Ways To Be a Godly Wife (Full Version)

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Liv4Him06 -> Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/9/2008 4:35:16 PM)

If you're a married man (or single, wanting to be married), what are some ways your wife can speak your love language? I've heard that being submissive and respect are two things that really beam a husband up, but I am a bit confused to what this all entails.

To you, what are some ways a wife can respect and submit to her husband?

What other types of characteristics and attitudes would you like your wife to possess?

I'm just trying to figure out what Christian husbands seek in a godly wife, and what would make him feel like he's loved. Thanks for your time.



OneJohn410 -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/10/2008 1:57:50 AM)

Hi Liv,
I'm going to struggle through this, because I'm single, wanting to be dating, and I don't have a wife. Since the rest of your queries are about wives and husbands, well, I'll just have to wing it. Here goes.

How can my significant woman in the Lord speak my love language? I'm a quiet guy. I'm so quiet, when I say something, people think I'm done and I'm just getting warmed up! It's aggravating. Part of speaking my love language is not putting me on the spot with how are you when we first see each other. Much more is a wonderful he says or she says short blurb about something cute that's happened, or something good that's happened. Another part is just sitting in pure, unabashed, rapt attention to me doing some rambling about things. Let me get myself cranked up and then watch my lips move and eyes blink as I get to it. Don't judge me, pard, that I'm quiet and the only way to hear noises is to make most yourself.[;)]

I've heard that once people get married, all confusion just *poof!* disappears. No I haven't. I'm thinking the really wonderful marriages, the ones that go the distance and then some, are the ones that have the old couple still playfully arguing about things and pretending they need figuring.

I leave those bigger questions for others to answer that are married, and I may return.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Liv4Him06

If you're a married man (or single, wanting to be married), what are some ways your wife can speak your love language? I've heard that being submissive and respect are two things that really beam a husband up, but I am a bit confused to what this all entails.

To you, what are some ways a wife can respect and submit to her husband?

What other types of characteristics and attitudes would you like your wife to possess?

I'm just trying to figure out what Christian husbands seek in a godly wife, and what would make him feel like he's loved. Thanks for your time.



Liv4Him06 -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/10/2008 5:07:59 PM)

Thank you so much John for answering.

I find your love language quite interesting. So if you're shy and quiet, would an outspoken woman be too much for you to date?

I have been married for 14 years and I'm just learning now how to become a submissive wife, or at least trying to. I'm also learning that a man doesn't need to be loved the way a woman does. A man needs and yearns for respect. Being in a feminist culture, its taken a lot to try to deprogram everything I've been taught. My husband has never really stood up to the plate. More or less he has always allowed me to wear the pants; although I've always desired deep down for my husband to lead.

Lately (the last couple of months) God has put it on my heart to become a submissive wife. I've been trying to learn and educate myself on everything this entails. And since I've been use to things going a certain way it's going to take a lot of practice on my part.

I know you're not married, but what would a submissive wife mean to you? Would you please give me some examples. Also, if respect is a mans way of feeling loved, what are some ways a woman could show respect?

Thanks again for your reply! I am desperately seeking answers. God bless - Liv4Him



OneJohn410 -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/10/2008 7:24:03 PM)

You are most welcome, Liv,

I know I'm quiet. I don't know that I'm shy. If those have to go hand in hand, then I'm probably both. And if someone's love language is built on their entire being, then I'm just picking on the quiet part of it all. An outspoken woman- her views and opinions are the way it is, and I'm perhaps just seeing it wrong on some things? Or is this Ms. Outspoken who knows a little bit about everyone, and is not a gossip but talks about everyone and how she related to them? I'd say not too much for a first date, maybe I'd time her 'speeches' to see how long she could go at a time. A second date, well, that would depend.

As you undergo this transition, is he aware that this is something you want to do? That in your opinion there'll still be a need for someone in the family in that role? Also, that you'd be willing to talk with him about how you became who you were, and how you learned to do what you did- that you'd be glad to share some of that with him? I must again look to some married guys of the community to chip in on this. This teaching role that you could take on for him... perhaps his ways of thinking about this as a youth were all considered wrong by the parents- to make such an offer in a loving manner would to me surely be a respectful action. Conveying that you found the 'pants' role really compatible early on in your marriage because of who you've known yourself to be, and that you want to share that with him, that he know of it and try it- it's just a winner to me. You know the burdens of it, and you aren't out to throw the marriage for a loop. Tell him you'd just like to see him take a try at it, that you'll be around to help out with the tedious, trying stuff, but that there's benefit in both of you knowing how to be in that role, just like as caregivers to each other, comforters in loss of parents, etc.

