RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's not physically attracted to her?
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 1:54:08 PM
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lastblast
Posts: 1603
Joined: 9/20/2005
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Hello anewrafa,
I am a woman so please let me give you my take. All women are not of the same mindset/all men are not of the same mindset in regards to attractions. To many/most of us physical attraction is important, but the reality is that there must be MORE than that for a relationship to be good/solid/healthy.
I would encourage you to meet her in person. I know you said you are and that is great! It is absolutely amazing how a picture can mislead, either because the person appears attractive, but not in a way that is attractive to you or the other way around: the pic makes the person appear just plain unattractive. Sometimes you will find that after seeing a photo that did not appeal to you, you meet and sparks fly because you can look into their eyes, see a genuine attracting smile (not a photo smile), love their personality, sweetness, and they have a nice figure which may compensate for a face that may not normally attract you, etc.
The most important attracting thing though----is a love/heart for Jesus. If she's got that...........and a wonderful personality, other good attributes, give her a chance! Blessings and hope it works out for you.
_____________________________
Blessings as you seek Him, Cindy
What does the bible say on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage?
www.marriagedivorce.com
www.cadz.net/faq.html
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 3:32:17 PM
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BjoyMN
Posts: 29
Joined: 1/17/2008
From: Minnesota
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quote:
I recommend that you put away that photograph and pretend that you never saw it. Then make a date to spend some in-person time together. You may be stunned to discover that she is the most attractive person in the world to you simply by getting to know her.
I totally agree with Laura here and you obviously have some sort of interest or you would not be entertaining the thought of meeting her at all. I met my boyfriend on line also and judging by the picutes I saw of him, I was truly not sure if I would be attracted to him or not. (In fact, we both admitted this to one another before we met...neither of us knew if we would be attracted to each other. She may be feeling the same way you are.) I have to admidt that NONE of the many pictures did justice to who he is or how he looks. I praise God I did not use the pictues to make any kind of quick decision whether I was attracted to him or not. Meet her...I do not see how you can know what she is really like until you meet in person. Pray and let The Holy Spirit guide you.
_____________________________
Proverbs 3:5-6 (LIV) "Trust in The Lord with all your heart. Acknowledge Him with everything you do and He will guide your path."
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 3:58:05 PM
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preserved
Posts: 778
Joined: 6/12/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BjoyMN
quote:
I recommend that you put away that photograph and pretend that you never saw it. Then make a date to spend some in-person time together. You may be stunned to discover that she is the most attractive person in the world to you simply by getting to know her.
I totally agree with Laura here and you obviously have some sort of interest or you would not be entertaining the thought of meeting her at all. I met my boyfriend on line also and judging by the picutes I saw of him, I was truly not sure if I would be attracted to him or not. (In fact, we both admitted this to one another before we met...neither of us knew if we would be attracted to each other. She may be feeling the same way you are.) I have to admidt that NONE of the many pictures did justice to who he is or how he looks. I praise God I did not use the pictues to make any kind of quick decision whether I was attracted to him or not. Meet her...I do not see how you can know what she is really like until you meet in person. Pray and let The Holy Spirit guide you.
The op had an interest to meet based upon their 3 weeks of conversation. It was not until he received the photo and saw that perhaps she was not how he visioned her. He enjoyed her conversations in the blind..and because she is not appealing is the word I'll use here to him is his choice. Based upon that...why waste his time beyond the meeting unless he can see past her looks. I have been there...pictures do say a lot initially..and it is when one meets in person that determines if what they saw in the photo is the same person. He still has a choice...However talking for 3 weeks is a bit of time to not have met earlier or seen the photo...
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 4:23:57 PM
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captainfraulein
Posts: 562
Joined: 5/2/2005
From: Planet Earth
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Pictures are deceiving. The photo I have up in my profile honestly looks a lot better than I do in person since it is taken at a flattering angle and I look a lot more slender in it, I think. I have friends who look better than I do though and don't seem to get good photographs of themselves. Bear that in mind.
That said, men are visual creatures. I find nothing wrong with you not meeting somebody if the attraction is not there. YOU NEED to feel attracted. Look at the bible...Rebecca was beautiful outside...and also more importantly inside. Scripture doesn't seem to frown upon men finding women beautiful... we are just encouraged to see the beauty inside a person.
