Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (Full Version)

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Mulato -> Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 7:24:58 PM)

I met a great Lady at work almost 2 years ago. She never hid that fact that she was Bi-Polar. When ever she got in these really bad moods, I paid the price. Then afterwards she would tell me that she did not know how I could put up with her. My answer was always the same. I Love you through the good and the bad.

We go the church together, but thats as far as that goes. We never ever pick up the bible together at home. I have asked over and over. The answer I get is that she does not know everything, and my answer is always the same. No one knows everything. She joined a three year course, Bible institude study. I had to drop out, due to my work hours.

Now I am getting more and more depressed. When we started this realationship we made love all the time, Then we stopped due to the fact that she told me that she felt bad afterwards. I was Okay with that, But without the sex then came less and less talking between us. We use to talk all the time. I know that who ever is reading this now is saying this happens in all relationship.

I now sleep in another room because we both snore and that was okay. But it has gotten to a point now that, we don't even talk. When she locks on to something she does not let go. Now her thing is that I do not bring enough money into the home. This is true because I have to pay child support for two kids, well one kid and one young lady. I pay over $800 a month. My daughter is 24 and just had a child herself, but I am still paying $375 a month her back pay. But thats another story. I told my girlfriend that I would look for another part time job. But she tells me it too late, that we have gotten to the point that it does not look like we are going to make it together. I can see where she is coming from, but why can't she see my side. I am but a shell of the person I was before her. I now stay in my room all the time. I don't have any money to do anything. I know things will get better. If not with her, then by myself.

But my main concern has always been about her Christianality? How can someone have the tv on a christian channel day and night 7 days a week, read the bible all the time and go to bible school, and never pick up a bible with me? She now can resite parts of the bible, but not with me. Is this right? In GOD'S eye's.

Please excuse my spelling



misty35 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 7:52:14 PM)

Mulato,
Hi, Im very sorry to hear what you are going through, but I think the main question here is, "Do you and her want the same things in life?" It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart talk with her. Jesus Christ should always come first, and He should be the center of every marriage and every relationship. You ask the question, Is it right in the eyes of God that she can watch Christain TV and read the Bible, but not with you, Im not sure I can answer that question, I think there is a lot more to this than you even know, thats Im encouraging you to talk with her. And sometimes its better, if we just listen, let that person speak from their heart, you may discover more than what you really know. It sounds like to me that she has developed a relationship with Christ, especially if she doesnt want to have sex anymore, and she is striving to do whats right, but I can also understand that you may feel like she is neglecting you.

So, just be honest with her, and tell her that you want to understand whats going on with her. Do you have a relationship with Jesus?
You are in my prayers.
Your Friend,
Misty



Conundrum -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 8:51:20 PM)

Wait - are you married to her? If not, why were you having sex with her and why are you living together? And you're worried about her spiritual life?

With all love and compassion I say this: First get the log out of your eye before trying to remove the speck from hers.



supernova1976 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 9:01:09 PM)

Re: Conundrum.....Why do some Christians "jump" at the chance to judge someone else's sin?

Mulato....I think you need to go to God on this about your issues with her and seek his grace at this difficult time. Trutfhfully speaking, I think the fact you have had sex out of wedlock has caused the issue she has with reading the bible openly with you. Why would she? how could she? look at what she has done to her Father in disobeying him by having sex with you. I have been guilty of this myself in the past. It brings no good. I am now going on 9 months having had no sex for the first time in my adult life. It is not easy, but the longer I go the easier it gets. I would be more worried about this issue than I ever could be about her having Bi-Polar. She cannot control that, but she can control engaging in sin with you. Instead of opening the Bible together for a bible study, have you considered asking for her forgiveness for taking something precious from her that belonged only to the marital bed? and in turn, I would suggest the both of you make a vow not to continue to have sex again unless you are married. This might all be too late, and she may be on her way out, but these are my suggestions.



I will be thinking of you.



