Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (Full Version)

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cowgirl28 -> Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/4/2008 8:35:50 PM)

I have been married for 13 years and have been a stay at home mom to 3 kids since early 2001. My whole world has always been my family. In February of this year, I started chatting on a message board with fellow wives and moms. Because there seemed to be too much drama on that msg board, a few of us decided to go to a chat room only accessible by us. There are about 5 of us who like to chat with each other every night and see how our days have went and talk about mutual interests, etc. We are not crass or vile or disrespectful to our husbands when we talk. We know all about each other. We know family members names, jobs, kids, their personalities, each other's personalities, etc. We just click really well together and at the end of the day, when the kids go to bed, I enjoy sitting down and chatting with them. I lost contact with my friends long ago due to just growing up and them starting families and all of us being busy and also because we moved away for about 5 years. Night time is also my favorite time for myself. As much as I love my family and time with them, my "me" time comes at night when the house is quiet and the family is asleep. I know a lot of moms who know what I'm talking about. My husband also used to travel 2 to 5 days a week. So, after the kids went to bed, it was so nice to have people to talk to, other females who are my age and are a lot like me. He doesn't travel much anymore and since has taken notice that I chat every night. I never kept it a secret but its not something I brought up all the time. I didn't say "hey guess what so-and-so said last night...hahaha". And depending on how awake we are and what we are conversing about, we have chatted for 3-4 hours before. Sometimes not going to bed til 2 or 3 in the morning. But I always get up and get my kids to school, get my husband's coffee and whatever else I had to do in the morning without fail. I'm a mother of 3 and have been a mom for 13 years now, so I am used to functioning on less sleep. Sometimes I take a nap with my 2 year old too if I need to. Anyway, a few times my husband has gotten up to go to the bathroom and saw me chatting at midnight or later and has gotten really mad at me. Saying that chatting with them is a waste of time and I should be getting an online degree instead for when my youngest starts kindergarten and so on. Once I get my degree after fours, "then chat with them". That me chatting is nothing more than an addiction and I should make friends in my town or do more things with my sisters. I try to tell him he just doesn't understand but he told me that there was nothing I could say that would justify in his mind me chatting with my friends. I tried to tell him that chatting with them is the same as talking to friends across a table or on the phone and that the only reason that being in this chat room (that is only accessible by us) is easier is because we are all spread out in different states. Its not like I am going to random chat rooms and talking to just anyone. I have built friendships with these ladies over several months time and I enjoy feeling a part of this group. I feel important to them, i.e. when I miss a night, they ask me the next day where I was. He thinks they must have no lives, but they do. They have jobs and families and friends. I have seen pictures of them and their families as well, but only after talking to them long enough. He is blowing this situation way out of proportion and its not fair. Its not fair in general but also because in all our years of marriage, I have never once told him that something he liked to do was a waste of time, even if I thought it was. He's an adult, as long as he isn't hurting anyone, then why nag him about it. He has had questionable friends in the past, but I never told him to choose between me or them. I have always respected the fact that he's an adult and some of the things he likes to do (which none are that bad) are okay with me for the simple fact that I don't believe anyone should force their spouse to quit doing something if its not hurting anyone, including themselves. Like he likes to have a few beers with his brothers from time to time. I think drinking is stupid and unneccessary but I never told him to stop. He's a good provider and a good dad and a good husband more than half the time. He even told me several times in the past that he loved me but was going to do whatever he wanted. But when it comes to me, he wants to control what I do and don't do. There is no reason for him to be on my back about chatting with the same ladies, even if it is every night, as long as I'm not neglecting him, the kids, or even the house to do it. We talk about recipes, our kids, our day, music, movies, just your average "girlfriend" talk. I am at a loss on what to do. No matter how I try to explain, he still wants me to stop talking to them altogether and has even threatened to cut off the internet. Its not fair. I am a good wife and mom. I know I deserve to have these friends and I don't feel convicted by God that I am doing anything wrong. But my husband is adamant that I am and wont just let me be. I really don't know what to do.



NotDoneYet -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/4/2008 10:44:25 PM)

Well...by your own admission, you're up chatting until all hours...maybe he feels ignored. I know what it's like to be somewhere, feeling isolated and in dire need of adult conversation. However, your husband has to come FIRST...

just a little food for thought...



