Move or not to move (Full Version)

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doba -> Move or not to move (8/24/2008 2:31:21 PM)

I asked this question before, worded differently and still need answers or at least some more opinions.
The issue is as much emotional as it is financial but the two often become intertwined.
My wife and I are approaching 60 and live in a resort area, pretty expensive. We don't own a home and are able to live here by caretaking. We think we should buy a home in our old age and have some money to do so, however, not enough to buy here. We could afford to pay cash for a modest home in a less expensive area. We don't want a mortgage in case one of us gets sick or something.
The emotional part is leaving our daughter and grandchildren. The big question: should we just deal with the separation from our loved ones and move to a less expensive area in light of today's economy? We do have family in cheaper areas of the country. Does the close connection with the family here weigh more than us taking care of each other in our later years?



creationtalk -> RE: Move or not to move (8/24/2008 4:40:02 PM)

this is really not the kind of decision which another can advise you.

There are benefits to owning a home and there are downsides as well. If you own the home, the owner cannot tell you to leave or raise the rent. However, homeownership comes with maintainance and repairs, taxes, insurance (and as those of us here on the coast can attest, the cost can more than double over-night). I would never recommend buying a home if it would exhaust your available cash, particularly if you are nearing retirement. If you can buy without using all of your funds, then it is another story.

As to the other part of your question, here are some things to consider:

What are the odds that your daughter and her family will still be in the area 5 or 10 years from now?

If one or both of you are ill and/or you are unable to find caretaker positions, would you then have to leave the area or would your daughter and her family be in a position to take you in or help you with housing?

Have you asked your daughter how she feels about having you move, should you decide that is the best?


quote:

Does the close connection with the family here weigh more than us taking care of each other in our later years?

THis is the only one I will give my opinion: your first loyalty is ALWAYS to each other (after God) when it comes to your care. Children leave their parents to form their own families--this is how it should be. Spouses are to cleave to each other and become one flesh.



doba -> RE: Move or not to move (8/24/2008 6:03:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: creationtalk

this is really not the kind of decision which another can advise you.

There are benefits to owning a home and there are downsides as well. If you own the home, the owner cannot tell you to leave or raise the rent. However, homeownership comes with maintainance and repairs, taxes, insurance (and as those of us here on the coast can attest, the cost can more than double over-night). I would never recommend buying a home if it would exhaust your available cash, particularly if you are nearing retirement. If you can buy without using all of your funds, then it is another story.

As to the other part of your question, here are some things to consider:

What are the odds that your daughter and her family will still be in the area 5 or 10 years from now?

If one or both of you are ill and/or you are unable to find caretaker positions, would you then have to leave the area or would your daughter and her family be in a position to take you in or help you with housing?

Have you asked your daughter how she feels about having you move, should you decide that is the best?


quote:

Does the close connection with the family here weigh more than us taking care of each other in our later years?

THis is the only one I will give my opinion: your first loyalty is ALWAYS to each other (after God) when it comes to your care. Children leave their parents to form their own families--this is how it should be. Spouses are to cleave to each other and become one flesh.



eaglelady11 -> RE: Move or not to move (8/24/2008 6:09:40 PM)

yeah, that is my concern as well. if you do buy a home, you have the associated costs and depending on how much money you have, you do not want to deplete your funds and cut off your retirement money. so seriously think about how much this is going to cost you, not only monthly, but for the next 20 to 30 years, because you will probably live until your 90's/

also, if you do not want to be away form your daughter and grandchildren, is it possible that if yu do move to a less expensive area, that your daughter and her family could move as well or do they want to stay where they are at? Could y'all buy a big house together and live with each other or is that not an option?


I don't know, this is a really big decision. Are you happy now? I pray God give you wisdom.



doba -> RE: Move or not to move (8/24/2008 6:09:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: doba

quote:

ORIGINAL: creationtalk

this is really not the kind of decision which another can advise you.

There are benefits to owning a home and there are downsides as well. If you own the home, the owner cannot tell you to leave or raise the rent. However, homeownership comes with maintainance and repairs, taxes, insurance (and as those of us here on the coast can attest, the cost can more than double over-night). I would never recommend buying a home if it would exhaust your available cash, particularly if you are nearing retirement. If you can buy without using all of your funds, then it is another story.

As to the other part of your question, here are some things to consider:

What are the odds that your daughter and her family will still be in the area 5 or 10 years from now?

