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Separate Bank Accounts - 10/16/2008 9:46:34 PM
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Lady_of_Faith
Posts: 81
Joined: 9/18/2008
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I don't know if his subject has been covered but I haven't been a member here that long...so,
My husband and I have separate bank accounts. My husband has bad accounting practices, for example, he'll write checks, forget his account balance and BAM, checking account is overdrawn. Fortunately, no utilities have ever been turned off.
The first and only check I ever bounced was back in 1996.
My cousin and I had a discussion and I told her about our separate accounts. She couldn't believe it, saying we would have all kinds of issues and how did we pay bills? Well, we've been married for almost 8 years and if I were to combine my account with his, I WOULD have issues. He takes care of all the household bills, insurances and I pay the mortgage. We talked about getting a joint saving account at the credit union, but I'm leery.
Does anyone else think this is 'weird'?
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/16/2008 11:16:00 PM
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ffbruce
Posts: 271
Joined: 10/14/2008
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If it's working the way it is, and you're honestly concerned about combining your account, leave it as it is.
My wife and I have separate checking accounts at separate banks. Actually, there is "our" account and "her" account. I pay all the "family bills" but she also buys all kinds of things too. I'm not saying that's the way everybody should do it, but it works for us.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/16/2008 11:21:22 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4409
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We have separate checking accounts and a joint savings account. No biggie.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 1:52:25 AM
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Bagel
Posts: 319
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Oregon
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I'm in the same situation and for the exact same reason, so no, I don't think it's weird. If that is what you need to do to keep your credit clean and your name clear, then that is the way to go until he proves himself more responsible with money and the bills
_____________________________
Bagel Lisa
check out my blog at http://bagelslifehomeschool.blogspot.com/
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 9:44:41 AM
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creationtalk
Posts: 705
Joined: 6/9/2005
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There is nothing wrong with keeping separate accounts, and in some cases there might be very sound reasons for doing so. I have a friend married 30 years, strong marriage, they have always had separate accounts. It was easier since their checks from work were direct deposit. They had agreed on who paid which bills and that was how it worked.
Sounds like you have a system that works for you and a good reason for keeping it that way. Lets suppose that you go to a joint account. Since you might both need to carry checkbooks to pay for things, it is conceivable that, even if you are both careful and responsible, not everything would be written in both books and you could overdraw simply because you didn't know money had been taken out. The only thing that might help is if your there was some way to help your husband keep track of what is paid out--do you have checks with carbon copies? If not, I suggest you go that route. Then YOU can help him by balancing his checkbook using the carbons.
You do what works for you and gives you piece of mind; if others object, tell them to mind their own business.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 10:53:21 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8875
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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I have done things like that too. Basically he would have an account that had the amount needed for gas and his daily expenses going to and fro work. I kept the rest in another account becuase if he saw there was $100 there he might decide to go out for lunch or bring home take out for dinner or something and I would have written a check against that amount to pay the electric or something.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 11:01:11 AM
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scottishmomma46
Posts: 178
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well i don't think it's wierd but i do think it's wrong. both of you should be combining everything and if he has a problem of overdrawing on his account? well then as a team you both should take care of this problem and get it resovled.
_____________________________
faith is just not something you talk about......faith is something you do.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 11:02:43 AM
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zoebob
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Yes, that's what should happen. However, sometimes one partner doesn't want to work on it and the other spouse has to do what they can to protect the household from the spender.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 11:03:01 AM
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scottishmomma46
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because also your treating your marriage like a roomate situation and not like a marriage the way God had intended it to be in the first place. that is how roomates do things they divide everything up they do combine thier efforts, so to again add what your doing is wrong.
_____________________________
faith is just not something you talk about......faith is something you do.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 11:21:11 AM
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zoebob
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Well, I'm not doing it either.
What would you suggest if a year or so into the marriage one spouse (S1)is clearly falling into a pattern of "there is money in the account now so I'm going to spend" without checking to see if the money is already been paid on a bill. What if they don't want to know what the details of paying the bills are and just expects S2 to pay the bills and doesn't want to hear the details but then doesn't leave the money in the account to have those checks clear. What if S1 says "I make the majority of the money and if I want to go out to lunch I will"
You can't make one spouse work with a budget or remember the details of it. Sometimes the only way they will deal with it is to have their own allowance to buy the things they need without touching the main pot. That allowance may come in the form of cash or a separate account.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 12:37:20 PM
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ffbruce
Posts: 271
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scottishmomma46
well i don't think it's wierd but i do think it's wrong. both of you should be combining everything and if he has a problem of overdrawing on his account? well then as a team you both should take care of this problem and get it resovled.
