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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/26/2008 10:57:22 AM
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Prairiehiker
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At what age do you allow your kid to decide whether she/he should stop going to church? I'm somewhat struggling with this right now. She's 11.5. Earlier on during the year, she was very passionate about Christianity. She even listens to all the programs I listen to (Dobson, MacArthur, Stanley, STR, etc). The last few weeks, she's been kinda feeling blah about going to church. And since I had been so busy with studying and being sick, I didn't go consistently either. No big deal for me, as I believe faith is not about going to church. However, I do believe in being around believers and being there to minister to each other in one way or another (I supposedly have the gift of mercy).
But back to the question. My daughter didn't want to go to church this morning because she's tired from 2 nights of staying up late at her sleepover, and said that I should stay home too and sit still for awhile. (came home early from a hiking trip as I asn't feeling too well, and the cold temperature was getting to me). I know she's making an excuse, but I have to admit, she has sound reasoning. She's very intelligent for an 11 year old, as most kids of single parents are. I decided to let her stay home today based on her reasons. She deserves that respect. However, should I let her decide next time?
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/26/2008 10:49:45 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
At what age do you allow your kid to decide whether she/he should stop going to church?
My house, my rules. If I go, she goes. no matter what her circumstances are. Church on Sunday and Wednesday is a fixture on our calendar. She knows that we will be going regardless of what else is going on. While we do miss sometimes, I am the one who decides that.
I figure as she gets older she'll struggle with it sometimes but it's still going to be my house.
so the answer to your question is "When she attains her majority and moves out"
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/27/2008 7:08:32 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8875
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From: land of limbo
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
At what age do you allow your kid to decide whether she/he should stop going to church?
My house, my rules. If I go, she goes. no matter what her circumstances are. Church on Sunday and Wednesday is a fixture on our calendar. She knows that we will be going regardless of what else is going on. While we do miss sometimes, I am the one who decides that.
I figure as she gets older she'll struggle with it sometimes but it's still going to be my house.
so the answer to your question is "When she attains her majority and moves out"
Ditto.
You plan other activities around certain church events. If you won't be able to be in church on SUnday because of an event Sat night you miss the Sat night.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/27/2008 8:46:17 AM
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Tinkerbell_
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Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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Tritto. As long as you are being supported by me, then you will do as I request and that includes going to church. If you're a full time college student and working, or something of the sort, then it's negotiable, but I'm not open to skipping church all together.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/28/2008 4:56:40 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2491
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
At what age do you allow your kid to decide whether she/he should stop going to church?
My house, my rules. If I go, she goes. no matter what her circumstances are. Church on Sunday and Wednesday is a fixture on our calendar. She knows that we will be going regardless of what else is going on. While we do miss sometimes, I am the one who decides that.
I figure as she gets older she'll struggle with it sometimes but it's still going to be my house.
so the answer to your question is "When she attains her majority and moves out"
Ditto.
You plan other activities around certain church events. If you won't be able to be in church on SUnday because of an event Sat night you miss the Sat night.
Quaditto.
I never had option unless I was sick and I didn't get to decide if I was sick enough to stay home.
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Support your local economy, buy locally.
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Disappointments are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
You can't out-pick God.
Dr. Charles Stanley
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/28/2008 7:19:16 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
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Thanks guys for all the advice regarding her choice to go to church or not.
Now, I'm back for more advice, and this one is really driving me insane. I'll start with the punishment that I dished out first. Today, I promised to take her to go costume shopping, but as punishment for what she's been doing for the last few weeks, I decided that she is not going to get a new Halloween costume at all this year. And what is it exactly that she's done that's so horrible that she deserves this punishment? LOL.
Well, the last 3 weeks, she has lost 4 sweaters at school, at the gym, at the day care and at the school field. Luckily, we managed to find them all after a couple of days as they get turned in. My problem with this is that she never ever takes care of her stuff. She didn't think it was such a big deal to lose a sweater. All her sweaters cost me between $60-80 each, which is a lot of money for children's clothing. They are all high end because we use them all for our outdoor activities. I don't buy her stuff that would be wrecked after a month. I thought of buying her less expensive stuff, but I just don't like the look of them after one wash. This girl hasn't yet realized the value of money when it comes to things that are bought for her. When she buys things with her allowance, she makes sure that she takes care of them.
So, needless to say, that after the fourth time today, I flipped out. And I told her that she is not getting anything new from me until the end of the year, and that includes Halloween costume. She has a lot of things that she can wear, and I don't think she'd outgrow anything in just 2 months, so, she's not going to school with holey jeans or anything. She also has a habit of borrowing from, which she has managed to lose as well.
Now, do you guys think I'm being unreasonably mean? Do you think the punishment is not fitting the crime? Is there any other punishment that would serve as a better teacher to her than what I decided? I mean, going to school without a costume would be pretty bad, if you ask me. She has 8 girlfriends that are all going trick or treating together, and she'd be the only one not wearing one.
Arrrggghhh. Parenting is so hard at times.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/28/2008 7:55:56 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Now, do you guys think I'm being unreasonably mean? Do you think the punishment is not fitting the crime? Is there any other punishment that would serve as a better teacher to her than what I decided? I mean, going to school without a costume would be pretty bad, if you ask me. She has 8 girlfriends that are all going trick or treating together, and she'd be the only one not wearing one.
Arrrggghhh. Parenting is so hard at times.
You cannot be unreasonably mean to your own children. That's one of the reasons God gave them to us. For the entertainment value!! (Of course I'm kidding a little bit here)
You're not being mean at all.
