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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 2:03:13 PM
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JustJeannie
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From: the state of confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: JustJeannie
quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
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ORIGINAL: Kellgaste
I agree with Jeannie on what one gets so does the other.......also..
Would you do this even if one of the twins was usually more respectful, obedient and has a better attitude than the other? This is where I would have a hard time, because they really do behave differently.
But if the "respectful" one is helping the other disobey, is that truly respectful???
I went back and forth with this one. When my daughter "talks" through her sister, but she is not doing the actual texting, is that helping her disobey? All of their friends are mutual friends. She is not calling someone she would not normally talk to.
I see it as disobedience. You ground her from the phone/text meaning she can't talk to friends. If she is talking "through" her sister, she is still talking to the friends she is grounded from talking/texting....KWIM??
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Jeannie
'Cause I'm cool like that....
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 2:03:43 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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From: NeverNeverLand
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When they're home can you ground them from each other?
They're not allowed to do anything together and if they have a homework question they have to go through you?
I have a friend who had to do this with her twins. It worked after the first day or so. They were bawling.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 2:10:04 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
When they're home can you ground them from each other?
They're not allowed to do anything together and if they have a homework question they have to go through you?
I have a friend who had to do this with her twins. It worked after the first day or so. They were bawling.
I have thought of doing this. And It would work. I am sure of that. They are nearly inseparable. It would take a huge effort on my part, so I would really need to be prepared.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 2:19:49 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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From: NeverNeverLand
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You know...it's never easy to truly discipline our children. I remember the first time I swatted Thing 2 with something other than my hand. Broke my heart and I think I cried harder than he did. I use that as a last resort because it's just too hard.
We're here for you Nadine...just like we're here for each other. You'll be fine. I know that life has dealt some unhappy blows, but one thing to remember...this is a single parent thread. We've all been dealt unhappy blows one time or another. That's why we're here. To be lifted and lift others in prayer and support.
Love ya girl!!!
*huggles*
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 3:23:03 PM
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CoeurdeLeon_
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From: Inside my head
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
When they're home can you ground them from each other?
They're not allowed to do anything together and if they have a homework question they have to go through you?
I have a friend who had to do this with her twins. It worked after the first day or so. They were bawling.
I have thought of doing this. And It would work. I am sure of that. They are nearly inseparable. It would take a huge effort on my part, so I would really need to be prepared.
That was my first thought....separate them as discipline. Put the disobedient one in the 9yr olds room and let the 9 yr old sleep with the obedient twin. The obedient one is taking *some* punishment in that she's temporarily losing her best friend but she's not losing anything else.
They won't die from it and it would only take a couple of times, I bet. The thing is, when you reach a certain point, you have to start out with the big guns. You can't ease into it.
And, in this case, no I would not warn them. I'd shock them senseless and get their attention real quick-like.
You can do this! You're doing it for their good. You'd walk through fire for them, you can do this for them.
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This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 3:28:24 PM
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CoeurdeLeon_
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As to going easy on the kids because of what they've gone through...man, do I know that one. Guilt and pity make for some poor parenting. Just ask me because I did it.
But circumstances are no excuse for bad behavior. Grown ups cannot get away with that and so we can't teach the kids that they can get away with it. Ya know?
Believe me, I've had to fight my way through this one and it wasn't easy. But I had to do it or I was failing my kids.
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This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 3:38:50 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
As to going easy on the kids because of what they've gone through...man, do I know that one. Guilt and pity make for some poor parenting. Just ask me because I did it.
But circumstances are no excuse for bad behavior. Grown ups cannot get away with that and so we can't teach the kids that they can get away with it. Ya know?
Believe me, I've had to fight my way through this one and it wasn't easy. But I had to do it or I was failing my kids.
Thanks F.
This is so true it brought tears.
This is where I am at right now.
Thanks for the peptalk guys!!!
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 3:42:57 PM
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CoeurdeLeon_
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{{{{{Nadine}}}}}
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This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
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Eutychus
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 7:57:59 PM
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Boats
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Joined: 7/18/2005
From: Texas
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Honestly, I don't think darth parenting is mean. It certainly can appear that way. Mean is doing it just because the mood struck you. Borderline abuse if not so. I come from a long line of Very strong willed people. DD has a healthy dose. Once "stubborn gear" is engaged She could be beat with a telephone pole and not cave. I have two main tricks, Make her realize it's her behavior that's the problem and wait her out. (God waited me out for 2 weeks once, luckily DD caves in 3-4 days)
The (discipline) problem is that it will becomes so routine that is becomes funny.
