The new kid in school...........here (Full Version)

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OneOfHisJewels -> The new kid in school...........here (9/12/2008 9:24:23 PM)

I am a little sad right now. I just saw a lady leave the whole forums who was brand new...she had a question about how to communicate something..instead of people just answering her question about communication, she got told the thing she was communicating about was a wrong idea....and now she has already closed her account...[:(]

I've seen a few other instances like that....

In fact the first time I ever posted here......I was about to leave for good because I felt my viewpoint was so attacked....but thankfully, I was encouraged to stay...

Sometimes I think we could all do better about giving brand new members some breathing room...as well as keeping up on the introduction folder...

Now, I'm not talking about when a new member starts using bad language and harassing others and a mod has to correct them...I understand that....

but I've seen a brand new poster get completely attacked for their OPINION, even when they've stated it nicely and within TOS lines, and some of them never even continue their account....

I dunno, I just think with new posters, maybe we could argue less, and welcome more (I'm afraid I myself have even been guilty of this recently)....and save the heated debates for when they've been around a little longer...



solo_soprano22 -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/12/2008 10:02:26 PM)

Yeah, I've seen it happen in a few folders. But, some people know the nature of the forums...and if a newbie comes, stays within the rules and states an unpopular opinion, the responses and tones of the responses may be overwhelming. I have differing views on a ton of stuff, but I know when I state them, a mod is going to have to step in because some can't be kind and respectful in disagreement. But, I know what you're speaking of in this case. I don't think it should happen, but it does.

The question is, how do we fix it and keep from doing it. Perhaps someone can inform the poster that they can edit in the fact that they only want certain things... that way if it continues, a mod can step in and edit for being off-topic.



stellaluna -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/12/2008 10:42:28 PM)

I don't like to see it happen and I don't do it. There have been a couple of times that I've PMed newbies to warn them that they might get flamed and just to sit tight. Can't get to all of them, though.



thedivabrat -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/12/2008 11:01:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

I don't like to see it happen and I don't do it. There have been a couple of times that I've PMed newbies to warn them that they might get flamed and just to sit tight. Can't get to all of them, though.[sm=chick.gif]


You are so thoughtful and encouraging



thedivabrat -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/12/2008 11:03:09 PM)

OOPs put my smiley in the wrong place. Glad it happened in a reply to you Stella!!!



humbleinspirit -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/13/2008 9:15:14 AM)

I think that when you have been here for a while, you get confident, I mean arrogant with an oppinion, and if that oppinion is shared by others then it tends to give you the motivation to gang up on a new poster for some reason.[:o] I have seen this in some of the folders. I just hope that I am not that way, although I will admit that I tend to be more agressive with an oppinion if I know that I will be backed up by it.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/13/2008 12:02:26 PM)

Wow, this scares me. I know that I am an opinionated snot, and sometimes, I don't even realize that the one to whom I am responding is new. And I never go into the introductions thread! THANK YOU for this!



mutinywxgirl -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/13/2008 5:14:32 PM)

Looking at their number of posts and status under their name will clue you into how new they are to the site. Also, if you see a name you don't recognize, click on their profile and see when they joined.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/13/2008 10:08:48 PM)

Oh, I know how to do it -- that and more! [:)] It's just that I don't always look, if something seems blatantly wrong. Now, I will be more careful.

By the way, how in the world did you get so many posts?? I don't "see you" around that much! Do you have the most at this point?



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/13/2008 10:20:55 PM)

You probably don't see her much, because she mostly hangs out in singles...she's our mod there. In fact you just made me realize maybe we need to give her a new title...like Singles Big Sister or something, lol.


And thanks for thanking me for the thread....you're welcome...glad I got through to somebody (and NO I DID NOT have you in mind when I started the thread...or any particular person...just a general attitude I've picked up on)



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/13/2008 10:28:09 PM)

[:D]



mutinywxgirl -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/14/2008 3:46:28 AM)

Oh, I'm far from having the most posts (thankfully!). (I just checked - I'm #11 - the #1 has over 30K.) Probably 80% are in Singles. About a two years ago, the people on here (in singles) got me through a really tough time in my life, and then we had some things happen in the forum, and then I became a mod. I've actually posted more as a mod here than I did as a mod on another site (soccer). Trust me, this place is much more friendly.

I lurk in other areas - just don't necessarily post.

Singles Big Sister? Will have to think on that. [:)]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/14/2008 7:46:39 AM)

[:D]



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/14/2008 5:58:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

I was about to leave for good because I felt my viewpoint was so attacked.


It is and always will be.

I find it funny the quantity of posters I frequently talk to about how they wouldn't have a hard time kissing this community goodbye because of the rudeness and personal attacks that go unmerited.

I'm so fed up with the forum elitists believing their opinion is higher than everyone else. That anything in objection couldn't be considered valid or reasonable, but rather idiotic and brainless.

Eventually someone stands up to them and what happens? They get banned. What happens to the forum bullies? They continue parading their arrogance without being warned.

