My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (Full Version)

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AppleofGODSeyeinNH -> My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 12:08:10 PM)

I am so confused. I am so tired and frustrated & I feel SOOO alone. At a time when I know I should be completely grateful to God for FINALLY being able to stay home with our two youngest kids, I feel like I am being punished and being put through a seemingly endless trial. I have never experienced marital bliss in my marriage: not even in the beginning. My husband put on an excellent show of being in love with the Lord & following His commandments but when we got married everything changed. I realize that the fact that we are a blended family has added to the difficulty, but one of the reasons why I was attracted to him was because of how loving and attentive he was to his kids. Once we got married, it was like he turned off that "nurturing parent" switch. Now that we have 2 children of our own, it seems to me some times like he just feels like it's not his responsibility to EVER carry out any of the obligations of parenting (other than providing). I understand that the majority of the childrearing is the responsibility of the mother, but what would it hurt him to change a diaper once or twice a month or perhaps watch the kids a couple of hours once a week so that I can recharge my spiritual, physical, & emotional batteries? My husband no longer appreciates nor does he acknowledge the vital importance of quality family time. His self-worth is defined by working himself to death. There is no affection in our marriage, barely any intimacy, and a lot of hostility a lot of the time. To boot, my husband refuses accountability over the fact that engaging in recreational drugs (marijuana) is not the thing that a Christian family man should be doing. I have had it. I am so stressed out and sick & tired of feeling like I must flee. I am stressed out over constantly devising plans and schemes to leave & going to a safer place with my kids. This is not the example of a family home life that I envisioned for my children. It is a bad example for my youngest kids, and especially for my oldest boy (he's 16). Our parenting styles & whether we have a personal relationship with the Lord or not will inevitably influence the choices that our kids will make tomorrow. I belive that our God is a God of redemption & restoration, but how can we get there as a family when the head of the house doesn't acknowledge there is a problem? I've sought help from several venues. I've tried Christian counseling with a great pastor/professional counselor but his office was far away & not covered by insurance so it was also expensive. My husband promised that he would commit to trying to make things better but only attended once. I love our church & the work that our church does for the Lord but it truly lacks substance in the arena of helping families in crisis. We have made our circumstances known to several key persons, but it seems like we have been the invisible family of the flock. We are falling apart at the seams & they know it, but I guess they are afraid to get involved or don't have the time. I do not know where to go & although I know that the Lord's word WILL NOT RETURN VOID and that He has PROMISED to never leave nor forsake me, I feel desperately alone. I don't know what God's will and desire is for me, and although I know that I must walk in love & not harbor unforgiveness, I don't believe it's God's will for my kids to live in such a volatile environment & for me to feel so sad, depressed, unfulfilled, unappreciated, and frustrated. I know that Satan is using my husband as the vessel with which to rob this family of its joy and peace, and I feel so sad that he's allowing it. Recently, I sat down with one of the ladies at our church & she mentioned that in order for God to change my husband that first He must do a work in me. I accepted that at the time, but now I'm like: wait a minute. Why should I accept ownership of my husband's shortcomings as a dad and as a Christian? Why should I place blame on myself over fact that he has chosen to contamine his spirit and his body with an illegal substance?

I don't know what to do anymore. I realize that the battle is being fought in the spiritual realm but I need help, guidance, and prayer. I don't know where to turn. I pray that Jesus will use someone to offer HIS insight into this situation. Jesus, please be my help. [&o]



restinginHim -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 1:18:05 PM)

I can say a lot of the same things you have said. My husband is a GREAT provider but there are many other things that i would like to change about him -- infidelity, addiction, anger problems, not being the spiritual head of our home. I also find it very confusing and down right depressing at times.

But i understand also where the ladies at church are right. I've prayed for GOD to change me because i can not change my husband. So in order for me to have peace and a peaceful household, i've asked GOD to change my attitude, my perceptions, my expectations. I may not trust my husband to do the "right" thing but i trust God to do what's right for me AND my husband. So i wait on His timing and hope for the time when i can yell VICTORY!!

It helps me to remember how GOD loved me when i did not yet love GOD when i was the one addicted, sidetracked by the world. I look at my husband and i want to be there for him when the scales fall from his eyes and he will no longer be blind to the wrong but rejoicing He who is right. I want to be a vessel God can use to bring that about. HOPE! I'm praying for you.



