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truthrevealed -> The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 2:32:09 PM)

****MODS*** I am posting this thread not as a result of any action taken by moderators but because I recently visited this site(having not known of it until coming here)and I would like to know how married christians feel about it.

I'm hoping that we can have a discussion about it's helpfulness, appropriateness etc. I do not intend to begin a discussion about DETAILED and SPECIFIC discussions, that can be found on the site(as I'm sure then, we'd be directed to continue our discussion there[;)]).

I simply want to know have you visited this christian site(or others like it)and what do you think about it?



karlie -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 4:10:10 PM)

I'm personally not a fan of the site. I have a problem with men and women who are not married to each other giving each other advice and sharing in great detail about their sexual activity. I think that's asking for trouble and creates intimacy between strangers where none should exist.

Maybe if I had issues in that area of my marriage, I'd feel differently and find the need to get some answers there, but since I don't, it's not a site I choose to visit. I've found much of what I have read there inappropriate for mixed company. I know for certain my husband would not be happy with me talking about those things with other men and I'd definitely not be happy with him having those discussions with other women.



sudden -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 4:26:39 PM)

Dear Truthrevealed:

I just looked at your site. I think it is completely inappropriate to discuss matters of such intimacy with total strangers and have difficulty imagining why ANYONE would want to do that.

Actually at the risk of seeming a prude I think it disgusting.

Sudden[:'(]



ta_mosquito -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 4:29:39 PM)

I found it a great resource when I was entering into marriage, and did participate in the forums for a while. I haven't been around lately since I have no current questions to ask, and I'm busy with other things.

That is the site that the admin here has us refer people to when they have specific questions regarding sexual matters.



truthrevealed -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 4:32:21 PM)

Glad to see I'm not alone. I never expected to see such detailed and outright GRAPHIC language and descriptions on a christian website. I could only stand to "browse" but for a few moments.



truthrevealed -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 4:34:29 PM)

I guess that was one of my concerns, that it would be a referred site when what is allowed via discussion blows the charts out of what is even THOUGHT to be appropriate here.



karlie -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 4:37:22 PM)

quote:

I never expected to see such detailed and outright GRAPHIC language and descriptions on a christian website

That's what I disliked. I have a feeling that site is used for much more than intimate advice. I have a hard time believing there aren't many participating there who aren't getting their kicks from reading those things and entering into sexual discussions with the opposite sex. But, better at their site than ours, so I'm glad we refer those discussions there!



laura... -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 4:42:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: karlie

quote:

I never expected to see such detailed and outright GRAPHIC language and descriptions on a christian website

That's what I disliked. I have a feeling that site is used for much more than intimate advice. I have a hard time believing there aren't many participating there who aren't getting their kicks from reading those things and entering into sexual discussions with the opposite sex. But, better at their site than ours, so I'm glad we refer those discussions there!


My thoughts exactly. I've been to the site a couple of times to get specific info. The "Facts" info was graphic enough. I stayed away from the forums section.



doinkdom -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 4:57:54 PM)

I think if you have a question and don't have the "fortitude" to talk with your spouse or ask another sister in Christ or whoever, then you go there and get the answer or at least "an" answer.

I think sites like that have filled a void in a world where authentic community as Christians doesn't happen. Women/men are too embarrassed to ask other people for fear of what someone might think about them.

Our culture has also blurred the lines of marital intimacy to the point where some questions have to be asked because of legalism or we've gone with other direction and want to take license with our freedoms.

Think about the most intimate of questions....who would you ask?

I've actually got one friend that I can discuss these things with, but it took some time to get there.



truthrevealed -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 5:40:10 PM)

doinkdom, great point about legalism and it's "affect" in the marriage bed. It reminds me of a time where I met a woman, while shopping with my husband, who gave us her business card. Turns out she ran a business where she held "parties" to promote marriage "toys." At the time, I felt it very inappropriate to refer her to anyone I knew(which I initially told her I would 'cause I certainly wasn't interested). She(older than me by about 12 years) began to "share" with me about how there's freedom in the marriage bed and how she herself was a christian and there was nothing wrong with trying to add spice to a marriage "relationship" etc. etc. Since then, I must admit, that I've experienced much more freedom(mentally) as it concerns what happens between marrieds but to discuss these things with others? in such explicit terms as is done on this site? with people of the opposite sex?

There's legalism, then there's just......SOME things that don't need to be discussed..........perhaps IN the bed[;)] but not out of the bed......with others!!!??!!!!