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/4/2008 11:01:25 PM)

Wives come here all the time to complain that their husbands stay up late on the computer or playing video games. Seriously, most of the time, husbands and wives should go to bed together. And, your main point is that he doesn't want you on the computer at night, and I am sorry to say, that isn't controlling. That is your husband telling you that you aren't holding up your end of the marriage.

When do you spend time with him? If he's at work during the day and after you get the kids to bed, you get on the computer, when are you paying attention to your husband?



shadowspring -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/4/2008 11:08:31 PM)

All that love that you are pouring out on your cyber-friends you could be investing in your marriage.

I think it's really important to go to bed together at least SOME of the time!

Most of us have plenty to communicate about once our heads have hit the pillow or we are getting ready for bed in the same room. It's a great bonding time. I think it's very important to a marriage.

My dh used to travel a lot, and I found other ways of meeting my needs for fellowship, but he is home most of the time this past year. Sure, it is an adjustment changing your nighttime habits to include your husband, but having a secure thriving marriage makes it all worth it.

Why not make time for him each night- sit and watch TV with him and follow him as he gets ready for bed, talking with him and getting to know each other over again? Maybe you could work something out where MWF you kiss him goodnight and then go chat, but TWTh you go to bed at the same time he does?

Just some suggestions.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/4/2008 11:47:53 PM)

*Our rule of thumb has been if my hubby is home at night - I'm not going
to be online chatting with strangers(vice versa.) If either of us notices the other one has spent too much time online - the one at fault has to get off the computer... if not, the computer/internet is gone!



cindybode -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/5/2008 12:01:26 AM)

So . . . what are you missing in your relationship with your husband? I agree with the others that he probably feels ignored, but I would be willing to bet that you're not feeling loved. You're getting the affirmation you need from your friends because your husband isn't providing it.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/5/2008 8:45:32 AM)

I'm wondering what is "controlling" about being upset that one's wife would rather spend time chatting with cyber friends than spending time with him.

I *love* my forums. [:D] And I get so much out of my online friendships, encouragement and help and all of that. When push comes to shove though, husband comes first.



MisterTR -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/5/2008 8:52:34 AM)

I thought you were my wife until I got a little further into the post. Yes, your husband is being unreasonable and controlling in some ways. Been there, done that, and still struggle with that. I've been controlling in my marriage. It arises out of fear, and the need to control my environment to assuage my fear. Fear that I was becoming less and less important to her, fear that she would be unfaithful to me, fear that I would lose her if I didn't control her. Being controlling doesn't work, but it's hard to let go of it. Ultimately, it arises out of a lack of faith in God. The closer and more trusting of God I've become, the less need I have to control others.

This is definitely an issue to really listen to each other's perspective with sensitivity, maybe with the help of a counselor, and work something out now rather than let it build up more. All the comments so far by others are good points and show that there is room to work out a compromise.

I had the same issue with my wife who would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning with her online women friends, and I felt jealous and neglected and shut out of her life. Eventually, she started interacting with men, too, in very inappropriate and hurtful ways, looking for affirmations she wasn't getting at home. (See Wife Won't Quit Online Community thread.)

We recently reconnected and recommitted, and have been getting to really know each other and love each other again. Before that, though, I isolated myself more and more, and my wife poured herself into her online friends more and more over many years. So this Spring we realized we had lost our connection and intimacy. Her online friends knew her better than I did. We've made huge progress in reconnecting, but I wish we hadn't waited years before we shared openly and honestly and sensitively about the online issue, AND the underlying issues that caused it.

So, you might be catching this early if you pay attention to the warning signal. Best wishes in working it out.



truthrevealed -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/5/2008 8:34:02 PM)

As a married mom, I totally get needing that "wind down" time. Time to talk with others who understand and needing a release from the days' anxieties. But, even if this is a controlling issue for your husband(and I can't say that it is---not knowing the situation as you do)there will still be conflict and strife if you don't come to an agreement. How about limiting the time that you spend on the computer for the sake of peace in your home, in your heart and in your marriage? If you find yourself unwilling to do that(becuase of the joy you experience chatting)then, IMO, that's an indication that your chatting is INDEED problematic.