AppleofGODSeyeinNH -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 1:25:37 PM)

Thank you and God bless you, my sister. I believe that this is reaffirmation from God that I am probably the one that needs the most work. I admire you for your patience, courage, and humility in your situation.

I will be praying for you, too. God bless you.



delete123 -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 1:38:43 PM)

Apple~
Sorry to hear about your situation. It is difficult, yet you need to focus on you and your children right now.
I say this because I was married to a pharmaceutical drug addict years ago. Your bonus is your husband works, mine did not. Satan always attacks the weaker in a marriage, so all I could do at that time was put on Christ daily.
The one thing I learned after the marriage was: I didn't pray for my husband, this is imperative for you to do. There are several books out about what happens when women pray. The powers of a praying wife.

You can find help outside of your church since it seems in your post that they do not want to intervene. There are other churches that can and will help. I believe like people each church has their own calling in how they can help. Maybe your church doesn't know how to help in this area.

Call the salvation army they are a wealth of information about your community and can help you in that direction and give you support.

You need to be an example to our children and yes one to your husband as well. Set boundaries for him about his use of thc and ask him not to bring it in the home, if he must do it in the garage. Not that you condone, but for the sake of your children.
Thc stores in the fatty tissues of one's body and anyone can get high on the drug, just by inhaling the smoke.
Find a day-care or after school program to bring your children for an hour or two so you can have your free time. Or ask a friend to watch them for a couple of hour a few times a week, a local, responsible teenager. Is your 16 y/o capable to watch the younger children while you take a few hours away from the situation? Offer him a small compensation for doing so.
You need time to yourself, Oh how I ever so know this!!!
I will pray for you and if you want to pm me feel free

CRH



Hislittleone -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 2:35:24 PM)

quote:

Set boundaries for him about his use of thc and ask him not to bring it in the home, if he must do it in the garage.


Surely you don't mean she should tell her husband it's ok to smoke an illegal drug in their garage? Perhaps I misunderstood you.

quote:

I understand that the majority of the childrearing is the responsibility of the mother


Not in our household. We are equal partners in parenting, each having a vital role to play in the raising up of our children. And I'm a SAHM too btw.

quote:

It is a bad example for my youngest kids, and especially for my oldest boy (he's 16). Our parenting styles & whether we have a personal relationship with the Lord or not will inevitably influence the choices that our kids will make tomorrow.


You are absolutely correct in this. These things will definitely have an effect on your children and sadly it won't be a positive one. I don't want my children being friends with kids whose parents use drugs, much less would I want them to be influenced by a husband who is using. Anytime a parent uses drugs or abuses alcohol the kids find out at one point or another. It won't stay hidden forever, especially since you have a teenage boy around.

quote:

I belive that our God is a God of redemption & restoration, but how can we get there as a family when the head of the house doesn't acknowledge there is a problem? I've sought help from several venues. I've tried Christian counseling with a great pastor/professional counselor


The problem I see here is that you are the only one who is working on saving the marriage. It takes two to make a marriage. You can stand for your marriage but if I were you I'd do it from afar. At least until my husband quit using drugs.

ETA: What your husband is doing (or not doing) is not your fault. I don't know what the woman at your church meant by saying that but if she was trying to hint that these things are being caused or being made worse by you then she was completely off. I wouldn't go back to her for advice. A truly wise woman who is mature in her faith wouldn't tell a wife such a thing. [8|] There are all kinds of people out there with all kinds of strange beliefs that are blanketed under the guise of Christianity. So be careful who you seek out for advice.

May God bless you and offer you wisdom in the decisions set before you.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 4:02:19 PM)

quote:

Why should I accept ownership of my husband's shortcomings as a dad and as a Christian? Why should I place blame on myself over fact that he has chosen to contamine his spirit and his body with an illegal substance?


You shouldn't. But there is great power in owning *your* failings before and during the process of dealing with your husband's problems. IOW--that he is a druggie workaholic who neglects his family is not your fault at all. But if you are hostile towards him, or reacting in an unGodly way rather than responding in love, then those are things you can change that will ease the some of the tension inside you. Doing the God-honoring thing often times seems unfair, especially when your faults seem so small in comparison to his.

