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Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 2:19:44 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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Once again my mentor got mad at me for being insecure with her about us spending time together. I know she said when school was over in January but am still worried that she will get so busy with her new job,that I wont get to see her much. She hates how I am so insecure and doesn't like reasurring me of her friendship,and etc. I truly do want to change and am sick of struggling with this same issue over and over again,but cannot seem to get over it. Its a real problem for me and I just want to be free from how I am,and delivered from it. I'm just not sure how and if I can be you know. Will you all keep me in prayer? Thanks so much and God bless you all,Love Sunshine.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 3:46:08 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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14 hits and no advice for me,Come on! I need some advice from someone please.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 4:09:24 PM
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gal220
Posts: 81
Joined: 7/31/2008
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I wish I had some advice to offer...I am an insecure individual as well and often have to talk myself into doing (or saying) something. (Even this post will probably be edited way too much and I'll still be unhappy with the result) Insecurities come from fear. What is your real fear? Fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of having to go through the process of making new friends, etc. Find the root; you can't find the solution without knowing the cause of the issue.
Is it reasonable to be so dependant on one person? Our insecurities often work against us because the very thing we are insecure about is the very thing that could cause, in this situation, the friendship to fail. Not sure if this is helpful at all or if it even makes sense, but I've edited this enough 
Know that God loves you and created you (personality and all) for a specific reason, trust that He will help and guide you. Ask and it shall be given...be ready to hear. Peace
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 4:32:06 PM
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GraceBro
Posts: 295
Joined: 12/17/2005
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Sunshine, most insecurity stems from believing that we are not doing what it is we think is necessary to maintain a relationship. I am not certain what you believe your "mentor" requires of you or you require of them to keep the relationship going. I can only give you advice based on our relationship with the Lord. Our relationship is secure with Him because of His faithfulness not to leave us or foresake us despite our unfaithfulness. Our relationships with others are only various forms of conditional love. If we are getting along with others it is because we have found ways in which to not violate one another. Husbands and wives often mistake their ability to coexist in a marriage as unconditionally loving each other. When in fact, they just haven't violated those laws that would sever their relationship. Perhaps, you can apply that to your situation and discover why you are living in the fear you are living under. After all, anxiety is just a form of fear. Fear of loss. Fear of punishment. Fear of not being accepted. And so on. I know my comments are very general, but I hope they help.
Grace and Peace
_____________________________
www.livinggodministries.net
http://96toLife.blogspot.com
360.yahoo.com/idog96
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 7:22:59 PM
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Keabird
Posts: 787
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Lord Jesus, thank You that You have heard Sunshine's prayers. We ask You to set Sunshine free from insecurity Lord, and anything else that is hindering her walk with God (assuming here you are female cos of your pic).
Sunehine, a "mentor" is usually intended to be a temporary role. My understanding is that a mentor is to help someone grow, gain knowlegde, and eventually move towards maturity and independence. When someone has relied on a mentor for a long time, the mentor may deliberately begin to create distance - not to be horrible or to hurt the person, but to cause the person to take the step of asserting their own independence and putting into practice the skills they have learned. Sometimes, like a baby bird, the mentor may have to be quite firm.
As people, we need to be very careful that we don't allow a mentorship to become an obsession. If the dependence is not let go of in the timely fashion it should, then the mentor can feel smothered and frustrated.
I would suggest to you that you begin calling this person your friend, not your mentor. And if she is your friend, then you will also be her friend. Part of being a good friend is allowing our friends space. If we don't, then we are not only not being a good friend, we are also heading towrds obsession and idolatry.
I believe that while the Lord provides mentors etc for a while, ultimately His desire is that we learn to depend on HIM - to spend our longings and time on HIM.
When I was young, I got terrible stagefright. I also feared doing stuff in front of people, especially a crowd. I was too self-conscious to pray in front of other people for a long time. The root of these things was that I was putting my trust in people, and was concerned about what THEY thought of me - so I didn't want to run the risk of failing or looking silly in front of them. Hence the fear.
