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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 12:43:17 PM
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Homegrownkids
Posts: 1135
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My brother announced that he is getting married on Thursday. This is not good. I am finally going to tell you what is going on. I will try and make a long story short though.
He's been living with this lady that is 14 years older than him. She is from the Phillipines, although denies it and says she is from Japan. She has lied from the beginning, it took several months just to figure out her real age and her REAL name! She claimed her evil twin sister, which was adopted, stole her identity, so she is using her name  . There are TONS of lies. For instance, her wealthy grandmother was going to take out a hit man against her for not marrying the emporer of Japan . Anyways, recently my brother and her have moved to a new location, changed their phone numbers etc. Then, my parents started to get phone calls from many people. My parents questioned these people and found that the g.friend has been selling them Work Visas (that don't exist) and telling them that she can get them into the country and has a huge ranch where they can live. Then, when she didn't show up to get these people, they started calling my parents looking for them. Some of these illegals gave up everything they owned to get here! SOme of them sent as much as 10,000 dollars. When confronted, my brother got offended, and the girlfriend claimed the identity theft story again (who knows who stole it this time!). Now, she wants to marry my brother. She claims she is pregnant (she has been several times now) and if they don't marry it will cause her stress and she will loose the baby, she is also claiming she has a breast lump and she needs to get on my brothers health insurance. It is so hard to believe her when she has lied so much. My mother honestly thinks she has some kind of personality disorder where she doesn't have a conscience. It is as if She has some "hold" on my brother, almost as if he was in some sort of cult and has been brainwahsed.
I was trying to email my brother a letter, urging him to listen to his family and get back on track with God... then my computer accidently got unplugged  Please pray about all this.
Other than feeling the burden of that, things are going fine. I took the day off of school today, just to enjoy life and be lazy. My parents were here over the weekend and it was nice. I do plan on making lesson plans and checking over work... so what is that called when the kids don't have school but the teacher does?? Does public school count that as a school day? I doubt it. It is a nice rainy day here. The leaves are looking so beautiful!! I want to take a family photo soon, outside, for Christmas pictures. Don't think I'll do it in the rain though!
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 1:07:56 PM
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2jsmom
Posts: 2932
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Midwest
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Praying for your brother, Annie. What an awful situation!
_____________________________
"Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 1:21:19 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1553
Joined: 5/27/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: misaham
quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
I would definitely go with UNABLE.
Unwilling presupposes that he is only being rebellious, deliberately trying to defy you.
In a time such as yours, I made the mistake of assuming unwilling when in reality my daughter was unable at the time. It is the single biggest regret of my parenting EVER! It clouded my attitude towards her, and my life. It ruined our relationship for some time. It led to a lot of totally unproductive strife.
When I finally figured out she was unable a lot of valuable time had been wasted and alot of unnecessary ill will generated on both sides.
Please don't make the same mistake I made with my gifted slightly Aspie daughter! 
Just think, if you are unsure which it is, if you truly do not know, err on the side of good will and faith in the work of the Holy Spirit in your child's heart. If it rebellion you will know for sure soon enough.
So, I guess I am at a loss as to how to help him. It is exhausting...
Sometimes just backing off and waiting for awhile might help. I am not sure exactly what
you two are in conflict over. You can pm me if you want.
In the meantime, I can recommend a great book: The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen.
Giftedness comes with some pretty typical oddities, and her books will help you recognize them in your son, how to best think about them, and give you strategies for making them work in his/your life, since they aren't going to change. They differ from more normal people by Intensity (both of energy level and sensitivity) Complexity (thinking and perceiving) and Drive (many can and will focus intensely on one goal, seeking perfection, and then be done with it forever and moving on the new challenges).
From the book, the top five criticisms gifted people hear and a healthy response:
"Why can't you slow down?" going fast is normal for me
"You worry about everything." yes, I am a person of deep concern and moral conviction
"Can't you just stick with one thing?" probably not
"You're so sensitive and dramatic!" yes, my senses and feelings are heightened
"You have to do everything the hard way." i see you understand excellence is difficult
This book was more useful to us than books on Asperger's turned out to be.
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 1:31:06 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2851
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
In the meantime, I can recommend a great book: The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen.
Giftedness comes with some pretty typical oddities, and her books will help you recognize them in your son, how to best think about them, and give you strategies for making them work in his/your life, since they aren't going to change. They differ from more normal people by Intensity (both of energy level and sensitivity) Complexity (thinking and perceiving) and Drive (many can and will focus intensely on one goal, seeking perfection, and then be done with it forever and moving on the new challenges).
From the book, the top five criticisms gifted people hear and a healthy response:
"Why can't you slow down?" going fast is normal for me
"You worry about everything." yes, I am a person of deep concern and moral conviction
"Can't you just stick with one thing?" probably not
"You're so sensitive and dramatic!" yes, my senses and feelings are heightened
"You have to do everything the hard way." i see you understand excellence is difficult
This book was more useful to us than books on Asperger's turned out to be.
