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humbleinspirit -> Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 12:05:04 AM)

When you are talking to a man either in person or reading in forums and then find out that they have an opinion on something that you disagree with, are you able to separate the opinion from how you feel about them?

I ask because sometimes I have "opinions" which are really just observations on things which could upset some, however I still remain to be who I am without me changing at all, if that makes sense?


Anyway, I just thought I'd ask. Thanks for your time.

Humbly,

Mike



Memaw. -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 12:49:11 AM)

Mike,
It depends on the opinion.
Example:
We have had a good friendship and see eye to eye on several things then one day he pops up with (random here) the opinion that late term abortion should be available on demand.

That would make me look at him in a different light, but if it were something minute such as he is of the opinion that chocolate is not the nectar of heaven, then we can get past that with no bump in the road.[:)]

Does that make sense? (I'm really tired so it may not.)[8D]



humbleinspirit -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 12:57:44 AM)

Yes it does, I think, but hmmm. Saying that all things are commonly equal, like you are both Christians and all, then it turns out that he holds a certain view about something that your view is not only different, but you are passionate about your belief as well. How would that affect things?



solo_soprano22 -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 12:58:49 AM)

It depends on what the opinion is on. There are definitely some men here who have expressed strong opinions that have made me thinking differently about them... I remember starting a thread over a year ago and the men made a spin-off; it was on a extremely sensitive subject, and some opinions I saw there changed the way I viewed them from then on.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 5:08:00 AM)

I don't know that it's so much the opinion that matters to me, but how steadfastly they cling to it. Some guys are like a bulldog when it comes to their opinions. I value the fact that they hold strong convictions, but some refuse to even look at or discuss another point of view. When they start to look down upon those who do not share their view 100%, I walk away.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 5:55:54 AM)

Hi Michelle, I guess the reason that I even bring it up is because I have posted some views here within the past week, and I know that at least one or two women have seemed to be bothered by it is all. I am not viewing women because of this attitude any differently, but I would just hope that they would do the same and take my oppinion for what it is instead.



car2ner -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 9:56:12 AM)

I understand the question. I sometime post in one of the One-Stop threads. Although I disagree with some posters' most passionate stands, I still respect them. I have the feeling that they don't really have the same opinion of me.

I also know that because we don't all define terms and words the same way, we get offended at some posts that never intended to offend.

IMHO, these are forums and I don't mind disagreeing with folks... Not like I live with you guys. We just visit for a bit.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 9:59:12 AM)

Yeah Car2ner, I hear ya. I guess it was a couple of posts that I made that runs along the lines of a one-stop thread as well. I think that I did ruffle some feathers, and at least one person did tell me that my comments did bother them.

Sometimes I take an arm-chair approach to posting. I observe and and post, but doesn't reflect my oppinions as much as just making a statement on things instead.



car2ner -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 10:03:23 AM)

I also make a disclaimer that if anyone finds a very old post, my thoughts may have changed over time. This is one of the dangers of putting our thinking into print for the whole world to see.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 10:04:55 AM)

Yes, my opinions have changed too, I am not the same person who I was 3 years ago. I will even say that I am not the same person who I was a year and a half ago either.



Focusing -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 12:40:54 PM)

quote:

are you able to separate the opinion from how you feel about them?


For the most part yes. But it does depend what the subject is. If I have been talking with someone for a while, and we start discussing something and he pops out with an opinion that makes me go [sm=sadquestion.gif], I realize we need to discuss it a little further. Sometimes people have experiences in their lives that cause them to view things differently ... or maybe it's a lack of experience in something ... and the same goes for me with my opinions. I hold the opinion that we can learn from each other and from their life experiences.

Now, there are men (online and IRL) who have opinions that they don't seem to be able to back up ... scripturally or with any kind of reason ... as if they have just grabbed their opinion and are hanging onto it for dear life, and they won't budge, won't listen to what someone else has to say or why they believe what they do, and come across as very closed-minded. After making that kind of observation in a man's behavior over a period of time, yes, it absolutely does affect how I view him. I tend to avoid men like that (and women too, I don't discriminate). It doesn't mean that he doesn't have something to say that contains value for me, but I tire of listening if he is on a soapbox that he stubbornly refuses to step down from. kwim? The visual that comes to mind is a little child holding their fingers in their ears and saing "na na na na na nah" because they don't want anything entering their heads.



ebony101 -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 5:09:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL:car2ner
Not like I live with you guys. We just visit for a bit.


[:o][&o][sm=crystreams.gif]



zoebob -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/20/2008 5:41:01 PM)

It depends. Is it something that I hold as salvic? Is it an essential point in my theology system? Are you saying "I am right no if's ands or buts" or is it "I see 2 ways to interpret this and either could be right. I believe A but if you believe B you are still a brother/sister in CHrist"

There are some things where if you believe a certain way it shows some of your underlying beliefs so it can tell me a lot about you. If we disagree on one of those points I might make a note in my head and remember that you believe that way and take other posts you make with that background.

OTOH, I may ask an opinion on something and I will take most seriously the comments of those I know hold similar beliefs/world views. If I know you hold similar beliefs in child-rearing as I do then I will hold your opinion on somethng higher than someone who I don't agree with anything else on in parenting.



car2ner -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/21/2008 12:31:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL:car2ner
Not like I live with you guys. We just visit for a bit.