Search your heart. Is your husband really being unreasonable? Or is it that you don't want to give it up because it's become a source of comfort for you? Also, are you a christian(can't remember if you stated that)? If so, is your communication with God, and the joy from your relationship with Him as comforting and as strong as what you have with the moms? I ask because, you will discover, most (if not all) times, there is disagreement in a marriage it is because one or both partners are out of agreement with God, first!



josie423 -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/5/2008 9:50:58 PM)

My husband and I usually go to bed together. I would be hurt and worried if he stayed up for hours each night chatting with online friends. If I did this to him, he would probably react the same way your husband is. I think you need to put yourself in his shoes. What's more important - him or your online friends? Have you tried reaching a compromise? Maybe chatting one night a week or something like that?

Also, comparing something your husband does once in a while (drinking with friends) to you chatting for hours every night is unfair.

I think you need to pray about this.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/6/2008 6:12:28 AM)

I bet that if you found some other time to chat with your friends, or limited it so that he wasn't waking up at 3 am and finding you still chatting, you husband would never mention cutting off the internet again. Now, "controlling" would be if the day after he said that he called the company and had the service cut off, or destroyed the computer. It sounds like he was just trying to make you understand how serious this is.

I have been known to spend 2-3 hours per day online, though not just on forums. However, that's on *my* time, I'm choosing between sleeping or computer, after my husband has gone to work. When my husband is home, that's family time, and to choose virtual friends over a real live husband who misses you *is* unhealthy. If your marriage fails, are those friends going to support you financially? Are they going to babysit your children for you while you go off to work?



Szaftoo -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/6/2008 9:54:10 AM)

When my kids were younger, I remember sometimes needing time to myself and wanting to connect to other moms. I think moms need some "me" time now and then in order to be more effective as a wife and mom.

However, I think those times should be when your husband is at work. When he gets home, you need to reconnect, talk about your day and enjoy each other's company. I also think it's important to go to bed together. I realize some couples can't, but being on the computer is not a reason.



cowgirl28 -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/6/2008 10:22:29 AM)

Wow! I thought I made myself clear when I said
quote:

There is no reason for him to be on my back about chatting with the same ladies, even if it is every night, as long as I'm not neglecting him, the kids, or even the house to do it.


I never neglect him and make him feel ignored. EVER! HE does come first each and every night. We eat dinner, we put the kids to bed, we watch some tv or a movie together and/or talk about our days and pretty much everything. I even massage and scratch his back each and every night. Trust me, he is well taken care of. Me not going to bed with him at the same time has never been an issue. He does NOT care about that. And honestly, I don't understand why, if I am with him until he actually is going to sleep, why its such a big deal if I am not laying next to him going into a state of unconsciousness at the same time. If I did, there would be no "me" time and I feel that is very important to people to have something for themselves too. It wouldn't be fair for me to have to go to bed when he has to if I'm not ready for bed yet. Our marriage can't ALL be about him and his needs. My friends online are not strangers to me either. They have become dear friends. Also, my friends have jobs and families too. Night time is the only time to talk to them. I have NEVER told my husband he can't have his friends, even when I have felt they were coming between us. I simply insisted he figure out a way not let them get in between us. His friends liked to drink and party and whatnot. My friends and I are in the safety of our homes talking about kids and food and God. I do NOT neglect him or anyone else in my family. They ALL come first and always have. I stated that in my OP but yet here I am defending myself. My friends do like to get on the computer and chat every night BUT there have been nights I didn't go in. Either I was too tired or my husband stayed up late and I was with HIM. I have never gotten on the computer to talk to them INSTEAD of him. EVER. I just want to make that clear....again.

I say he is controlling because in relevance to this, him telling me who I can and cannot talk to sounds controlling to me, but furthermore, he has ALWAYS been pretty bossy and telling me what to do seems like second nature to him sometimes and he has always been this way. Sometimes its not him just simply wanting to spend time with me, sometimes he wants complete domination over my time. Now you guys can assume that I'm being silly and that he just simply wants to spend time with me all you want, but since I am here and not him, I'd like to think I'd get the benefit of the doubt and the assumptions be that I know what I'm talking about since I AM the one who is IN the situation and HERE to begin with. For just a taste of what I am talking about, when tucking my daughters in to bed, I would barely get out the words "good night" before he'd be yelling at me to hurry back to him. Reading a bedtime story has seldom been enjoyable and full of interruptions of him yelling at me to hurry up. That is just ONE example.

