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Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/7/2008 9:55:07 PM
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willfs
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The few woman that I have had a relationship with gave me some big surprises. I guess I am still naive but I couldn't believe it when she would act so sweet too me one minute and then a few hours later she was acting rude for no apparent reason. One of the reasons I didn't think these women were right for me was because of how rude they got. I figured they were just mean people. Then, when I started seeing this in just about every woman I got close to I realized that maybe when I meet the right girl I will be able to put up with her rudeness. However, that doesn't seem the case. Whenever someone I am dating gets real impatient with me and says something mean- red alarms seem to go off in my head. Like here is an example. I have been kinda slow moving (I haven't asked her out, just flirted some) with a girl who I think wants me to ask her out. I was talking to her (on a day when she seemed to be mad at me for being so slow about asking her out) and she answered me in a real rude manner. The phrase "she answered me in a really rude manner" makes me sound like a wimp and maybe I am. But if one of my friends talked to me the way she did I would be angry. So I think: "I want someone with character. She is already being rude to me. This shows a lack of respect for others. I shouldn't date her." But I wonder if I go by that philosophy then I will be single until I put on pine pajamas. I wonder if my expectations are too high and maybe I should just learn to put up with rude comments for things that dont' seem that big. I know us guys have some pretty bad stuff that the women in our lives must put up with.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/7/2008 11:19:30 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1168
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
The few woman that I have had a relationship with gave me some big surprises. I guess I am still naive but I couldn't believe it when she would act so sweet too me one minute and then a few hours later she was acting rude for no apparent reason. One of the reasons I didn't think these women were right for me was because of how rude they got. I figured they were just mean people. Then, when I started seeing this in just about every woman I got close to I realized that maybe when I meet the right girl I will be able to put up with her rudeness. However, that doesn't seem the case. Whenever someone I am dating gets real impatient with me and says something mean- red alarms seem to go off in my head. Like here is an example. I have been kinda slow moving (I haven't asked her out, just flirted some) with a girl who I think wants me to ask her out. I was talking to her (on a day when she seemed to be mad at me for being so slow about asking her out) and she answered me in a real rude manner. The phrase "she answered me in a really rude manner" makes me sound like a wimp and maybe I am. But if one of my friends talked to me the way she did I would be angry. So I think: "I want someone with character. She is already being rude to me. This shows a lack of respect for others. I shouldn't date her." But I wonder if I go by that philosophy then I will be single until I put on pine pajamas. I wonder if my expectations are too high and maybe I should just learn to put up with rude comments for things that dont' seem that big. I know us guys have some pretty bad stuff that the women in our lives must put up with.
Since there's a pattern of this, if you haven't lost the chance to go out with this most recent woman on a date... have you considered honesty? Just politely comment that her comment hurt, and ask her if she'd please explain what she's trying to say?
If you are the 'babe magnet', maybe stepping up and moving a little faster might be a good thing too?
OneJohn410
_____________________________
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/7/2008 11:37:09 PM
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APZR
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Since you admit to flirting, but not dating, I'd say your actions are perceived as playing mind games. Leading a person on thinking there could be a relationship blooming is more rude than saying something in anger. If you are interested, step up to the plate. If not, then cut out the flirting.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/8/2008 9:43:33 AM
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willfs
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By flirting I guess I just meant not holding back that I like her. I really didn't flirt but I was friendly and I think she knew that I was interested. My friends tell me that I don't really flirt. I am just nice but I consider it flirting if she knows I am being nice because I am interested.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/8/2008 10:26:37 AM
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revbob4God
Posts: 598
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quote:
The few woman that I have had a relationship with gave me some big surprises. I guess I am still naive but I couldn't believe it when she would act so sweet too me one minute and then a few hours later she was acting rude for no apparent reason. One of the reasons I didn't think these women were right for me was because of how rude they got. I figured they were just mean people. Then, when I started seeing this in just about every woman I got close to I realized that maybe when I meet the right girl I will be able to put up with her rudeness. However, that doesn't seem the case. Whenever someone I am dating gets real impatient with me and says something mean- red alarms seem to go off in my head. Like here is an example. I have been kinda slow moving (I haven't asked her out, just flirted some) with a girl who I think wants me to ask her out. I was talking to her (on a day when she seemed to be mad at me for being so slow about asking her out) and she answered me in a real rude manner. The phrase "she answered me in a really rude manner" makes me sound like a wimp and maybe I am. But if one of my friends talked to me the way she did I would be angry. So I think: "I want someone with character. She is already being rude to me. This shows a lack of respect for others. I shouldn't date her." But I wonder if I go by that philosophy then I will be single until I put on pine pajamas. I wonder if my expectations are too high and maybe I should just learn to put up with rude comments for things that dont' seem that big. I know us guys have some pretty bad stuff that the women in our lives must put up with.