(My brothers and I would get Mom mad - get a whack from the wooden spoon - Because it was funny to us had my Dad not been there to lower the boom - she would have really had her hands full.
Things (behaviors) out of the ordinary get attention fast especially coming from us parental units. Dirty parental tricks are more for "shock and awe" And yes they (kids) are very Shocked and Awed that you did ~ That~. Quickly change their behavior to prevent ~that~ from appearing again.
One of my solutions: Puda. From boot camp. Kiddos had to hold a book or something of moderate weight (2-5) lbs out straight in front of them or straight over their heads. (No bent elbows or pulling in close) Why? 1 minute is funny, 2 minutes is uncomfortable 3 minutes is the "dance" and 5 minutes is point taken (sometimes I had to go more tho)
How about a 14 yr old standing in a corner. Well if you going to behave like a 2 yr old then I will punish you as a 2 yr old. Point taken.
The Devil made me do it. (DS actually gave me this once) Well no, The devil may give you ideas, but You're the one doing it. and Since the devil ain't my kid and you are - guess who's getting busted?
Push-ups for leaving trash, dishes, clothes, etc and lights on 10 for each offense.
(benelchi, I love your light bulb trick.. hehe)
Ponder: I'm coming over to your house to live. I'm not going to clean up after myself and even go out of my way to make bigger messes. Should you say something, I'll put you off until you give up and do it yourself. Which serves my selfishness just fine. It being put in my bed or DI mom in my face doesn't. I told my kids that I was just going to watch TV, play games and they would have to cook, clean and do for me. -Oh but that's not fair- Really? then why do you expect it of me? <the light slowly comes on>
The Bottom line: Law enforcement has what they call "use of force" That is they use the smallest amount of force to get person to obey. If you do what is asked of you, fine. if not then level of force goes up until you comply. (deadly force is a separate issue).
Ok night sticks, tazers and pepper spray are not parenting tools.(sorry Lioness :;) But the concept is. "Use of parental Force" is simply using the smallest amount of force to get the
behavior changed. Sometimes we have to pull out the "wild and flashy to get that point across" as I told the young ens " I get to use every trick fair and unfair to grow you into a responsible adult. Don't like the wild and embarrassing - then don't do the things that require me to use it. (hee-hee)
quote:
WaitingforBoaz
I need someone that can play the role of mean parent......I don't have it in me.
Use what you have. Maybe Judo Mom, that is using all their weight against them. heehee No shame in not using these dirty tricks (but they are soooooo fun) And should there ever be (hopefully not) a need, I'm sure you'll find that you are a lot stronger//tougher than you realize.
quote:
Tinkerbell_
*huggles to Boats and his daughter*
Wow...that's gotta be tough. We're praying for you guys.
Thank you, its is greatly appreciated, welcomed and needed.
+++
Confession:
The Lord had to SEVERLY correct me on parental issues way back when.
Bullying. Or Bully Parenting. Do it just because I'm bigger//tougher than you. If you don't obey then you get the boom, anvil and truck dropped on you. Well it isn't my job to crush their spirits in fact it's a really big no-no. If child is corrected simply by asking, then there's no need for the rampaging rabid bull (I was a real donkey's backend) The goal is to Correct their behavior not to terrorize or destroy their sense of justice and self worth.
Talking to/with my kids instead of at them, I really had to learn to listen.
DD and I chatted about chores, She really hates to Vacuum. I really Hate dishes. We traded She did dishes and I Vacuumed and to this day I can't believe how easy that was. (Yes, she did dishes with nary a fuss)
Apologize. o yes sometimes, us parental units make mistakes. Eating crow is never fun and its really tough when you have to with the chicklettes. (extra jerk flavor - blah) If I won't correct my behavior -who will. Isn't that what I want my kids to do? - correct their own behavior without having to be told or busted.
Kids aren't made out of glass, But they aren't made out of stone either.
Hurt feelings mend. Crushed Spirits don't.
Boats
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 8:13:20 PM
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CoeurdeLeon_
Posts: 9048
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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Oh, I forgot to mention that I threatened GC just this evening...
I told her that if she ever <______> again, I'd embarrass her so badly she wouldn't be able to show her face in school ever again. But that'd be okay 'cause I'd get her a nice paper bag. 
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This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus | | |
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