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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/18/2008 6:16:16 PM
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Sirtimaay
Posts: 8
Joined: 3/16/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ffbruce
Sirtimaay, there is nothing wrong with you being disappointed in the fact that your girlfriend is not a virgin. It is natural to feel cheated, and she gave to somebody else what she should be able to give to her husband. It's also inevitable that, at least on some level, it casts doubts about the future.
That said, you have to determine whether or not her being a non-virgin is going to end your relationship. Let's be honest here. If it is too big a hurdle for you to cross over, end the relationship, and end it now. There will be people who will say you're stupid for doing so, but those people aren't you.
If you want to work through this, first of all you have to realize it's going to take time. In a very real sense, you have to go through the grief cycle on this one, and that takes time.
It is also going to require honesty with both yourself and her. Be honest with her, and tell her that it is really bothering you, and you're wrestling with it. But don't keep talking about it. That'll only throw it in her face.
You'll also have to work on forgiveness. Just remember that forgiveness is not always a one-time thing, but a process. Each time it pops up in your mind, humbly pray to God to help remove the sting from your heart.
I can't say whether or not you should continue dating this girl, but from the sounds of things, you really like her. I do hope it works out for you!
Thank you. This is truly godly advice. I think it will work out
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/18/2008 6:26:57 PM
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Sirtimaay
Posts: 8
Joined: 3/16/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BeautifulFemale
I don't get what the problem is...as you say, we all have sinned...so, why are you making a big deal about her having sex? Is it fear that you wouldn't be what she would be hoping for? Please. What sting are u talking about? Is it the fact that you've never been with a woman/almost perfectly pure type thinking? Maybe you're the one who needs to reconsider needing some humbling...?
Forgive me if I'm getting you wrong,but this sounds like the kids in my old college who would glory in the fact that they never failed and those who did fail must be so stupid...ridiculous, ridiculous...I don't think anyone could have entered that college without getting more than a 3.3 GPA. Some people were very narrow minded and I hope this is not how you feel....:(
Ok, maybe if I answer this one, it will answer other questions as well
First of all, things are going great. We've discussed the issue together, and believe that we are still meant for each other despite it.
Ok, so I guess I'll try to answer your questions
Why I am I making a big deal about her having sex? - I saved myself for my future wife - Sex, to me, would be most special knowing that you are the only two people to ever share it with each other. This obstacle presented me with a psychological challenge; since this had always been my idea; but yes, I"m a sinner too; it's only by realizing that, and God's forgiveness, that I am appreciative of what I have. Ask any virgin, and they'll give you a similar answer..i think.
Fear of what she was hoping for? - Yeah, I don't want to be compared to another guy. I want her thoughts to be on men and only me...not in the past.
Sting - It hurts!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, not sure if this is the answer. Maybe I have to be a non-virgin to sidesweep it. Sorry, this is a big deal.....I know others can vouch for me
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/18/2008 6:29:05 PM
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Sirtimaay
Posts: 8
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline
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Unless anyone else wants to continue the discussion, I have the advice I need. I thank everyone for their support and advice.
Thank you so much
With God's grace, It will work
Thanks Bunches.
I'm done; feel free to continue discussing this
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/19/2008 3:17:15 AM
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SR20FL
Posts: 33
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: saraimay75
I am a Virgin but I am not Pure.
Same here.
Don't worry that you are a virgin and she's not. I can understand how you feel though. It has nothing to do with purity. If you've been addicted to anything, you will understand why the God wants us to remain virgins until marriage. You REALLY have to be addicted to something to understand. "Saving yourself for that special night" is only one reason. The main reasonS couldn't even be briefly explained. One hint is that the reasons are all around us (Christians and non Christians), and people can even SEE it, but they never realize it.
< Message edited by SR20FL -- 10/19/2008 3:24:01 AM >
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/21/2008 7:40:48 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1946
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sirtimaay
(I'm a virgin..never even kissed)
I amended this to what you said later - I congratulate you on keeping your purity - go, Sirtimaay! That's great - we need more Christian guys willing to lay everything on the altar!
quote:
However, despite all of this....there is sharp sting that constantly torments me.
This is a real warning flag. There have been other guys on this forum with the same problem, and they have a really hard time handling it. I am suggesting that it could poison your mind and your future marriage. Please don't marry if you are bothered by this so much; after marriage it could loom even larger because we "own" one another's bodies and there could be three people in your marriage bed. At least, in your mind.