Blessings in Christ,
OneJohn410



Liv4Him06 -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/13/2008 5:23:20 PM)

Blessings OneJohn! Thanks again for replying. I appreciate it greatly.

As for the outspoken woman, this would be a woman who just speaks her mind freely. Not one who gossips and is rude, just one who isn't shy when it comes to expressing her viewpoints.

As for my husband knowing about my transition, he definitely knows that something has taken place. He says I seem more gentle and kind. I told him about God making changes in my life. Recently (in the last two months) we've gone through a hardship and this trial has left me on my knees and broken. I think God used our situation as a way to bring me back to Him, and to learn how to be a submissive wife to my husband. Going through this refining process I've seen a lot of my sins laid out before me; things I didn't even realize were sins. It's been a cleansing process and it's been tough.

I'm just worried daily now (almost to a paranoia stance) that I am not being the wife God wants me to be. It's like a daily struggle. I know I will never reach perfection but I don't like the feeling that I've failed. I've read books (the Bible being the most important) on how to be a godly wife but I'm more or less seeking just simple answers from real men rather than books. I can't believe out of the 14 years we've been married how much I truly love this man and how my heart has changed to want to serve him. God is truly working in my heart.

Thanks Laminin for the reply. I do have that book. It's a wonderful and great one indeed. But I am looking more on the lines of what types of ways can a wife show her husband she honors and respects him -- instead of the love languages. I am sorry about the confusion. Thanks again for the reply though, it's appreciated.

*** If anyone has suggestions on ways to show a husband respect and honor, please chime in! Or you could tell some stories about how your wife makes you feel loved, respected and honored. Thanks in advance. Blessings ~



Godhead -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/13/2008 10:24:43 PM)

I would say that to be a good wife, keep the house nice and clean, and cook some really good dinners [:D] Any man would be mad not to appreciate that. I know I would. I hate cooking and I hate doing the housework. The Lord works in mysterious ways [8D] I and single you see.
It is good that you have this attitude of wanting to please your husband and not be defiant. That attitude is what is needed to be a good wife.



Coffee_Drinker -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/14/2008 11:39:47 AM)

1. Love God first! If you do that you can love him all you want.
2. Treat him the way you would like to be treated.
3. Be honest and sincere when you need to be (don't be a patsy).
4. Married couples are help mates to each other (work together - don't be a slave).
5. Do not ridicule him in public (personal complaints or other issues can wait until you are alone).

The same goes for him too.

Marriage is a good thing. God made it and I love it.



buckifn -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/14/2008 5:52:48 PM)

quote:

. Do not ridicule him in public (personal complaints or other issues can wait until you are alone).


AMEN to that one...I know a pastor's wife who does that and it makes everyone want to avoid her.

I would also add: Let his decision be the final one if things are at a standstill...tell him you trust him enough to pray and make the right decision and then cooperate on whatever the decision is....

keep your private matters private...respect yourself, him, and both families enough not to allow them to know your personal business.

dress sexy and show you care about yourself and him



Liv4Him06 -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/15/2008 6:21:07 PM)

- Laminin, you're right, I should just ask him what makes him feel respected and honored. It should be easy as that. But at the same time, I know men and women have intrinsic differences -- so it's nice to be able to get a broader perspective in the realm of men. Thanks for the response though.

- Godhead, thanks for the reply. Those are some very good answers, especially about the cooking. My husband is a meat and potatoes type of guy, so it's easy to prepare meals he likes. I am also a perfectionist, so keeping the house in order has been something I've always maintained. Again, thanks for your response.

-CoffeeDrinker, I really enjoyed your answers. I agree with you that God definitely comes first and then my husband. I really want to make sure I keep it in that order. As of lately, I've been extremely occupied trying to be the 'perfect' wife when I should have that attitude about trying to please the Lord first. I also agree with you about not ridiculing him in public (or any place for that matter). I know men find that type of behaviour very disrespectful. Btw- I am glad that you're loving your marriage. I know what you mean. I feel tremendously blessed to have this precious man in my life. I find it sad that I wasn't able to see how much of a blessing he was/is until we had our trial. Thanks again for answering.