An older lady I am close to wanted me to meet a short bald older guy. I balked. She wasn't too pleased to not set up a blind date but I told her straight out, I just feel I would not be attracted. I was open to going to a gathering/dinner thing and meeting him but my schedule did not permit it when it came up.
Well, I ran into him with her recently. He seemed like a very sweet guy. But I had zero attraction to him. And to be fair, I DOUBT SINCERELY he was attracted to me... I just know my friend probably brought me up afterwards and said "did you like her?" and he probably said "not my type". She would then ask me again if I would reconsider (my guess) if he were to give a positive answer. But I can safely say...my instinct was right. I don't mind bald but short and older...not my particular type. I guess I could get over my hang up if God put this guy with an very extraordinary personality in front of me. It is a riot...several times I have run into guys who I am so relaxed around (since I have ZERO attraction to them)...they suddenly put up weird barriers and act like I am interested. I have not the heart to say "you are so not my type!" to them. It cracks me up. When I am interested, I act neurotic and scared...I can barely talk...and I generally seem to be lacking social skills. It happens to rarely though.
I have an model good looking friend that asks me to breakfast. And People think I am all interest when I have ZERO interest in him even though physically he is extremely appealing (6'4", hazel eyes, dresses in the latest fashion, fit and foreign exotic)...I know him way too well and I don't see him being what I need in personality. I love him dearly. I used to have a small crush on him years ago. I was so glad when that ended. I went after him asking him out and he may have known what I was doing but he was so chillaxed around me, he would go out with me and we ended up being close...as friends. I cherish my friendship with him now.
I am wondering why the short not so attractive guys got so squirrely around me as I was not attracted but I can only guess that strong personality gung ho rambling brunettte women who are overweight and sort of tall (well, 5'6 1/2") must scare them.
I guess what I am trying to say is CHILLAX, dude. Meet her but understand, you probably have good instincts and won't go for her. You may make a new friend though like my model friend did with me (I don't think he ever cared I crushed on him). One important note: YOU DON'T, I repeat, DON'T...DO NOT OWE HER ANYTHING! You DON'T have to explain why you don't like her in that manner...just be open to friendship maybe, okay?
Do I make sense? I just had my cavities filled in..went to lunch with my mom afterwards and had a ton of coffee. I relish having a day off work to lamely type my rambliness onto the crosswalk forum. I hope you can get what I am trying to say here!
_____________________________
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." -Jim Elliot
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 4:33:06 PM
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BJinWA
Posts: 90
Joined: 5/9/2007
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hi,
i recognize your delimna (sp). i was on match.com for a while. i did not post a picture. i am an attractive 54 y/o female who photographs well. my experience taught me that most men were anxious to meet me only after i had sent them a photo. these were the same men who would not communicate until they saw what i looked like. i would happily send these men my picture and promptly block them from contacting me. i have no interest in a man whose first criteria is looks.
just something to think about......
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 5:34:20 PM
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preserved
Posts: 778
Joined: 6/12/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BJinWA
hi,
i recognize your delimna (sp). i was on match.com for a while. i did not post a picture. i am an attractive 54 y/o female who photographs well. my experience taught me that most men were anxious to meet me only after i had sent them a photo. these were the same men who would not communicate until they saw what i looked like. i would happily send these men my picture and promptly block them from contacting me. i have no interest in a man whose first criteria is looks.
just something to think about......
BJinWA...I have been there myself...some men do tend to want to talk once they have seen what I looked like...guess what...those are the ones that I had no interest in...I guess it is because the first thing they want to know what I looked like...Then those are those who are intimated because of what I look like...like they are wondering why I am still single...Like captainfraulein indicated I owed them nothing and they owed me nothing....We all have standards as to what we are seeking...I once met a guy who really looked nice in photo...but when I met him in person...he was much smaller and nothing like what I saw in the photo...photo was probably older version...yet he had a very pleasant personality and promised me the world....I just was not looking for the pimp person...and found out that he really had nothing..
