Jason's Army (Full Version)

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Locke -> Jason's Army (9/13/2008 7:25:52 PM)

Hey! I don't like to take up space on here with my work very often, but this particular story is very close to my heart, so I'd really like to share it with all of you. If you could read it and comment, that would be amazing.

"Jason's Army" is based on a true story of a boy who defends himself from extreme bullying by forging an army of children.

Here is the excerpt:

quote:

"Jason's Army"
By: Michael N Lovdal

For the fourth time that week, Jason had been taken off guard. He knew that they were coming – they were always coming. But still, he mentally smacked himself for not noticing such an obvious ambush.
The fog hung thick over the field of Obsidian Public School. There was no one watching the field this morning, not that they would be able to see very far. Jason was on his own, encircled by a swarm of brutal antagonists known as peers. The children laughed and taunted him, some spitting in his general direction.
"It's been at least twenty–four hours since your last beating, Miller." The lead bully spat Jason's name with contempt. Feeling empowered by the fog's darkness, Jason foolishly retorted.
"...and at least twenty years since you learned a new word, jerk–face." The leader's gaze shied away in mock–surprise.
"I'm only ten, dirt–wad. You're so stupid you can't even insult me right!" His hyenas laughed on cue. And then they beat him.
Usually they took turns going after him, letting him put up some semblance of a fight. Not today - not when the odds were already so completely stacked against him.


You can read the complete story here.




nannu -> RE: Jason's Army (9/13/2008 8:25:49 PM)

Locke,

I liked this. My daughter.michelle, would take up

for kids that were picked on in school. And there was one

like Jason and she took up for him.

Nannu[:D][:D]




Locke -> RE: Jason's Army (9/13/2008 10:15:30 PM)

Thank you, nannu! I hope that this story helps some people realize how scary a place school can be for some kids.

I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for your feedback!




Lynn_J -> RE: Jason's Army (10/1/2008 1:30:32 PM)

Hi Locke,

I loved your story, "Jason's Army." The characters were very believable and had engaged me from the very beginning. Your writing style flows well, and the lesson at the end was heartwarming. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Blessings,
Lynn

P.S. Just one tip--before submitting for publication, you may want to change the spelling of the word "principle" to "principal."




Locke -> RE: Jason's Army (10/4/2008 6:29:59 PM)

Thanks so much for your input, and the correction! I've updated my master copy accordingly.




mvic -> RE: Jason's Army (10/4/2008 8:06:07 PM)

Bullying is such a problem these days. Thanx for writing this story.

By the way - tried to PM you and failed. Your INBOX is full.




Locke -> RE: Jason's Army (10/4/2008 10:01:18 PM)

thank you! I had no idea... clearing now. Please try again :-)




Locke -> RE: Jason's Army (10/19/2008 3:33:17 PM)

[Update: "Jason's Army" is now up to 71 views on Faithwriters.com! Thanks so much to everyone who read the story. I hope that you enjoyed it. I've had a number of great conversations on bullying come out of it.]




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