You might also separate things out a little and aim your guns at the really big issues--his drug use and his emotional abandonment. There are some wonderful husbands and fathers in the world who do not change diapers, mine included. [;)]

Is he bringing pot into the house? If you know where he's getting it or where his stash is, you might need to turn him in and let him go through the legal system. You need to check the laws where you live, whether you will be held responsible if he stores or uses drugs in your home.



shadowspring -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 4:10:11 PM)

quote:

I am probably the one that needs the most work


It sure doesn't sound like it to me!

Sounds to me like your husband needs way more work than you! Problem is, he's not looking for it.

You are the only one looking for a solution to your family's problems.

So, any solutions will have to come through you. That's all. [:)]

Please don't put yourself down or think that your husband's drug problem is your fault! It has nothing to do with you. He didn't start because of you and he won't stop for you. You are pretty much powerless over his addictions.

Not that you aren't affected by them. Just meaning that since you can't control him or change him, but something has to change, you are going to have to be the one making the changes. You are the only one willing.

Changes like: making time for yourself; freeing yourself from disappointment by not expecting help from him and seeking it elsewhere; seeing there is a need for a Christian witness in your home and since your hubby won't be that then you need to be that, and make sure you and your children are around plenty of other Christian witness as well; making sure your kids get what they need as best as you can

You might want to try Al-Anon as one place to find support and help for yourself. I doubt if anyone there will care that your dh is smoking weed instead of drinking. [:)] Or if you think it matters, maybe they can point you to another group.

I love 12 step programs because you are anonymous, and none of your problems leave the room. Wish most churches were that trustworthy! [;)]



bluestone -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 4:22:13 PM)

Shadowspring is right.

Please remember your ultimate relationship is with Christ. Your husband's is obviously not. Your husband's willfull decision to put his addictions above God and above his marriage and family is NOT your fault. Don't buy into false guilt. Don't allow your husband's lifestyle and wants keep you from serving the Lord.

At some point, if your husband refuses marital counseling, and drug treatment, you may want to separate for a while. NOT divorce , but sometimes separation wakes up a person to all he is about to lose.
Your priority at this point has to be your relationship with God, and your children.



carl54 -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 9:11:06 PM)

Isn't it amazing the amount of sorrow we feel when we see our love ones being overpowered by sin. We know what they are doing is wrong, but they don't, or are incapable or unwilling to free themselves from it. We feel powerless because we can't help them and we cannot make the decision for them. Now, imagine Christ...he could not pull us away from sin or change us because we had to make the decision for ourselves. But he did the best he could, he made the provision for us to be saved and waited patiently for us to yield to the convicting power of his holy spirit. We can't change our love ones that are under the power of sin, all we can do is pray for them to come to their senses and yield to the power of God. While we wait lovingly, we pray and endure the pain of watching them. I pray that God will give you the patience to wait and pray. Live life to its fullest in service to God as you wait. Doing God's will is filling and satisfying no matter what the circumstances are around us.



delete123 -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/2/2008 10:12:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone

quote:

Set boundaries for him about his use of thc and ask him not to bring it in the home, if he must do it in the garage.


Surely you don't mean she should tell her husband it's ok to smoke an illegal drug in their garage? Perhaps I misunderstood you.

quote:



Littleone~
Yes I am saying that. By the o/p it appears the man is smoking the substance in their home. He is intoxicating his children and anyone else.
They are getting high by breathing the smoke.

Years ago I worked in a clinical lab where the toxocoligst had to testify in a juvenile case, where the young person was considered in violation of their probation.
The youth failed the drug test, however claimed to have been in a room where cannabinoids (thc)were being used. By just being in the same room the youth inhaled the smoke causing a positive result.
The best method of detection is urine and hair sample, however keep in mind that it takes up to 3 months for the drug to be discreted totally from the body.
His addiction can have an affect on his children, not that the o/p should condone his behaviour. I am not stating that at all.
Crh



restinginHim -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/3/2008 10:46:06 AM)

Apple, thank you sister for your kind response.

You said, "that I am probably the one that needs the most work." But like Shadowspring said "It sure doesn't sound like it to me! " I try to remember we are all works of clay needing our Potter's hands to mold us.