Separate checking accounts does not mean separate lives. In the case of my wife & I, both our names are on both our checking accounts. But the money from her job goes into "hers" and the money from my job goes into "ours".
I also have a separate checking account for our rental property. Her name is on the signature card, but not on the check blanks.
It's not that we're "not doing things together." In fact, quite the opposite is true. It's just that, in our case, this set up works out really well.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 12:38:59 PM
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ffbruce
Posts: 271
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
Well, I'm not doing it either.
What would you suggest if a year or so into the marriage one spouse (S1)is clearly falling into a pattern of "there is money in the account now so I'm going to spend" without checking to see if the money is already been paid on a bill. What if they don't want to know what the details of paying the bills are and just expects S2 to pay the bills and doesn't want to hear the details but then doesn't leave the money in the account to have those checks clear. What if S1 says "I make the majority of the money and if I want to go out to lunch I will"
You can't make one spouse work with a budget or remember the details of it. Sometimes the only way they will deal with it is to have their own allowance to buy the things they need without touching the main pot. That allowance may come in the form of cash or a separate account.
Aside from the issue of separate checking accounts, this is a situation where they WILL have major financial and/or marriage problems. I think they need to deal with the ROOT of the problem, not the SYMPTOMS.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 1:07:09 PM
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zoebob
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From: land of limbo
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Of course they will. Still, what would you have someone do if the only way to keep some money "safe" to pay bills with is to keep it in a separate account? This may even be with the permission of one spouse who says "I know that if I see money there I will spend it so put me on an allowance and only give me what I need and keep the rest separate."
_____________________________
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 1:15:22 PM
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ffbruce
Posts: 271
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
Of course they will. Still, what would you have someone do if the only way to keep some money "safe" to pay bills with is to keep it in a separate account? This may even be with the permission of one spouse who says "I know that if I see money there I will spend it so put me on an allowance and only give me what I need and keep the rest separate."
They should definitely have two separate accounts.
Much of the time, in life on this side of heaven, we have to choose the course that is "closest to the ideal" rather than the ideal.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 1:49:00 PM
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creationtalk
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scottishmomma46
because also your treating your marriage like a roomate situation and not like a marriage the way God had intended it to be in the first place. that is how roomates do things they divide everything up they do combine thier efforts, so to again add what your doing is wrong.
I think that this comment is unnecessary and hurtful. You have stated that you disagree with keeping the finances separate. Making statements about their marriage in this way is way beyond anything that can be read in the simple question. Can you give chapter and verse in the Bible where it says that having separate financial accounts and dividing responsibilities in finances is a sin?
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 3:01:55 PM
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sudden
Posts: 167
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lady_of_Faith
I don't know if his subject has been covered but I haven't been a member here that long...so,
My husband and I have separate bank accounts. My husband has bad accounting practices, for example, he'll write checks, forget his account balance and BAM, checking account is overdrawn. Fortunately, no utilities have ever been turned off.
The first and only check I ever bounced was back in 1996.
My cousin and I had a discussion and I told her about our separate accounts. She couldn't believe it, saying we would have all kinds of issues and how did we pay bills? Well, we've been married for almost 8 years and if I were to combine my account with his, I WOULD have issues. He takes care of all the household bills, insurances and I pay the mortgage. We talked about getting a joint saving account at the credit union, but I'm leery.
Does anyone else think this is 'weird'?
Hi Lady:
I almost laughed out loud when I read your post because your family handles the money the exact way one of my girlfriend's used to until the mortgage was paid off!
I don't think it is wierd at all. We all know handling finances within a marraige can be so complicated and potentially such a contentious issue that I think everyone should do whatever works for them.
Apart from the reasons you have mentioned for having seperate accounts, isn't it nice to have a little place you can dip into when you want to buy a gift for your spouse without their knowing exactly how much you spent on them, where you purchased the gift and when?
Yours for doing whatever works,
Sudden
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 4:39:49 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 769
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No it's not weird.
*it's like being good at using computers but not at repairing them.
Each person has his or her strong points - appoint the right task to
the person who has the capability to do the task.
