husband says in deep depression. (Full Version)

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sara-abraham -> husband says in deep depression. (8/20/2008 6:56:42 PM)

hello,
I've been married to the same man for 20 years now. he was 22 when we got married and i was 19. the first 2 years i thought i had made the biggest mistake of my life. we have pushed foward and we have been in church since 2000. my husband has been the song leader for 6-7 years. he has a beautiful voice. i have been so proud of him. the past 2 months have been terrible. he has been lying about what time he has been off of work. he also told me that he has been drinking and riding around thinking. he hates his job so much. he says he is in deep depression. he even said he is so bogged down, he doesn't want to be married sometimes.
i have been trying to be supportive, being a cheerleader for him. saying please quit your job. just step out by faith and the Lord will provide.
last monday was the straw that broke the camel's back. he called his mother to tell her to call me and tell me that he was working over. he couldn't get in touch with me. HE HAS MY CELL PHONE #. so i thought, i will call work and see if he is there, guess what he had been gone for quite sometime. when i got home i packed his suitcase and told him I WAS DONE!!!!!!
my friends tell me that they think he is depressed. my pastor has been to his mom and dad's to talk with him, and he won't talk with him. his dad says he don't talk with him either.
I love this man, but i can't live with the unknown. I don't want a divorce, but i don't want to live like this. I am continuing to go to church, PRAY FOR OUR MARRIAGE, and living. Please pray for us.



rgod -> RE: husband says in deep depression. (8/20/2008 7:07:54 PM)

I am praying for you and for your husband. It sounds like he is having a really difficult time - and quite suddenly too. I'm praying that the Lord will help you to see how you can best be a support or help to your husband during this time.

I'm concerned that he is riding around, thinking, and drinking all at the same time. Not safe. Also that he is staying out all night and getting someone else involved in lying about it. Also that he is feeling bogged down (which is exactly how you feel if you are depressed). Sometimes it is hard to make a change in your life quickly - I don't know if he's been in the same field for many years. It took me a long to make a change - I hated my job for years - but I kept waiting on God and then when I got the green light to go - fear kept me there for another few months. Does he know what he wants to do instead? Or is he having the general feeling that he doesn't really know what he wants? Also, have you tried reading some books on depression? If he is depressed, maybe it will help you to know how to respond to him better? If a person is clinically depressed - support and maintaining a sunny disposition or even giving them logical advice doesn't help them.

In any event I'll definitely keep you both in prayer - specifically I will pray that there will be clarity concerning what is happening here so that both of you see how to maneuver through this.



manda59 -> RE: husband says in deep depression. (8/20/2008 7:21:40 PM)

So your husband tells you he is depressed, and you respond by throwing him out? Sorry, I don't get that bit. Unless he has been abusive to you, and you fear for your safety, or unless he is breaking the law in your own house, I don't understand the making him leave.

Taking him to see a doctor yes, but throwing him out, no way.



csl7037 -> RE: husband says in deep depression. (8/21/2008 6:06:57 AM)

I think I agree with Manda. We don't know what you may have left out or the extent of the frustration you're feeling. But, by your description, as someone else said, this came on rather suddenly. I think there's got to be more going on with him than you realize or than you included in your post.



sudden -> RE: husband says in deep depression. (8/21/2008 4:27:05 PM)

Hi Sara:

Living with a severely depressed person can be extremely trying and tests the nerves of even the most positive, resilient people particularily when that person is a loved one. I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time and I will be happy to pray for your family.

I think that the best way to be a support to your husband now is to encourage him to see the family doctor. Sudden unexplained depression, such as you've described, often has physical roots and there are many medications which can help. That said, it can often take some time to find the right medication for the person as what works for one does not necessarily work for another. One needs to persevere and be patient until the right meds are found.

I am praying for a positive outcome for your family.

Sudden.



rgod -> RE: husband says in deep depression. (8/23/2008 1:36:12 AM)

Sara - are you ok? How is your husband?



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