"Touching" in relationships. (Full Version)

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evry1needsgod -> "Touching" in relationships. (8/11/2008 8:11:10 PM)

I put the word "touching" in parenthesis because it is touching that I would like to define here. I have seen too many times where preachers take 1Co 7:1 WAY out of context, but there is a lesson to be learned regarding this subject, which is why I created this thread.

Question: Is it right or wrong to hold hands/hug/lean-on/hold your girlfriend or boyfriend of which you are not married to? Is it a sin? If it isn't technically a sin, is it still a bad idea? Is it a good idea? Is it an aspect in one's relationship that God allows to further the growth of a relationship between two mature adults? Or is it a lustful plead for physical satisfaction? Just wanted to get people's thoughts on the subject. If you can, please provide Scriptural guidelines to support your answer. I specifically use the word "guidelines" because there is no 11th commandment that tells us "Thou shalt not hold hands." This is the case for almost every legalistic standard seen in modern day Christian churchss. I have my opinion, obviously, but I would like other's as well, maybe even advice. Thanks.



ddave12000 -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/11/2008 8:48:51 PM)

I don't think there's a rule that can be defined and applied to everyone across the board. It's going to be different for different people. For some holding hands is okay, hugging is okay, even kissing for others. For some though, any touching might be a bad idea for what it could lead to.

I think it's a mistake to try and make a rule. I think it's a better idea to teach people what is right and to search their own hearts for where their limits are.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/11/2008 9:12:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: evry1needsgod

Is it right or wrong to hold hands/hug/lean-on/hold your girlfriend or boyfriend of which you are not married to?


Depending on the individual. For some, temptation comes easier than others. For me, I have no personal convictions from it, neither does the one I'm involved with.

quote:

Is it a sin?


If you want to use "touching a woman" in a general statement, that would imply I'm sinning by hugging my mother, or I'm sinning by greeting the elderly women at church with a handshake or hug.

It's a ridiculous claim. God didn't create His creation to be disjunctive.

quote:

If it isn't technically a sin, is it still a bad idea?


Depending on the individual. Some will say yes, others will say no, but regardless, these are their personal convictions. Their personal convictions do not apply to the mass.

Someone could kiss someone else and have no trouble ending there. Another person could kiss someone and have no control over the physical boundaries.

quote:

Is it a good idea?


For me, it's a variation of saying "I love you" expressed with actions opposed to words. I'm quite thankful for it.

quote:

Is it an aspect in one's relationship that God allows to further the growth of a relationship between two mature adults?


Again, it will depend on the individual. I think it can be a method of showing affection without the mess of sexual immorality, its ultimately up to the individuals and their foundation in Christ. If they're weak, it's a path they shouldn't tread.

quote:

Or is it a lustful plead for physical satisfaction?


If it's out of love and nothing more, I don't think so.

If the intentions of the heart bode ill, then yes.



LCannon -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/11/2008 10:26:34 PM)

There's often a fine line between 'touching' and indulging one's(or both)vanity, often from cross purposes for it's easy for a 'touch' from another to be misunderstood. I don't know the limit but I know it's best(and safer)to err on the side of caution.



Cloak -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/11/2008 10:43:00 PM)

It varies from one person to another. For some they could go out, touch, hug and even kiss passionately without leading to sin. For others, they feel that any of that might lead to temptation.

That's why I always prefer if you're dating to always meet outdoors and never be alone indoors. Temptations are very hard to resist esp. for Christians.

Seek the help of some mature married or dating Christians from your own church and ask them about how they handle the engagement or courting period.



evry1needsgod -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/12/2008 2:47:31 AM)

Thank you all for your replies. It is late (technically early) and I will hopefully comment on a few tomorrow (technically today) granted I find a free moment between Olympic events. Go USA!

In Christ,
ZG



rcjames -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/12/2008 9:49:30 AM)

Holding hands or hugging is not a sin, not even technically a sin.

Now if you are listing afer the person; then the lusting is a sin, but not the touching.

Now if touching someone causes a person to lust I suggest they go to the Pastor for some counselling.

Thanks
RC



evry1needsgod -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/12/2008 12:22:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LCannon

There's often a fine line between 'touching' and indulging one's(or both)vanity, often from cross purposes for it's easy for a 'touch' from another to be misunderstood. I don't know the limit but I know it's best(and safer)to err on the side of caution.


I hear this all the time, and it is great in principle, but it is way to subjective and relative to be taught to young people. Erring on the side of caution is not as simple as it sounds. Could you define the line that separates the side of caution from the side of erring? I believe that the side of caution, as you mentioned, is different for certain individuals, as most here have said. But, that is just my opinion. I could be wrong.



evry1needsgod -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/12/2008 12:27:09 PM)

quote:

That's why I always prefer if you're dating to always meet outdoors and never be alone indoors. Temptations are very hard to resist esp. for Christians.


Perfect! Making oneself accountable is very important when dating, especially if one chooses to engages in the "touching" I mentioned here. Accountability will keep one's mind where it needs to be, and not on the lustful possibilities presented when one is completely alone. Amen!



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/12/2008 5:13:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

Holding hands or hugging is not a sin, not even technically a sin.


I've been told that I'm a sinner for touching a woman.

Go figure. [8|]



rcjames -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/12/2008 7:36:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreadPirateRandy
I've been told that I'm a sinner for touching a woman.

Go figure. [8|]


That would depend on your definition of "Touching".

Thanks
RC



evry1needsgod -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/12/2008 8:53:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreadPirateRandy
I've been told that I'm a sinner for touching a woman.

Go figure. [8|]


That would depend on your definition of "Touching".

Thanks
RC


EXACTLY.



LCannon -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/12/2008 10:09:13 PM)

quote:

Could you define the line that separates the side of caution from the side of erring?


'...sitting on the sofa, all four feet on the floor, fully clothed...'(Elisabeth Elliot). That's erring on the side o' caution.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/13/2008 12:29:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

That would depend on your definition of "Touching".


Yep. Holding my girlfriend's hand is equivalent to sexual immorality.

[8|]



rcjames -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/13/2008 8:30:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreadPirateRandy

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

That would depend on your definition of "Touching".


Yep. Holding my girlfriend's hand is equivalent to sexual immorality.

[8|]


As for me the only way I would see that as sexuality immorality would be if you were lusting after her while holding her hand.

But that is just me.

Thanks
RC



evry1needsgod -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/13/2008 10:19:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreadPirateRandy

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

That would depend on your definition of "Touching".


Yep. Holding my girlfriend's hand is equivalent to sexual immorality.

[8|]


As for me the only way I would see that as sexuality immorality would be if you were lusting after her while holding her hand.

But that is just me.

Thanks
RC


Which is definately a possibility is some relationships, but not all.



JamesL5 -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/13/2008 10:36:49 AM)

I agree that it depends on how we define Touching. I don't think holding hands or hugging is a sin. However, I think any type of touching that involves lust would be sinful.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/13/2008 10:53:16 AM)

Which to some people holding hands and hugging is lustful so therefore it is sinful.



JamesL5 -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/13/2008 5:26:25 PM)

I would agree. I don't think holding hands or hugging itself is a sin.....but if it makes you lust or have sexual fantasies, then it would be a sin. It basically comes down to the individual.



magiceraserbrush -> RE: "Touching" in relationships. (8/13/2008 5:28:33 PM)

evrynecdsgod It is not wronge to hold your love mate in Psalm 33: 18 you should show your happiness to your love one to me there is nothing wrong with it.



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