ChoirDJ -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 9:02:57 PM)

I totally agree with Conundrum. These types of posts sadden me to the point I don't normally respond to them. It amazes how we as "christians" can do everything contrary to God's commands and them wonder why er are having such a hard time. What's sadder is reading many of the "christian" responses to these types of situations especially when we don't stand up and confront the obvious sin. I don't mean to sound harsh Mulato but you are reaping what you have sown. If you want to receive God's blessings in your life...and relationships, you need to repent and be obedient to His word. Don't play marriage! If your love her, then marry her. If you don't, then you have no business living with her or having sex with her.



supernova1976 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 9:13:23 PM)

Confront, yes, but Confront each other with love, and patience, wisdom and instruction. We are not in his shoes and we do not know what his relationship is with God. Judging other's is not our job. We are called to love not fix it.



Conundrum -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 10:20:37 PM)

You are judging him just as much as I am, supernova, by saying that what he did is a sin. That's what I'm saying, too - take care of the sin in one's own life before trying to "fix" someone else.



agapetos -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 10:26:51 PM)

The thread drew me because I have bipolar too.

It seems that bipolar doesn't really have anything to do with the problem.

Your main concern is with her not picking up a Bible and reading it with you. My main concern is about 2 people who are not married who have sex together and say they're Christians. It sounds almost as though you started having sex before you got to know her and now that you've stopped having sex, you've nothing left to talk about.

quote:

Confront, yes, but Confront each other with love, and patience, wisdom and instruction. We are not in his shoes and we do not know what his relationship is with God. Judging other's is not our job. We are called to love not fix it.
The op is asking for advice. It's being given. I'm judging no one. I'm stating fact. Sex should be reserved for marriage.



supernova1976 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 10:30:56 PM)

Why do Christians argue so much?



agapetos -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 10:37:41 PM)

quote:

I would be more worried about this issue than I ever could be about her having Bi-Polar. She cannot control that, but she can control engaging in sin with you.
Just for the record... bipolar can be managed (and so controlled) to a large degree. It's possible when it isn't managed an individual may have mood swings (manic or depressive) which lead them to behave in a way that is not true to their character. When that happens (and it's often in the manic phase) they may have sex with people they are not married to. It's possible that this lady could not 'control engaging in sin' if this was the case.

quote:

Why do Christians argue so much?
Because we're human... but who's arguing?



deermousie -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 11:00:53 PM)

quote:


Why do some Christians "jump" at the chance to judge someone else's sin?


Gal. 6:1 speaks directly to a situation like this:

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.

quote:

Conumdrum said:
With all love and compassion I say this: First get the log out of your eye before trying to remove the speck from hers.


Conumdrum's comment fulfilled the biblical command. She did what God tells all of us to do.

1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us:
Flee fornication.

Fornication is also translated "sexual immorality" but it specifically refers to sex between people who are not married. God says to run away from it.

Maybe the OP doesn't know fornication is a sin - a lot of churches don't teach what the Bible is so clear about (look up fornication and sexual immorality in a concordance or www.biblegateway.com to see how often it is condemned by God), or maybe the OP needs his fellow Christians to point out that he's living in sin and encourage him to confess and turn away from it. How can you find out God's will when you are living in a way that is out of God's will (i.e. in sin)?

If you see your brother about to step off a cliff, you need to tell him; not saying anything could be interpreted as being nicer than God. That's a dangerous place to be, especially in light of all the injunctions from God to not do this sin.

Mulato, you haven't said you married this woman, but you did say:
quote:

My answer was always the same. I Love you through the good and the bad.


That's the kind of commitment we make when we are married. To say this to a woman who is not your wife is to emotionally defraud her: her heart hears "commitment," whether you meant it or not. You are leading her on, but you haven't committed to her in marriage (unless you left that part out. But it's a significant part).

And as was said before, living together is sexual sin and drives a huge wedge between you and God. Fornication is listed in Scripture in several places as being a trait of people who have rejected God and aren't going to heaven (see Gal. 5:19, Romas 1:29, Matt. 15:19, Col. 3:5 and Jude 1:7).

Please look these up so you know it's not just me babbling but God said these things - they are super important. As Christians, we are not to walk in habitual sin. We're forgiven, but the people who don't/won't turn away from their sin (as seen in Rom. 1, which is sexual in nature) God "gives them over" to their sin and lets them get worse and worse; they don't belong to God's family, but reap the consequenses of habitual sin: death. When we sin like this, we lose our good conscience and shipwreck our faith. (1 Timothy 1:19)

Please restore your relationship with God on this. Confess it as sin and determine not to do it anymore unless you are married. Thank God for His forgiveness (I John 1:9) and walk on in restored fellowship with your God who loves you and died so you and He could be in relationship. I am praying for you tonight. God bless you. [:)]



misty35 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 11:09:24 PM)

Amen Deermousie!!!