Well, I don't know what you said to the girl, but if the reaction was like you said it was, you may have come off as rude yourself.
What exactly did she say to you and what did you say?
What constitutes flirting in your opinion?
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/8/2008 10:30:03 AM
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revbob4God
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well if she is not interested that does not necessarily mean she is rude. Is it safe to assume you haven't dated very much?
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/8/2008 12:20:31 PM
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willfs
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What do you mean by not dating much? I could date more if I wasn't so fickle/picky. I go on a date about once every couple months.
I asked her to clarify something. Instead of being jovial like she was during other conversations she was impatient and answered in a manner where she was clearly letting me know she didn't want to have to explain herself ( I don't want to go into detail just trust me it was rude and I am not saying she was being rude because she isn't interested)
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/8/2008 1:12:20 PM
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embracing_sonship
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May I ask how old this woman is? I've only dated a select few women, but I too experienced the same thing as you. The only conclusion I've come to is that the women who were mean were too young to know better. They thought dating was a right, not a privledge. They thought that being treated nicely was something to take for granted.
Yes, I got mistreated whenever (and especially when) I was being nice. One time, I brought this girl flowers, and the first thing she said was that they were ugly. Her mom was there, and was astonished. I was too, and her mom mentioned the look on my face. The girl said that I was being a baby and to take it like a man...then she said she was just joking. Mind you, I had been dating this girl for a few months by this time.
And I, like you, thought that I could just learn to love the person if she truly was the one. I thought I'd have to put up with this regardless. Let me tell you, that's a lie!! I'm dating somebody now who treats me like a real man, and I feel like a king around her. Believe me, there is such a world of a difference between the two. There is also something about her encouraging words and delight in me that is like night and day from the other women.
So in conclusion, don't settle man. There IS somebody out there who will treat you like the man you are. And believe me, you'll know it when it happens. God bless in your endeavors 
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/8/2008 3:46:44 PM
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NoShow
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I agree that it's not hard to find women that are rude (cuts both ways, the same can be said about us men).
But, no, all women are not that way. I've known and know many women that aren't. Some of them I've had relationships with.
Sounds like it's important to you on some principle level, so I would encourage you to give it consideration in your future relations.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/8/2008 4:32:14 PM
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revbob4God
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will, look. communication is important. Perception is also important. Whereas you may think whatever you said, tone has a lot to do with it. People do not always receive what we say the way we want or expect them to. As for you insisting she reponded to you rudely...we don't know, you won't say, we do not know the context of the conversation or what was said. All we know is that you think she was rude. Most people are usually not suddenly rude for no apparent reason.
I do not know how you approach women, or exactly what you think is flirting, so unless you are more specific with whatever you did, sorry, but I cannot be of any assistance to you. IMHO, perhaps the conversation went south because of your OP when you indicated you may have been dragging your feet asking her out. I wonder why she would feel that way. If you were dragging your feet, remember, it is not like she is obligated to wait for you or hold out, you're not engaged or anything, so maybe she prefers to go out with people who are a little more assertive. In that same line of reasoning, maybe it was not the way you said something but your manner, or the tone you used. Keep in mind, do not treat the female gender as though they are beneath you or owe you some kind of living.
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/8/2008 7:20:06 PM
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willfs
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I wasn't talking down to this girl at all. If anything I just wasn't understanding what she was saying at a fast enough rate. I have been told by others that she thinks she is smarter than her professors and I notice she treats her boss as if he was beneath her. I figured we would be a good match. She is domineering and assertive. I am timid and unassertive. She might rub off on me and vice versa. She might enjoy taking the lead and I might enjoy following it. But who knows. Does this give you a better picture revbob
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/9/2008 1:01:55 AM
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APZR
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Oh boy... gives me a better picture, condescending comes to my mind. I'd run like the wind. Those kind will have 20 different jobs on their resume before 30, and still will have not "found themselves".
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/11/2008 1:41:10 AM
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outsider20
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I realize that some women are just going to be rude and condescending no matter what but if it seemed like every woman I approached was like this, then I think I would at least start taking a look at myself. Maybe MY approach is coming off as rude or disrepectful. Or it could be just a misunderstanding on her part. If that's the case, I would try to make sure that was addressed and help her realize what my intentions were. As revbob said, communication is important. Maybe it has to do with the way I'm perceiving their responses.
It's all about being honest with yourself and being honest with others.
But even after all of this, it may turn out she really is just a rude person. In which case it's best to just move on and find a woman that isn't because not all women are.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/11/2008 6:03:08 AM
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denbert
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I'm with APZR. RUN!
