anger and bitterness towards my mother (Full Version)

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coco101032003 -> anger and bitterness towards my mother (10/1/2008 11:05:38 AM)

I know I am not suppose to have these feeling towards my mother but I do. I am reaching out for help, advice and prayer along with giving this to GOD. My mother has been a great mother throughout my whole life but when I turned 17 her and my dad divorced. She went into a deep depression got married to the first guy who paid her any attention and he was verbally abusive to her. She after three years got out of the marriage and the man she depended on our entire life who had been her rock through everything my grandfather died. He was also the preacher of our church so needless to say church was then put on the back burner and it became a big issue along with her depression and she again started dating lots of wrong men. I think she was trying to replace the depression and heartache she had went through with my dad and by losing my grandfather with other men. I can remember every sunday going to church no matter what rain, snow, sleet or shine! My mother was a very strong Christian woman always has been and suddenly was out of church and running around with all these men. I am telling you all this to get to now. In 2006 she Had Divorced her 2nd husband and moved in with me and my new husband. She was back on track going to church, working and helping my aunt with my grandmother who has alzheimers and working. In the middle of 2006 she meet a man on a christian website they met and wanted to get married. He seems like an ok guy he has 5 kids 4 of whick live with him and then he asked her to get married and wanted her to move in with him to Jackson which is 2hours away from me. Suddenly at the same time she lost her job was still living with me and they had been dating for 6 months. So I was making sure she really wanted to do this because it seemed so sudden and quick. In December she made the decision to move and get married to him. I hated to see her go but It was her life and I was trying to live mine too. Well in 2007 I got pregnant with a little boy Peyton born in november. My mother came was there the whole time stayed a couple of days and went back to jackson. He is now 11 months old I do not have a relationship with my father and the only person I have is my mother. She comes when she can and that is once every two months sometimes I will try to meet her if she doesnt have to work on saturdays. The bitterness is that I want her more in mine and peyton's life I know it's selfish and she tells me she is happy now but I get so angry at her. I never thought I wouldnt have my mother every step of the way when I had a child and I miss her so much. My new stepfather never calls or gets on the phone and im not there so I have no clue how he is treating her or if she truely is happy. I know she would not want to be divorced for a third time but I just pray she is really happy. She is so caring and sensitive and has that mother's touch. My son has been in the hospital twice and she couldnt come either time. I know she has chosen to be married and she has a family there but I miss her and need her especially now having a child. I guess if there are any grandmothers out there that can help me try to somehow put this in perspective or any scripture you want to share or just lots of prayer would help. I love my mom and sometimes the resentment and anger overtake me and I have very bad days. Please pray for me and my family that i can get through this and learn how to give it to GOD!! thank you



deermousie -> RE: anger and bitterness towards my mother (10/1/2008 11:28:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: coco101032003
The bitterness is that I want her more in mine and peyton's life I know it's selfish and she tells me she is happy now but I get so angry at her. I never thought I wouldnt have my mother every step of the way when I had a child and I miss her so much.


(((Hugs))) to you, Coco. You've got a small child, which means relentless giving and self-sacrifice, and you thought your mother would be there to help you.

Being a mother yourself now, you understand how your mother sacrificed for you. She's been through some really hard times, and looks to be happy again at last.

I don't have a great hold on this, Coco, but your mother has "paid her dues" and now the time to sacrifice seems to be yours. You sacrifice for Peyton and you sacrifice for your mother. For you to have her as you wish would mean for her to leave her safe harbor of her new husband, it would seem.

If she had died (God forbid) you'd have had to let her go anyway; at least now you have a little of her, although you long for much more. Unless your mom and her husband are willing to move closer or you are, I don't see how you can get anymore of her. Look at your longing as a sweet sacrifice to God for your mother's sake, and thank God for what you have of her.

BTW, I wish I'd had a mother who loved me like yours did. It doesn't help you, but it encourages me that some mothers are doing it right, and I'm not the only one sacrificing for the benefit of my kid. May God be glorified, and your heart be comforted. I'm praying for you today, Coco.



3tulips -> RE: anger and bitterness towards my mother (10/1/2008 2:00:45 PM)

I agree with Deermouse. It sounds like she is doing the best she can. A gentle reminder when you talk to her of "I wish you could come for a visit" would be nice. But be thankful at least she is going to church and not running around like she used to.



deedeeowens -> RE: anger and bitterness towards my mother (10/1/2008 5:47:47 PM)

Look to scripture and you will see that her responsibility is to her new husband. Anything she did in the past is forgiven and she is back on track. Praise God! Coco she loves you, and she's trying to make her new marriage work too. Let her know when you need her, without anger. Cherish the time she is able to give you, and pray for one another.



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