MC4JC -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 7:48:25 PM)

Personally, if I want more ideas for bed, there are a number of Christian books about romance that can be used for ideas. You don't need to be graphic (most people have a good imagination).

If we are to obey God's rules and words, then we need to share with our spouse - not a 3rd party. Why do you think there is so much problems with marriages cause of pornography, etc.? People watch things or read "x-rated" stuff far too much.

There is a better way to approach it then reading details of other's graphic ideas.



josie423 -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 9:50:15 PM)

I had to quit visiting the forums because of the graphic, explicit discussions there. I do not think there is any need to read the graphic details of how a man or woman performs [insert sexual act] on his or her spouse. I had a problem with sexual/erotic material in the past and there were too many triggers on the forums for me. I imagine it has to be the same for others who visit the site.

quote:

Think about the most intimate of questions....who would you ask?

It would be nice if spouses asked eachother the most intimate questions. It would be a trust-building, learning experience.



karlie -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 10:11:47 PM)

quote:

Think about the most intimate of questions....who would you ask?

First of all my husband, since it involves him. Possibly my mother or a very close female friend. If that fails, then my female doctor or nurse practitioner. I just could never discuss in detail the things I have seen there with anyone who chooses to read or comment. Especially not random men who have no business even knowing details about the intimate lives of women other than their wives.

I would have much more respect for that site if they at least made an attempt to keep men and women in separate folders instead of in those graphic discussions together.



PatricksPeaches -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/14/2008 10:52:51 PM)

I have visited the Marriage Bed website but have not gone to there forums. I believe such things should be discussed with a doctor or close family member whom you can trust 100%. Strangers shouldn't be involved with such activities in your marriage. Some of the articles on the website were helpful but a little too graphic. You just have to use discretion on these things I suppose. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't go there.



car2ner -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/15/2008 6:28:10 AM)

I've been there and on the forums. But I haven't stayed long, not because I think that they are off base but because I just don't want to chat about sex all the time.
We have found some excellent advice there.

Like so many other things, take what applies to improve your walk and life and by-pass the rest. It is very graphic and open so if you aren't comfortable discussing intimate issues, you won't be comfortable there either. BTW, I am not going to get the same kind of advice from family or doctors. My family is too embarrassed and the doctors too clinical. My friends, as much as I love them, could gossip. Online I control what I give out.



DaveW -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/15/2008 1:09:38 PM)

I was on that forum before coming here. I was with them back when they were on the onelist forums. That was almost 10 years ago. At the time, I really needed the encouragement. They were very helpful. I had many personal email exchanges with Paul Byerly (the listowner), and I have great respect for him and his integrity.

I was asked to be a charter member when Byerly started the Oversight Group (OG), an honor I sadly had to turn down. In the beginning the OG functioned as Mods for the discussion board AND as a board to make sure Byerly himself had someone to be accountable to. They now have a seperate set of Mods.

As to why they allow such "explicit" discussions, Byerly is trying to counter centuries of anti-sex attitudes in the church, going at least back to Augustine. The bible pulls no punches in discussing sexual matters, and neither do the Rabbinical writings of the first and second centuries. That was the culture that the NT authors lived in. While sex itself was a private activity, it seemingly was not a difficult or embaressing subject of conversation.

Much (not all) of our own concept that such a discussion is inappropriate clearly comes from the Victorian mindset of the 19th century, which brought a renewed emphasis on the anti-sex teachings of the church fathers. Please note: their attitude was very divergent from that of the Lord or the apostles, which reflected the Jewish culture of the day.

BTW, I was (at least) one suggesting to Fritz these forums recommend themarriagebed be the place where more explicit discussion should be directed. I am sure there were others as well. When the decision was announced, I forwarded the email to Byerly. He had not been contacted at all and was appreciative of the heads-up.



NightlessNight -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/15/2008 1:35:17 PM)

To be honest, I think many people on that forum are to get kicks out of other people's explicit stories about their intimate life. I also strongly suspect that some people there are making up their wild stories. (Maybe wishful thinking combined with vivid imagination. [;)])

I personally wouldn't like to share such things online, not even anonymously. I feel that both extremes are bad: Victorian attitude and sharing everything with the rest of the world.



DaveW -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/15/2008 2:12:32 PM)

The OG and mods are pretty good at picking up on those who are there for purient interests and who are there to have an honest discussion. And they also pick up on who is lying or exagerating. Warning emails are sent. If not heeded, they ban those people there just like they do here.