Counseling could be a real blessing; either you'll come to the place where it's not so important, or you'll know this match will never work. The sooner you know, the better you can make life's plans. I'm not dissing you, dear brother, I'm just dealing with realities. It's important to you and thus important to your relationship. Many problems in a marriage are visible before the wedding even takes place, so this is a good time to find out just how important this is to you. It would bother me, too.
I knew a man once whose wife had some weird deformity of her reproductive parts (although it didn't keep her from having kids), and I could tell he'd never gotten over the feeling he'd been cheated some how. They'd been married over 30 years, and he was a preacher. I knew about it because their son was serious about me, or I'm sure he'd never have mentioned it.
I'm not saying you're like this necessarily, but it can have far-reaching consequences. I'm so glad you're thinking and dealing with this now. May God give you wisdom and clear thinking. 
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/21/2008 8:56:07 PM
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Acts29
Posts: 369
Joined: 1/14/2007
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I hope my reply will be accepted in the manner I am trying to give it.
Your girlfriend may have had sex before but YOU will be the first one she makes love to. There is a big difference.
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/21/2008 11:39:02 PM
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PopsiLufsJesus
Posts: 5259
Joined: 5/6/2008
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She did it, she had sex. It can't be changed and if you can't live beyond that then perhaps it would be wise to make other plans...
_____________________________
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
~ Romans 12:12
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/23/2008 10:01:20 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1552
Joined: 5/27/2006
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quote:
Fear of what she was hoping for? - Yeah, I don't want to be compared to another guy. I want her thoughts to be on men and only me...not in the past.
Wow, that was really honest and took a lot of courage.
I have always suspected that insecurity over what kind of lover a man would be might be a factor behind insistence on virginity in a spouse.
So if the OP comes back, maybe this post will help.
First of all, as far as technique goes, you will be awkward and a bit shy with your spouse at first no matter whether you are a virgin or not. That is because you have never been together before with this person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with.
It is the genuine love and trust between you that will cause your romantic relationship to bloom and blossom over time. The more agape love that you show, the more she will respond positively. The more humble and open you are, the more freedom she will feel to communicate what is working and what is not. All good marriages continue to get better in this department, even when it seems it couldn't get any better because it's so good already.
They grow because the trust and acceptance grow enough to allow for more honest intimacy. Truly getting to know someone is a lifelong pursuit of love.
So good romantic relationship is all about unconditional love and trusting in the unconditional love of your partner.
In you particular situation, since your intended was date-raped, I can't believe you would even consider that she would have any positive association of any kind with this previous sexual experience. 
Hopefully you have had time to consider what a ludicrous idea that is and realize it is only a lie from the enemy to sow insecurity and mistrust into your marriage before it even begins.
Honestly if it were to affect the relationship at all, it would probably mean that you would come off like a knight in shining armor, gently leading his bride to a blissful expression of his devotion to her.
A complete contrast to the nightmare she endured previously. Just saying.
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/23/2008 11:10:55 PM
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5MOK3
Posts: 5
Joined: 10/23/2008
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OK SO I THINK IM IN THE SAME KIND OF SITUATION, EXEPT MINES A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPLEX, MY GIRLFREIND LOST HER VIRGINTY TO HER COUSIN WHEN SHE WAS 13 YEARS OLD, NOT TOO MUCH TIME HAS PAST SINCE, IM 16 YEARS OLD AND SHE IS NOW 14, IM STIL A VIRGIN. WE TALKED ABOUT IT AND NOW IM TRYING TO GET OVER IT. ITS NOT EASY FOR ME TO DO EVEN THOUGH SOME OF YOU GUYS MIGHT THINK IM TOO YOUNG TO BE STRESSING ABOUT THESE THINGS, I JUST DO, IVE MADE SOME PROGRESS BUT EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT IT MAKES ME MAD AND SAD AND SOMEWHAT DEPRESSED. BUT UNLIKE BOFORE IM MAKING AN EFFORT TO GET OVER IT... IVE READ SOME OF THE REPLIES ON THIS SUBJECT BUT THEY ARE OF NO HELP CONSIDERING THAT SHE DID IT WITH HER COUSIN 3 TIMES, ALL SEPERATE BUT THIS ALL HAPPENED DURING A VISIT HE MADE TO HER A WEEK OR SO BEFORE HER BIRTHDAY. SHE SAID SHE ALOWED IT BECAUSE SHE WAS CRUSHING ON HIM AND DIDNT REALLY THINK ABOUT IT UNTILL HE LEFT. SHE CLAIMS SHE REGRETS IT NOW AND I HOPE AND TRUST THAT SHES TELLING ME THE TRUTH. I DONT WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HER BECAUSE OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IVE DATED SHES THE ONLY ONE I FEEL I HAVE SOMETHING SERIOUD GOING ON WITH SHE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME AND I DONT WANT TO LET HER GO OR END WHAT WE HAVE OVER HER PAST, BESIDES THIS ALL HAPPENED BEFORE US, BUT JUST BECAUSE IT WAS HER COUSIN SHE LOST IT TO I FIND IT KIND OF WIERED AND IT BOTHERS ME. BUT I REALIZE SHES YOUNG AND WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. CAN ANYONE HELP ME WITHOUT ANY HARSH CRITISISM??? (IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT :/)
< Message edited by 5MOK3 -- 10/23/2008 11:17:11 PM >
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/24/2008 11:27:45 AM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1552
Joined: 5/27/2006
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Well, 5mok3, the first way I will help you is to let you know not to type in all caps. 