I have a lot of this myself... my 14 yo son does too... have you ever noticed that you can find your own ways of doing things ANNOYING to the EXTREME in your offspring? Maybe if we both hyper focused on the same sorts of things but he wants to go on and on about stuff I don't give a flip about and don't *want* to slow my brain down to try to comprehend. I let him talk to hear himself talk. I understand he is working things out verbally/auditory type thing there but sometimes I have to tell him to please BE QUIET!
Craziness? Our professor gave us our 1st 3 projects, then moved the due date for #1 and #2 to be the same date as project #3. I got them all done on time. the Original time they were due... or before. That is the hyper focus. nothing else mattered. it worked to throw myself into the projects too with jerry gone but my classmates aren't sure if they should ask me for help or shoot me. I DID say no when the Prof saw i was done and asked if I'd like to be shown how to do the next project cause i did not have any photo paper til the next week. I got some points with the other 8 kids for that one. I also got handed a package of Fiber base paper and told to GO MAKE MY PRINTS!  The fiber base paper was fun to play with. Photo paper is not cheap- a buck a sheet- and it can sometimes take 2-3 sheets to get the print right... She basically gave me 25.00 and said have fun. I only used 10.00 of the 25.00 
_____________________________
<-- My Awesome Husband...
Only 5,270,400,000,000,000 Nanoseconds til I get to touch him again.
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 2:01:21 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 8073
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
Just think, if you are unsure which it is, if you truly do not know, err on the side of good will and faith in the work of the Holy Spirit in your child's heart. If it rebellion you will know for sure soon enough.
I have found this to be true as well. I have a very strong willed, difficult child. He is getting much better, but I realize that a lot of the issue was that he simply didn't get it. It wasn't that he didn't want to. He did not have the capacity to get it. Slowly, he is learning and growing, but it has been a very difficult path.
quote:
ORIGINAL: misaham
So, I guess I am at a loss as to how to help him. It is exhausting...
It is exhausting. One thing I am learning is that I have to be the master of my emotions and not let them master me. There is no point in getting all frustrated and out of sorts. Remaining calm and speaking in a calm manner helps tremendously. Be in prayer and pray over your child for help when these times come up. That has helped us.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 2:35:09 PM
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cindybode
Posts: 1564
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Northwest PA
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Melissa, I can recommend an excellent pediatric neurologist if you need one. His specialty happens to be autism and behavior disorders. I agree that it's best to err on the side of unable. My dh is the one who has trouble with this and his relationship with all the kids has suffered - not just the kid who struggles with this but the others as well, because it's obvious to them that their brother doesn't understand and consequently they see their dad as unfair and borderline abusive. My dh has improved significantly in this area but a lot of damage has been done.
_____________________________
If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 2:38:59 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 8073
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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I also want you to know that I do not always keep my cool either. The point is to do the best you can and when you fail to stop, give it over to the Lord and seek peace again.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 2:39:55 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1553
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ezri
quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
In the meantime, I can recommend a great book: The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen.
Giftedness comes with some pretty typical oddities, and her books will help you recognize them in your son, how to best think about them, and give you strategies for making them work in his/your life, since they aren't going to change. They differ from more normal people by Intensity (both of energy level and sensitivity) Complexity (thinking and perceiving) and Drive (many can and will focus intensely on one goal, seeking perfection, and then be done with it forever and moving on the new challenges).
From the book, the top five criticisms gifted people hear and a healthy response:
"Why can't you slow down?" going fast is normal for me
"You worry about everything." yes, I am a person of deep concern and moral conviction
"Can't you just stick with one thing?" probably not
"You're so sensitive and dramatic!" yes, my senses and feelings are heightened
"You have to do everything the hard way." i see you understand excellence is difficult
This book was more useful to us than books on Asperger's turned out to be.
I have a lot of this myself... my 14 yo son does too... have you ever noticed that you can find your own ways of doing things ANNOYING to the EXTREME in your offspring? Maybe if we both hyper focused on the same sorts of things but he wants to go on and on about stuff I don't give a flip about and don't *want* to slow my brain down to try to comprehend. I let him talk to hear himself talk. I understand he is working things out verbally/auditory type thing there but sometimes I have to tell him to please BE QUIET!
