline
|
Also, I think the forum that you've met in plays a consideration in determining romantic interest or lack thereof. I belong to climbing forum. I see posts there wanting climbing/hiking partners and I see how people seems to just meet and go on their hikes together. No romantic interest. Just sharing common interest. THere seems to be no questionable intention; no hidden agendas. Not even a real friendship until these people decide to meet. They just have trust in the rules of the game and that everyone will follow those rules.
Since i only communicate with very few people from the opposite sex in these forums, I take their communication as friendly bantering and have never taken them to mean they are interested. I don't blur the lines either. If one goes out of line, he'll certainly hear about it! I can imagine visiting them if the opportunity arises, but again, there's no romantic interest there.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
|
|
| | |
Forum Tools
Printable Version
Hey, Mute, nice to see!