It is considered shouting on the internet, so it's a no-no. You being so young you probably didn't know that yet, but now you do.
This is a Christian forum, and we are mostly followers of Jesus here. So please expect that all of our advice to you will be from the perspective that you should not even have to be considering these issues at this time.
If you were my son, I would have been encouraging you from an early age not to have a girlfriend until you were financially, emotionally, socially ready to think about getting married. Any relationship you start while you are so young is likely to end in breaking up, complete with broken hearts all around.  
I would do this because I loved you and wanted you to spend your teen years growing and exploring in other ways than just relationships. Like learning to drive, handle a budget, and make time for setting personal goals that would be fun to accomplish (hunting, sports, chess, computer games, whatever).
But since you already are in a relationship with this girl, my advice would be to back off. If you were my son, I would say for sure this is not the girl for you!
First of all, sex is a huge responsibility that no 13 and very, very few 16 year olds are ready for. There is the possibility of creating another human life you would then be responsible for!
This girl does not seem to have ever even considered that possibility. This might sound insulting, so I apologize ahead of time. But having casual sex at all proves that she is self-centered and so careless with other people's lives that I would want you to stop dating her immediately if you were my son.
This girl has a LOT of growing and maturing to do before she is ready to be in a relationship.
I won't even go there about the fact that is was a family member she was abused by! I write abused because if this cousin was older than she, he was taking advantage of her immaturity for his own selfish pleasure. That is against the law!
Both statutory rape (sex with a minor) and incest (sex with a close relative) are CRIMES!
So if you stay in a friendship with this poor girl, that's kindness. Sounds like she could use a friend.
If you continue to think of her as a girlfriend and pursue romance with her, that is foolish- meaning unwise for your heart and your future. She is not emotionally mature enough for a healthy romantic relationship and neither of you are socially/financially ready yet either.
I give all this advice with gentleness and respect. And a hug. (((((5mok3)))))
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/24/2008 3:06:57 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2925
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
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quote:
Why I am I making a big deal about her having sex? - I saved myself for my future wife
In my opinion, this is where we get into problems. One should not be saving themselves for their future spouse. One should be saving themselves in order to please God. Knowing that saving youself sexually until marriage pleases God should be enough. When that isn't enough we start to feel cheated.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/24/2008 3:11:17 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2925
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
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5mok3,
Your girlfriend was sexually assaulted regardless of whether or not she gave "consent". If you love her, tell her parents. She needs protection from her cousin.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/24/2008 3:19:25 PM
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raivyne
Posts: 1010
Joined: 8/28/2008
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quote:
Fear of what she was hoping for? - Yeah, I don't want to be compared to another guy. I want her thoughts to be on men and only me...not in the past.
If your girlfriend loves you she won't be comparing you to anyone else. Only people who are out to satisfy carnal desires think about such things as "he's not as good (in bed) as so and so". If your girlfriend is not a sinner anymore you need to trust her and forgive her for the past and tell the satan in your ear to take a hike.
I think what you have is an ego problem, not that you are boastful but it is your ego that is getting in the way of your heart. You're listening to the voice of fear and doubt. When I have thoughts like this I normally stomp my foot and think (or say depending on how forceful the thoughts are), "satan, get behind me". It works for me. /shrug
Love has no ego, keeps no record of the past, forgives all wrongs, endures beyond reason. This is what God has done for us and what he tells us to do for others. Granted, its much more difficult for us!
_____________________________
P.U.S.H. – Pray Until Something Happens
What if God is asking us for a sign?
Knowledge is proud; wisdom is humble.
Patiently waiting for my KSA
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/25/2008 1:34:52 AM
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5MOK3
Posts: 5
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
Well, 5mok3, the first way I will help you is to let you know not to type in all caps.
