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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/16/2008 8:52:15 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
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Ok, everyone, fess up, what's the meanest thing you've done to your child to teach them a lesson?
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/16/2008 8:53:42 PM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 5096
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
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I'm not mean, so I've been taking notes in here...
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/16/2008 11:54:51 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3636
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Ok, everyone, fess up, what's the meanest thing you've done to your child to teach them a lesson?
My son went through a week of being irresponsible with his bike, leaving it out in the front yard. One day when I came home and found it, I quietly put it into the back of the shed and covered it up. And then came into the house like normal, when my son went out and discovered that his bike had been stolen, I let him continue to believe that it was gone for a couple of days.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 7:54:50 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
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I asked my daughter what's the meanest thing I've done to her. And sure enough, she reminded me of that time that i left her in the house when she was 5 and I drove around the block pretending that I was leaving her at home for the day. I came back a mere minute later, and I could hear this scream...like she was being tortured, lol! She was so scared that i'd leave her. I did it because she didn't want to go to day care, and I was already late for work and she throwing a big tantrum, so I grabbed the keys and told her I'd be back later. I think it had a very bad effect on her because 6 years later, she's still bringing it up.
I've done some mean things like acting younger than her when her friends are over, lol. Or hugging her in front of all her friends at schoo which doens't seem to generate the desired result, lol. Her friends all think I'm the coolest mom!
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 1:00:19 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8649
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Surprise them, Nadine. 
My favourite response to my kids is, "Try me." 
They generally don't. 
Okay, so do you warn them, or just do it? Do you give them an "If... then"? Or are all them times you have told them before enough?
They were so much easier when they were little  Feed, bathe, love, done. 
Let's see. Right now I have a problem with Thing 1 back talking me. He isn't spiteful or hateful but more arrogant, self righteous, and insulting. He thinks he's smarter than God Himself and has no problem sharing his 'wisdom'. When he feels the need to over share with me I say, "(Thing 1), you better stop or you're gonna get it trouble." Mind you, I haven't thought of the consequences until this moment. This is where evil parenting comes into play. If he does it again after the warning that's it. He gets it. Usually it's a shot of vinegar, his phone taken away, sent to his room, or something of the sort. Depends on how arrogant he's being. The other day he had to clean his brothers room.
I am a parent of second chances...not thirds or fourths. The first time I told Thing 1 he was going to lose his phone for his attitude he kind of scoffed at me. So I took it for two weeks. No texting...no calls....no nothing. The second time I threatened to take his phone he believed me.
I think for me, the key is to be consistent when I threaten them. They have learned by now I don't do it in vain. If I say it, I mean it.
In fact...they are very secure in that about me, they see when other parents aren't consistent. Make sense?
On the flip side, I'm consistent with EVERYTHING. If I say we're going to the park; we go to the park. So they basically trust my word. One of Thing 2's friends said "Man! You're mum is strict!" and Thing 2 was like, "I know, but she's so cool! She plays HALO with us!" and his friend was like, "Whoa! My mum never does things like that!"
One day I was talking to the boys about something and Thing 2 mentioned how strict I am and I said that he may not appreciate it now, but he will someday. Thing 1 says, "I already do. If I don't want to do something with my friends I just tell them my mum won't let me. They believe me." 
Long winded I know...I just love talking about raising kids! 
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 1:52:30 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3636
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
There are so many consequences that do not work with twins.
Grounding- Her best friend is always with her. does not work
Taking cell phone away - she just "talks" through her sister and has her text for her on her phone.
If her sister aids in her disobediance, I would take away the sisters phone too. I would give a warning first.
quote:
Here are my two big issues right now:
-They do not do their home work at an appropriate time. They are supposed to start 1 hour after getting home from school, but they usually do not and end up staying up way too late. I thought being tired would be a natural consequence, but that is obviously not the case. Any ideas?
-The second problem is that they leave their bath looking like a tornado hit it. Clothes everywhere. Trash everywhere except where it belongs. I really gets gross. I had thought to put the whole mess on their beds, but I did not know whos was whose, so to be fair, I did not do it. Any suggestions on this one?
Homework: take away every privilege that is being chosen ahead of homework. If they watch TV when they should have done their homework, put the TV in the closet, if it is recreational reading, collect all of their reading material. Pretty soon the sheer boredom will make homework look desirable.
Bathrooms: Buy a regular lock for the bathroom, and whenever the bathroom is left in a mess, lock the door. You can inform them of where they can find public bathrooms, and inform them that if they want to use yours that they will have to agree to clean to clean it before they leave it; upon agreement you can unlock the door. Needing desperately to use the bathroom can be a big motivator for agreeing to clean it up.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 1:53:37 PM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 5096
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
Status: offline
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Soooooooooo, benelchi, you wanna come down here and set MY KIDS straight???????????
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Jeannie
'Cause I'm cool like that....
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 1:53:55 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 4238
Joined: 2/11/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kellgaste
I agree with Jeannie on what one gets so does the other.......also..
Would you do this even if one of the twins was usually more respectful, obedient and has a better attitude than the other? This is where I would have a hard time, because they really do behave differently.
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 1:57:31 PM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 5096
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kellgaste
I agree with Jeannie on what one gets so does the other.......also..
Would you do this even if one of the twins was usually more respectful, obedient and has a better attitude than the other? This is where I would have a hard time, because they really do behave differently.
But if the "respectful" one is helping the other disobey, is that truly respectful???
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Jeannie
'Cause I'm cool like that....
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RE: The Single Parent support Thread - 10/17/2008 2:01:19 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 4238
Joined: 2/11/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JustJeannie
quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kellgaste
I agree with Jeannie on what one gets so does the other.......also..
Would you do this even if one of the twins was usually more respectful, obedient and has a better attitude than the other? This is where I would have a hard time, because they really do behave differently.
But if the "respectful" one is helping the other disobey, is that truly respectful???
I went back and forth with this one. When my daughter "talks" through her sister, but she is not doing the actual texting, is that helping her disobey? All of their friends are mutual friends. She is not calling someone she would not normally talk to.
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My twins are 14 1/2 and I am in all new territory now.