If one or both of you are ill and/or you are unable to find caretaker positions, would you then have to leave the area or would your daughter and her family be in a position to take you in or help you with housing?

Have you asked your daughter how she feels about having you move, should you decide that is the best?


quote:

Does the close connection with the family here weigh more than us taking care of each other in our later years?

THis is the only one I will give my opinion: your first loyalty is ALWAYS to each other (after God) when it comes to your care. Children leave their parents to form their own families--this is how it should be. Spouses are to cleave to each other and become one flesh.



More than likely they will stay here, as my daughter's husband has his whole family here and they are close.
My daughter doesn't want us to move but would try to understand if we did.
Yes, we could not afford to live here without caretaking. Even renting is not an option.
No, they are not in a position to help with housing.

One other factor is that we want to move to a different climate. Winter here is brutal and can last for 7 months. That is becoming a huge factor as we get older.

Thanks for the response.



kernsfamily -> RE: Move or not to move (8/25/2008 9:37:16 AM)

quote:

The emotional part is leaving our daughter and grandchildren. The big question: should we just deal with the separation from our loved ones and move to a less expensive area in light of today's economy? We do have family in cheaper areas of the country. Does the close connection with the family here weigh more than us taking care of each other in our later years?


very tough questions and decisions.

The one thing to REALLY ask yourself is do you REALLY like living where you're living now (even IF your daughter and grandchildren DID NOT live there)....Iam sure you even want to "retire" from caretaking at some point.

I always think back to when my father retired from the factory at General Motors. He attended all sorts of seminars to help "prepare" for retirement. The best "advice" he ever got was to never move or live to a certain location JUST BECAUSE your kids live there. Sure, you could get a home or live in the area you're living now....but, jobs have a way of moving, and people get relocated frequently. In one example given, an older couple "retired" from Detroit and moved to Anaheim, CA because that's where 2 of their 3 kids lived, and they had grandkids. Within 5 years, both kids had moved away to other parts of the country, but, the "retired" couple was "stuck" and could not financially afford to move....leaving them living in a place that they REALLY did NOT want to be.

LIVE where you want to live...and can "live" (not just struggle to get by)....you can always travel to see kids, and they travel to see you....

As for my parents, they retired to Mountain Home, Arkansas in 1992ish (Great place to "retire to", and very low cost of living. While visiting them for Christmas in 1993, I ended up getting a job there.....(until I met my wife, then we moved to Dallas for more career opportunities).....In 2000, my parents realized that they were NEVER home (always out traveling with their RV).....so, they sold the house.....and, have been "full time RVing" ever since....the visit us out here in Texas (in the cooler months, of course), go and see my sisters in North Carolina, and get "summer jobs" at places like Yellowstone and Dollywood for fun....and just travel the country...... Anyway....I don't think they are going to stop doing that anytime soon....



doba -> RE: Move or not to move (8/25/2008 9:46:37 PM)

I did forget to leave out some factors that are influencing our decision. One very important thing is that we have never been able to find a church home here that fits us. Another is that we have very few friends. Economically, we are not upper class and that is what mostly lives here. The population of the county is 60 percent non-resident.

Perhaps the biggest and latest issue has been friction between us and our kids here. They don't approve of our lifestyle. My wife makes more money than I do and they don't think that is right. We didn't plan it that way, it just kinda happened. They dont understand why we are not happy here, even though they know very well people have left here in droves, due to the winter, the politics and the high cost of living. They think we should be like our son in laws family, plenty of money, travel all the time and pretty much do as they please. It is a hopeless argument.



coinpurse -> RE: Move or not to move (8/26/2008 3:24:45 AM)

Will pray for you that you will know exactly what to do for the next phase...

Sounds to me like you might want to do some research on areas with a warmer climate...If God leads you to the right place, you'll make friends there and most likely find a great church

60 is young...couldnt you just move away from the resort a few hours drive away?