(((pats ebony on the back))) there are some folks here that I'd really enjoy meeting face to face....

in fact, some of those that I disagree with...



Auben -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/21/2008 11:55:32 PM)

It depends on how they hold the opinion.

There's having a polite opinion and then there's winning an argument, treating people badly, or otherwise hurting people in the name of 'Truth.'

Personally I've seen both here, but I'm sure if you're just expressing yourself most folks will understand. You can't stop them from adding that to their picture of you though. Would you really want to? Let them know who you are.



doinkdom -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/22/2008 5:10:17 PM)

I've been surprised by what some men say when they're in a group of men.

And yes, I've been surprised at the responses from some of the men around here.

But that doesn't change my attitude toward them. They are my brothers and that just doesn't change.

...as far as you know [sm=cool.gif]



Memaw. -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/22/2008 6:59:20 PM)

quote:

They are my brothers and that just doesn't change.

And those of us who have brothers know how irritating they can be at times.[8D]



phosadaud -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/22/2008 10:10:26 PM)

I'm a pretty passionate debater, but most differences of opinion don't bother me - even if I argue passionately about it. I think I've disagreed with most of my friends on here at one time or another - and sometimes pretty passionately but I still consider them dear friends and love hanging out with them. I think the only 2 caveats are if the other person takes it personally and gets nasty about it (or start ignoring me like a little kid [8D]) or those rare things that I simply cannot tolerate on any level (for instance, if one of my friends started arguing that the Holocaust wasn't a bad thing, our friendship would be over because that would seriously turn my stomach).

Personally, I'd get bored stiff if all my friends agreed with me on everything. [8D]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/23/2008 2:25:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
Hi Michelle, I guess the reason that I even bring it up is because I have posted some views here within the past week, and I know that at least one or two women have seemed to be bothered by it is all. I am not viewing women because of this attitude any differently, but I would just hope that they would do the same and take my oppinion for what it is instead.

Mike, I was one of those women. Sure, I was stunned to see what some of the men wrote there, but to be honest with you, I wanted so desperately to separate what I read there from the men that I thought I "knew" that I seriously don't remember what any given man wrote, except for one of them -- not you. Regarding that one guy, yes, I keep him at a cyber-arm's length.

But not you. You're a sweet guy (hope you don't mind that i think of you that way), and I know it, so I let all that fly out the window. Actually, give me a week or two, and I will have forgotten all about it!

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
Yes, my opinions have changed too, I am not the same person who I was 3 years ago. I will even say that I am not the same person who I was a year and a half ago either.

And that's just it. We live in a world in which words and actions don't just disappear. We are reminded of that every time we have an election. The I always want a chance to grow, mature, and change, but the I rarely wants to let anyone else to have the privilege to do the same. When we are willing to look at ourselves and the grace it took for our friends and family to allow us to grow, then we can extend that grace to others.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phosadaud
Personally, I'd get bored stiff if all my friends agreed with me on everything.

AMEIN!!!!!



raivyne -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/23/2008 4:36:26 PM)

I wouldn't be put off at a difference of opinion really. A difference of opinion that was a reflection of a deep moral conviction... maybe. It also matters how the person presents their POV and their overall attitude/disposition.



jesuschick247 -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/23/2008 4:43:13 PM)

quote:

When you are talking to a man either in person or reading in forums and then find out that they have an opinion on something that you disagree with, are you able to separate the opinion from how you feel about them?


Yes! A lot of my guy friends and I disagree about a lot of things, but I still love them all like my own brothers! I think the main thing is that the man needs to learn when to speak his opinion and when to keep it quiet, I guess I'm saying, know when to pick your battles!



humbleinspirit -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/27/2008 12:26:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: doinkdom

I've been surprised by what some men say when they're in a group of men.

And yes, I've been surprised at the responses from some of the men around here.

But that doesn't change my attitude toward them. They are my brothers and that just doesn't change.

...as far as you know [sm=cool.gif]


But wouldn't us men be surprised at what women say when around a group of women also?[;)]


quote:

ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
Hi Michelle, I guess the reason that I even bring it up is because I have posted some views here within the past week, and I know that at least one or two women have seemed to be bothered by it is all. I am not viewing women because of this attitude any differently, but I would just hope that they would do the same and take my oppinion for what it is instead.

Mike, I was one of those women. Sure, I was stunned to see what some of the men wrote there, but to be honest with you, I wanted so desperately to separate what I read there from the men that I thought I "knew" that I seriously don't remember what any given man wrote, except for one of them -- not you. Regarding that one guy, yes, I keep him at a cyber-arm's length.

But not you. You're a sweet guy (hope you don't mind that i think of you that way), and I know it, so I let all that fly out the window. Actually, give me a week or two, and I will have forgotten all about it!


Hi Abiyah, and just for the record, you were one of the women who I thought that I had offended when I made this thread also. But all is good now though, I hope.[:D] And thanks for the compliment also! You are a sweet woman of God too! [:)]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/27/2008 12:35:56 AM)

Oh, good night, no, Humble! This thread doesn't offend me in the least. I like it when people ask the questions instead of just presuming. I appreciate that you never seem afraid of asking the questions!! [:D]



humbleinspirit -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/27/2008 3:32:32 PM)

Thanks Abiyah, I didn't mean that you were offended by this thread, what I meant was that you were one of the people I thought that I offended initially instead.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Men's Opinions (9/27/2008 11:20:37 PM)

[:D] Okay. Gotcha!



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