Our sisters here have expressed a wealth of wonderful thoughts and suggestions. I thank Jesus for giving the peace which passeth all understanding.[:)], without that i tend to fall apart and not be of use to GOD, myself or my family. His Grace and Mercy can be found in many resources by His guidance, whether through church or community programs or whatever means He may use. That's why i love to read testimonies for it never ceases to amaze me the countless ways that our LORD brings about change and hope.[:)]

Carl54, your statement was overpowering and hit so close to my heart.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
(Proverbs 3:5-6)



AppleofGODSeyeinNH -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/3/2008 1:06:01 PM)

Hello Carl,

Thanks so much for replying to my post. I am so appreciative for your Godly advise & insight. You seem to be a POWERFUL man of GOD.

Thanks for also reaffirming a vital truth: I CAN'T change my husband. That change that I so desire for my husband can only come from the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. But husband needs to desire & accept it.

This part that you stated right here is SO profound: "wait lovingly, we pray and endure the pain of watching them. I pray that God will give you the patience to wait and pray. Live life to its fullest in service to God as you wait. Doing God's will is filling and satisfying no matter what the circumstances are around us."

God bless you brother.



dyluck -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/3/2008 4:06:31 PM)

I submit that Carl54 is right on track.

I just want to add to it.
Apple, it is very important that you continue to submit to the lord no matter the hardships of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:28 - Proof there is always trouble in marriage. Apple, do not seek happiness, but yearn to love God with everything. If happiness comes, it comes. "Happiness" is a temporary state of mind and its desires must be constantly satisfied by the flesh. If you look at it in such a way that this world is not about us, but only about Him, then happiness is no longer sought, but comes in the joy and glory of the lord. By submitting to God, submitting to his will, the joy you will receive is amazing. Remember the hardships of Job? No matter, he kept steadfast focused on the lord.

Unfortunatly if your husband is clearly not submitting to the lord but hanging onto worldly things and not repenting of his ways (smoking marijuna for instance) he is not a truely converted Christian and therefore has not yet accepted the gift of Salvation. Not only is it as being like "drunk" and drunkards will not make it into heaven, but if it is more important then his familiy and simply focusing on God, then it is now an idol.

The bible referres to this quite a lot (read 1 John). This is why it is up to you to maintain that walk in righteousness with God. You, as the believing wife, become the covering for your family. 1 Corinthians 12-14.
Is your husband still going to church and would be keen on listening to a couple sermons?
I have a couple "wake up calls" if you want to put it that way that he and probably you needs to hear.



Hislittleone -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/3/2008 4:23:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crh737

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone

quote:

Set boundaries for him about his use of thc and ask him not to bring it in the home, if he must do it in the garage.


Surely you don't mean she should tell her husband it's ok to smoke an illegal drug in their garage? Perhaps I misunderstood you.

quote:



Littleone~
Yes I am saying that. By the o/p it appears the man is smoking the substance in their home. He is intoxicating his children and anyone else.
They are getting high by breathing the smoke.

Years ago I worked in a clinical lab where the toxocoligst had to testify in a juvenile case, where the young person was considered in violation of their probation.
The youth failed the drug test, however claimed to have been in a room where cannabinoids (thc)were being used. By just being in the same room the youth inhaled the smoke causing a positive result.
The best method of detection is urine and hair sample, however keep in mind that it takes up to 3 months for the drug to be discreted totally from the body.
His addiction can have an affect on his children, not that the o/p should condone his behaviour. I am not stating that at all.
Crh


Oh, I didn't catch that part. I've heard that about pot as well (that you can get high from second hand smoke). But instead of sending him to the garage I'd send him packing. If a man is smoking a harmful, illegal substance around my children then I'd be separating from him until he quit using.

Apple, if your husband is smoking in the house then you need to get your kids out. Even if he doesn't smoke while they are at home, the chemicals will linger around by seeping into carpet, curtains etc. and will still get into their system. I'd imagine it's just like when a smoker smokes inside their home. The smoke gets into everything and affects everyone living in that house.