I am so tired of the double standard of the husband getting to do what he wants, when he wants, but the wife has to listen to him like she's one of his children. I do EVERYTHING he wants me to do and when he wants me to do it, I am there for his beck and call personally and even when he needs help for his job...including building sensors myself on top of all that I do at home. IF he wants to go out, he is free to do so without any nagging from me. BUT I can't do that. And to be honest, I don't WANT to do that. I dont' like going out and drinking and doing any of that. I am fine staying home and taking care of my home and family. I am just simply asking to be able to talk to my friends AFTER he goes to bed IF I want to. I am not lying when I say NOTHING is neglected. I have had nothing in my world for the last 13 years EXCEPT him and the kids. But now that I have something to add to my life, he doesn't want me to have it. Thats how it feels. He won't listen to me or even try to comprimise. He just wants to tell me what to do without me arguing with him about it. I am an adult and he knows me well enough to know that I am a responsible one who would never chat with men or discuss inappropriate things. He KNOWS me well enough to know that. Again, I say, I am a GOOD wife and a GOOD mom. I deserve to have something for myself at the end of the day AFTER he goes to bed esp. when he doesn't care that I don't go to bed right when he does. And another thing, I have even offered to chat long enough while he was up so he can sit next to me for a little bit so he can SEE what its like. But he won't.

Some of this resentment I feel is because for all our years, he has made it perfectly clear that he will do what he wants. Though he has calmed down in the past year, he still would not have me telling him what to do in any capacity. I have been here for him all these years, encouraging him, supporting him, cooking and cleaning for him, having and raising our children, being at his every beck and call and having choices taken from me left and right. BUT he can tell me I can't talk to ppl I have developed friendships with over months and months of time while he was traveling? I can't have that?! Even if I never talk to them while HE's around?! Why don't I have that freedom? Even God gives us free will.



laura... -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/6/2008 10:28:20 AM)

Now that you have posted again and filled in some gaps of information, I recommend that you and your husband pursue marriage counseling. Your issues are far deeper than online chatting with friends.



cowgirl28 -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/6/2008 10:44:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura...

Now that you have posted again and filled in some gaps of information, I recommend that you and your husband pursue marriage counseling. Your issues are far deeper than online chatting with friends.


He won't go to counseling. Honestly, I have learned to cope with certain characteristics he has. I tolerate certain things because I love him. Its just when he goes to trying to control what I do and don't do that I get resentful because of the other stuff. Other than some of this other stuff and other than him trying to take my friends away from me, we get along pretty good. We go out on dates, we have a good time together. We fight just like anyone else, but this one thing really has us going because he won't listen to me or my feelings about it. He completely shuts his ears off when I try to explain my side. So, then I feel like, I am not going to let him bully me this time when nothing has changed at all. I don't spend less time with him and everything is the exact same as before I met these ladies, except that I finally have friend connections and therefore, I've been a bit happier, because I haven't had that since High school and I'm 32 now. He's always had his friends and I've always let him. I just want him to return the sentiment. One of his problems is he thinks anything online is weird. And that includes even this forum. lol Imagine that.



laura... -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/6/2008 10:47:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cowgirl28

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura...

Now that you have posted again and filled in some gaps of information, I recommend that you and your husband pursue marriage counseling. Your issues are far deeper than online chatting with friends.


He won't go to counseling. Honestly, I have learned to cope with certain characteristics he has. I tolerate certain things because I love him. Its just when he goes to trying to control what I do and don't do that I get resentful because of the other stuff. Other than some of this other stuff and other than him trying to take my friends away from me, we get along pretty good. We go out on dates, we have a good time together. We fight just like anyone else, but this one thing really has us going because he won't listen to me or my feelings about it. He completely shuts his ears off when I try to explain my side. So, then I feel like, I am not going to let him bully me this time when nothing has changed at all. I don't spend less time with him and everything is the exact same as before I met these ladies, except that I finally have friend connections and therefore, I've been a bit happier, because I haven't had that since High school and I'm 32 now. He's always had his friends and I've always let him. I just want him to return the sentiment. One of his problems is he thinks anything online is weird. And that includes even this forum. lol Imagine that.