The Lord changed this with one very simple verse. It had to have been the Holy Spirit, because it was like a revelation that suddenly spoke powerfully into my life. I was about 17 at the time.
It is the verse (I think in Ephesians) that says, "You are seated in heavenly places with Christ." Suddenly I had a realization that while my human life is still here on earth amongst all the struggle, my REAL life, who I am, is already in heaven - right beside Jesus! He considers me THAT IMPORTANT! Suddenly, it no longer mattered what other people thought as long as I knew that JESUS was okay with me.
From that day on, my whole outlook was different. My biggest concern was to stay close to God, and if other people weren't impressed with that, that was their lookout. I could do things in front of a crowd! I just thought to myself - I have nothing to be afraid of with them, they are just ordinary people. Some of them are too scared themselves to do anything. Maybe some of them will be spurred on because I did something. I was able to pray with others. It didn't matter what they thought - it mattered what Jesus thought.
The biggest change came with public speaking. I went from being petrified to confidently speaking, and discovered that I could ENJOY it, and that I could be the source of my listeners' enjoyment! Because I was now more concerned with passionately stating my case - even if it was just for a course as part of a university class - I had their attention- but it didn't matter whether I did or not. And that in itself got their attention. Because I didn't care what they thought of me - I knew Jesus was just fine with me.
So I encourage you too - Jesus considers you IMPORTANT. Even if other people don't - even if they get busy, even if eventually they move right on (and I am not saying your friend is planning to do this), you can know that you can still be strong because JESUS is your real Source of strength and your eternal Mentor!
I hope this helps somehow. May God strengthen you and help you draw even more closely to Himself.
Sherri
_____________________________
"The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy, but I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 8:20:06 PM
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Prayer Warrior
Posts: 2168
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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Darlin', this is not a cop-out.
I have found in my darkest and most black moments since my darling husband died 3 months ago, that
GOD IS SECURITY.
Do I have all I need?
Yes.
Why?
Because I have GOD.
THAT is my TRUE ADVICE to share with you.
It smothers worry and insecurity.
Love and blessings,
pw
_____________________________
John 14:1
[ Jesus Comforts His Friends]
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God ; trust also in me."
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 9:40:38 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
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[the result) Insecurities come from fear. What is your real fear? Fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of having to go through the process of making new friends, etc. Find the root; you can't find the solution without knowing the cause of the issue.
I think the root of the problem is that I have lost alot of friends over the years and fear losing another.I also fear rejection and don't want to be lonely you know.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 9:48:43 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Keabird
Lord Jesus, thank You that You have heard Sunshine's prayers. We ask You to set Sunshine free from insecurity Lord, and anything else that is hindering her walk with God (assuming here you are female cos of your pic).
Sunehine, a "mentor" is usually intended to be a temporary role. My understanding is that a mentor is to help someone grow, gain knowlegde, and eventually move towards maturity and independence. When someone has relied on a mentor for a long time, the mentor may deliberately begin to create distance - not to be horrible or to hurt the person, but to cause the person to take the step of asserting their own independence and putting into practice the skills they have learned. Sometimes, like a baby bird, the mentor may have to be quite firm.
As people, we need to be very careful that we don't allow a mentorship to become an obsession. If the dependence is not let go of in the timely fashion it should, then the mentor can feel smothered and frustrated.
I would suggest to you that you begin calling this person your friend, not your mentor. And if she is your friend, then you will also be her friend. Part of being a good friend is allowing our friends space. If we don't, then we are not only not being a good friend, we are also heading towrds obsession and idolatry.
I believe that while the Lord provides mentors etc for a while, ultimately His desire is that we learn to depend on HIM - to spend our longings and time on HIM.
Thanks so much for praying for me and for your advice about mentoring.