It is considered shouting on the internet, so it's a no-no. You being so young you probably didn't know that yet, but now you do.
This is a Christian forum, and we are mostly followers of Jesus here. So please expect that all of our advice to you will be from the perspective that you should not even have to be considering these issues at this time.
If you were my son, I would have been encouraging you from an early age not to have a girlfriend until you were financially, emotionally, socially ready to think about getting married. Any relationship you start while you are so young is likely to end in breaking up, complete with broken hearts all around.
I would do this because I loved you and wanted you to spend your teen years growing and exploring in other ways than just relationships. Like learning to drive, handle a budget, and make time for setting personal goals that would be fun to accomplish (hunting, sports, chess, computer games, whatever).
But since you already are in a relationship with this girl, my advice would be to back off. If you were my son, I would say for sure this is not the girl for you!
First of all, sex is a huge responsibility that no 13 and very, very few 16 year olds are ready for. There is the possibility of creating another human life you would then be responsible for!
This girl does not seem to have ever even considered that possibility. This might sound insulting, so I apologize ahead of time. But having casual sex at all proves that she is self-centered and so careless with other people's lives that I would want you to stop dating her immediately if you were my son.
This girl has a LOT of growing and maturing to do before she is ready to be in a relationship.
I won't even go there about the fact that is was a family member she was abused by! I write abused because if this cousin was older than she, he was taking advantage of her immaturity for his own selfish pleasure. That is against the law!
Both statutory rape (sex with a minor) and incest (sex with a close relative) are CRIMES!
So if you stay in a friendship with this poor girl, that's kindness. Sounds like she could use a friend.
If you continue to think of her as a girlfriend and pursue romance with her, that is foolish- meaning unwise for your heart and your future. She is not emotionally mature enough for a healthy romantic relationship and neither of you are socially/financially ready yet either.
I give all this advice with gentleness and respect. And a hug. (((((5mok3)))))
Thanx for the advise about writin in all caps, its going to come really handy in the future . Im going to also say that I might be just 16 years old, but Ive seen and heard it all. Ive seen things and might have even done things that I wish I never seen or done, people say im mature for my age. Not to sound cocky but in a way i think i am. i dont feel like i fit in with the views of people my age, they seem a little bit dumb. Ive had plenty of financial experience and a pretty buisness mind. when it comes to sex with her i dont think its necesary, most poeple now a days dont wait untill they get married to loose it. I understand what sex, making love, or whatever you would like to call it implies. i do realize if she waz to end up pregnant i know i have to take care of her and that baby. i acctually been wanting a baby but i know im not stable to have one yet. so i want to wait but if it was to occur before i was ready i guess ill just have to care of it. but do realize all the complexity and emotons that involve sex. I really apreciate your advise since i dont have too many people that are willing to give one to me right now. I dont think breaking up with her is the awnser though because like i said i never felt this way about anyone before, and unlike my exe's i have a good realtionship with her, i have a good realtiionship with her family, love, trust, and care about eachother. she might be young and somewhat still immature, but i think she is searching for a serious relationship just as much as i am. i really apreciaate your advise and of course i understand your point of view and i have taken all of this into consideration and deep thought. once again thank you so much and god bless you!!!
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/25/2008 1:35:53 AM
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5MOK3
Posts: 5
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
5mok3,
Your girlfriend was sexually assaulted regardless of whether or not she gave "consent". If you love her, tell her parents. She needs protection from her cousin.
Ive been wanting to to tell her mom but i think its something she should do herslef wich im hoping i can get her to do soon. thank so so much and i really apreciate the help .
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/25/2008 11:07:37 AM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1552
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
i acctually been wanting a baby but i know im not stable to have one yet. so i want to wait
Good for you! It sounds like you probably are more mature and caring than many boys of 16. And I think I understand what you mean about "you have seen and experienced a lot".
I have worked very hard to become a good parent, because I was raised in a decent enough home (there was food, heat, shelter, electricity) but almost ZERO parental guidance or moral/spiritual guidance. 
I would encourage you to find a supportive youth group, though even as I type this I know that without parental support to find options, drive you, help you evaluate how helpful this group could be, etc., it is almost impossible to do.
Still I am going to pray the you find one. I think a good youth pastor could be a great support to you and your girlfriend.
You certainly deserve some caring adult to help you two get from where you are now at 16 to where you want to be in five years!
Edited to say: parenthesis around a name mean you are giving that person a cyberhug.
