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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/20/2008 6:31:12 PM
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kmangel
Posts: 443
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DenimDiva
In some cases it may be a great idea, in other cases it may be a terrible idea.
I agree. There is no one way to do anything in life. What works for one person may not work for another. So, if it's working for you great. Keep it up!
_____________________________
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
--Mark Twain
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/20/2008 6:41:29 PM
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cindybode
Posts: 1572
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Northwest PA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Teaching_The_Way
If a Kingdom is divided against itself, how can that kingdom stand? Scriptures tells the man and women to submit to each other in everthing.
Correct. Husbands and wives should submit to each other in everything. This means that the husband submits to the wife as much as she submits to him. The husband does not lord it over the wife. Nowhere in scripture does it say that a woman should allow a financially irresponsible man to sell his family down the river. God put us women here to be helpmeets to our husbands. Being a helpmeet includes, among other things, helping our husbands do the right thing. If a man is unable or unwilling to handle the finances, there is nothing wrong with his wife doing it. What is wrong is one spouse who spends money without regard to any effect on the family finances. As long as financial decisions are made together, it makes no difference who keeps the books.
_____________________________
If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/21/2008 9:35:37 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 3031
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
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BTW, I am so glad that this has been brought up. My DD and her sweetie have been talking about finances (they are very serious) and I sent my DD the link to this thread. They have been trying to figure out what should become his/hers/theirs and I told them that they will adjust it as time goes on and they learn how each handles their money.
From what I see, they both handle their money well and I have faith that they will figure it out.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/21/2008 11:29:17 AM
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benelchi
Posts: 3636
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
BTW, I am so glad that this has been brought up. My DD and her sweetie have been talking about finances (they are very serious) and I sent my DD the link to this thread. They have been trying to figure out what should become his/hers/theirs and I told them that they will adjust it as time goes on and they learn how each handles their money.
From what I see, they both handle their money well and I have faith that they will figure it out.
While I don't believe that separate bank accounts themselves are wrong, I do believe that the idea that some of the money his his and some hers is wrong. That doesn't mean that one spouse may not have an allotted amount of money that is "his" and/or "hers", but such a decision should come out of a realization that all of the money is "ours" and not from a "what I earn is mine, what you earn is yours" mentality. In other words, how the accounting is done doesn't matter when both spouses look first to the needs of their spouse before considering their own needs; however, when the attitude becomes one of "protecting" what is "mine" there is a deep spiritual problem that should be addressed.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/21/2008 12:00:25 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 9473
Joined: 3/21/2006
From: Crimson Tide Country
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
BTW, I am so glad that this has been brought up. My DD and her sweetie have been talking about finances (they are very serious) and I sent my DD the link to this thread. They have been trying to figure out what should become his/hers/theirs and I told them that they will adjust it as time goes on and they learn how each handles their money.
From what I see, they both handle their money well and I have faith that they will figure it out.
While I don't believe that separate bank accounts themselves are wrong, I do believe that the idea that some of the money his his and some hers is wrong. That doesn't mean that one spouse may not have an allotted amount of money that is "his" and/or "hers", but such a decision should come out of a realization that all of the money is "ours" and not from a "what I earn is mine, what you earn is yours" mentality. In other words, how the accounting is done doesn't matter when both spouses look first to the needs of their spouse before considering their own needs; however, when the attitude becomes one of "protecting" what is "mine" there is a deep spiritual problem that should be addressed.
I totally agree Benelchi. My wife and I have at one time had 4 bank accounts. We each had a checking account, a joint checking account and a joint savings account. However we both view the money as being ours regardless which account it was deposited in. The biggest problem I have faced is trying to convince my wife she can spend money even if she does not work and earn a paycheck. For years she felt if she did not put money in the accounts she could not take anything out because I earned it. After years finally got that straightened out.
_____________________________
STRESS = The internal struggle created when the brain trys to over ride the heart's desire to tell off some jerk that really deserves to be told off.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/22/2008 2:01:05 PM
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all4aremine
Posts: 57
Joined: 7/24/2008
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The way my husband and I do is that we have seperate checking and saving accounts, but the bills are split right down the middle. We make the same amount of money and have the same amount of debt so best just to split it down the middle. Now if one of us comes up short that month or something extra is needed to be taken care of such as medicines or doctor visits- we always make the decision together as to who can financially afford it at the moment. I think we have had one arguement since we have been together and that was my pride getting in the way.
If it works, why knock it. Just because you have seperate accounts doesn't mean you aren't one.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/22/2008 4:47:47 PM
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budd624
Posts: 15
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Keizer, Oregon
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My wife and I have seperate checking accounts and a joint checking account. I pay my credit cards with my account and pay the household bills with the joint account.
_____________________________
» Larry «
Survivor of hydrocephalus diagnosed at 1 month old!
