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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/1/2008 1:26:03 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7416
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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Hi everyone, mind if I join in?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
So, your child is now a teen, young adult or married and on their own?
This is the place for you!
None of those "up-all-night-baby-crying-diaper-changing-didn't-get-a-shower-because-the-kid-is-puking-everywhere" discussions here!
No sirree bob, this is the place for us to chat about our grown (or nearly grown) children, our grandchildren, or great grandchildren.
This is the place to talk about the vacations we can plan that do not include "did you bring the pack and play?" and discussion that doesn't have "how many car seats does that particular van hold?"
I'll start.
My name is Kim.
I am 46, married to Rick.
We have 5 children ranging in age from 28-16 and three granddaughters (who are the apple of my eye).
I have been looking forward to this part of my life for awhile now.
Does that mean I didn't enjoy my little ones?
No, I enjoyed them tremendously, it's just that they are on their own (all but the 16 yr old) and a new chapter of my life is starting, so I embrace this as well as I embraced the past chapters.
I so much enjoy that Rick and I can on the spur of the moment get up and go shopping, go for an overnight trip, or just out to the movies without packing a diaper bag and kitchen sink.
We are learning each other in new ways, and sometimes that's real hard to do because lots of times without the topic of kids, we don't have a lot to talk about..LOL
So now, your turn.
Come on in, get comfy and let's chat. 
*If you do not fit the criteria, feel free to read and ask advice, but this is a thread for older parents of older children, so let's keep it on topic OK?*
I'm Roberta and I'm 43.
ds1 is 23 and works for an oil company. He travels a lot. He is a college graduate.
dd1 is 21 and autistic and opening her own dog grooming business. She just graduated from college.
ds2 is 19 and is a freshman in college. He volunteers with his local fire dept. and is studying aviation.
dd2 is 15 and a sophomore in high school.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/1/2008 4:52:24 PM
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Bubbles5
Posts: 859
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
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Bzirk,
Yes I can relate to your situation! I did all the mom things with my three older kids. Then the two younger ones came along, and I did'ent feel like doing all the stuff over again.
Oh I still decorated for Holidays, but it is'ent like it used to be. If the older kids wanted to help the younger kids carve that pumkin..hey that was alright with me. If the older boys wanted to take the younger boy outside and throw around the football or baseball, Great.
My older daughter took my younger daughter to pick out her prom dress. I loved it cause then I did'ent have to. (Altho the younger one is engaged now, and I did go with her to pick out her wedding dress)
We used to take the older kids to baseball games..we never took the younger ones tho. We did manage to take the younger ones to the zoo a few times, but we enjoyed it more with the older kids. Sort of like been there, done that, don't wanna do it again. But I find we could do, and afford, different things with the younger kids. The older kids went camping with us alot...the younger kids went to Hawaii with us insted.
So yes..it's different for me. I do get tired alot faster now. I don't like to do the same things alot. But I feel the younger kids get the same attention..just a different kind. And when their older siblings do things with them, well that's special time spent together right?
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My granddaughter Isabelle
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/1/2008 9:17:16 PM
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Oldwing
Posts: 145
Joined: 9/12/2008
From: New Hampshire, USA
Status: offline
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My wife and I have a married daughter with two children of her own. Our grandchildren are 11 and 9. We find our biggest challenge is to step back and not offer advice all day long. When we let our children blossom on their own it means so much more to them than if they are simply following the advice of Mom and Dad.
Sure, they make mistakes, but so did we when we were their age. Its a part of the big wheel of life. Now that we stand at the generational head of the line we have a totally different outlook on how it should be done, but you just can't force your wisdom on the younger generations. They have to learn that fire is hot by burning themselves - otherwise it is learning by rote and not by experience. The latter sticks much longer tha the former.
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Gary
These things I command you, that you love one another. John 15:17
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/2/2008 8:09:01 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2296
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
Status: offline
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Oh the 16 yr old is going to get on my last nerve tonight.
Her attitude seriously stinks.
I received a letter from school Thursday to inform me she had "attempted to incite a classroom revolt" against a teacher.
(She disagreed with teacher disciplining a student, so instead of waiting till after class to go to principal, she stood up and began a tirade against teacher causing an uproar in class and ended up in principals office and having in school suspension).
I did not know of this incident till after she had served her "time" and after she was allowed to go to Arkansas for the weekend with her uncle.
Now she is grounded.
No phone, no TV, no communication with friends.