My mentor is a really good friend of mine even though she is firm with me at times.I do depend on God but depend on others alot too.I need to learn to just go to God with everything and trust him more I guess.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 10:51:21 PM
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Cloak
Posts: 4761
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Canada
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(((Sweetsunshine4God)))
To some extent, all those who have been abused, struggle with insecurity, so you're not alone. You need to grieve and forgive that parent who was unavailable to you. Sometimes abuse can be very subtle and hard to spot in our family, or we simply don't want to criticize our parents because we're Christians. The truth is our parents are humans and they did their best to raise us well according to their best knowledge.
After that, you need to do some soul searching and spend sometime on your own to discover who you are, your goals and ambitions. This alone time will equip you to become more strong in your faith and walk with Christ.
Remember that healing is gradual and process-oriented. So don't be harsh on yourself and expect to see results of total recovery within an overnight. Be gentle with your self!
Love and (((hugs)))!
Cloak
_____________________________
Blessings!
And My God shall meet ALL Your Needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 19)
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 11:17:12 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cloak
(((Sweetsunshine4God)))
To some extent, all those who have been abused, struggle with insecurity, so you're not alone. You need to grieve and forgive that parent who was unavailable to you. Sometimes abuse can be very subtle and hard to spot in our family, or we simply don't want to criticize our parents because we're Christians. The truth is our parents are humans and they did their best to raise us well according to their best knowledge.
After that, you need to do some soul searching and spend sometime on your own to discover who you are, your goals and ambitions. This alone time will equip you to become more strong in your faith and walk with Christ.
Remember that healing is gradual and process-oriented. So don't be harsh on yourself and expect to see results of total recovery within an overnight. Be gentle with your self!
Love and (((hugs)))!
Cloak
Thanks so much for your advice but I think you misunderstood.I said My Mentor was upset with me,not my parents.I have never in my life been abused by my parents and get along with them really well.I am trying to do some soul searching and figure out why I am how I am,and praying God will change me and set me free from this insecurity. I need to trust hime more and depend on him with all my heart and soul. Goodnight and God bless you always,Love your friend Nicky.
((((((((((((((((((((((Cloak)))))))))))))))))).
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/11/2008 11:59:39 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1526
Joined: 6/1/2008
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Hi,
You've agreed with your mentor to spend time with her after school is over in January. So you are looking forward to that. You also dislike (as most everyone does) when things do not work out as planned. So you are doing your best to make sure they will happen, by calling your mentor (how many times now since the agreement?) to remind her that you are in her calendar. It doesn't sound like insecurity to me. It sounds like you don't trust your mentor to follow through on your areement. That you are afraid that something could come up, and that your mentor would not tell you well before hand so plans could be shifted. Do you trust your mentor? Maybe that's what you want to look at instead of being afraid something will not happen. Maybe you could make up a list of things you'd like to do with your mentor, or talk about, when these feelings come up that you are going to be forgotten. Have that nearby, and add to it. Work on it. Pick the best possibilities, scratch out those that would not be as fun. I think you are trying to be too controlling of the whole situation- that you have to leave room for a family emergency possibility of your mentor's family, or of something to come up in your own family, for starters. January after school is not so far away as you'd think.
I'll certainly be in prayer about this for you, and I hope you may find something up there to go hmmmmm about.
quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshine4God
Once again my mentor got mad at me for being insecure with her about us spending time together. I know she said when school was over in January but am still worried that she will get so busy with her new job,that I wont get to see her much. She hates how I am so insecure and doesn't like reasurring me of her friendship,and etc. I truly do want to change and am sick of struggling with this same issue over and over again,but cannot seem to get over it. Its a real problem for me and I just want to be free from how I am,and delivered from it. I'm just not sure how and if I can be you know. Will you all keep me in prayer? Thanks so much and God bless you all,Love Sunshine.
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 7:48:57 AM
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barbi
Posts: 2237
Joined: 5/22/2005
From: New York
Status: offline
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will be praying for you
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 9:30:57 AM
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peaceofGod
Posts: 8038
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
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Father,
Thank you for Sunshine. Thank you for the fact that she regularly gives thanks to you (on another thread). We know that you, Father, can do what we cannot do. We acknowledge that you can heal her of scars and wounds from the past. Thank you for the encouragement that he gives by her posts in the "What do you want to thank God for today?" thread in the General Faith Forum.