Row1 -> RE: Move or not to move (8/26/2008 9:46:55 AM)

not to be too morbid, but...
whether you stay or move, i don't know - but if you move: it sounds like you are not just looking at 5 yrs, then maybe move again - you are thinking generally 'permanent.'

so, wherever you go, that is, according to this planning, where one of you would transition from your own home to nursing care if needed, or that is where one of you would die.

in either scenario, you eventually will leave a house behind. you will either need to sell the house, have a family member take it over, or have a family member sell the house.

i am starting to look at this with my parents who live in one home and own/rent out another. eventually I may be saddled with two homes, which together have a fair amt of mortgage remaining, plus i have my own house. my parents have suggested: why don't you move into the rental house? no, i already have a home - i am not gonna resolve your 2nd house problem by having it shuffled off on me, like you give me old dishes, books, yard tools, etc.

so, part of the decision might be: where do you see yourselves transitioning to nursing home? what will become of your home? and it sounds like children might be involved: are they willing? or not? these cold-climate people don't sound very enthusiastic about having you around -but i don't have too much info on that.

if you buy a home, either you will eventually sell it (as you move to attended-living), or some child will inherit this after you both have died.

is anyone willing to get the burden of a second home, in order to sell it and reap the financial gift? if you don't spend that 100,000 or whatever, then you simply give it to one or more children, or spend it yourself.

so, I suggest: add in the concept that you will eventually be transitioning out of this future home. With what child should you do this? Where do you want to be when you need caretaking yourself?

my father and i have begun to talk abt these things. it is morbid, but then again it is reassuring to know what the situation is, and what will happen with money and property.



doba -> RE: Move or not to move (9/4/2008 9:33:35 PM)

I didn't consider the last post to be morbid. You have to start thinking about those things. Shucks, if I died here, I doubt any of my family back east would be able to attend. I don't want to be buried out here anyway.

I am really tired of caretaking, or at least the person that I work for. He has nothing nice to say, regardless of what I do. If anything goes wrong, I get the blame. He thinks everybody is after his money.

No, I don't enjoy living in this area. Summers are nice but way too short and winter can be brutal. You make a friend here and they move off before you can turn around. Resort areas are so, so transient and we prefer long-term relationships.

My daughers husband grew up here and I doubt he will ever move anyhwere.

The real problem is leaving our grandchildren, who we adore. The answer from God has not come and winter is looming. There was frost this morning on my truck!!! This is the most confusing and frustrating thing I have ever had to deal with in my life becuase it involves raw emotions.



doba -> RE: Move or not to move (9/14/2008 1:09:54 PM)

Still have not decided what to do. We have already had frost and the colors are changing. The thought of another winter here is very depressing.
I have found tons of houses across the country at affordable prices but have not taken the plunge. It is absolutely amazing to see the price disparity across the U.S. Houses here that run from 250 k to 350 k, can be found for less than 100k in other areas.
I do think that purchasing a home is still the wise thing to do. The money gurus say so, one says it is like having money in the bank. I know there are related costs such as maintenance, taxes and so on, but isn't that far better than giving money to someone else, with no return on it?
We feel we must make a decision real soon and just pray it is the right thing to do.



dayzee2 -> RE: Move or not to move (9/16/2008 2:02:39 PM)

doba, here's my two cents. Sounds like you really don't like where you are living. MOVE! It's not written in stone that you can't come back to where you are if you miss your grandchildren too much. But, reading your posts makes me think you really, really dislike where you are, esp. the brutal winters, etc. If you have the opportunity and the means to move elsewhere...go for it! Try it and see how you like it. Life is too short to live where you're not happy, if you have a chance to try something different...do it.

You can always visit your grandchildren, or they can visit you. And you'll always be able to stay in touch by phone, emails, etc.

As far as the financial part of your post, I wouldn't be in a big hurry to buy a house somewhere until I was sure that was where I wanted to live. Unless you found a really good deal and was sure you would have no problem selling.

Sorry, to drop in out of the blue. I don't have time to post much, need to be getting ready to go to work now but your post was one that really spoke to me. We're not happy where we live either and can't wait until retirement so we can move. Hubby has been with this job for 30 plus yrs and can't move. I wish we were ready to move now!

Let us know what you decide.



kernsfamily -> RE: Move or not to move (9/16/2008 4:57:41 PM)

quote:

I do think that purchasing a home is still the wise thing to do. The money gurus say so, one says it is like having money in the bank. I know there are related costs such as maintenance, taxes and so on, but isn't that far better than giving money to someone else, with no return on it?


do you know of a place that you THINK you might like living in?

perhaps RENT a house there for 6-12 months.....just to "try it out".....see how things go....and, then, either buy a house....or, go back to where you're living now....

whenever i know of someone moving here to the DFW area...i always suggest they rent a nice apartment for about a year to 18 months.....so, they can see how things go, and where things are (since the entire area is SO spread out)...find a church they like.....and, take ALOT of time to check out neighborhoods, and all.....so, when they DO buy a house, they REALLY know what area is right for them.....



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