*I also have separate banking accounts - in two different countries.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/17/2008 6:36:38 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8875
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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I think if you aren't hoarding money from your spouse you could think of it as this: 2 accounts for 2 different purposes. It may be that one person handles al the purposes of each account or maybe they both dip in each account.
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L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/18/2008 3:14:43 PM
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cindybode
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From: Northwest PA
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We also have 2 accounts. The money is ours, but the responsibility is divided. We have a bill paying account and an expense account. As zoebob said, 2 accounts for 2 different purposes.
It's important to share financial decisions, but when it comes to the mechanics of getting the money where it needs to go, do what works. It sounds like what you're doing is working for you, so if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
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If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/18/2008 4:08:32 PM
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PastorPatricia
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It's worked for us for 45 years, our accounts are joint but I use one and DH uses another. We have worked out who is responsible for what and confer on large purchases but by having separate accounts we each know how much is in the account we use.
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But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. Is. 12:24
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/18/2008 4:19:59 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3636
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
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I don't think their is a problem with having separate checking accounts, but there is a real marital issue when there is a perception of mine and her money instead of our money. If one spouse is continually overdrawing the bank account there may be good reason to have a separate account for the bills and household needs, but maybe all of the money should be deposited into the one account, and then the money required for incidentals be transferred into the account of the one who is irresponsibly bouncing checks. It might more quickly help him/her deal with the problem, and it sets a precedent that how money is spent is an in your family is an "our" issue and not a "mine" and "hers". From reading your post, it sounds like the issue you are having with a joint savings account has more to do with trust, than accounting mistakes and that is something that should be dealt with rather than ignored.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/20/2008 4:55:45 PM
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Teaching_The_Way
Posts: 58
Joined: 4/18/2006
From: Teaching The Way Ministries
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If a Kingdom is divided against itself, how can that kingdom stand? Scriptures tells the man and women to submit to each other in everthing.
As it is written: Eph 5:22-28
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
NIV
quote:
ORIGINAL: sudden
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lady_of_Faith
I don't know if his subject has been covered but I haven't been a member here that long...so,
My husband and I have separate bank accounts. My husband has bad accounting practices, for example, he'll write checks, forget his account balance and BAM, checking account is overdrawn. Fortunately, no utilities have ever been turned off.
The first and only check I ever bounced was back in 1996.
My cousin and I had a discussion and I told her about our separate accounts. She couldn't believe it, saying we would have all kinds of issues and how did we pay bills? Well, we've been married for almost 8 years and if I were to combine my account with his, I WOULD have issues. He takes care of all the household bills, insurances and I pay the mortgage. We talked about getting a joint saving account at the credit union, but I'm leery.
Does anyone else think this is 'weird'?
Hi Lady:
I almost laughed out loud when I read your post because your family handles the money the exact way one of my girlfriend's used to until the mortgage was paid off!
I don't think it is wierd at all. We all know handling finances within a marraige can be so complicated and potentially such a contentious issue that I think everyone should do whatever works for them.
Apart from the reasons you have mentioned for having seperate accounts, isn't it nice to have a little place you can dip into when you want to buy a gift for your spouse without their knowing exactly how much you spent on them, where you purchased the gift and when?
Yours for doing whatever works,
Sudden
_____________________________
http://teachingtheway.net/
If our opinions does not line up with
the scriptures, then our opinions are
dead wrong! Gods words are more important
than our opinions!
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/20/2008 5:08:07 PM
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JimboFletch
Posts: 6364
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Teaching_The_Way
If a Kingdom is divided against itself, how can that kingdom stand? Scriptures tells the man and women to submit to each other in everthing.
As it is written: Eph 5:22-28
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
NIV
I'm scratching my head as to your point.
Anywhat...
I've been married to my One-and-Only for 36 years. She has had her own account for over 19 years and I don't have a clue how much is in it or what she does with it. When she decided to go back to work, I told her that I wanted her to be able to quit whenever she wants. Pooling our two checks would very quickly made that impossible because we would have begun counting on her checks to help pay the bills.
We have paid off our mortgage, have no credit card debt, and our vehicles are paid - plus I have 4 months pay saved. All household bills and groceries have come from my paycheck (which is well below $50K). She decided to quit work at the end of this month and she will do so without us having to juggle bills.
Its a different situation than the OP, but I don't think there's a problem having different accounts when husband and wife agree.
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RE: Separate Bank Accounts - 10/20/2008 5:12:49 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7427
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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I don't see a problem with it.
In some cases it may be a great idea, in other cases it may be a terrible idea.
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