25 Brain surgeries! (None since March 8, 2000!)
Stroke at age 27!
Married my high school sweetheart on September 11th and 14th of 2003!
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/22/2008 6:42:50 PM
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kmangel
Posts: 443
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
BTW, I am so glad that this has been brought up. My DD and her sweetie have been talking about finances (they are very serious) and I sent my DD the link to this thread. They have been trying to figure out what should become his/hers/theirs and I told them that they will adjust it as time goes on and they learn how each handles their money.
From what I see, they both handle their money well and I have faith that they will figure it out.
A really great place to start would be for your DD and her sweetie to take a course on finances like Financial Peace University. I recommend such a course for all people. Sure wish my husband and I had taken it 33+ years ago!
_____________________________
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
--Mark Twain
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/23/2008 2:13:44 PM
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flowerz
Posts: 355
Joined: 1/6/2006
From: Canada
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I don't think it is weird at all, neither wrong.
My husband and I have a joint account, but we also both have separate accounts. Just because you have separate accounts doesn't mean that you have to keep your finances secret from each other. For us, it has been much easier to keep track of our finances this way.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/23/2008 8:48:39 PM
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Starbucks880
Posts: 154
Joined: 3/11/2008
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I think separate accounts is totally fine. Whatever works for any particular couple is right for them. Not everyone agrees on what to do, but it is up to the individual couple. My husband and i never joined our finances together and kept everything separately. I have the same checking and savings I have had for years and he did the same. Both our paychecks go in our own accounts. We both pay bills that are only our own, ie student loans, credit card bills, and the car payment I had that predated our marriage. We both are responsible for our own debts, though if either of us ran short, we would have no trouble helping each other out. Household bills--electric, gas, water, sewage, and rent, we both pay half on. Groceries--it is more vague--sometimes i pay, sometimes he does. anyway, this system is what works for us--there is absolutely no reason money should have to join together just because you are married.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/23/2008 9:41:44 PM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 285
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
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We also have separate bank accounts...
I pay certain bills, he pays certain bills, and then we split the mortgage.
He doesn't care what I spend on, and I don't care what he spends on...as long as the bills are paid. I usually pay for all our clothing, day care expenses, etc. He usually pays for all the home related things, his hobbies, etc. Any "large" purchases, (over a couple hundred dollars) we usually discuss...
We have almost no consumer debt (I have a couple credit cards and a car loan), and essentially do "cash and carry"...it's worked for us for 10 years...there's no big secrets to spending, we each have access to the other's online banking...but separate accounts work for us...
I don't see what the big deal is...each couple has to decide for themselves...I will say this, over our 10 year marriage, we've NEVER fought about money...EVER. From when we first got married and made less than 30K/year to now, when we make over 3 times that...we have NEVER had an argument about finances...yes, there is a certain amount of trust involved...but...considering that most couples fight the most about money, it's been one less thing to fight about.
_____________________________
Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/23/2008 9:51:12 PM
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creationtalk
Posts: 705
Joined: 6/9/2005
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One thing that I find so amusing about the idea that a couple must have a single joint checking account is at one time, as a single, I had 3 separate checking accounts--one for the mortgage on the house, also served as an "emergency" savings account (earned interest), one for medical expenses only, and one for everything else. At that time I had only one savings account, but it was controlled by a spreadsheet that kept track of around 7 different "savings" categories. Now I have much less time, have cut down to a single checking account...but have multiple savings type accounts for different purposes. I guess if having multiple accounts means a couple is not one, then maybe I'm not one either??? (It would be really helpful if I were to find out I was more than one person, because then I'd send the other "me"s to work and I'd stay home with my son)
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Male Leadership Gone? - 10/23/2008 10:04:09 PM
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Teaching_The_Way
Posts: 58
Joined: 4/18/2006
From: Teaching The Way Ministries
Status: offline
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Where is the male leadership at in the homes now a days? The husband is totally responsible for his home. As stated through out the scriptures.
God created women (EVE) for man. He did not create man (ADAM) for women. As a husband we are to love, respect and honor our wives and like wise for the wives to to do the same for the husband.
As it is written God is head of Christ and is head of man and man is the head of women.
POINT: Seperation in a marriage if it be finances, or emotional support etc, seems more like a roomate situation than a marriage.
It is unbiblical for sure.
PS Marriage is a Joining of the flesh "They Become One Flesh" not two.
_____________________________
http://teachingtheway.net/
If our opinions does not line up with
the scriptures, then our opinions are
dead wrong! Gods words are more important
than our opinions!
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RE: Male Leadership Gone? - 10/23/2008 10:42:07 PM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 285
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Teaching_The_Way
Where is the male leadership at in the homes now a days? The husband is totally responsible for his home. As stated through out the scriptures.
