WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (Full Version)

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savior5683 -> WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/2/2008 3:48:07 PM)

I have a situation going on right now between my mother and I. A couple weeks ago she asked my husband and I to come over for dinner so her boyfriends parents can see my 18 month old son Kevin. I said ok. She calls me 2 weeks later and says "Be here Sunday at 2:00 o clock." She calls me on a Friday to let you know. I said "We can't make it." She blew up on me. I said "You have to ask me before you make plans and make sure I am not busy. I'm sorry. Can we make it for a later date?" She blew up and hung up. A couple days later she called and said...."Ok you better come next week then. I TOLD THEM YOUR SON WAS IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM. SO YOU HAVE TO LIE AND TELL THEM THAT NEXT WEEKEND."

I said "Are you kidding me?! There is no way I will lie and say such a thing."

She refuses to talk to me and says she will disown me. This is something she has done to me all my life. And some of you might know me from a previous post, "what do you do when you hate your own mother?"

I am right for not lying for her right??? I am trying to stand up for myself now and not let her control me anymore. Her tactic is she says she will disown me and it used to scare me but I am not letting it anymore.

What would you do?



Jenny-Fair -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/2/2008 4:14:24 PM)

I wouldn't allow her around my child, because she would obviously teach him the wrong things.

And I am proud of you for standing up to her.



shadowspring -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/2/2008 6:03:56 PM)

I would do something very similar to what you did.

I would not lie for my mother, and I would only come the next weekend if I wanted to, it was convenient and I had a pre-arranged exit strategy.

I mean, I would decide ahead of time how long I could stay, and announce that when I arrived (or before the big day if you choose), and then when that time came, I would leave.

Unless she began behaving badly before then, at which time I would pack up my little one and head out the door.

Stand firm, sister! Do what is right for your new family and what honors the Lord. I'll be praying for you.



savior5683 -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/2/2008 6:05:29 PM)

Thanks deermousie and Jenny-fair.

Deermouse, just to answer your first question...NO...we never made a date. She just said..." Sometime in the future.

Well...I am glad I joined the forums. It's nice to have brothers and sisters on here to make me feel better. I refuse to walk away from Gods way for anyone...and it has to include my mother.

She is a great manipulator. I am just going through the healing process right now in my life. I am starting to accept that I can't change her and I can only pray for her and stay away. Thanks everyone!



savior5683 -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/2/2008 6:12:43 PM)

To Shadowspring:

I have no problem going and I will but my mom told them my son went to the emergency room when he didn't. So if I go there...we know the people will be like..."Oh how come your baby was in the emergency room! Is he ok?!".

And then she expects me to lie.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/2/2008 6:32:36 PM)

You probably won't have to worry about it now. Since you told your mom you wouldn't lie, I imagine the LAST thing she wants is for them to ask you about it! LOL She said it to begin with because her pride couldn't stand sharing that you didn't drop everything to do what she said. She definitely is not going to stand for you ruining her image in her bf's eyes.

Does the b/f know the truth? Or did your mom lie to him, too?



savior5683 -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/2/2008 7:11:10 PM)

Her boyfriend has no clue. She lies to him all the time.



raivyne -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/2/2008 8:11:48 PM)

Wow! I'm truly sorry for this situation in your life. I cannot imagine having a mother like that! It seems like God has used it to make you a better person though and congrats to you for allowing Him to.

You are right not to lie for your mother (or anyone else for that matter!). Remember what Jesus said in Mat. 10:34-36:

quote:

Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn 'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her motherinlaw— a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'


He also said to pluck out your own eye if it causes you to sin, IOW get rid of the things in and about your life that cause you to sin... the strongholds of sin. You can love and pray for your mother without letting her cause you to fall.

You're on the right path, take heart! God will give you strength and comfort for this situation.



pbaribeault -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/3/2008 12:29:39 AM)

What would I do?

I would tell her that she has committed the sin of bearing false witness against me... Once she was done her storm about that, I would let her know that I would be happy to come for supper once she has cleared the air with these other people by telling them the truth... Once she was done her storm about that, I'd cheerfully tell her that she can invite us to dinner any time and that we will accept her invitation if we are able.

If she threatened to disown me I'd ask her what on earth lead her to think she owned me in the first place!



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/3/2008 1:25:40 AM)

You have received some outstanding advice, savior5683. I do not need to add anything to what has been written but to tell you what I did about one case that was similar.

Father disowned me three times. On the third time, when he said I was not his daughter because I would not lie for Mother, the ties that once bound us just broke, especially since it was right after he told me that he had never had any commitment to me.

At my birth, he had given me what once was my name, and it had been a big deal between us. I had used that name for four decades, but that day, I just wanted to be rid of it. I lamented to my husband that the name meant nothing anymore, and my husband responded, "Well, go to court and get it changed." I did, and my husband paid for it. Now, I am Abiyah, pronounced "ah-vee-YAH," and it means "G-d is my Father."

You probably are not considering something this extreme, because each person has her/his own answers for each situation at each time, but this one worked for me at that time. There is always an answer for each situation.



csl7037 -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/3/2008 11:30:14 AM)

When I first started reading your post, I was thinking "oh, she sounds like my dad" - he's single (widowed) and comes and goes as he pleases, doesn't plan for anything, spur of the moment, everything on a whim - because it's just him. He often doesn't realize my life doesn't work that way. He stopped by last night on the way home from being somewhere with some friends the last couple days (he's about an hour East of us, his friends are about an hour South of us). Thursday night is a major homework night, dd had just gotten home from soccer, they had to have dinner, study for tests, and be in bed. I don't think it was a lot of fun, not much time with the kids, but that's the way Thursday nights go here.

But if my dad had thrown a fit like your mom did, I'd have him committed or something. I can't believe she asked you to lie to cover her silly excuse either. You can't go along with that.



Focusing -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/4/2008 7:45:11 PM)

quote:

I am right for not lying for her right???

Yes, you are correct.

What would I do? Are you sure you want to know? If I could make it, I would. And if anyone asked if the baby was okay after the ER visit, I would say he wasn't in the ER. Of course there would be more questions, and I would say we were busy and weren't able to make it, and you didn't know why you mother said the baby was in the ER.

That way it puts it all right back on her. When she says (lies) that you told her, just simply say "no I didn't."

Be honest. Be strong. Don't allow her to manipulate you. Good for you to stand up for yourself!!


quote:

Now, I am Abiyah, pronounced "ah-vee-YAH," and it means "G-d is my Father."

(((Abiyah))) That is just beautiful [:)]



jaimestarcross -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/4/2008 11:17:18 PM)

quote:

She refuses to talk to me and says she will disown me. This is something she has done to me all my life. And some of you might know me from a previous post, "what do you do when you hate your own mother?"

I am right for not lying for her right??? I am trying to stand up for myself now and not let her control me anymore. Her tactic is she says she will disown me and it used to scare me but I am not letting it anymore.

What would you do?


*I would remind mom that she doesn't "own" me.
The other thing is, she will still be your "mother"(the woman who gave birth to you) even if she claims not to be.
Her antics are undesirable and cruel, I would limit contact with such a person.
Some parent/child relationships have to be handled in such a way because
one of them is very difficult to be around.
You may find keeping in touch may mean - sending cards, letters, and gifts... and short visits from time to time.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (10/5/2008 1:14:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focusing
quote:

Now, I am Abiyah, pronounced "ah-vee-YAH," and it means "G-d is my Father."

(((Abiyah))) That is just beautiful [:)]

Thank you, Focusing. G-d is So Good!!



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