Craziness? Our professor gave us our 1st 3 projects, then moved the due date for #1 and #2 to be the same date as project #3. I got them all done on time. the Original time they were due... or before. That is the hyper focus. nothing else mattered. it worked to throw myself into the projects too with jerry gone but my classmates aren't sure if they should ask me for help or shoot me. I DID say no when the Prof saw i was done and asked if I'd like to be shown how to do the next project cause i did not have any photo paper til the next week. I got some points with the other 8 kids for that one. I also got handed a package of Fiber base paper and told to GO MAKE MY PRINTS! The fiber base paper was fun to play with. Photo paper is not cheap- a buck a sheet- and it can sometimes take 2-3 sheets to get the print right... She basically gave me 25.00 and said have fun. I only used 10.00 of the 25.00
LOL, Ezri! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say.
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 2:42:36 PM
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misaham
Posts: 752
Joined: 10/27/2007
From: Just west of Cleveland, OH
Status: offline
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Thanks for all the good advice. I agree that I need to not get upset or emotional. That is so hard. I feel like I have taught him nothing as his mother! That is the hard part. It is one of those days when it all seems to come crashing down! EEEKK!
_____________________________
<<-------- My Adorable Kiddos!!
My new blog... http://misa-laneous.blogspot.com/
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 2:51:16 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 8073
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: misaham
Thanks for all the good advice. I agree that I need to not get upset or emotional. That is so hard. I feel like I have taught him nothing as his mother! That is the hard part. It is one of those days when it all seems to come crashing down! EEEKK!
You could also say to yourself, "I am the master of my emotions." A little pepp talk is good, even if you have to do it for yourself!
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 5:19:39 PM
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BeckeyZ
Posts: 6182
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: the sunny side of the street
Status: offline
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I'll be praying for your finger too, Cindy.
I guess we need to eat at Whataburger more often. We went last night and the kids got the coolest "toy" with their meal. Here is what they're giving away. They got the funnel, and it comes with a pamphlet containing 4 or 5 experiments you can do with your funnel. Guess what they want to do now? Doesn't hurt that I love their burgers. Looks like they are only located in 10 southern states.
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 6:00:51 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 8073
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: narnia
Dh said he was also looking for volunteers to help out with stuff around the synagogue, etc.. I replied that perhaps if they treated their volunteers better, they would not have such a difficult time finding them in the first place.
You said that to your husband, right? Too bad you couldn't say that to the rabbi.
Cindy, I hope your finger gets well quickly.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 6:23:53 PM
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narnia
Posts: 561
Status: offline
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Lol Cynthia and Shadow!
Yes I said that to my husband, not the rabbi.
Cindybode,
Praying for your finger here too.
Forgot to tell you that Saturday the tambourine leader was late to practice. She forgot that we were starting at noon instead of 12:30 p.m. We were sitting there and rabbi's wife asked me if I remembered the dance. I replied that I did. She asked me if I would review it with them.
I found it both funny and irritating.
_____________________________
Domestic Diva, according to our Forums Mother!
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 6:42:55 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 8073
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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Uh, Pam, I suggest you start a new register and make sure you log everything in, then balance it monthly. If your accounts are not coming out properly, it would behoove you to find out what is wrong and correct the problem. If you had a debit in January that they didn't take out until this month, I would be wanting to know what happened in January. Was your account overdrawn then? Did they make an error? Is there a limit on how long they can wait before charging your account? I believe that with checks, there is an expiration time of six months. I don’t think anyone ought to have a checking account if they don’t balance it. We had a problem with our accounts years ago that led to extreme financial disaster. One bounced check can set off an avalanche of problems that could impact your life for years to come. It happened to us. We went years before we were even able to open a savings account. We had to keep our money in cash at home. Yes, that’s right. We couldn’t even open a savings account for years. I will not go into what happened or why, but suffice it to say that if a person’s name is on an account, that person had better make sure she knows exactly what is going on with the account.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: A Cornucopia of Fun -- October HS Chat - 10/13/2008 6:46:44 PM
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misaham
Posts: 752
Joined: 10/27/2007
From: Just west of Cleveland, OH
Status: offline
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I am terrible with my check register, too. And my account has gotten messed up many times because of it. Now, it is just messed up due to too many bills, and despite a really nice raise with hubby's new position, it is just killing us.
I am looking at part-time jobs, at least thru Christmas, or maybe until the house sells.
We decided to offer our house for rent or lease-purchase due to the housing market. We really need the equity out of the house, but I will take anything at this point. I advertised it that way this afternoon, and got a call already. We will see what happens! Having someone else cover the mortgage, and pay the utilities sure sounds nice!
_____________________________
<<-------- My Adorable Kiddos!!
My new blog... http://misa-laneous.blogspot.com/
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(We go back to the DR in 3 weeks so I can discuss this with her then.)
There is a potential for a go directly to UH, do not pass go, do not collect $200 outcome so I've told my dh not to come with me lest he get stuck down there with no ride home. My main concern is that I am scheduled to work overnight on Wed. We will be up the proverbial creek without a paddle if I can't come in. I just told my boss about it and she is so excited she can't stand it. 
