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rgod -> Spirituality and Marriage (8/9/2008 4:45:56 PM)

It seems to me that often, many men tend to get married first, then start to pursue God with fervor. There are a few single men that run hard after the Lord - but usually the single Christian men that I meet tend to have an agenda to find a wife, then move forward in ministry. Have you noticed this? And if so, why is it? Is it easier to have a wife as a helpmeet and to also not have to worry as much about temptation - so that once that is out of the way - the focus can be on ministry?

I know that I'm making a generalization - and there are many godly single men who are sold out for Christ. There are quite a few that post in the single's portion of this site. But I guess, I'd like to know 1) is my perception about this correct and 2) if so, why is this?



John_O -> RE: Spirituality and Marriage (8/10/2008 12:22:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rgod

It seems to me that often, many men tend to get married first, then start to pursue God with fervor. There are a few single men that run hard after the Lord - but usually the single Christian men that I meet tend to have an agenda to find a wife, then move forward in ministry. Have you noticed this? And if so, why is it? Is it easier to have a wife as a helpmeet and to also not have to worry as much about temptation - so that once that is out of the way - the focus can be on ministry?

I know that I'm making a generalization - and there are many godly single men who are sold out for Christ. There are quite a few that post in the single's portion of this site. But I guess, I'd like to know 1) is my perception about this correct and 2) if so, why is this?



Just because he's searching for a wife does not mean that he's not sold out for Christ. Some men take Timothy and Titus (husband of one wife) to be a requirement for ministry. (I happen to about 3/4ths.) It's far easier to be in active ministry when married than when single. Far too many temptations can arise for a single man.



ChoirDJ -> RE: Spirituality and Marriage (8/10/2008 3:51:48 AM)

I'm going to venture to say that many men want to be married because being pure is by far the greatest challenge that most have. Some men want to be committed to the Lord but feel held back by their impurity. So, in keeping with the "It's not good for man to be alone" mindset, men place a high value on getting married so as to not burn with passion. I am not in any way insinuation this is the only reason men get married but it is one of the major reasons.

Having said that, what a lot of men don't realize is that marriage will not solve their problems with impurity and these men experience a very rude awakening when this reality sets in. Impurity is a spiritual issue that only God can truly deliver us from. I believe God gives us singlehood in part to learn to self-control and many other qualities we will need to be a healthy and sensitive marriage partner some day. Men who don't learn this end up taking destructive habits into the marriage, as we so often read about.



rgod -> RE: Spirituality and Marriage (8/10/2008 8:21:45 AM)

quote:

John O wrote: Just because he's searching for a wife does not mean that he's not sold out for Christ.


Thanks for the correction John O. Have you ever written a post and knew that somehow you weren't seeing things clearly - that you were in error somehow or that you weren't seeing the situation with precision? I knew I wanted to know the answer to this question - but I also knew that I was fuzzy about this and that my wording would be clumsy. Yes, there are definitely men who are sold out to Christ and who are also actively searching for a wife. I don't think that the two are mutually exclusive. And being sold out does not always equal maturity.

quote:

John O wrote: It's far easier to be in active ministry when married than when single. Far too many temptations can arise for a single man.


quote:

ChoirDJ wrote: I'm going to venture to say that many men want to be married because being pure is by far the greatest challenge that most have. Some men want to be committed to the Lord but feel held back by their impurity. So, in keeping with the "It's not good for man to be alone" mindset, men place a high value on getting married so as to not burn with passion.


I wondered about this, but edited it out of my original post. I wondered if for some men, sexual temptation was a distraction and that having a wife would help them to focus better. Yes, impurity is a spiritual issue that cannot be solved by marriage. I do agree with scottiezsister that women struggle in this area as well, although it is not publicized as much.



willfs -> RE: Spirituality and Marriage (8/10/2008 11:04:13 AM)

I don't agree with your generalization (if that is what this is. I noticed you said "many men"). You are right that some guys do this but some guys do a lot of things.

The reasons: Maybe they weren't following the Lord really but when they got married everything changed. Now, they have no reason to party, chase women, and whatever else might have taken their energy away from the Lord. BTW, I have never been married so I am speaking from observation. Anyway, marriage seems to really cause one to mature a lot. A woman living with a man has to mature in many way and a man living with a woman eventually starts to grow up in many ways. His spirituality is probably really affected by this maturing. Furthermore, if he married another Christian, he now has a close intimate friendship that is pushing him toward God quite possibly unlike he has ever been pushed before. If I all of a sudden developed a close relationship with any Christian (even just a guy friendship) we would have to be honest with each other and that would mean being honest about where we were spiritually, which would definitly cause us to see the need to grow more spiritually.



rgod -> RE: Spirituality and Marriage (8/10/2008 2:44:00 PM)

quote:

I don't agree with your generalization (if that is what this is. I noticed you said "many men"). You are right that some guys do this but some guys do a lot of things.


Thanks willfs. As I said, this is something that I've noticed in my experience - but that doesn't mean that it is true. I've found that it is difficult to ask questions in this particular branch of the forums without generalizations creeping in. The She Says branch is the same way. I stand corrected.

quote:

His spirituality is probably really affected by this maturing. Furthermore, if he married another Christian, he now has a close intimate friendship that is pushing him toward God quite possibly unlike he has ever been pushed before.


I thought about this briefly but not indepth. Yes, I can definitely see how being married to someone who encourages you in your walk will spur you on to growth. Not to mention the challenges that marriage brings... Good points. Thanks!



DrivenbyGod -> RE: Spirituality and Marriage (8/29/2008 3:00:47 PM)

quote:

It seems to me that often, many men tend to get married first, then start to pursue God with fervor. There are a few single men that run hard after the Lord - but usually the single Christian men that I meet tend to have an agenda to find a wife, then move forward in ministry. Have you noticed this? And if so, why is it? Is it easier to have a wife as a helpmeet and to also not have to worry as much about temptation - so that once that is out of the way - the focus can be on ministry?