God created women (EVE) for man. He did not create man (ADAM) for women. As a husband we are to love, respect and honor our wives and like wise for the wives to to do the same for the husband.
As it is written God is head of Christ and is head of man and man is the head of women.
POINT: Seperation in a marriage if it be finances, or emotional support etc, seems more like a roomate situation than a marriage.
It is unbiblical for sure.
PS Marriage is a Joining of the flesh "They Become One Flesh" not two.
What?
Ummm...so, I take my considerable paycheck and just hand it over, and hope I get an "allowance"? Or am I just too ditzy to pay bills?
Considering my marriage is less than traditional from the outset...I am NOT "subject" to my husband...we discuss and either agree or agree to disagree on almost every topic, from child rearing to employment (yes, I turned down a job because my husband didn't want me to take it), to major purchases (cars, homes, etc) and vacation destinations...
Other than that, my husband respects that I have enough sense AND brains to make a wise choice...as I respect that he does also.
Oh well...
If that's what works for you...great...it doesn't work for me....
_____________________________
Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/24/2008 2:15:54 AM
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carl54
Posts: 66
Joined: 5/31/2005
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I agree, there aren't any absolutes on how finances are managed between spouses. For example, my wife and I are each pretty good with managing money so we have separate savings and checking accounts but we list each other as joint owners. What we have is a common budget and we divide it between the two of us according to our separate incomes. We hold each other accountable for taking care of our portion of the budget and it works pretty good. We both have savings responsibilities and we both have a discretionary spending amount per month. When we have an unexpected expense we discuss it and decide how we are going to take care of it. The scriptural principles we are using are: Trust, accountability, responsibility, sharing, etc. We even pay separate tithes. This approach allows us to be individuals while working jointly to meet our needs.
< Message edited by carl54 -- 10/24/2008 11:37:06 PM >
_____________________________
Walk in the Sirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Gal 5:16
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RE: Male Leadership Gone? - 10/24/2008 10:46:18 AM
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creationtalk
Posts: 705
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Teaching_The_Way
Where is the male leadership at in the homes now a days? The husband is totally responsible for his home. As stated through out the scriptures.
God created women (EVE) for man. He did not create man (ADAM) for women. As a husband we are to love, respect and honor our wives and like wise for the wives to to do the same for the husband.
As it is written God is head of Christ and is head of man and man is the head of women.
POINT: Seperation in a marriage if it be finances, or emotional support etc, seems more like a roomate situation than a marriage.
It is unbiblical for sure.
PS Marriage is a Joining of the flesh "They Become One Flesh" not two.
Having separate accounts does NOT mean that finances are separate. To imply that EVERYTHING having to do with a couple must be combined, is ludicrous. In every marriage there is a division of responsibilities and work. While I am typing this, my arms are doing one type of work, while my legs are supporting my body. It would be REALLY tough to type if my legs suddenly decided that since they were part of the body, they had to be "one flesh" with my arms and do the same task or take over the task that the arms are doing.
Furthermore, the concept that the finances is only the responsibility of the man is NOT Biblical. Recall the Proverbs 31 woman. She worked, she brought in money, she took the money that SHE earned and bought a field. While she was doing this, her husband was busy with his work as a judge (sitting in the gates). Both the husband and children of this resourceful, hardworking woman called her blessed. Furthermore, the Bible holds her up as an example to other women.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/24/2008 12:31:29 PM
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Lady_of_Faith
Posts: 81
Joined: 9/18/2008
Status: offline
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I was going to comment, but remembered that I was the OP!!
Lots of good points people. It's not that my husband and I are hiding anything, it's just that until he is more responsible and not overspending, then perhaps we will open a joint account, but I will never close the one I have now.
When my parents were married many moons ago, they had joint accounts and later on after I became an adult, my mother explained to me how difficult it was back then because my dad was so irresponsible with funds, he would take blank checks from the back of the checkbook and spend money that way, without telling my mother, thus causing major arguments between them. My dad is no longer like that (Thank God) but this is one of the reasons why I will always have an account in my name only.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/24/2008 12:57:21 PM
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MisterTR
Posts: 65
Joined: 5/23/2008
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An interesting thread. If there are legitimate reasons to have separate accounts, then it's fine. I do think that striving toward a joint account is good. There is a tendency to view the money as "mine" and "yours" when there are separate accounts. I think it's healthier to view it as "ours."
_____________________________
"And we know that all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/29/2008 10:01:36 PM
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numbingeffect
Posts: 8
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline
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I wished my wife wouldn't freak out if we had separate accounts.
I'd absolutely LOVE IT. You see, she's great at number crunching (accountant) but she's horrible at saving.
Now me?.... it's opposite. I can save for big items yet I DESPISE number crunching. Not that I'm one
to bounce checks though. I like keeping track and knowing my limits.
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