You are in my prayers as well :)
Your Friend,
Misty



supernova1976 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 11:27:29 PM)

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream, or some Pepperidge Farm cookies sound yummy right now.



deermousie -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/28/2008 11:54:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mulato
Now I am getting more and more depressed. When we started this realationship we made love all the time, Then we stopped due to the fact that she told me that she felt bad afterwards. I was Okay with that, But without the sex then came less and less talking between us. We use to talk all the time. I know that who ever is reading this now is saying this happens in all relationship.


I apologize, Mulato; I dealt with the first part and completely missed the second half. You guys are living together (either married or not) but not sexually active. At this point, if you aren't married, then what you're dealing with is the "appearance of evil." People can look at you and say, "Mulato calls himself a Christian but he's living with a woman who isn't his wife. I guess I can do that, too" and the person locks himself into a lifestyle that guarantees him not going to heaven (verses in the other post I made).

And your spelling is fine; don't worry about it... as long as you don't worry about mine. [:)]

If you guys aren't married, having a good relationship (which God built us to have but sin messes up) is like trying to drive a car with square wheels. It doesn't work very well. To protect others from the appearance of evil, you can marry the woman or just move out. You can get some counseling, but you have to look at the totality of who you and she are, and whether getting married is God's will for you. If she has pretty bad outbursts that are uncontrollable, you might not want your kids growing up with that. Can she get treatment for it? Is she willing to treat it?

quote:

Now her thing is that I do not bring enough money into the home. This is true because I have to pay child support for two kids, well one kid and one young lady. I pay over $800 a month.


Does she think you are staying there because it's cheaper? That could be messing with her head (it would mine).

quote:

I can see where she is coming from, but why can't she see my side. I am but a shell of the person I was before her. I now stay in my room all the time. I don't have any money to do anything. I know things will get better. If not with her, then by myself
.

It takes a mature person to see another person's side, and many people never do. This must be dismaying to you, especially with the financial strain. Counseling here would be of help.

Is there some training you can take so you can get a better career? Can you find a bunch of guys renting a house together and become a roommate with them and split the rent? If you don't mind being crowded, it can get pretty cheap (some college students live four students to one bedroom. They're crammed like sardines but living really cheap). You can either up your income or decrease your costs to give yourself some wiggle room.

quote:

But my main concern has always been about her Christianality? How can someone have the tv on a christian channel day and night 7 days a week, read the bible all the time and go to bible school, and never pick up a bible with me? She now can resite parts of the bible, but not with me. Is this right? In GOD'S eye's.


She sounds like she really wants to plug into God, but she is struggling, too. I'm guessing your both are hurting pretty bad. Again, counseling for both of you and maybe medical intervention for her would help. And you really need to be out of that house; it's going to help both of you with your walk with God and make it easier to see what your next step can be.

I'm sorry you've found yourself in an uncomfortable situation, Mulato. All of us do here and there; we just try not to stay in the things that cause it or, if that's not a problem, we search the Bible for the principles of how to deal with it (your pastor should be a big help to you here - it's his job) or figure out what to learn from it. Things can get pretty awful sometimes, but they don't last forever.

You can't control what she does, but you can decide what you will do. Call your pastor and make an appointment. If you aren't already, start reading your Bible every day (maybe start in Matthew?) and pray (talk to God: "God, help! I'm in a mess and I hurt and I don't know what to do"). Look at your life and see if you see any sin; if so, confess it ("I'm sinning") and repent ("I don't want to do that anymore. I'll go the right way now") and thank God for your forgiveness ("Thank You, Lord, for forgiving me. You're awesome, and I'm glad to be back in right relationship with You. What should I do now, and please hold my hand.")

I really am praying for you, Mulato. We Christians sometimes find ourselves in sin and a mess, and God doesn't condemn us but wants us to turn back to Him. I'm not condemning you either. Climb out of that hole and be the man God made you to be, walking with Him in His power and knowing His love. God bless you, man! Let us know how it goes, OK?



supernova1976 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 12:19:01 AM)

DeerMousie-





Beautiful!



deermousie -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 12:29:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: supernova1976

Confront, yes, but Confront each other with love, and patience, wisdom and instruction. We are not in his shoes and we do not know what his relationship is with God.


