Telling everything? (Full Version)

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Annie64 -> Telling everything? (9/14/2008 5:53:17 AM)

Okay, I have a silly question. Last night on my way to work I had a very minor fender-bender. A car rear-ended me at a stoplight. The lady got out, apologized, and admitted she didn't have any insurance. I looked at my car, could not find any damage and could barely feel a dent when I ran my hand over the fender, and decided to let it go. We didn't even wait for the police. I was a little shook up, and I imagine the lady who ran into me was even more so, but I don't think any more damage was done. After I got to work I parked near a street light and looked again and saw maybe a couple scratches. Now, when I get off work and go outside in the daylight I might see some more damage, but I doubt it.

Now, I work 3rd shift and have to drive through some less than safe parts of town to get to work. There are many areas of town that are less safe, but the area I drive through would maybe rate a C- for safety. Once I get to work, I do feel safe, because I work in a secure building, but the drive could be a problem because of crazy people out there at night. And my husband worries about me.

I really like my job and the company I work for, and strangely enough, I have a preference for working at night when there are less people around. Because of some other factors going on, I'm afraid that this accident will cause my husband to worry about me even more or even want me to either change jobs or quit and I don't want to do that.

What I really, really want to do is just not say anything about this accident at all, but I'm wondering if that's okay. Is it right to keep a secret like that?



manda59 -> RE: Telling everything? (9/14/2008 6:08:07 AM)

I personally would feel totally weird about not telling my dh something like that. If it was me, I'd mention it in passing and like it wasn't a big deal.



buckifn -> RE: Telling everything? (9/14/2008 7:52:15 AM)

your spouse is the 1 person you are more intimate with than anyone else. If you are not comfortable telling him about a minor accident then there has got to be more problems in the way you communicate.

My first reaction would be I am thankful my wife didn't get hurt (or the other driver). Cars can be replaced. People can't.

Tell your husband and work on better communication.



Wild-Rose -> RE: Telling everything? (9/14/2008 7:54:16 AM)

quote:

this accident will cause my husband to worry about me even more or even want me to either change jobs or quit and I don't want to do that.


Tell your husband. He's going to notice the damage on the car anyway. Guys always do. Be firm that it was no big deal and be firm about everything else too. Don't let him pressure you into changing jobs or anything else like that.

If he worries, you can call him once or twice during your shift just to say hello and let him know that you are fine.

I would have reported the lady with no insurance, but it is past and there's nothing you can do about that now.



mvic -> RE: Telling everything? (9/14/2008 12:08:24 PM)

The reason your husband would behave the way you suggest is because he loves you and cares for you.

That's good isn't it?

So tell him ... gently ... what happened. Then convince him not to worry about you. Tell him you have the cell-phone always handy in case of emergencies. Tell him you'll ring him or text him daily to confirm you're OK.

Worrying is part of the deal for (some) husbands.



nevaehs_gaze -> RE: Telling everything? (9/14/2008 9:37:49 PM)

I agree with manda, just tell him in passing and make sure you let him know it wasn't a big deal, and you're not worried so he shouldn't worry either.



karlie -> RE: Telling everything? (9/14/2008 10:18:15 PM)

quote:

I would have reported the lady with no insurance, but it is past and there's nothing you can do about that now.

It depends on where you live, maybe? I reported a rear ending two days after it happened, and was told I had up to a week.
I would file call and file so you have a copy of your side of things. Just because you never know what could come up because of that.

I personally think it's a bad policy to begin withholding information like that from your spouse. Not even so much because of the incident itself, but because of what happens when secrets start. Even small ones tend to cause distance, and it begins to become easier to justify other "small" secrets. And it could backfire...he'll most likely worry even more if he ever finds out about it, and it could make him wonder if you've kept other things from him. It wouldn't be worth the potential rift to me.



Annie64 -> RE: Telling everything? (9/15/2008 2:17:36 AM)

Thanks everyone, for your advice. I really knew what I should do, I was just, well, not thinking right last night.

To be perfectly honest, (and when I was honest with myself), the main reason I didn't want to tell him had nothing to do with him worrying. It was because I had let not telling him things creep in and I was feeling very convicted over it. I wanted to not say anything, but I knew it was wrong. But I didn't want it to be wrong because there was something else I hadn't told him, and if it was wrong to withhold this, then it was wrong to withhold the other, which I had for months.

So I did tell him. And told him my other confession. And his response was "these things happen." The only thing I could think of was what a bugbear I had made of nothing!

I feel silly now for starting this thread. But shortly after I did Manda replied, and that was enough to let me know I was doing some "stinkin' thinkin' ". Maybe I needed that nudge.

And you guys made another interesting point. It never occurred to me to report the uninsured driver. I was just relieved that I was run into at night by a person who appeared to be a rational human being rather than a crack head or thug or something like I was afraid of at first. I was even relieved that the person was female! But I don't know how I would go about doing that. I got her name and phone number, but I didn't get her license plate number. I really don't want to report this to my insurance company. They'd want me to get the barely discernible damage fixed, and then our insurance would go up and we would be paying for that dent for years to come.



manda59 -> RE: Telling everything? (9/15/2008 8:03:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Annie64
I feel silly now for starting this thread. But shortly after I did Manda replied, and that was enough to let me know I was doing some "stinkin' thinkin' ". Maybe I needed that nudge.

It's funny, I remember noticing your post and thinking "hmmm, she's up early!" (I'm in the UK, and so 5-6 hours later than you, so it wasn't early for me, but I know that not many CW'ers are usually on at that time). Then I noticed you were still online, and hanging around in your thread [;)]

So I figured it might be important.

Glad it worked out!![:)]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Telling everything? (9/18/2008 12:13:16 AM)

I'm so glad you told. And didn't it increase your faith in your husband and appreciation for him?



Annie64 -> RE: Telling everything? (9/19/2008 12:50:53 AM)

Yes! I've got the worlds best dh![:D][:D]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Telling everything? (9/19/2008 1:56:57 AM)

[:)]



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