advice wanted please... (Full Version)

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eleri -> advice wanted please... (9/15/2008 11:22:28 AM)

I was in a relationship...I met someone in New Zealand, fell totaly in love with him. He is still there but my visa ran out so I had to come home, i plan to go back out there as soon as i can. He told me he loved me and said that he would wait for me.

But recently he has split up with me.
He says he asked God to show him who he would marry. (we were still together at this time) .
Then he has a dream and in this dream he said he saw who he was to marry, it was not me, it was a girl that he is friends with now. He then said that a week after he had the dream she had the same dream too.
So now he has told me that God told him not to be with him, he is to be with this girl.
Im finding this very hard to get over as I love him so much, and he said he loved me too.
Is this God's will for us to be apart??
We are both Christians. Would God seperate us even though we love each other??
Please could you give me some advice.



agapetos -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/15/2008 2:06:19 PM)

I think that we all have different definitions of what love is. You say you were 'in love' with him. That's a whole different emotion to loving someone. It sounds as though he had feelings towards you, but was swayed because of the dream he had (and that the girl had).

I know that when relationships break up, it can be very painful, but perhaps you can be grateful that you hadn't returned to NZ again and that he was honest with you?

Is it God's will for you to be apart? Was it God's will that you should be together? God wants only the best for you, and your idea of what's best (this man) may not be what His idea of what's best.



deermousie -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/15/2008 2:16:46 PM)

[
I'm so sorry, Eleri. This must hurt so much.

Let me ask a personal question (don't answer it here - it's for you to think about): where did you sleep while you were in NZ? If it was with him, then you can't discern God's will until you fix the immorality of your relationship. If you had a pure relationship, then delete this question.

If a guy puts more credence on a dream then he does on an actual relationship and looking out for your welfare while buidling up towards marriage, he's not a good catch and actually you got off easy. That's hard to hear, but this could be a "severe mercy." Better than marrying a guy and later discovering he won't be good to you or your kids and you're in big trouble and stuck.

I'm sorry, dear heart. This doesn't sound like the kind of guy I'd advise anyone to marry. Either he's serious and his thinking is lame, or he's lying. Trust God to heal your broken heart, and get on with your life. Good things are coming to you in God's will. (((Hugs)))



restinginHim -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/15/2008 2:28:00 PM)

Welcome, eleri. I'm sorry what may have brought you here was this sad situation. I agree that a breakup when you are in love is painful. Just remember GOD is merciful and full of grace. Keep your eyes on GOD and He will give you direction and peace.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6



gal220 -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/16/2008 11:13:51 AM)

I agree with the others...allow God to heal your heart. As for your question...

quote:

Is this God's will for us to be apart??
We are both Christians. Would God seperate us even though we love each other??


My only question is (you don't have to answer here just think about it): Did you seek God's guidance before entering into this relationship? If you did, go back to Him and find out what's up??? If not, seek His guidance now...let Him heal you.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/16/2008 1:01:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eleri
We are both Christians. Would God seperate us even though we love each other??
Please could you give me some advice.


it seems to me your boyfriend is the one separating you two now, not God ... and that it happened before the dream with him spending time and falling for this girl ...



evryknee -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/16/2008 4:36:57 PM)

I'd say that if he has broken up with you and going for this other girl, then it is not His will that He is the man for you (at least not this moment) and that he is working on someone better (or maybe him at a later time - this may happen if he does not marry the other girl).



jaimestarcross -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/16/2008 5:08:36 PM)

Your relationship ended because your boyfriend was either spending time with(or thinking about being with)someone else and when you left the country --- he turned more toward the other girl because she's closer.



eleri -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/18/2008 2:30:58 PM)

Thank you for all you advice. It has helped me.
It still hurts really bad. But in time I know I will heal. I have turned to God and am now letting him lead the way.
But i am confused at the moment. I asked God to help me with my pain and take away the feelings I had for my ex boyfriend, for God to have the love that I had for him.
But now it feels like he is still drawing me to back to my ex boyfriend. That we will be together not now, but in the future. I see us together and happy.
Can anyone advise me on what to do??
I have spent a lot of time talking to God and praying. I am awaiting his guidence.