If a person is living in habitual sin, we do know what his/her relationship is with God: it's broken.


quote:

Judging other's is not our job. We are called to love not fix it


Jesus died to fix our problem: sin takes death to forgive it. So He did it for us. We are to help one another. Sin hurts us, so we try not to sin so no one gets hurt.

Did you notice in Gal. 6:1 who God calls to talk to sinning brethren? "You who are spiritual" - not carnal. Mature Christians who keep short accounts by confessing and turning away from sin as soon as they notice it.


quote:

Why do Christians argue so much?


Because they don't agree how God runs the universe, and our sin nature/the world/the devil traps us sometimes and it messes with our minds. The answers are in the Bible, which is why it's so important to read and study it... and obey it. The more we know, the more we know what to do and the more we praise Him for what a wonderful God He is!



deermousie -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 12:39:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: supernova1976

DeerMousie-


Beautiful!


Thank you, Supernove and Misty. It took years of blowing it before God finally got it through my thick head how to handle some of this stuff. Read the Bible; do what it says. <slaps forehead>

I've won no prizes for being quick on the draw. [&:] If it can help someone else, then it was worth all the pain. May God be glorified!

Chocolate chip mint ice cream - yum! [:)] And here's some for you, Mulato. <hands him a full bowl and a spoon>



supernova1976 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 5:19:50 AM)

deermousie........


Well, believe it or not your post helped me even for just a moment with my own circumstances. I am at a place where I feel totally alone. I probably have about 20 so called Christian friends, but I have never felt more alone because I don't see Christ in most of them as sad as that is to say. I awoke this morning and got my "cookies" and then came back to the forum because I totally need a place like this where people understand. What you are saying is "right on" and when I awoke this morning I thought "wow! one day, I will stand before an Almighty God and give an account for EVERYTHING I have ever thought, said and done good and bad. I don't want to waste my days being bitter, but I have a lot of anger at some of the things that have happened to me. I am an advocate for the LAPD and I see a lot of things that occur in families and the children that get brought into it. I see how selfish people are when it comes to putting their happines above their own children. Women getting pregnant, (yes my dear friend) and not even having been married. I have a hard time in my walk saying "CONGRATULATIONS!" because what am I congratulating? This woman has shacked up and made a baby in front of her children and is not even married. What message that send to children is beyond me. I am a single mother, and am at a place in my walk where I could not fathom setting that kind of example to my children, and actively seeking it so that I could be "happy". Do I enjoy being alone? heck no. It hurts like you wouldn't believe going to sleep every night by myself, but what choice do I have? I am not married and I am not about to have my boyfriend sleep over just so that I could be "happy". I am not a perfect person and I have made my mistakes, but God has taught me that my children are the most important job I will ever have, not my love life. It is hard. I get lonely A LOT. I am lonely right now. I am envious of friends of mine that are happy with their boyfriends that help them out with their children and can have a sense of unity with someone and I sit back and go "no, I cannot just have some guy move in with me so that raising my children can be easier". I plug into my church and I find that most of the friendships I have acquired are fair-weather and not real. They spend more time posting status updates on their social lives than writing me back and "taking the time" to be a friend or build a friendship. I get so angry when people ignore my facebook messages lol, sound pathetic I know but I do. I write people back so I cannot relate. Even if it is a short - "thank you". I think to myself "God wouldn't ignore my e-mail messages" and so I wonder if it his way of teaching me that if we don't pour our every being into him and building a relationship with him, we are bound to be disappointed because people are not always the nicest and they some don't even care about you the way you need to be cared about. At the throne we are not gonna have our posee standing next to us so we have to remember who we will end up seeing and facing in the end. Some Christians don't understand this and they gather together and forget the lost at times. In fact some of the nicest friends I have are not Christian and that is sad to me. I guess that is why I responded the way I did earlier over the "jump" onto another person's sin, because I receive more condemnation than compassion for the most part on every kind of issue I face in my walk and it never works, so I was being sensitive to the possibility that Mulato would not take to that well and feel judged so I apologize. I have been in Mulato's shoes before and sometimes you just cannot see it. You are so caught up in someone else you cannot see that you have broken God's heart. We justify the sin, minimize it, or say to God, "I will fix this later" and that is not how God works. He is not going to sit back and say "well, okay as long as you two are happy". I am now a single woman that is going on almost a year with having no sex and living strictly for God. I went my entire adult life sinning by sleeping with other men because I learned at a very young age, that this is what makes men "happy". I was molested and obviously struggled with issues in that arena and I learned the hard way, that sex is not love. It is the hardest thing, but I am learning why he created this law. It is for our good. We give something away that belongs for marriage and it destroys the relationship, not just the one with the person you love, but the one with God as well. God has healed me and brought me through it and his grace is sufficient and he has welcome me back. Mulato he can do the same for you, but please I urge you, if you want a healthy honest and honorable relationship with God you have to stop having sex with her. If you struggle with this ask him for help to release you from this bondage. Imagine that if you are having sex with her outside of marriage, that God is in that room and he sees it all. It isn't worth it. I want to correct you gently because that is what God calls us to do. I have been there in my own way so I can say to you "I know it is hard". But please do not be deceived by thinking this is love. Love waits. Love is patient, and love is kind, it is not self seeking and not easily angered. I would ask God to empower you with that philosophy with her so that your main goal is to see that not only you are reconciled with him, but that she is too. If you want to show her love, let that be your main goal right now.

