husband reflecting on you (Full Version)

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applemom -> husband reflecting on you (9/16/2008 9:56:45 AM)

How do you deal with something your husband does that you feel reflects on you in a negative way?

Especially if it is something relatively trivial but still drives you nuts?



restinginHim -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/16/2008 10:33:06 AM)

Hmmm... i'm not quite sure what you mean.

But, my husband likes to listen to loud music with not so appropriate words in it while we are driving. Inside i'm thinking others must think i agree with this[:'(] but i know God knows my heart and i take comfort in that.

So, i pray and then pray some more. I've spoken with my husband about it in the past. Sometimes he would get angry... now he still plays the music but not the super bad ones. I don't mention it anymore because then i feel it would be just plain nagging. Besides i know he knows how i feel because sometimes he says he can never have fun around me. [8|] Oh well... so i pray and ask GOD to help me be the best wife i can and i patiently wait for my husband's eyes to be opened to the type of music he is listening to.



doinkdom -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/16/2008 11:44:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: applemom
How do you deal with something your husband does that you feel reflects on you in a negative way?

Especially if it is something relatively trivial but still drives you nuts?


Are you more concerned about what others think of you? Or what God thinks of this area in your spouses life?

If this is a real sin area, then pointing your spouse to God is an option IF you do it in love and not out of personal convenience.



applemom -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/16/2008 1:30:03 PM)

good advice r in him.

Oh for sure I am concerned about what others are thinking of me.

thats what troubles me. Ishould be more concerned with what God thinks of me. So, when something rears its ugly head I need to turn ot God, bring it to Him, and try to act in a manner that would reflect my relationship with Him.

These things range from swearing to integrity. Things I would consider just plain crude or thinking along lines I don't agree with to things that are downright illegal.



doinkdom -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/16/2008 1:32:21 PM)

The crude stuff...sounds like he needs to get around some godly men.

The illegal stuff...you should not lie for him (not sayin you are...just sayin) nor should you feel like you must make excuses for him. That's on him...not you.

Can you guys not talk about this?



applemom -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/18/2008 9:08:08 AM)

Yes we do talk about these things. The problem is he always justifies what he does.
everyone else is, that law is stupid, that law is only for incompetents, how else do we get ahead.....

truly the illegal stuff is relatively minor but it is still happening. He will not do something, anything, just because I want him to.



small_creation -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/18/2008 9:48:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: applemom

How do you deal with something your husband does that you feel reflects on you in a negative way?

Especially if it is something relatively trivial but still drives you nuts?

If it's really trivial, I completely look the other way. If it's getting under my skin AND trivial, I look the other way harder.

j



flowerz -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/18/2008 11:42:16 AM)

quote:

If it's really trivial, I completely look the other way. If it's getting under my skin AND trivial, I look the other way harder.


[:D]

I try to remember that we are two separate people, and hope that people will not judge us as one.



IonMoon -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/18/2008 12:37:43 PM)

If it is something that I don't like, but does not personally affect me, I ignore it.

If it is something that does affect me, I speak up.

For instance, I don't mention anything about the way he chooses to dress or if he doesn't shave- even if I think he looks like a bum.

But, he has answered phone calls for me (business, not personal) in a way that was incredibly rude and I told him to cut it out because when he answered my calls, he was representing me, and therefore should not say anything that I would not say.

He has also in the past shared information about me with people without my permission and I asked him to stop.

Tara P



deermousie -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/18/2008 1:00:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: applemom

How do you deal with something your husband does that you feel reflects on you in a negative way?

Especially if it is something relatively trivial but still drives you nuts?


Reflection I assume means what others think of you. Your husband is more important in your marriage than other people, and since it's trivial, I'd go do something important in the other part of the house and get my mind off it. It doesn't hurt to remember there are things about you that bother him. [:D] At some other time, mention to him that bothers you.



IonMoon -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/19/2008 9:14:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie
Reflection I assume means what others think of you. Your husband is more important in your marriage than other people, and since it's trivial, I'd go do something important in the other part of the house and get my mind off it. It doesn't hurt to remember there are things about you that bother him. [:D] At some other time, mention to him that bothers you.


Did you catch the second post from applemom, though? I wouldn't call those trivial.

quote:

These things range from swearing to integrity. Things I would consider just plain crude or thinking along lines I don't agree with to things that are downright illegal.


You do have to protect yourself if your dh is doing things that are illegal.

For example... I just got a letter in the mail from our local police department in my name regarding something my dh did (I'm not going into details). He was surprised that I was upset by it. He didn't get the point that his actions were affecting me. That if he didn't take care of the problem, I would be stuck with the consequences.

This is an example of the type of thing that does need to be brought up and addressed, IMO.

Something like... he wears his shirt inside out... ignore it.

Tara P



applemom -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/19/2008 8:45:12 PM)

Good advice, thank you,,



manda59 -> RE: husband reflecting on you (9/19/2008 9:03:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: applemom
truly the illegal stuff is relatively minor but it is still happening.



For me the main issue would be whether what he's doing that's illegal is inside or outside of the home.



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