-Buckfin, thank you for your comment. I agree with you that I need to allow him to take the lead. I think this is something that we as women struggle with -- well, I know I do. When we read in Genesis, there is a verse that talks about men having authority over their wives but the wives will desire their husbands. Reading in depth, the word desire means to rule over; basically a woman wants to take lead over her husband. It really hit home and makes a lot of sense. Now I understand why the Bible gives married couples instructions on how to be to one another. I also agree with keeping things private between us. My husband has mentioned before that he'd like certain things to stay between us. So thank you for the reminder. I also agree with you that taking the time to look nice for him means a lot.

Thanks again for all your replies. I really enjoyed the great advice and tips. I am taking heed to each one. If anyone else has anything to add, please do! Thanks again. Blessings ~



mrtigger -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/17/2008 2:58:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Liv4Him06
To you, what are some ways a wife can respect and submit to her husband?


Personally, I don't want my wife to submit to me. I want her to be an equal partner in my marriage. In fact, at times she has tried to play the role of submissive wife and it actually causes conflict in my marriage.

In case of unresolvable disagreement over what to do, I would like my wife to defer to my opinion (I being the more logical one [;)]). In that respect I guess I want her to be submissive but I don't want that from her generally.

quote:


What other types of characteristics and attitudes would you like your wife to possess?


Passionate, forgiving, faithful, supportive.

She understands that sometimes I get it right but sometimes I screw up. She thinks of me neither an angel nor demon but just a guy.

quote:


I'm just trying to figure out what Christian husbands seek in a godly wife, and what would make him feel like he's loved. Thanks for your time.


Well, I'm not really a Christian so maybe my answer is not what you are looking for but there it is...



makarizo -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/18/2008 12:03:43 PM)

quote:

What other types of characteristics and attitudes would you like your wife to possess?

maybe these are common sense love language thingys,
a woman who listens to me, and lets me finish my sentences.
a woman who won't openly oppose me in a public setting.
a woman who pays attention and knows when she needs to back off, or be a little more aggressive, lets me unwind, knows when to push. will talk to me instead of the walls or her other friends, she will challenge me, but never lets me be anything less than the head of the house.
sees my pain and becomes a soothing balm instead of an irritant. sees my interests and becomes my encourager and my cheerleader.
she will always share my faith, and will always tell me the truth.

I am sure there is more, hmmmmmm



Limulus -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/19/2008 12:06:53 AM)

I am single, wanting to get married. I want a woman to be honest with me, not scared to tell me anything. Someone who will standup to me when I am bullheaded, but gentle enough to be tactful in love. A woman who tells me what she likes/doesn't like. A woman who speaks her mind and has her own opinions, but cares enough to love me even when I am being an idiot. Someone who thinks the best of me and encourages me. Communication is key. A partner, a friend, a confidant.

Course I want to be open and honest with her too, as well as encouraging, loving and gentle.



Liv4Him06 -> RE: Ways To Be a Godly Wife (10/20/2008 5:44:54 PM)

-MrTigger, thanks for your response. I appreciate a different perspective. But knowing what the Bible says about wives submitting to their husbands, I think it's important for me to follow what God says. I also wanted to add that wives being submissive to their husbands doesn't mean they're not equal to them. In fact, Jesus submitted to the will of His Father. Was Jesus "lower" than God the Father? No! It's just the way God has ordered things. Again, thanks for your viewpoint.

-Makarizo, I really appreciate your answers. A few that really caught my attention were: a woman who listens to me and lets me finish my sentences, and, a woman who becomes an encourager and cheerleader. I lack in both departments. I have a horrible habit of cutting my husband off in mid-sentence and I really need to work on that! I really need to improve my listening skills. It takes me back to the Bible when God says to be quick to listen but slow to speak. Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

-Limulus, thanks for the feedback! A lot of great advice. I am finding out more and more that men really seek a lot of encouragement. That is something I need to adhere to.


***Thanks again everyone for the replies. I appreciate each and every single one of them. I am learning so much.



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