Please bless her greatly. Lift her up with security and encouragment. Shine your light on her. Help her mentor to be patient with her and use her mentor to help Sunshine to feel secure. Help in every way that you know to be best.
Thank you for all that you will do for Sunshine. We pray for her in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
_____________________________
Jn 14:27;Php 4:6-8 Peace
Link: Jim's Reflections
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 9:56:11 AM
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sparkleingsnow
Posts: 3878
Joined: 1/9/2007
Status: offline
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Hi Sunshine. Someone once said that any human being will let you down at some time and in some way, but the Lord never will.
Just know that you are perfect just the way you are. The Lord made you and He doesn't make mistakes. He loves you just as you are. And you can love yourself because He loves you. I would suggest when you start feeling that way, to stop and think about how much He loves you. How He cared enough to create you just like you are. There isn't another Sunshine on the face of the earth. Thats how precious you are to Him. You are such a blessing to others, please know that. You can feel good about yourself because you are His.
Father, we lift up Sunshine to You. We know You love her so. Please fill her with a quite confidence knowing that You love her so, and You are with her. Bless her with good christian friends, but most of all with the assurance. Thank You Father. In Jesus name. Amen
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is
within me, bless his holy name.
Psalm 103:1
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 1:28:05 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6192
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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sunshine,
Your first two words were "once again" - are you saying that your mentor has got mad at you over this before? Could I just ask who arranged for her to be your mentor, and what boundaries were mutually decided/agreed upon at the start (eg regarding frequency of contact)?
Praying for you.
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 1:45:22 PM
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galadriel2
Posts: 407
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
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Just a quick reply...you probably cling to the Lord more for security because you don't find any in yourself. That's perfect isn't it? 'When I am weak then I am strong.' Or to steal a quote: 'If dependence is the objective then weakness is an advantage' and the 'key to our usefulness'.
God bless,
Galadriel
Alistair Begg is going through a series on finding security in an insecure world. It is a series out of 1 Peter chapter 5. You can hear it on www.truthforlife.com, it seems to me, or atleast figure out how to hear it.
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 2:15:30 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11451
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
Status: online
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Moving from Prayer & Praise to Relationships, since the OP wants advice.
Thanks!
Tricia
Forums Moderator
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 2:26:47 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: barbi
will be praying for you
Thanks so much!
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 2:27:50 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peaceofGod
Father,
Thank you for Sunshine. Thank you for the fact that she regularly gives thanks to you (on another thread). We know that you, Father, can do what we cannot do. We acknowledge that you can heal her of scars and wounds from the past. Thank you for the encouragement that he gives by her posts in the "What do you want to thank God for today?" thread in the General Faith Forum.
Please bless her greatly. Lift her up with security and encouragment. Shine your light on her. Help her mentor to be patient with her and use her mentor to help Sunshine to feel secure. Help in every way that you know to be best.
Thank you for all that you will do for Sunshine. We pray for her in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Thanks so much and God bless you.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 2:47:37 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sparkleingsnow
Hi Sunshine. Someone once said that any human being will let you down at some time and in some way, but the Lord never will.
Just know that you are perfect just the way you are. The Lord made you and He doesn't make mistakes. He loves you just as you are. And you can love yourself because He loves you. I would suggest when you start feeling that way, to stop and think about how much He loves you. How He cared enough to create you just like you are. There isn't another Sunshine on the face of the earth. Thats how precious you are to Him. You are such a blessing to others, please know that. You can feel good about yourself because you are His.