It's ridiculous.



Ps103 -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/14/2008 9:31:37 PM)

quote:

Eventually someone stands up to them and what happens? They get banned. What happens to the forum bullies? They continue parading their arrogance without being warned.


Do you have proof of this, Randy?

Do you have proof that people are not warned?

Who are the "Forums Elite" that are immune to TOS violations?



stellaluna -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/14/2008 10:54:36 PM)

What I think really happens is that over time--and some of us have been here a really long time--the mods and other long-time posters get used to one another and have some insight about individual styles of communication that newbies don't.



SonInMe1 -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 1:12:40 AM)

This is a forum, a place where ideas and ideals are debated and discussed. If an opinion contrary to your's forces you to quit this site....you probably were not equiped to be here in the first place.

The mods do a fine job and if someone violates the TOS, they get attention. I believe, to attack another poster is a TOS violation....? So, no one really gets attacked in here without a mod taking action.

People are WAY TOO THIN SKINNED.

This is a very nice kitchen but the fact remains...if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 1:46:25 AM)

1. First of all, this is NOT MEANT TO BE A MODERATOR BASHING THREAD...I think they do a good job, that wasn't the point of this thread at all..please do not imply that it was...If I have a problem in that area, I know the e mail for that.


2. Son in Me, your attitude is exactly the kind of one I mean. Yes, people have opinions, but we should still state those opinions with CHRISTIAN GRACE. And we should still be gentle with newcomers...compare it to a church. If you've been a christian for years, and so has someone else in the church, and you've both been attending for years, and you want to get into a heated discussion about some theological point that's fine, but if a brand new person seeking God for the first time in His life comes to the church, hopefully, that Sunday you would simply welcome the person, and not start nitpicking them about something like the different millenial (sorry spelling) views.......and no, I was not a new christian when I came to CW, far from it, I've known the Lord since childhood, that's just my analogy to make a point.

The GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN attitude is exactly the reason why the poster I referred to in my first message isn't coming back..I've avoided stating the specifics of her thread, because it was a Women Only issue. After all, not everything in the kitchen involves heat right? Sometimes you get a bowl of ice cream in there.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 1:49:28 AM)

quote:

This is a forum, a place where ideas and ideals are debated and discussed.


Some people don't realize that at first though, some people are brand new christians trying to find their way, and trying to find a place for fellowship and community. Some are even tuning in from countries where it's very hard to be a christian, and want some encouragement.

Not EVERYONE is looking for debate. Some are looking for fellowship and encouragement.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 1:57:54 AM)

quote:

If an opinion contrary to your's forces you to quit this site....you probably were not equiped to be here in the first place.


I don't think that's necessarily true...I was about to quit the site at first, and I feel very equipped to be here now.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 1:59:24 AM)

quote:


People are WAY TOO THIN SKINNED.


That can be true, however, saying that can be judgemental, and the fact that people can be too thin skinned, is still no excuse to act ungracious.



earthless -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 8:08:04 AM)

Some people have some really thin skin.



solo_soprano22 -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 10:46:59 AM)

quote:

If an opinion contrary to your's forces you to quit this site....you probably were not equiped to be here in the first place.


I think the people who can't seem to stay away from rudeness and personal attacks are the ones who need to quit. I don't see why people have to be run off by those who want to say what they want to, how they want to, and when they want to. I've seen people tell me I'm not a real Christian over something we disagreed on, AFTER they themselves pointed out that it's against TOS to judge someone's Christianity just because they happen to disagree. [8|] I don't see how knowing the rules, announcing you're about to break them because you want/feel the need to put it out there anyway is that respectful. It's not so much the contrary opinion that people hate here, as much as it is the level of mean, snarky and rude that people sometimes get; I can understand how a newbie would feel attacked....and it's probably be because they WERE attacked-- not because people disagreed. People can disagree with me all day. I'll tolerate it if it's civil and respectful; otherwise, I won't.

(Jewels, I see your messages; I'll reply when I leave campus. [8D])

ETA: The mods do a fine job; my issue is that the number of times this happens in the first place is far too many. Of course they clean up the threads... but oftentimes threads shouldn't even get to that point, IMO.



Ps103 -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 12:45:42 PM)

quote:

but oftentimes threads shouldn't even get to that point, IMO.


That is what the "Report Post" button is for.

Many times we do not know there is a problem until someone decides it warrants filing a ticket.

The "Report Post" button is at the bottom of every post[;)]



solo_soprano22 -> RE: The new kid in school...........here (9/15/2008 1:13:39 PM)

Lol. I was trying to figure out why you said that. I didn't mean that the out-of-handedness goes on for too long in a thread; I mean I find it sad that the threads get to such a point that they need to be cleaned up because of personal attack, etc. In other words, we shouldn't be making reasons for mods to HAVE to come clean up threads because of those kinds of things.

I've reported people/things before though... and not always because I was attacked. I do it for others and newbies as well. [;)]



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