(((((5mok3)))))
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/27/2008 1:53:54 PM
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ChelaW
Posts: 154
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: karlie
I don't think there is anything wrong with being disappointed over this. It's what God desires between a man and wife...for there to have been no one else, so feeling disappointed is natural. There is nothing wrong with feeling let down.
What you have to decide now is if you're going to dwell on that disappointment and stew about how unfair that is, and let it turn into bitterness, or are you going to give it to God each and every time it comes into your mind and thank Him for the wonderful, humble young woman he brought to you. She trusted you with a part of her past she knew would upset you...that shows an incredible amount of integrity and humility.
If you continue to dwell on this, you will eventually become bitter, But you can choose to thank God for her repentance, and you can vow to show her what it's like to be loved and respected as a woman of God and not taken advantage of as she apparently has been before.
The sting will go away in time, IF you don't nurse it and cater to it. If you keep going over and over this in your mind, it will stay raw and you will stay stuck. It's a matter of changing your thought process and thinking higher than the sting.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
Well put. I could NOT agree with this more!
Thanks for the thoughtful insight, Karlie!!
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/31/2008 10:00:24 AM
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ImSassy
Posts: 17
Joined: 9/22/2008
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quote:
don't get what the problem is...as you say, we all have sinned...so, why are you making a big deal about her having sex? Is it fear that you wouldn't be what she would be hoping for? Please. What sting are u talking about? Is it the fact that you've never been with a woman/almost perfectly pure type thinking? Maybe you're the one who needs to reconsider needing some humbling...?
I totally agree! The question is not who is a virgin or not. She was honest enough to tell you that she has had a past. If she has repented before God, she is "PURE" in His sight. Love COVERS a multitude of sins and as her husband, you should be more concerned with covering her. If she has saved herself for 8 years, there is obvious fruit of her repentance.
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/31/2008 1:43:45 PM
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Johnny_is_saved
Posts: 33
Joined: 10/30/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
quote:
Why I am I making a big deal about her having sex? - I saved myself for my future wife
In my opinion, this is where we get into problems. One should not be saving themselves for their future spouse. One should be saving themselves in order to please God. Knowing that saving youself sexually until marriage pleases God should be enough. When that isn't enough we start to feel cheated.
And rightly so, we feel cheated. Because we were. It's understandable.
Since it appears to be the common view that having premarital sex is (virtually) acceptable, then I think we need to be telling our young men (especially) that it's okay if they go out, play the field and sleep around. Since they're saving themselves, in essence, for someone who does not value virginity (which is sad, because God does, I believe), why bother?
Let me ask you: Why does God want His people to "save themselves" for marriage? What do you think?
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RE: My girlfriend isn't a Virgin. - 10/31/2008 10:06:59 PM
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MissInnocent
Posts: 207
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
quote:
Fear of what she was hoping for? - Yeah, I don't want to be compared to another guy. I want her thoughts to be on men and only me...not in the past.
Wow, that was really honest and took a lot of courage.
I have always suspected that insecurity over what kind of lover a man would be might be a factor behind insistence on virginity in a spouse.
So if the OP comes back, maybe this post will help.
First of all, as far as technique goes, you will be awkward and a bit shy with your spouse at first no matter whether you are a virgin or not. That is because you have never been together before with this person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with.
It is the genuine love and trust between you that will cause your romantic relationship to bloom and blossom over time. The more agape love that you show, the more she will respond positively. The more humble and open you are, the more freedom she will feel to communicate what is working and what is not. All good marriages continue to get better in this department, even when it seems it couldn't get any better because it's so good already.
They grow because the trust and acceptance grow enough to allow for more honest intimacy. Truly getting to know someone is a lifelong pursuit of love.
So good romantic relationship is all about unconditional love and trusting in the unconditional love of your partner.
In you particular situation, since your intended was date-raped, I can't believe you would even consider that she would have any positive association of any kind with this previous sexual experience.
Hopefully you have had time to consider what a ludicrous idea that is and realize it is only a lie from the enemy to sow insecurity and mistrust into your marriage before it even begins.
Honestly if it were to affect the relationship at all, it would probably mean that you would come off like a knight in shining armor, gently leading his bride to a blissful expression of his devotion to her.
A complete contrast to the nightmare she endured previously. Just saying.
Great post and I agree with you if she was raped it's COMPLETELY different than if she sinned with someone.
But to the part I bolded, I had to say that it's not just a problem for men. As a woman the idea of being with a non-virgin also gives me thoughts of "What if I won't do such and such that he has experienced before?" "Would I be good enough?" "Would he only like such and such cause he LEARNED to like it with her/them"? "What if he's doing THAT to me cause he knows others enjoyed it"? etc.
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