I know that I'm making a generalization - and there are many godly single men who are sold out for Christ. There are quite a few that post in the single's portion of this site. But I guess, I'd like to know 1) is my perception about this correct and 2) if so, why is this?


That's an interesting question, because personally I always thought that being married would make my life easier as a Christian, but I have no evidence of that, since I'm still single.

Regarding your question though... personally I'm trying to be more involved with church/ministries and life in general just getting out more and doing things. So, even though I would rather be married I'll still continue to strive to do what the Lord wants me to while I'm single. I think this goes both ways too... I'm sure women have similar desires for marriage and may feel that life will be better once married. Is this a correct assumption?



OneJohn410 -> RE: Spirituality and Marriage (9/8/2008 11:31:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrivenbyGod

quote:

THE REAL ORIGINAL POST: rgod
It seems to me that often, many men tend to get married first, then start to pursue God with fervor. There are a few single men that run hard after the Lord - but usually the single Christian men that I meet tend to have an agenda to find a wife, then move forward in ministry. Have you noticed this? And if so, why is it? Is it easier to have a wife as a helpmeet and to also not have to worry as much about temptation - so that once that is out of the way - the focus can be on ministry?

I know that I'm making a generalization - and there are many godly single men who are sold out for Christ. There are quite a few that post in the single's portion of this site. But I guess, I'd like to know 1) is my perception about this correct and 2) if so, why is this?


That's an interesting question, because personally I always thought that being married would make my life easier as a Christian, but I have no evidence of that, since I'm still single.

Regarding your question though... personally I'm trying to be more involved with church/ministries and life in general just getting out more and doing things. So, even though I would rather be married I'll still continue to strive to do what the Lord wants me to while I'm single. I think this goes both ways too... I'm sure women have similar desires for marriage and may feel that life will be better once married. Is this a correct assumption?

Rgod,
I have the answer for you- and its probably six in one hand and half a dozen in the other same difference on the flip side. Follow me closely here.

The young couple spend lots of time determining that they are ideal for each other, and that God has singled them out for each other. They get married. Things are wonderful. And then... oh my goodness! What have I done with the rest of my life! The realization that they really don't know each other all that well kicks in and God is persued with extreme fervor. As in how am I going to survive this without God? [:)][;)][:D][:D][;)][:)]

So for folks like DrivenbyGod and myself, just trying to keep on keeping on, it's just a matter of trusting and obeying, and being ready to break out the charm when it'd be stupid not to, but otherwise try to enjoy life and learn learn learn from others struggles, trials, successes and unfortunate failures.

Sorry if that misses the gist of your OP, but the reply would not leave me alone.

OneJohn410



rgod -> RE: Spirituality and Marriage (9/8/2008 11:59:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneJohn410

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrivenbyGod

quote:

THE REAL ORIGINAL POST: rgod
It seems to me that often, many men tend to get married first, then start to pursue God with fervor. There are a few single men that run hard after the Lord - but usually the single Christian men that I meet tend to have an agenda to find a wife, then move forward in ministry. Have you noticed this? And if so, why is it? Is it easier to have a wife as a helpmeet and to also not have to worry as much about temptation - so that once that is out of the way - the focus can be on ministry?

I know that I'm making a generalization - and there are many godly single men who are sold out for Christ. There are quite a few that post in the single's portion of this site. But I guess, I'd like to know 1) is my perception about this correct and 2) if so, why is this?


That's an interesting question, because personally I always thought that being married would make my life easier as a Christian, but I have no evidence of that, since I'm still single.

Regarding your question though... personally I'm trying to be more involved with church/ministries and life in general just getting out more and doing things. So, even though I would rather be married I'll still continue to strive to do what the Lord wants me to while I'm single. I think this goes both ways too... I'm sure women have similar desires for marriage and may feel that life will be better once married. Is this a correct assumption?

Rgod,
I have the answer for you- and its probably six in one hand and half a dozen in the other same difference on the flip side. Follow me closely here.

The young couple spend lots of time determining that they are ideal for each other, and that God has singled them out for each other. They get married. Things are wonderful. And then... oh my goodness! What have I done with the rest of my life! The realization that they really don't know each other all that well kicks in and God is persued with extreme fervor. As in how am I going to survive this without God? [:)][;)][:D][:D][;)][:)]

So for folks like DrivenbyGod and myself, just trying to keep on keeping on, it's just a matter of trusting and obeying, and being ready to break out the charm when it'd be stupid not to, but otherwise try to enjoy life and learn learn learn from others struggles, trials, successes and unfortunate failures.

Sorry if that misses the gist of your OP, but the reply would not leave me alone.

OneJohn410


DrivenbyGod and OneJohn410. Thanks a lot for your responses. This was a bit of a difficult question to ask ... and I appreciate the replies.

DrivenbyGod - Actually, I don't know about all women, but I don't really think that life will get easier when I get married. When I think about marriage, I think about more work. Children, cooking, cleaning - for more people than just myself. When I was younger I couldn't see why any woman in her right mind would want to get married. But, now things are different. While I enjoy my life now as a single person, I am ready to give up some freedoms (and some rest) to be able to share life with someone. I have a much greater desire to give. I've also discovered my own needs as well - I didn't feel like I needed someone before ... but now I know differently because I'm much more aware of my limitations. I think it would be better for me to be married than not, but only God controls the timing.

OneJohn410 - You didn't miss the gist of the OP at all. I think there is something there - to seeking the Lord to "survive" - particularly those early years of marriage and parenthood. It makes perfect sense to me. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective - thank you!



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