Best Wishes.



supernova1976 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 5:39:52 AM)

<a href="http://s52.photobucket.com/albums/g36/supernova1800/?action=view¤t=me20082.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g36/supernova1800/me20082.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>




[IMG]http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g36/supernova1800/me20082.jpg[/IMG]

This is me. Cross daily has said every file I submit is too large. Maybe someone can help figure this out for me! lol



agapetos -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 10:54:33 AM)

Supernova, you can't display images in threads (only mods can) because that would mean trolls can display their images, which many would be upset at. If you want help getting your image into an avatar, you'd probably do better starting a thread here instead of taking this thread off topic.

[Link edited by mod to make it usable by all portals]



supernova1976 -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 11:30:03 AM)

It finally accepted it. I am so small now.



deermousie -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 11:54:54 AM)

Supernova, your post broke my heart. Let me put my arms around you, dear sister, and we can cry together. I'm so sorry you've had so much pain, and I am jumping and cheering at the choices you've now made in your life. You are a winner!

I'll get back about this more tomorrow (the people who have been so kind to my college kid 2000 miles away are coming for dinner and I'm cleaning/cooking/losing my mind). God bless you, dear heart. You're doing it right. [:)]

Crying and cheering... we Christians are so weird sometimes. [:D]



buckifn -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 11:55:03 AM)

quote:

Why do Christians argue so much?


Because we have our sin nature until Christ returns and we have our glorified bodies when we are resurrected.

Self is always number one in the natural order. God's Word tells us to deny ourselves and take up our cross daily. We know that- but how often do we do it?



jaimestarcross -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (9/29/2008 10:40:25 PM)

A lot of confusion comes from the fact that the two of you are Christians
and had sex without being married... you're living together.
It's not just picking up the Bible with you at home... it's the whole
deal - you and her live together, at one time engaged in sexual activity
and attending church regularly but in your home things go awry.
I believe you and her love each other ... but a wall has gone up
because she knows/feels what the two of you are doing/have done is
wrong according to scripture/Bible.

I do hope that both of you will address the issues and submit yourselves
to living according to what the Lord set as standards in the Bible.
It's time to sit down and talk with each other - be honest that you both did wrong - make confession to God(repent) and forgive each other for giving into the flesh.
Separate from each other - work out the problems if you can. If things can be resolved -great! I hope you both will make every effort to get things resolved.
I suggest counseling or talking with your minister at church also.



Focusing -> RE: Falling in Love with a Christian thats bipolar (10/2/2008 1:20:05 AM)

Wonderful advice ... and I fully agree with putting God first in each of your lives, and as the center of your relationship.

The only thing I can add to it is to read a book titled Contageous Emotions. My ex was bipolar, and reading this book was an enormous help. It explained the various types of depression, depression cycles, what to say, and what not to say.



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