ETA: I know someone whose father smokes pot. He smoked it the whole time my friend was growing up. My friend also developed a problem with pot. He has other problems because of his dad smoking it but I won't go into that here. Just saying this to point out that it does affect the children. I'm afraid that if you keep living with a man who is doing drugs your kids will pay a price for it down the road.



Hislittleone -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/3/2008 4:37:19 PM)

quote:

I know that I must walk in love & not harbor unforgiveness, I don't believe it's God's will for my kids to live in such a volatile environment & for me to feel so sad, depressed, unfulfilled, unappreciated, and frustrated. I know that Satan is using my husband as the vessel with which to rob this family of its joy and peace, and I feel so sad that he's allowing it.


You can walk in love and forgiveness while still setting healthy boundaries for your wellbeing and that of your children. I don't believe it's God's will to leave children in such an unhealthy environment. Nor is it His will, IMO, for you to be hurt this way. You are right that satan is using your husband and until your husband stands up to him and chooses to follow God then you will continue to live this way unless you set up boundaries. (i.e. boundaries such as letting your husband know that if he doesn't quit using you will turn him into authorities or will leave) We aren't in control of what another person does but we can influence people. We can also choose what we will do about their actions and what we will tolerate in our own lives.



SuccessinTruth -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/3/2008 4:56:12 PM)


My prayers go out to you, sister. I have found myself in similar situations. We allow God to do a work in us, not because it's our fault, but because he can give us the strength to deal with the situation, the peace we so desperately need, the companionship so that we know we're not alone, and even joy to overcome the depression. When we walk in the Spirit, It is so powerful, those around us can't help being affected by It. I had to pray to just give the problem to the Lord because I couldn't deal with it myself, and I had to do it several times a day, because I kept forgetting. But in the midst of crises situations, when I remembered to close my eyes and just give it up to Him, He truly did miraculous things with it. CRH is so right in saying you need to set boundaries in his drug use and in getting counseling. And never stop praying and trusting in God. He is able.



dyluck -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/4/2008 3:24:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
or will leave


Please do not suggest that she leave her husband... that is completely unbiblical. You would be causing your sister to stumble by suggesting that.
Look at what happend to Abigail in the story of David... She stepped out of her submission to her husband's wishes and even though she thought she was doing what was right, the concequences lead to his death. Apple is in a tough situation and if her husband is causing HER to sin THEN she must do something that would be against the Will if her husband. Just like God's law superceeds the law of the land. Now if her husband is sinning against God and himself, God WILL deal with it, no doubt about that. She is called to love her husband, she doesn't have to participate in his iniquities, but she should never leave him because of it... see this verse: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 - She must not separate from him but if he separates from her that is a different story.

Please listen to this sermon about marriage... it's very good.
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=14246



delete123 -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/4/2008 4:59:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dyluck

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
or will leave


Please do not suggest that she leave her husband... that is completely unbiblical. You would be causing your sister to stumble by suggesting that.
Look at what happend to Abigail in the story of David... She stepped out of her submission to her husband's wishes and even though she thought she was doing what was right, the concequences lead to his death.


It lead to his death because he was not following God or heeding the Spirit. It had nothing to do with Abigail, because she left.

This I know first hand. When my then husband (the pharmaceutical drug addict) who mind you did not work (which is against God. A man who doesn't work should not eat)
And the Lord asked me when I was working 3 jobs at the time (What are you getting out of this?) I immediately heeded the Spirit and stopped working 3 jobs.
The Lord was working on my husband who *CHOSE* not to listen in his ways. I divorced him.
Are you stating that I erred? Then I beg to disagree with your thought. HisLittleOne is correct. If he (Apple's husband) continues in sin, she should leave either temporarily or permanantly. In the book of Ephesians 5 the Lord also prompts parents not to provoke their children to anger.

By his illicit use of drugs is causing harm and discontent among his children he is sinning against his children prompting them to become angry spirits. He is neglecting his fatherly duty towards his children and stunting their spiritual growth, by being absent mentally and emotionally.

Apple is working on doing the right thing by praying for him, but if he refuses to surrender to the Lord, then in a sense he is being lustful and is sinning against his wife, because his desire is causing sin in his heart the same as adultry, because he is loving the drug more and putting it first over his family and responsibility as head of household.