Father, we lift up Sunshine to You. We know You love her so. Please fill her with a quite confidence knowing that You love her so, and You are with her. Bless her with good christian friends, but most of all with the assurance. Thank You Father. In Jesus name. Amen
Thanks so much for your encouragement,I sure don't feel perfect or see myself the way you do.If God made me perfect just as I am than why do I struggle with the same stuff over and over again? I talked to my friend today and she says the way I bug her about things and am insecure with her,It makes her feel smothered and annoyed.She says she has already proven her friendship to me,and doesn't get why I can just accept that.She says by continually nagging her it will push her away. Thanks for your advice,Love always Sunshine.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 3:13:44 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1941
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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quote:
She hates how I am so insecure and doesn't like reasurring me of her friendship,and etc.
OK, so your insecurity and constant demands bug her; is that fair to say? I guess that would bug anyone, but she can deal with it without harsh words. I'm questioning her suitability to be mentoring yet.
If you are continually asking her for something she's already given you, it infers you think she wasn't honest with you the first time she said it; I doubt that's the message you wanted to convey but that may be what she is hearing. It's irritating when someone acts like a mentor has a moral problem. So write it down on a piece of paper (or ask her to) and tape it to your mirror. Better yet, start writing down verses from the Bible and put them all over your house until you've memorized them. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." "No one can take them (my sheep) out of My hand." "I love you..." (Isaiah 43:4) "You are precious in My sight" (same chapter). Look these up on www.biblegateway.com ; there are lots more.
Start putting your needs on an omnipotent God instead of a maybe-overwhelmed sister in the Lord. Your needs may be higher than she can deal with, but God is greater than all and loves you. If you are sticking yourself to her then back off and let God meet your needs.
This isn't going to seem like a solution, but it is: find someone who needs your legitimate help, and start helping them. Open doors, read to kids, help in the nursery, visit old people, volunteer at a rescue mission. Give of yourself. You'll be amazed how good it feels, and even if it doesn't, you'll be building something in yourself that gives instead of takes. God said it is more blessed - happy - to give than receive. This is the key: become a giver and not just a taker. Look for ways to give, and rejoice that God loves you forever. The security we might not ever find in ourselves comes abundantly when our security is in God who never fails.
God bless you, dear one. I am praying for you today. (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 5:59:26 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6192
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
OK, so your insecurity and constant demands bug her; is that fair to say? I guess that would bug anyone, but she can deal with it without harsh words.
deermouse, I wonder, has she actually used harsh words, or is that the OP's perception of them?
sunshine, maybe you could tell us if the words you've posted here are exactly what she has said.
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 7:39:24 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
OK, so your insecurity and constant demands bug her; is that fair to say? I guess that would bug anyone, but she can deal with it without harsh words.
deermouse, I wonder, has she actually used harsh words, or is that the OP's perception of them?
sunshine, maybe you could tell us if the words you've posted here are exactly what she has said.
She wasn't harsh and mean with me.She is just a blunt person and wanted to let me know that is how you sabotage relationships is by smothering people,and it pushes people away.She is a very nice person and would never purposely hurt me.She is just tough on me at times is all.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 7:45:12 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6192
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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sunshine,
Maybe you didn't see my earlier post to you?
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
sunshine,
Your first two words were "once again" - are you saying that your mentor has got mad at you over this before? Could I just ask who arranged for her to be your mentor, and what boundaries were mutually decided/agreed upon at the start (eg regarding frequency of contact)?
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: Why cannot I be free from insecurity? - 11/12/2008 7:53:00 PM
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sunshine4God
Posts: 7361
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sterling Ct.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
sunshine,
Maybe you didn't see my earlier post to you?
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
sunshine,
Your first two words were "once again" - are you saying that your mentor has got mad at you over this before? Could I just ask who arranged for her to be your mentor, and what boundaries were mutually decided/agreed upon at the start (eg regarding frequency of contact)?
I told her she was my mentor since she always gives me good advice about things,and really has helped me grow alot in the Lord and stuff.We never came up with any boundaries.I did see your post but wasn't sure what to say.
_____________________________
Matthew 5:16.
"Let your light so shine before men that they will see
your good deeds and glorify your Lord".
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