The punishment fits the crime perfectly.
She has lots of clothes and can "create" a costume out of them. Let her stretch her creativity a little. She's about 10 or so? The neighbor girl went to her Halloween/b-day party as a dead princess. Nice dress, tiara, nice shoes, and lots of fake blood. Looked really cool. And cost her parents nothing as she had all that to start with.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/29/2008 8:10:01 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8649
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From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
Remember when Lioness suggested to shock them? This is an opportune time to try that theory.
If you specifically told her, "Twin 2, if you do NOT make your bed BEFORE you go to bed this evening, I will remove the mattress tomorrow." and she did not make the bed, then you REALLY need to follow through.
*huggles*
Have fun and we'll be here to vent to when she throws a fit. 
If I follow through, she will do it because she wants to go to the ice rink Friday night (boys n'all) so I don't think she will throw too big of a fit, so this might just work.  Twin 1 is already sticking up for Twin 2 and trying to make a case for her.  She was tired, she had alot of homework, we have a project due Friday Blah Blah Blah...none of that mattered much when she was texting for an hour after school. Its very hard to go up against twins, they team up at times. 
Thanks Tink! 
You're welcome!!!
You know...when the twins start to tag team up against you, simply tell the one who is butting in, "Since you are defending her, you can join her in her punishment...doubled." Meaning, if you take the mattress off the bed for one night for the offender, remove the mattress for two nights for the defender. It will stop their need to defend each other pretty quickly.
I get pretty snarky with my kids and have two comments for them.
The first being: "Let's play a game, shall we? Let's pretend that I'm the parent and you're the child and what I say goes..." and the second is, "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
ONLY when I ask for an opinion are they allowed to give it. You know?
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/29/2008 10:37:10 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
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quote:
She has lots of clothes and can "create" a costume out of them. Let her stretch her creativity a little. She's about 10 or so? The neighbor girl went to her Halloween/b-day party as a dead princess. Nice dress, tiara, nice shoes, and lots of fake blood. Looked really cool. And cost her parents nothing as she had all that to start with.
Thanks John. It actually worked. She decided that she would create her own costume. And you know what she creatively designed? She decided that she's going to be a Geisha girl by borrowing one of my Japanese robes and add some of her creative touches. I'm very impressed.
And she found the sweater that she lost yesterday. Someone scribbled the words "you suck" all over it. She didn't like it one bit. I hope that teaches her to not leave her things laying around.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 10/29/2008 10:55:03 PM >
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 11/4/2008 7:21:06 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
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I need some input in this. This is somewhat of a serious nature.
My daughter's grandpa from her dad's side passed away a couple of days ago. My daughter really likes him though she hasn't seen him in more than 5 years. He is a prominent and respected politician here. My daughter and I would like to send the family a bouquet of flowers. Do you guys think this would be appropriate?
They've distanced themselves completely from us once my ex got married a few years ago. Though there's no animosity between me and my ex, I found out recently that his wife was the one who wanted to distance themselves from my daughter. I don't understand it, but it is what it is and I've accepted it. My ex is also a well known member of the community that they work in because of what he does for a living. I am not sure if the community knows about us. They live about 7 hours from us.
I really don't want to stir any controversies by sending the family something. This is a difficult time for them. I'm actually quite sad about this, not only because I liked the man who passed away, but also we're losing one of the few politicians deserving of respect. HOwever, my daughter's heart is pure and so as my motive. We would like to extend our condolences and grieve with them. My ex and I have no problem communicating and have a very respectful relationship. But his wife,
whom I thought I gained as a friend doesn't feel the same.
Do you guys suggest that I send this? I've prayed about this but I am having a hard time.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 11/4/2008 7:33:29 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I need some input in this. This is somewhat of a serious nature.
My daughter's grandpa from her dad's side passed away a couple of days ago. My daughter really likes him though she hasn't seen him in more than 5 years. He is a prominent and respected politician here. My daughter and I would like to send the family a bouquet of flowers. Do you guys think this would be appropriate?
See the bolded portion. You may no longer be part of that family but your daughter will always be. She has a duty, and a right, to be at the funeral to say goodbye or at least to send something.
Send the flowers.
quote:
They've distanced themselves completely from us once my ex got married a few years ago. Though there's no animosity between me and my ex, I found out recently that his wife was the one who wanted to distance themselves from my daughter. I don't understand it, but it is what it is and I've accepted it. My ex is also a well known member of the community that they work in because of what he does for a living. I am not sure if the community knows about us. They live about 7 hours from us.
It is not your job to hide form his community. If he hasn't told them he has a daughter then that's his problem. It's your job to raise her right. Part of that is recognizing family at times like this.
Send the flowers. It may be the only chance your daughter gets to say goodbye to her grandpa.
quote:
Do you guys suggest that I send this? I've prayed about this but I am having a hard time.
Send the flowers. If it makes it easier send them in your daughter's name.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 11/4/2008 8:22:03 AM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 5096
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
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I'm going to add to what John has said...
Send the flowers. If you don't want to "start a controversy", have the flowers delivered to: the family of Mr. "John Doe".
The card can say "Thinking of you all in this time of loss. Our prayers are with you."
Then sign the card: Sincerely, (or In Christian love,) PH and Daughter...
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Jeannie
'Cause I'm cool like that....
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 11/4/2008 8:33:17 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
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Thanks John and Jeannie. I will do what you both suggested.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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