He is not loving his wife as himself, which breaks the vow of marriage and promise to God. He is not devoting himself to anything except his selfish self.

When my ex refused to relinquish to the Spirit and we divorced. It did not take him long (which btw he did while we were still married) find a replacement. In his addiction he couldn't wait for the I dos before he then quit his job and the wife #2 had to support him.
God took him home.
Are you stating that it is my fault? Because I left him because I saw it as right? Sister, you are seriously mistaken!
CRH



CheshireMuse -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/4/2008 5:49:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dyluck

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
or will leave


Please do not suggest that she leave her husband... that is completely unbiblical. You would be causing your sister to stumble by suggesting that.
Look at what happend to Abigail in the story of David... She stepped out of her submission to her husband's wishes and even though she thought she was doing what was right, the concequences lead to his death. Apple is in a tough situation and if her husband is causing HER to sin THEN she must do something that would be against the Will if her husband. Just like God's law superceeds the law of the land. Now if her husband is sinning against God and himself, God WILL deal with it, no doubt about that. She is called to love her husband, she doesn't have to participate in his iniquities, but she should never leave him because of it... see this verse: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 - She must not separate from him but if he separates from her that is a different story.

Please listen to this sermon about marriage... it's very good.
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=14246


What? That’s not what I got from that story at all…

Abigail’s “disobedience” to her husband’s wishes didn’t cause his death. His insult to David did. David and his warriors were on their way to Nabal’s house to destroy the entire household. Abigail’s “disobedience” SAVED her entire household. Nabal dropped dead on his own, if you remember, and the bible notes that Nabal actually means “fool”……


The moral of that story is NOT that Abigail "killed" her husband with her "disobedience".... Nabal's death is his own fault.



Hislittleone -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/4/2008 6:06:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dyluck

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
or will leave


Please do not suggest that she leave her husband... that is completely unbiblical. You would be causing your sister to stumble by suggesting that.
Look at what happend to Abigail in the story of David... She stepped out of her submission to her husband's wishes and even though she thought she was doing what was right, the concequences lead to his death. Apple is in a tough situation and if her husband is causing HER to sin THEN she must do something that would be against the Will if her husband. Just like God's law superceeds the law of the land. Now if her husband is sinning against God and himself, God WILL deal with it, no doubt about that. She is called to love her husband, she doesn't have to participate in his iniquities, but she should never leave him because of it... see this verse: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 - She must not separate from him but if he separates from her that is a different story.

Please listen to this sermon about marriage... it's very good.
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=14246


I respectfully disagree. Children are a gift from the Lord and as a mother it is her God given duty to protect them. Leaving children in a household where evil things are being done is wrong.

I did not suggest that she divorce him. I said that she should live separately until he quits using drugs.

You quoted this passage to me...

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Again, I did not tell her to divorce. Because of his actions (i.e. fruit, which speak louder than words) I would consider such a husband as an unbeliever who wishes to leave. Also, Paul makes it clear that this is a directive from himself, not a divine inspiration from the Lord. (See the bolded phrase in the scripture.)

In the story of Abigail I don't see that she was wrong in what she did. Her husband was struck down because of his wickedness, not because she stepped out of submission to him. Perhaps you missed the fact that David would have killed all the men (Nabal included) if Abigail hadn't done the right thing? Her actions saved many men. Her husband died because of his own foolishness and wickedness.

1 Samuel 25:22 May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!"

1 Samuel 25:32 David said to Abigail, "Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. 33 May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. 34 Otherwise, as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak."

Abigail's husband Nabal was going to die either way. So in stepping "out of submission" to her wicked husband she ended up saving countless lives. Abigail was a hero, not a rebellious and unsubmissive wife.

I listened to most of the sermon you linked to. It was interesting but I believe the teachings were slightly twisted and off base.

***All highlights in Scriptures added by me.

ETA: Color [:D]



carl54 -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/6/2008 5:43:23 PM)

Apple - Thanks for the compliment. We are all in this fight against evil and to reach higher heights of righteousness. Some days we do great and others its a struggle. But God is faithful, and we are guaranteed the victory. Hang in there!



dyluck -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/11/2008 7:13:39 PM)

Sorry I did not state my argument regarding Abigail correctly. You are right, It did not directly relate to his death; however, on the flipside, she is one with her husband. God does NOT change people... he will never EVER tell a spouce come against her head unless he was causing HER to sin (which would be against God's law)...

delete123
quote:

And the Lord asked me when I was working 3 jobs at the time (What are you getting out of this?) I immediately heeded the Spirit and stopped working 3 jobs.
The Lord was working on my husband who *CHOSE* not to listen in his ways. I divorced him.

