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ORIGINAL: Hislittleone

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ORIGINAL: supernova1976

Anger is hidden hurt. We need to comfort angry people with love, not judge them, not tell them how it is going to turn into a sin. People would be surprised to know how much healing can be done when we just love those who are hard to love and undeserving. Jesus did it, so can we.

I'm not sure that anger is always hidden hurt. In your case and my case it was. But it might not be for all people.

In my sister's case I'm pretty sure it's coming from her pain. But the things that hurt her happened in her childhood and very early twenties. She is now middle aged and still has not worked through it. Lashing out at those who love you and strangers who really intend you no harm is not okay. The anger controls her instead of her controlling the anger. I still love my sister even though I've decided I can't talk to or see her until she agrees to control herself. I'm just having to love and pray for her from a distance.

It's understandable when someone who is deeply hurt lashes out at those who love them. That's where they feel safe enough to let the pain out. But we (those who are hurting) must be careful that we don't harm others in our pain. And it's not okay to stay stuck in this place of pain and anger forever.

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What is it she does that needs controlling if you don't mind me asking?

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ORIGINAL: Hislittleone

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What is it she does that needs controlling if you don't mind me asking?

Yelling, cussing, extremely disrespectful to our parents, saying mean things/tearing people down, talking about others in a negative way when they aren't present to defend themselves. All of these things are hurtful. The thing is that she does this over little things that really aren't that bad. Like a small child squealing a couple of times in her presence. Or my younger sis not wanting to do something that the rest of us wanted to do. Or my lil sis having a bf come with the family to visit extended family in another state. Or in taking care of problems like having a wrong order of food taken care of she'll be really rude in the way she addresses the employees (things like that happen a lot) to the point that it embarasses anyone who is with her. Her behavior is shameful for a Christian because it damages her witness.

She got really mad and yelled and cussed at my husband when he called to ask her a question about a pc hard drive that we'd just bought my parents. The issue was that she had built them a computer several years ago but set it up to where she could remotely access it. So there was no privacy for them. And every time there was a problem with it she insisted they allow her to try and fix it remotely even when they didn't want to. If they wanted to hire someone to fix it or get an aquaintance (who works on computers) to look at it she would become extremely upset and rude to my parents. It's like she wanted to have complete control over the computer. It was just strange and caused my dad a lot of problems. So when he started having lots of problems with his computer but didn't want to get help from my sister (because she's so hard to deal with and makes him feel stupid) so we decided to give him a new hard drive that my husband would spend time setting up. When T found out about it (from dh's phone call to ask a question) she flipped out. My husband hadn't done anything wrong, nor had I, nor had my parents. But she was furious with us all, going so far as to bring up completely unrelated issues about me and my parents (we weren't privy to the conversation). She was upset that no one had consulted her about my parent's computer but for pete's sake, it's THEIR computer and they should be allowed to do whatever they want with it.

ETA: She also regularly yells/fusses at my mom. If she goes a couple of months without losing her temper and "getting ugly" my mom considers her to be doing really well. It used to be a much more regular occurance from what I understand.

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ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
she had built them a computer several years ago but set it up to where she could remotely access it. So there was no privacy for them. And every time there was a problem with it she insisted they allow her to try and fix it remotely even when they didn't want to. If they wanted to hire someone to fix it or get an aquaintance (who works on computers) to look at it she would become extremely upset and rude to my parents. <>(because she's so hard to deal with and

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makes him feel stupid

) so we decided to give him a new hard drive that my husband would spend time setting up. When T found out about it (from dh's phone call to ask a question) she flipped out.