NightlessNight -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/15/2008 3:08:34 PM)

I think it's impossible to know for sure who is exaggerating their experiences and who not. There's the certain atmosphere of exhibition on that forum which makes me feel very uncomfortable.

It must also be very confusing for people because according to that forum, sex is a really bad thing before marriage but then suddenly after the wedding night it should all turn wild. I also sent some feedback about their massage instructions because they suggested massaging breasts which can be hazardous!! They didn't take the feed back too well at all.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/16/2008 12:10:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: truthrevealed

what do you think about it?


Best. website. ever.

quote:

ORIGINAL: truthrevealed

I never expected to see such detailed and outright GRAPHIC language and descriptions on a christian website.


You mean the medical descriptions for our anatomical structure, or the points that most Christians take as "offensive" and compare them to see what scripture actually says about them?

It was this website that taught me of this sacred subject that no Christian believes in teaching. Never have I had so much knowledge about God's creation in both the male and female structure before this website. I would still be shallow minded to say, "Oh, I'm a Christian. Even though I'm married, everything else is forbidden."

Some people like to assume things without knowing the facts, or are otherwise afraid of checking out the facts, because they know they could possibly be proven wrong. A lot of the facts on this website are backed up with scripture.

The subjects that might offend Christians is something a normal, secular couple may deal with. They list these subjects to name specifically what is forbidden and what is not. That's the only "graphic language" I've ever found on their site.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sudden

I think it is completely inappropriate to discuss matters of such intimacy with total strangers and have difficulty imagining why ANYONE would want to do that.


I think it's idiotic for Christians to NOT discuss such matters, instead they become dense on the subject and intimacy begins to grow dim in their relationship.

Such discussion shouldn't necessarily take place on a website, but with your spouse/significant other. I do, however, think it is important to gain knowledge regarding intimacy. TheMarriageBed provides such information in the cleanest way I've seen presented by a Christian community, so I commend their work.



truthrevealed -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/16/2008 1:24:35 AM)

Uh, dreadpirate, we either have two very different definitions of "graphic" or you have not read some of the things that I did the short time I was there.

I'm not a fuddy-duddy by ANY means. As it concerns the LITERAL marriage bed...I say GO FOR IT!!! Marriage is santicfied/holy, set-apart, sacred and I now believe that as long as ***BOTH** partners agree with what goes on...do it!!!(unfortunately the "reservations" I had in this area I did NOT have when I was in the world sinning---maybe I took "holy" too literally when I got married[8|]). But I say all of that to say that I have NO, NO ,NO problem with discussing or "manifesting"[;)] the type of things I read on the site with my husband but there's a BIG problem with describing in grand detail those things that are set-apart for my husband and I with others.



Mrs.X -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/16/2008 1:34:17 AM)

I like the articles and links (to lingerie sites and toy sites) they have on there. Nice to have a place to go for that kind of thing without it being too innapropriate. But, I stay away from the forums. Don't like the idea of discussing sex in mixed company.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/16/2008 1:42:55 AM)

I haven't spent a whole lot of time on there, being single and all, but since it got referred to so much on here, I did briefly check it out. I think it is great that they are helping people out, especially when/where there is a medical issue, and in that is where I think they are the most worth their salt.


The one thing, I, personally, COMPLETELY disagreed with, and in my own hopefully humble opinion saw as unbiblical, and I hope it is ok to say this as I am only saying it in the context of evaluating the site, and am in no way shape or form trying to be graphic, is that they basically said sodomy (as long as it was within marriage, between a husband and a wife) was ok.

As far as everything else, I am sort of on the fence between all the pro and con people in this thread.



Consecrated2God -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/16/2008 9:38:36 AM)

quote:

The one thing, I, personally COMPLETELY disagreed with, and in my own hopefully humble opinion saw as unbiblical, and I hope it is ok to say this as I am only saying it in the context of evaluating the site, and am in no way shape or form trying to be graphic, is that they basically said sodomy (as long as it was within marriage, between a husband and a wife) was ok.



That bothered me, too. I went there once to check it out, and it made me very uncomfortable.



LCannon -> RE: The marriage bed.com (8/16/2008 2:42:32 PM)

Well, 'sodomy' with the bounds of marriage shouldn't even a subject for 'open discussion'(IMHO)and almost flaunting it as the 'pinnacle of intimacy' as the wife's ultimate achievement seems self-serving to a husband's vanity. Seems dangerously close to another example of appealing to a husband's animal instinct at the cost of a wife's submission couched in the protection of faith.



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