I am sorry... but I say this out of love. Your statement above does not radiate the character of God and you need to test the spirit. "What are you getting out of this?" God calls us to NOT be selfish. We are here to glorify him, not him glorify us, nor go against his own word.

Now key in point. God does not like divorce; however, we do see Mosus allowed a certificate of divorce to be given. Everyone gives this reason about children etc and provoking them. Who answers to God for that?! YOU?! NO... He will answer to God! You will be blessed by your longsuffering and he will suffer the judgement wrath of God. Do you not trust His word when the lord says that he will not give us more then we can handle???
God will never tell you to leave someone... in fact it says in 1 Corinthians 12-16 to try and keep the peace and if THEY leave let them go (if they are not Christian, which I would say that this is the case). Or Marital Unfaithfulness... Matthew 5:31-32 from the mouth of Jesus himself.
So I am going to ask you this. In Matthew 5:33 it goes directly into fufilling oaths with GOD! You vowed to God for better for worse, in sickness and in heath for richer for poorer... so you tell me!?

Unequallly yolked: and ONLY the person who is not a believer can leave you not the other way around and secondly if they (not you) commit sexual immorality (unfaithfullness).

Apple, please be strong sister! Jesus has the power and you can overcome through him!
Submit to the Will of God and he will bless you. The God that created this universe has the power to change your life as long as you are submitting to his will. He promises us ANYTHING acording to his will. John 15:7, John 15:16, and finally 1 John 14-15 I would submit to you that calling upon God for your husband's straight life is in allignment with the will of God.
Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. Proverbs 3:5



applemom -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/16/2008 1:21:01 PM)

appple, I am so touched by your post. I could have written it word for word. Even part of our name is the same.

I don't know what the person intended when you were told God needed to do a work in you but certainly there is always work to do in each of us.
When I accepted that he has faults and I can't change him and I had to either accept him as he is at the moment or leave, that was a big moment for me and started a shift in my attitude.
For one thing, I realized that some of what I didn't like in him was because it didn't fit some of my ideas of the perfect family. Note: my idea, not nec the Lords idea. That meant some of this is my problem not his.
(Please, I am not trying to negate the seriousness of your situation or the deepness of your frustration and despair, just trying to sort out the issues)
I had to re-evaluate what meek means and also what is meant by as much as depends on you be at peace...

I came to realize that I could chose to be meek or bite my tongue for the LORDs sake.
This made a huge difference in my understanding from before when I thought I HAD to be meek, which put me under the law/bondage, which I resented and fought in subtle ways.

I came to see I could dislike some of the things he does and still be respectful to him, (I can tell him i don't like something, even give him an ultimatum-he quits the pot or I leave- and still be respectful in tone and manner).

Truly God does not hold me responsible for anothers actions but He does hold me reponsible for my actions. Even if my action is justified as the world sees it.

My view regarding the children is; now this is hard to put into a few words, who am I to predict the future of the child? Am I a prophet that I can see? A wise person pointed out to me that we are the sum of our experiences, there is no guarantee, a famous evangelist had a wayward son for years. Daughter also if I remember correctly.
God is a perfect parenta and his children, who had no bills, smiths to keep up with, or at that time even children, sinned.
Now please, I am not saying we don't have responsibilities towards our children but don't take more than is rightfully yours and don't forget God loves them more than you do.

This is getting long but one more thing. In searching the scriptures it seems clear that adultery is the only cause for divorce and even then God would still prefer we forgive. (I am not judging anyone)
It does seem tho that there were some husbands and wives who were not always co-habitating.
When Sarah died Abraham had to go to where she was, it seems to me that if she had just been visiting there her body would have been brought back home.
David and his first wife appear to have separated.
in this I think it is highly individual, I personally know several couples where a separation provided the platform from which the marriage rebuilt.
In my case, even tho I have prayed many times for an opportunity to separate the Lord never provided it so I never have.