I recommend another good resource: the book "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud and Townsend. It may give you good, practical guidelines for setting boundaries and ways to approach the issue of his controlling behavior.



cowgirl28 -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/6/2008 10:54:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterTR

I thought you were my wife until I got a little further into the post. Yes, your husband is being unreasonable and controlling in some ways. Been there, done that, and still struggle with that. I've been controlling in my marriage. It arises out of fear, and the need to control my environment to assuage my fear. Fear that I was becoming less and less important to her, fear that she would be unfaithful to me, fear that I would lose her if I didn't control her. Being controlling doesn't work, but it's hard to let go of it. Ultimately, it arises out of a lack of faith in God. The closer and more trusting of God I've become, the less need I have to control others.

This is definitely an issue to really listen to each other's perspective with sensitivity, maybe with the help of a counselor, and work something out now rather than let it build up more. All the comments so far by others are good points and show that there is room to work out a compromise.

I had the same issue with my wife who would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning with her online women friends, and I felt jealous and neglected and shut out of her life. Eventually, she started interacting with men, too, in very inappropriate and hurtful ways, looking for affirmations she wasn't getting at home. (See Wife Won't Quit Online Community thread.)

We recently reconnected and recommitted, and have been getting to really know each other and love each other again. Before that, though, I isolated myself more and more, and my wife poured herself into her online friends more and more over many years. So this Spring we realized we had lost our connection and intimacy. Her online friends knew her better than I did. We've made huge progress in reconnecting, but I wish we hadn't waited years before we shared openly and honestly and sensitively about the online issue, AND the underlying issues that caused it.

So, you might be catching this early if you pay attention to the warning signal. Best wishes in working it out.


Thank you MisterTR for this post. Its nice to have a perspective of a husband who has stuggled with somewhat the same thing. Though I don't feel a loss of connection with my husband at all. We spend a lot of time together. Playing with the kids together before they go to bed and laying in bed talking after they go to bed. I feel that I've done a really good job at being his wife and being there for him on every level. Which I guess, is one of the reasons this situation is so frustrating for me. Maybe he is just not used to me having anyone else to turn to. Logically, women need other women to talk to and if he thought about it, he'd realize that I'm normal for wanting/needing that. I would understand his gripe if I was going to random chatrooms and talking to just anyone, but I don't do that. Its even my rule that I don't get on the computer while he is up or home. I don't even want to. I WANT to be with him when he's home and AM with him. He thinks the internet is a waste of time. I actually used to come here a lot a long time ago and he didn't even like that. I just feel like all he needs to do is lighten up and not be so uptight. I feel like he should just trust me and not treat me like one of the kids. If he's not being neglected in ANY way, if the kids aren't being neglected in ANY way, if our home is not being neglected in ANY way, then I feel like he should live and let live. I don't feel like I am asking for too much.



cowgirl28 -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/6/2008 10:56:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura...

quote:

ORIGINAL: cowgirl28

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura...

Now that you have posted again and filled in some gaps of information, I recommend that you and your husband pursue marriage counseling. Your issues are far deeper than online chatting with friends.


He won't go to counseling. Honestly, I have learned to cope with certain characteristics he has. I tolerate certain things because I love him. Its just when he goes to trying to control what I do and don't do that I get resentful because of the other stuff. Other than some of this other stuff and other than him trying to take my friends away from me, we get along pretty good. We go out on dates, we have a good time together. We fight just like anyone else, but this one thing really has us going because he won't listen to me or my feelings about it. He completely shuts his ears off when I try to explain my side. So, then I feel like, I am not going to let him bully me this time when nothing has changed at all. I don't spend less time with him and everything is the exact same as before I met these ladies, except that I finally have friend connections and therefore, I've been a bit happier, because I haven't had that since High school and I'm 32 now. He's always had his friends and I've always let him. I just want him to return the sentiment. One of his problems is he thinks anything online is weird. And that includes even this forum. lol Imagine that.


