feeling really guilty (Full Version)

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amcnelly -> feeling really guilty (10/2/2008 4:55:14 PM)

my husband and i have 3 beautiful children and after the third one we felt that we don't need anymore so i got my tubes tied. now i feel really guilty because i feel that i am keeping a child from entering the world. financially we can not afford another child (i am a student and my husband is the only source of income) yet i know there are so many woman out there struggling to get pregnant and i who am able have children has forever stopped the process. i don't know why i feel this way (it has been over a year since the procedure) is this normal? i don't know anyone who shares my beliefs that have gone through this



Tashilein -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/2/2008 5:22:25 PM)

Well, I can hardly imagine what you must be going through as I'm not in your situation. But... you and your husband made a decision which you two believed is best for your family. I can understand you feel guilty towards those who might never experience being pregnant and giving birth to their child, yet you have been given this blessing of experiencing it 3 times. There are so many children currently in this world without a loving family, without parents and still being born every day to women who either don't want or can not take care of them. So adoption is a possibility for those struggling having their own biological children. Another option for those women would be a surrogate. I'm not a doctor, so I have no clue if it would be possible... But maybe you could still "volunteer" your womb for someone who is struggling to get pregnant or have a successfull pregnancy. But that would be something for you and your husband to decide whether you want to do that. If it were possible and you both decided to do such a thing for someone... be careful. Get all the advice, medically and legally. Though it would be a lovely gesture and gift, don't risk your health as you have 3 beautiful children who need their mommy and maybe there is another way you can reach out to those women and support them with their struggles

Wish you all the best and hope there's someone who has been in the same situation and she can support you [:)]



clag4christ -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/2/2008 10:11:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amcnelly

my husband and i have 3 beautiful children and after the third one we felt that we don't need anymore so i got my tubes tied. now i feel really guilty because i feel that i am keeping a child from entering the world. financially we can not afford another child (i am a student and my husband is the only source of income) yet i know there are so many woman out there struggling to get pregnant and i who am able have children has forever stopped the process. i don't know why i feel this way (it has been over a year since the procedure) is this normal? i don't know anyone who shares my beliefs that have gone through this



Maybe the Lord is trying to convict you that permanent sterilization wasn't actually the right choice for your family? Of course I can't know for sure...but if your conscience is being prodded in your quiet moments it's very possible. The procedure to reverse the sterilization is expensive (or so I've heard)...though there are charity organizations that can help if you want to have your decision reversed.



manda59 -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/3/2008 9:22:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amcnelly
i don't know why i feel this way (it has been over a year since the procedure) is this normal? i don't know anyone who shares my beliefs that have gone through this



I would imagine you're grieving, even though it was the right thing to have done. I know women grieve after hysterectomies, after the menopause ....... so I imagine feeling like this is definitely normal.



Memaw. -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/3/2008 9:53:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amcnelly

my husband and i have 3 beautiful children and after the third one we felt that we don't need anymore so i got my tubes tied. now i feel really guilty because i feel that i am keeping a child from entering the world. financially we can not afford another child (i am a student and my husband is the only source of income) yet i know there are so many woman out there struggling to get pregnant and i who am able have children has forever stopped the process. i don't know why i feel this way (it has been over a year since the procedure) is this normal? i don't know anyone who shares my beliefs that have gone through this


I don't really think this is about having more children because others' can't, I think this is about the "permanency" or finality of your decision.


I remember feeling that way after my tubal as well.
I had given birth to 3 children, and suffered 4 miscarriages.
After the last miscarriage, I knew I couldn't <emotionally> go through getting pregnant and possibly losing it too, so we decided for me to get the tubal.

I tend to agree with Manda on this one, I think it's a normal "grieving" you are going through, just the same as many women grieve the "loss of future children" when they have gone through a hysterectomy or menopause.



agapetos -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/3/2008 2:32:07 PM)

I'd agree with Manda and Memaw too. I had an ablation in 2004 and while it was the absolute right thing for me to have, I still had to deal with the fact that I would never have children.



W.O.F. -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/4/2008 10:55:53 PM)

I think it is a little of both.

I do think it is normal to grieve over all the "could have beens".....you have shut the garden gate so to speak, on other visitors to your garden. There has to be a process where you "deal" with that loss...we all do it over other things. So grieve for a period, face it, and see where it leads.

IF it does not resolve in a reasonable amount of time (and only YOU can decide how long that is.....no one else can decide that for you)...perhaps it is because you made a decision in haste and God had other plans for you. Seek Him and He will comfort you and give you wisdom on where to go from here...whether it is merely healing and letting go of the grief, or addressing the fact that perhaps you stepped out of His timeline....either way..He is good and He will see you through this.



amcnelly -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/6/2008 5:00:13 PM)

thank you all for your responses. you have definitely opened some other avenues of thought for me to follow. this is definitely something i may have to give more thought to. i really do appreciate all the responses and have never actually considered that i might be grieving.



flowerz -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/7/2008 12:36:19 PM)

If God really wanted you to have another child, I believe that you would have one, regardless of your operation. I don't believe it is 100% effective, though it is close to that.



W.O.F. -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/14/2008 9:56:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: flowerz

If God really wanted you to have another child, I believe that you would have one, regardless of your operation. I don't believe it is 100% effective, though it is close to that.

While that may be true...it is also true that God will not force His will on us....and when we take steps that stop the natural process of things...He will not necessarily override them.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/15/2008 2:45:19 PM)

If you do feel you made the decision in haste, there is a ministry that helps with reversals. There are many, many people who have regretted sterilization and felt that correcting their mistake was part of the healing process.



Shells54 -> RE: feeling really guilty (10/16/2008 9:31:00 AM)

I kinda of understand where you are coming from.
I didn't have my tubes tied but hubby had a vasectomy and although it was done because the doctors told us my body wouldn't be able to hold up to another pregnancy being the last one was so many problems with me.
I feel almost daily the same thing of feeling guilty and that we have done something against God. I also know that I will get through it with his help I just need to remind myself that it was for my health. We weren't as strong in belief then as we are now.
I don't know if any of that helped just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.



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