As I have struggled through the hard times, and I can truthfully say that it seems we go from hard to very hard to I can't do this, back to hard, with very few times of not bad; I recognize that none of us are immune to difficulties. God is concerned about how I deal with the particular difficulty in my life.
So even as I write this I am learning even more what it means to depend on God.
Layer by layer He peels off my independance, pride, self-righteousnes bitterness, selfishness, the list goes on.
One more thing, pray, yes indeed pray, search through your prayers what God wants you to pray for, pray for your husband, not just that he change but also that God blesses him, your children, for health, salvation, the influence you have on them and others. The more you pray, the more it becomes natural, the more you find to pray for.
But....remember, God is still God and the foremost reason for praying is to deepen your relationship with God.
Your husband may change with your first prayer, or he may not ever change much at all.
But you can. Like Paul says we can learn to be content whatever state we are in.
For me, I think I rebelled for years against the idea that I (like I'm so special) was in a typical troubled marriage, my christianity didn't appear to be working. ( But I did sooo much right helllooo God, don't you seeee)

Then it hit me, it was about me, my attitude, my behaviour, my dependance on God, my trust in God that He knows best and to follow Him wherever He leads.
even when it doesnt' make sense to me.



dyluck -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/16/2008 3:24:46 PM)

applemom - May the Lord bless you! What a testimony to core biblical truth put in practice!
I pray that every wife / mom in your situation on this forum read your post! Truly awe inspiring and Holy Spirit inspired. [:D]



delete123 -> RE: My husband is a GREAT financial provider but not assuming his responsbility as HIGH priest of HOME (9/17/2008 9:39:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dyluck

Sorry I did not state my argument regarding Abigail correctly. You are right, It did not directly relate to his death; however, on the flipside, she is one with her husband. God does NOT change people... he will never EVER tell a spouce come against her head unless he was causing HER to sin (which would be against God's law)...

delete123
quote:

And the Lord asked me when I was working 3 jobs at the time (What are you getting out of this?) I immediately heeded the Spirit and stopped working 3 jobs.
The Lord was working on my husband who *CHOSE* not to listen in his ways. I divorced him.

I am sorry... but I say this out of love. Your statement above does not radiate the character of God and you need to test the spirit. "What are you getting out of this?" God calls us to NOT be selfish. We are here to glorify him, not him glorify us, nor go against his own word.

I was not being selfish an you do not know the whole story. Your answer is typical, because you are a man. I was at that time working 3 jobs my friend (and I use the term loosely)

Now key in point. God does not like divorce; however, we do see Mosus allowed a certificate of divorce to be given. Everyone gives this reason about children etc and provoking them. Who answers to God for that?! YOU?! NO... He will answer to God! You will be blessed by your longsuffering and he will suffer the judgement wrath of God. Do you not trust His word when the lord says that he will not give us more then we can handle???

God sometimes does give us more, because that keeps us on our knees. Obviously you do not have life experience in this area.

God will never tell you to leave someone... in fact it says in 1 Corinthians 12-16 to try and keep the peace and if THEY leave let them go (if they are not Christian,
***which I would say that this is the case)***. Or Marital Unfaithfulness... Matthew 5:31-32 from the mouth of Jesus himself.
So I am going to ask you this. In Matthew 5:33 it goes directly into fufilling oaths with GOD! You vowed to God for better for worse, in sickness and in heath for richer for poorer... so you tell me!?

Unequallly yolked: and ONLYthe person who is not a believer can leave you not the other way around and secondly if they (not you) commit sexual immorality (unfaithfullness).


It is nice you have all this head knowledge, but you should learn to apply it, before you start throwing judgement and accessing someone as a non Christian. You come here and read only a portion of what I had wrote without knowledge of the whole story, which God does know and try to point fingers, claiming that I am not a Christian plus stating my ex was not a christian, which I did not state in anyway. So let me ask you, Who died and made you God?
What gives you the right to judge me and call me a non Christian? Do you know me personally? I think not! You must have taken an on line bible class, because that's all you do is throw words around, but never had much involvement with the experience. He who is without *sin* let him cast the first stone. So I guess you must be sinless with all these stones you are throwing at me.



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