I recommend another good resource: the book "Boundaries in Marriage" by Cloud and Townsend. It may give you good, practical guidelines for setting boundaries and ways to approach the issue of his controlling behavior.


Oh thank you. I will definately get this book.



truthrevealed -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/7/2008 3:39:43 PM)

Cowgirl, I certainly hope I personally did not come off as non-empathetic. Because even if your husband is "wrong" or controlling, or being unfair, there still needs to be agreement between you both or there will still be strife(and it'll still upset YOU even if it's him being unreasonable). It MAY mean you yielding a bit for the sake of peace. That doesn't mean you giving in to what he wants all of the time, although you can look at it that way, it means doing whatever is neccesary so that YOU can have peace!



DuckTalk -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/7/2008 6:19:09 PM)

cowgirl28, taking into consideration only what you have written & believing it to be factual, I would have to agree with you. After your 1st post, I thought you were being a little ridiculous, but after your 2nd post, if your husband actually yells at you to hurry away from your children back to him, then I will definitely agree that it sounds as if he is not only controlling, but bordering on abusiveness. What would he do if you said, "NO"?

I do not always agree with automatic responses of "get counseling". Not everyone lucks up on sound counselors, [sm=unsure.gif]even in the Christian realm and even if you thought you had, you would likely be subjected to the denominational doctrine of the counselor, which can sometimes be very dangerous if you are not familiar with them.

A counselor will not advise you anyway. He or she will probably only be a "sounding board" where you will be asked to spill your guts, and then very likely reflect what you said right back to you & ask you what you think a person in that situation should do in order to better their life. Not something entirely necessitating a "counselor".

Anyway, it sounds to me like you have already found your best "sounding board" with your online friends of like-lifestyles. You may have to choose between them & him though.

Just remember, the irony of the dominant & submissive gender references is so funny because generally speaking, and I reiterate "generally", historically women have proven their dominance through the strength of sacrificing all but her soul for insecure men like this. You may have to, also.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/7/2008 6:53:10 PM)

Sorry but things weren't clearer in your OP to me.

*I can only say that I'm sorry for not understanding.

*He's threatened to cut out the internet... but you're still chatting... or at least that's what I'm getting out of your post. You'll chat until the internet is cut off? (I am guessing here)

From what I'm getting from your posts/replies two people are doing things that aren't beneficial to the marital relationship.
So what kind of friends do you have in your personal life... are young moms in your own neighborhood, church, family etc... are you getting together with them and having those type of chats?

Your husband sounds like a dominant person and you're like... I'll keep quiet for a time to keep a form of peace... which isn't peace because being kept under thumb brings tension. I really don't think you're wanting a false peace - you want to be able to express yourself - make friends - do things without him blasting you for no reason other than he doesn't agree with your choices. You in turn will think his choices are bad(and they may be) but you keep it to yourself. Unfortunately he doesn't respect you and he'll nag you about the things you've wanted to do(or doing.)
I can encourage you to stand up for what you want to do as long as your home/family aren't being neglected.
What happens if he cuts off the internet?
Do you have access to money or can you afford to pay for your own internet? Is the money under his control only?

Choose your battles carefully... final question
Is your husband a Christian?



mtnsoroceans1 -> RE: Controlling Husband Pushing Me to the Brink (10/7/2008 6:53:23 PM)

I can underatand how you feel its hard with kids at home & then a husband that wants your full attention . But maybe ask youself this ? Maybe does he feel left out because you have other friends. even though they are just on a screen . maybe he feel that you share apart of your life that maybe he would like to share into ? Some thing to think about maybe include him in a chat session then maybe he might understand that it's nothing more than a girl's chat time to relax & enjoy other mom's with kids ! nothing more ! As for the fact that he has a beer with his friends or his time with the guys ! Men have a completly seperate rule for us & them... Unless you are willing to take the good & bad make the best of it.. ME I got out ! I can't live with 2 sets of rules.. I could not take a CONTROLLING MAN !!!! its either a equal partnership or I am GONE !



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