Accountability/Feels like he's stealing

Accountability/Feels like he's stealing (Full Version)

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mrsthejojos -> Accountability/Feels like he's stealing (10/1/2008 12:15:49 PM)
I've been married for two years. My husband and I have been having our issues (growing pains). Last nite we were going to wash clothes, we have achange and , that we agreed we would not touch (it's for our cruise), I needed some quarters,emergency, I noticed that the dollar bills that we put in there were gone. Not the first time. As I was coming dowm stairs to let him know I was borrowing quaters, I asked him did he take the bills out. He said he did. I asked him why didn't he tell me , he said he didn't think he should. I told him I disagree and that it's our money and he should have said something. He didn't see it that way. i don't like the idea that I can't trust him, and when do we/he start melding our live so that we become one?

Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Accountability/Feels like he's stealing (10/1/2008 4:04:58 PM)
Eh. If it bothers you then he should tell you he's taking it. But... My husband and I have a change jar, and I don't tell him every time I snag a dollar or some quarters. I know he also takes some for parking or other random things, I usually take it for a quick cup of coffee at school. Seems trivial to start a fight over change so I would guess ya'll have something bigger going on, especially because of this- quote: i don't like the idea that I can't trust him, and when do we/he start melding our live so that we become one? Where is the lack of trust coming from? Having been married for two years I would say your lives are probably pretty well melded, especially if you have joint banking accounts and all that jazz. If you are using the jar as a savings account, then I would roll it into change rolls and deposit it into a real savings account.

allisonbrett -> RE: Accountability/Feels like he's stealing (10/1/2008 4:23:34 PM)
Stealing seems like a very strong word. I'm sorry but I don't necessarily see it as stealing especially if he is contributing to the fund. It seems that you and he must have a very different prespective on this cruise fund. He may not see this form of savings as anything more than an change jar and not necessarily as a real savings fund. We too, have a change jar but we don't have a goal to it. Emergency funds, I guess. If you are saving for a cruise (which isn't cheap) then I suggest a savings account and making weekly/monthly deposits even if its only $5 or $10. Cash laying around can seem rather tempting when you need a buck or two for lunch or something. You may want to determine each week what you will put into your cruise account. If you'll both make the commitment to do add to the savings account, you'll be booking your tickets before you know it. Besides, if its not literally lying around it's more difficult to borrow from it. He may then see the savings as more legitimate than a change jar. If he withdraws from the savings acct. without your knowledge then you may need to get on the same page where money is concerned. [:)]

DuckTalk -> RE: Accountability/Feels like he's stealing (10/1/2008 5:33:37 PM)
Stealing? I agree that this is a very strong word and doesn't necessarily apply if he has contributed, also. How about taking a few bucks here & there for yourself & hiding it away in a jar that he doesn't know about & you may get that cruise one day anyway. After all, behind every successful man is a frugal woman. [;)]

deedeeowens -> RE: Accountability/Feels like he's stealing (10/1/2008 5:34:22 PM)
I think the savings account is a good idea. Out of sight, out of mind. If I kept vacation money in the house, we'd never get to go anywhere. There is always some immediate need that comes up and having cash on hand makes it too easy. At least he admitted to taking the bills. If he was completely untrustworthy he would have lied about it. And better to tell you that he disagrees with your thinking, than to go along like he's on the same page and not really mean it. I agree that he should have told you he was taking the money, since you had an agreement about it. I just suspect his perspective is more on the level of not wanting to be held accountable for making the decision to use the money, rather than "stealing" it. From the information that you provided, I can only guess that there is a deeper issue like; maybe he feels that he's being treated like a child. He needs to realize that with marriage comes respect for agreements, and respect for one anothers monitary contributions. On the other hand, I think your approach in confronting him about it will make a difference in how he reacts. (Not a judgement to either of you...just some food for thought) Dee Dee

laura... -> RE: Accountability/Feels like he's stealing (10/2/2008 10:19:44 AM)
Your husband did not steal your money. In my home all of our income is "household income". That means my income is our money and his income is our money. If either of us needs money we are free to use it provided it isn't earmarked for a bill. Money in a change jar is free for either of us to use. Like others have stated, if it's savings for a vacation then it should be put into a bank account. quote: i don't like the idea that I can't trust him, and when do we/he start melding our live so that we become one? You are already "one". You are married to each other. You became "one" when you were pronounced "man and wife". You are your own family. That is being "one". What do you expect becoming one to be? If you expect that it is thinking alike, knowing each other's every thought or expectation, then stop expecting it because it will never happen. You and your husband are still two individual people. Together as a married couple you are one. Unless you have some other very serious reasons not to trust your husband, you must choose to trust him. Taking a few bucks from the vacation change jar doesn't even begin to qualify as a reason to mistrust your husband.

jaimestarcross -> RE: Accountability/Feels like he's stealing (10/3/2008 12:38:28 AM)
If you're keen on saving money for a cruise... open another account at a bank for that purpose. Don't start saying things like you're stealing and I can't trust you. Don't hold him to a higher standard than you are capable of upholding. As for stealing - have you ever taken anything(no matter how small) without permission? Melding(two becoming one) takes a life time... two people with their own habits, values, thoughts, quirks... living under one roof doing life together. The road will be bumpy a lot - make sure you both have "shock absorbers"... loving hearts and a willingness to forgive each others faults/short comings.

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