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 5:38:59 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12899
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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And then you get what happens with me - they see "the look" of me (profile pic) and contact me, and then when they find out that I have a true relationship with Jesus and substance and a heart and drive and education, and a bunch of other things, they go running for the hills. It's frustrating, to say the least.
I'm glad you're going to meet her, but please be honest with her afterward, especially if there is not a chance for it to progress beyond friendship.
I've been there to where I fell for someone who had no attraction for me - other than friendship. Yet, we talked and interacted like we were a couple. Please don't do that to this girl. She deserves better!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 6:01:33 PM
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preserved
Posts: 778
Joined: 6/12/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
And then you get what happens with me - they see "the look" of me (profile pic) and contact me, and then when they find out that I have a true relationship with Jesus and substance and a heart and drive and education, and a bunch of other things, they go running for the hills. It's frustrating, to say the least.
I'm glad you're going to meet her, but please be honest with her afterward, especially if there is not a chance for it to progress beyond friendship.
I've been there to where I fell for someone who had no attraction for me - other than friendship. Yet, we talked and interacted like we were a couple. Please don't do that to this girl. She deserves better!
lolll been there too...Men will have no problem with one being a true christian at first..until they find out we are for real...not just serving the Lord occassionally but 24 7
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 6:03:43 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12899
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: preserved
quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
And then you get what happens with me - they see "the look" of me (profile pic) and contact me, and then when they find out that I have a true relationship with Jesus and substance and a heart and drive and education, and a bunch of other things, they go running for the hills. It's frustrating, to say the least.
I'm glad you're going to meet her, but please be honest with her afterward, especially if there is not a chance for it to progress beyond friendship.
I've been there to where I fell for someone who had no attraction for me - other than friendship. Yet, we talked and interacted like we were a couple. Please don't do that to this girl. She deserves better!
lolll been there too...Men will have no problem with one being a true christian at first..until they find out we are for real...not just serving the Lord occassionally but 24 7
Exactly!!!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 8:57:22 PM
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captainfraulein
Posts: 562
Joined: 5/2/2005
From: Planet Earth
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I run into quite a few honest sweet Christian single men. They get snagged up pretty quick in my church. I am not drawn to too many of them...even the very societysays good looking ones. My mom is pushing me to go on eharmony again and again. Even though I told her I am basically taking a fast from online dating in 2008, really from dating anybody. I felt God telling me to do that and I am happier doing that even though I will be 41 on Halloween now. My mom though does not give up, as she is not a believer imho and does not understand me wanting to be single right now to focus on God being my source of happiness. She wants me to hurry up and get busy getting married, having babies and time is running out (maybe did run out). I am more looking at the sovereignty of God here and that maybe His great plan for me is NOT to have kidlets, and I am OKAY with that. Try telling my mom that (can you see my frustration, sinful as it is, I need to chill out). I did let her know I will let her sign me up for eharmony in 2009.
Dang, I have had too much caffeine today. Am hyper. Must put this energy to use outside of computer.
My point is I do believe some men are looking for women like us who live out Christ 24/7 but we just have not found them yet, or they have not found us.
And the reason I don't want to go online is how tired I am of running into men who are not sold out to Christ but will say and or do anything to give that impression when it really is not true. And are hung up on looks even if they are 3 dollars looks looking for 3000 dollar looks.
But I run into plain janes everywhere with hunky sold out men for Christ as their husbands so I see that grace abounds everywhere.
OKAY, I will stop here. Too much caffeine after stressful dentist cavity filling (6 of them today...was 5 but he did ONE MORE he found).
_____________________________
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." -Jim Elliot
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/9/2008 9:16:28 PM
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buckifn
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Joined: 5/23/2006
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There is no such thing as a "false christian" male or female. Either you have a personal relationship with Jesus or you don't and it doesn't take long finding out which side of the fence a person is on either.
It's a heart issue. Find a man or woman who truly loves God and honors Him first and I guarantee you that same person will be someone you can have a relationship built on integrity and one worth pursuing.
Even online it's possible to find such a person..Pray and allow God to guide you.
Putting value on someone such as "3.00 or 300.00 is not something a person following God's heart will do because He values all souls.
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/10/2008 6:33:45 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 787
Joined: 11/28/2005
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You don't have to force yourself to like someone
but you can be honest with them.