I just went upstairs to clean guest bedroom as our guest (BIL) has finally gone back home and peeked into her bedroom where she has been holed up for the entire day and it is a horrible mess.
I told her to get it cleaned up as well as the bathroom (hers) and vacuum the staircase (I did the rest of the upstairs).
Well, little Miss Huff and Stomp ROLLED HER EYES at me, started flinging things into her closet and stomping all around.
She brought her dirty clothes down to start washer, slamming the lid.
I informed her this does not help her case and I can start taking money out of her babysitting wage (she babysits for oldest DD) to pay for a new washer if that is the route she wants to take.
Again with the eye rolling and the stomping.
Someone remind me that this too shall pass!!
_____________________________
<-- Squirt
A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
....Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/2/2008 8:34:13 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7416
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
Status: offline
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Well my 15 yo hasn't started a classroom uproar. She's too busy thinking about how dumb her mom is and how horrible everything about her life is.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/3/2008 8:56:44 AM
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Bubbles5
Posts: 859
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
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Memaw,
THIS TO SHALL PASS
Oh, the joys of parenting a teenager.
My soon to be 16 year old son asked if his "friend" could visit yesterday. I said yes, and the girl got here about 2PM. They sat on the sofa and watched TV for a while. Then they got a board game down, and played that for awhile. I invited her to join us at supper-time, which she did. Then they entertained our 3 year old grandson until he left. She decided to leave about 7PM. Seems like a nice young lady. I'm just not to sure about all this yet. I know my son will be 16 years old next month...but it's to soon for him to start dateing. I still feel like he is 10 years old. He's my "baby" Yeah Yeah...I will get over it.
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My granddaughter Isabelle
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/3/2008 9:10:12 AM
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Bubbles5
Posts: 859
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
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Oldwing,
Almost forgot to address your comments...
I hear you. It would be so easy to offer advise to our daughter, and two sons, about their kids. I did it this way...don't do it that way...let them do this...don't let them do that...your spoiling them...your not spoiling them...hold them more...don't hold them so much...they need a kiss...they need a spanking or time-out. But I TRY very hard not to offer my advise, unless I am asked. (We have five grandchildren. Ranging from 3 years old down to 6 months old.)
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My granddaughter Isabelle
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/3/2008 11:12:07 AM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7416
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Bubbles5
Memaw,
THIS TO SHALL PASS
Oh, the joys of parenting a teenager.
My soon to be 16 year old son asked if his "friend" could visit yesterday. I said yes, and the girl got here about 2PM. They sat on the sofa and watched TV for a while. Then they got a board game down, and played that for awhile. I invited her to join us at supper-time, which she did. Then they entertained our 3 year old grandson until he left. She decided to leave about 7PM. Seems like a nice young lady. I'm just not to sure about all this yet. I know my son will be 16 years old next month...but it's to soon for him to start dateing. I still feel like he is 10 years old. He's my "baby" Yeah Yeah...I will get over it.
My 15 yo dd will be 16 in January.
She had a friend over not too long ago. I was gone and she called me and asked if she could have a friend over after school. The neighbor called me to let me know that she thought dd had locked herself out of the house. When I asked why, she said that dd and someone else (she couldn't see who) were sitting out front in the rain.
I'm so thankful that she followed the rule of no boys in the house when no adults are home. She said that she is glad that rule is in place, otherwise she might have gotten into a situation that she isn't sure she's ready to face yet. She'd never admit that to me if one of her friends were around.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/3/2008 11:15:15 AM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4316
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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I don't know if I read this or remember it simply by observing my own daughter and her kids...
With my 1st grandchild...if he cried, she was picking him up and coddling him like he was on death's door.
2nd grandchild...he could cry a little more, she got a little bit more relaxed when the kids would play and horse around, sometimes getting boo-boos, etc.
3rd grandchild...if it ain't bleeding or broke - then play through it and get back to me.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/3/2008 4:22:50 PM
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myka
Posts: 814
Status: offline
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quote:
To change the subject a bit, I've found so many great things about being an older parent. The chief one being that I just don't sweat much stuff with my youngest. I was silly when my older kids were young. Poor them had to endure my training in parenthood. Thankfully, the Lord has covered a lot of mistakes.
But here's the downside of being an older parent IMO. I'm so lax about some things that I just don't get all that excited about doing the things I did with my older three -- plus, I don't have the same energy level at 50 that I had in my 30s.