Thank you everyone for being there and helping me xxx



jesuschick247 -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/18/2008 2:47:28 PM)

quote:

I'd say that if he has broken up with you and going for this other girl, then it is not His will that He is the man for you (at least not this moment) and that he is working on someone better (or maybe him at a later time - this may happen if he does not marry the other girl).


I have to agree with this, just know that God's will is best and if he wants you back together, he will make a way. And if not, He will heal your broken and shattered heart, and God will bring you an even better guy! You just have to trust He really does know best for your life and Jesus Christ loves you more than even the most wonderful guy on earth ever will be able to!

I will be praying for you!
~~Chick~~[sm=chick.gif]



raivyne -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/18/2008 2:55:27 PM)

I know this hurts and I was recently in a very similar situation (the thread is probably here somewhere). God is not keeping you two apart, the man you are in love with is. This man is choosing to be with another, you have to let him go. I know that is very difficult to do, but you don't really have a choice. Its is likely that God will not mess with anyone's free will in this sort of situation. Let him go and look to God to heal your broken heart. I'm so sorry for you and I will pray for God to heal your heart and for you to be open to this healing.



ebony101 -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/20/2008 4:10:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raivyne
God is not keeping you two apart, the man you are in love with is. This man is choosing to be with another, you have to let him go. I know that is very difficult to do, but you don't really have a choice. Its is likely that God will not mess with anyone's free will in this sort of situation.


As raivyne has said, the guy is the one who made the deciding factor to become involved with someone else. God isn't going to force him to turn back to you, because God doesn't mess with free will that way. Trust that since this guy has chosen not to be with you, God will bless you with better and greater things.

Going through break-ups is never easy, especially when you are not the one who initiated the break-up. The key here is to keep your mind occupied, so that you don't think about him. Try to get involved with other activities, go out with friends and family members, be aware of your thoughts and everytime you start thinking of him, have a bible verse or something else to recite to turn your mind away from him.



eleri -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/21/2008 4:19:13 PM)

I want to thatk you all again for the advice you have given me. I am starting to accept that I have to let him go.
But I still don't understand what he meant by God showed him in a dream that he was to marry the girl that he is with now. and a week later she had the same dream?
Do you think this was God who gave him this dream or just him because he had grown close to her? And how did she have the same dream?
Would God choose who we are to marry and show us in a dream like this?



agapetos -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/21/2008 6:15:25 PM)

quote:

But I still don't understand what he meant by God showed him in a dream that he was to marry the girl that he is with now. and a week later she had the same dream?
From what you have shared, you have only his word that this happened. He may well have had the dream he says he did. It's possible that she had the same dream to ~ more so if he told her about his dream.

You can go over and over this event in your mind for the rest of your life and not get the answers you seek. I know that you are confused and hurting, but you need to look for other things to occupy your mind so that you can heal and go on with your life. Dwelling on it and trying to understand it will not help.

Did God show him who he was to marry? It is very possible. It's also possible that given he prayed for guidance he wasn't 100% sure about his relationship with you. It's possible he dreamt about this girl because it gave him a reason to not marry you ~ ie it was not him who was decided you should break up, but God.

You deserve to have someone who loves you with their whole heart and while this guy sounds as though he had feelings for you, they weren't strong enough.



raivyne -> RE: advice wanted please... (9/22/2008 11:20:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eleri

I want to thatk you all again for the advice you have given me. I am starting to accept that I have to let him go.
But I still don't understand what he meant by God showed him in a dream that he was to marry the girl that he is with now. and a week later she had the same dream?
Do you think this was God who gave him this dream or just him because he had grown close to her? And how did she have the same dream?
Would God choose who we are to marry and show us in a dream like this?


Sometimes I dream about people and they have no distinguishing features... later something happens and I attribute that dream to a person, but still later something else can happen that causes me to think that the dream was about someone else.

Frankly you have no way of knowing the order of events that took place to reveal this dream to each other. Not to mention its really not important how or if this happened. The man making his choice.



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