If she's a nice person and there's good friendship why not
keep her as a friend?
Don't go by her photo - meet her in person and get to know her
as a friend.
I'm not a pretty person either, I'm not skinny either but I did
manage to get a nice looking (I hear women say so and then
they wonder what he sees in me) man to marry me.
I spent a lot of years being dateless - I had no boyfriends in school
--- I averaged a few dates a year after I was 18 - not many asked me
out again... they all said I was nice and they'd like to stay friends.
I use to say this a lot: If Woody Allen could find someone - so can I!
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/10/2008 6:43:35 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5401
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From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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quote:
If she's a nice person and there's good friendship why not keep her as a friend? Just make it really clear that you want friendship, not romance with her ~ ie tell her that, not just act as though she's a friend.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/11/2008 4:36:13 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
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Ladies I think we scared him away!!!! I hope he doesn't write us off completely!!!
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/17/2008 2:52:24 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26214
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
There is no such thing as a "false christian" male or female. Either you have a personal relationship with Jesus or you don't and it doesn't take long finding out which side of the fence a person is on either. Buckifn - Congratulations on this quote being named as Quote of the Week in Room and Board!
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/17/2008 3:10:41 PM
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raivyne
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To the OP, I saw your other post. I hope all works out for you!
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God grades on the cross – not on a curve
Good – God = 0
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/17/2008 3:18:18 PM
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agapetos
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He actually posted a thread here. It's been locked (because of this thread) but there's a link back, so if he does come back, he'll see it, and hopefully any responses.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/17/2008 4:43:18 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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From: WA
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quote:
the more that I looked at her face, the more I began to appreciate it.
That's quite wonderful.
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Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/17/2008 6:55:16 PM
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BJinWA
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How totally awesome!!!!
You are making me rethink my earlier post. Maybe i was too hasty in "deleting" the ones who only wanted to see my pic first....
i think we were both judgemental. uh oh....
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/18/2008 2:32:12 AM
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markec
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For those of you who haven't read, His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley, Jr., I highly recommend it. It's a must read. If you don't want to go out and buy it and your local church and or public library doesn't have it, you can send me an email and ask for the detailed summary of it. I have an online ministry of sending out godly emails of detailed summaries of good Christians books I"ve read. Just send me your email address and ask for them.
Looks/physical attraction is very important to most men. This is a fact, something that all women need to acknowledge and try to appeal to in any potential spouse and then most importantly, to her husband, if she marries, God-willing.
God bless,
Mark
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/18/2008 9:27:50 AM
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gaylel1
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....But Mark and everyone, it is not all about looks, but the charater and the godly atttributes of the person. Just because a person is good looking it does not mean that he or she got it all together because the most attractive person may have a ugly spirit about he or she.
I think we all agree, right?
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Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Can a man force himself to like a girl even if he's... - 9/18/2008 2:22:55 PM
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markec
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I didn't say that looks are it for a guy, or should be. For some it is, but these are the men who aren't spiritually mature themselves and thus don't want a woman who is either, so he isn't guilted into growing spiritually. Sadly, many Christian women settle for these types who really aren't Christians at all, because all Christians should love to read to grow in their knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and to learn to appeal to their potential spouse more, since that is what you are commanded to do by God. Knowlege is power. Lack of knowledge brings on many sins, wrong theology, and heartaches. If Christian women said No to men who hadn't studied and read up on theology and marriage to prove themselves ready for being a leader in marriage, then many Christian marriages wouldn't be where they are now or were and now divorced.
Secondly, many women still think that men should think like women and be attracted to women the way women are attracted to men. When will you wake up and LEARN what men want? You are then to appeal to that. Men and women don't want the same things; aren't attracted to the opposite gender based on the same things and never will be. Get Knowledge through reading Christian books on men and what they want and then you can choose to work on being that type of woman or not; which will then bring about a solid man or not in a potential marriage.
Again, a great book to learn about the differences is His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley, Jr. If you want a detailed summary of that book and many others on marriage, just email me with your email and ask for it. Until you start educating yourself, stop whining and complaining when you are actually trying to appeal to women's needs/desires instead of a man's.
God bless,
mark
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