Oh, I am soooo with you on that... Sometimes, I get this guilt feeling because my older children are playing/taking care of their younger sibling and I'm not. I think there must be some balance of the right way... maybe not, and we just have to take it as it comes. I don't want the older ones to feel like they have to be the parents, but I do want them to spend time with the little one. I also don't want to miss out on the things that she does, but I think I am more able to enjoy her than I did with my older ones. I guess it is more of a 'being with' phase rather than a 'doing' phase.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/15/2008 10:20:42 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2296
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
Status: offline
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What do you all do for Thanksgiving and Christmas?
Do your adult children come to your house, you go to their house, or have separate holidays?
_____________________________
<-- Squirt
A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
....Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/15/2008 10:27:56 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8860
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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My kids are still all home. However, my parents have been good about liking to see us but letting us set our own traditions for our families. We usually do Thanksgiving at their house and when my brother was still alive his family would come out either Thanksgiving day or the day after (alternated with her family).
When our oldest was about 3 we decided that we would stay home on Christmas and everyone could come to our house.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/17/2008 11:48:44 AM
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flowerz
Posts: 351
Joined: 1/6/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
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My kids still live at home. We go to Grandma & Grandma's for both Christmas and Thanksgiving. We still have our own Christmas traditions and such, since we still spend half the day at our home. Thanksgiving isn't quite the same in Canada, as it seems to be in The U.S. Not that we don't celebrate it, but it just isn't on the same level. lol.
When your adult children have a boyfriend/girlfriend that they are getting serious about, as in future marriage, how much do you share with them of your thoughts about that person? Negative thoughts, especially.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/17/2008 12:08:33 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3417
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
Status: offline
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We go to their homes. We don't have all the stuff they're used to -- the videos, the exercise machines, the electronic games, Wii, etc. But they come to my house for Independence Day, and we do the old-fashioned stuff: card and board games, riding bikes, riding scooters, conversation, playing with the beach balls (I buy a lot for the day), etc., then we go to my daughters for fireworks afterward.
This year, we are all going to my daughter's home for Thanksgiving. Since I don't do Christmas, we will go to one of their homes for their celebration. We do Chanukkah, but it is a quiet 8-day holiday, so my husband and I usually do it alone, unless they request to come, then we LOVE IT!
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/20/2008 12:51:08 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1553
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline
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We usually have the grandparents over, but this year my sister and her husband are coming. In years past we have had family friends share Thanksgiving with us too, but that is not practical this year.
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"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/21/2008 9:15:07 AM
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Bubbles5
Posts: 859
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
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The last few years our kids and grandkids come over here. I cook the big meal, for supper time. That way the DIL's and SIL still can go to their parents for a noon meal. I usually get stuck doing all the dishes..but this year I'm gonna speak up and get some help with that.
For Christmas the kids/ grandkids come home on Christmas Eve. We used to always do it Christmas morning, but now our children want to have that morning with their children. That's fine with me tho. They want to start that tradition with their own babies.
As long as I get to see them all, it does'ent matter what day it is.
_____________________________
My granddaughter Isabelle
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/21/2008 1:02:03 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7416
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
Status: offline
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Bubble, it looks like Isabelle loves to garden! Great pic!
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/22/2008 12:51:47 PM
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flowerz
Posts: 351
Joined: 1/6/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
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funny_girl,
That's a tough situation to be in. Two can be a difficult age. I don't think I'm going to handle the empty nest very well either. My oldest is 19 and I can see her moving away in the next year or two, and far away at that. I have baby yearnings and have thought about adoption as well.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 11/22/2008 1:49:36 PM
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zippty_day
Posts: 889
Status: offline
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I think one is great! Very enjoyable and fun, but 2 in diapers(whoops, I broke the thread rule) isn't. I had a season for more than a year of empty nest sadness. I felt like I could die without one regret. I had no goals, no dreams; felt like I had done it all. Then, I remembered the desire to adopt or have a baby given to me when the first baby was placed in our care and have been very determined to keep him. I even remembered the times the fleeting thought for another baby of our own. Hubby and I will soon be 40 next year.
Maybe it's because we are missionaries/pastors that, I don't know or just a dumb. My husband has been dreaming of a Mercedes SLK for almost 2 years. We are financially secure that he could afford a used one. A 2 seater with 2 babies sounds real inviting eh? I suppose we'll find out soon enough, with 6 months or less if we'll actually be adopting these 2. The grandparents of the sister are petitioning custody of them both. I could let her go, but I'd have a problem letting him go.
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