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The solution to a problem changes the problem
Denny
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/11/2008 4:19:41 PM
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revbob4God
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son, listen to Denbert. Run like the devil was after you.
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/11/2008 6:36:07 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1168
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I would append my initial thoughts.
If that's her mission in life... then the suggestion to run is spot on.
If that's not her mission in life, you will know when you've had too much. That's because it will go away entirely, along with the woman being dated, and you can move your marker back to the starting space. The way I figure it, if she doesnt' like being that way and somehow you bring it out of her, she's going to be running.
OneJohn410
_____________________________
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/12/2008 10:24:51 AM
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revbob4God
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ahhhh dating rituals!
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/12/2008 4:00:51 PM
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willfs
Posts: 316
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quote:
ORIGINAL: outsider20
if it seemed like every woman I approached was like this, then I think I would at least start taking a look at myself.
No, most woman I approach are not rude at all. But the ones I have been in relationships with have been rude to a degree that alarmed me. It should be said that the only women who I ever had relationships with were real assertive, aggresive domineering woman. I am just a shy, timid, unassertive guy. All the girls I have really been interested in - I just didn't have it in me to really go after them. So I ended up only having relationships with those who went after me. Maybe along with their strong will came rudeness.
As for this gal. I feel bad giving up on her so soon. I really haven't met many woman that peak my interest in the past few years. So when some cute thing shows interest, someone who I have noticed quite a bit since meeting her, I don't want to give up on her too easily.... unless some red flag says I should.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 8/18/2008 7:45:06 AM
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revbob4God
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What he just said!
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 9/5/2008 3:38:45 PM
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terryjohn
Posts: 462
Joined: 3/23/2007
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I have noticed that women do get frustrated by a mans seemingly inability to act the way women think they should. For instance, I saw a girl get angry at her boyfriend in McDonalds the other week when he ate the last fry without thinking that she might have wanted it. I also notice my nieces being very rude to their boyfriends for seeminly no reason as if trying to get them to be more loving/caring in some way. Most of the time men just beg forgiveness and then again many men can not put up with such child like behavour and walk away for good. In love their is no excuse behavour for such for a Paul has written;
1 Cor 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Hence, whatever these girls think they are doing it has nothing to do with love. If they were to do it to Chirst they would surely be rebuked for it unless you have sinned then by all means repent.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 9/5/2008 5:14:36 PM
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APZR
Posts: 910
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From: GA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: terryjohn
For instance, I saw a girl get angry at her boyfriend in McDonalds the other week when he ate the last fry without thinking that she might have wanted it.
That reminds me of an old one...
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth." 
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 9/7/2008 1:39:46 PM
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FindCaleb
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I agree she sounds too assertive and domineering. I think running might be a good option. But, because this is a problem you seem to run into a lot, I would encourage you to start speaking your mind. I'm a quieter "introvert" type as well. But I have also done my fair share of dating.
Dating and growing in relationship with someone is all about communication. Trust me these girls probably don't know how what they said affects you. TELL THEM! Maybe tell them as you are leaving! If what they say affects you, then you have every right to say how you feel. They played the card of saying their rude comment, now its your turn to play your card. If you just hold in how you are affected by them, then you aren't communicating.
Trust me I know its a struggle for me too. But it is rewarding. The next time she, or another girl is rude, call them on it! Dont be mean and rude back but speak your mind. When they say you need to "take it like a man" tell them they need to act like a lady! Tell them a real woman would protect and build up the men in her life, not tear them down, (even jokingly). And its completely ok to tell them this as you walk out. But before you leave, make sure you have said your piece. The rewards to you will be priceless. You'll start growing in assertiveness and you may find that the girl has never learned how to act. A real man will challenge the women in his life to be better women. Start with your casual dating relationships.
You can do it. Trust me I didn't start out very assertive either. But you are already half-way there because you know for a fact that what they say doesnt' sit well with you. So your aware that you dont like that. Now act on it! You might bumble through the 1st few times you speak up, Your learning! Keep at it!
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 9/12/2008 11:11:28 PM
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Christian30
Posts: 204
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Stafford, TX (Houston suburb)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
I wasn't talking down to this girl at all. If anything I just wasn't understanding what she was saying at a fast enough rate. I have been told by others that she thinks she is smarter than her professors and I notice she treats her boss as if he was beneath her. I figured we would be a good match. She is domineering and assertive. I am timid and unassertive. She might rub off on me and vice versa. She might enjoy taking the lead and I might enjoy following it. But who knows. Does this give you a better picture revbob
I'm getting in this late, but keep in mind a couple of things if you are a Christian man. You might be attracted to her (and she to you), because your personality types are different. But in a relationship you are (biblically) to be the leader, so make sure this or any other woman is one you can lead. I don't know your ages or anything like that, but the way she carries her brashness could be a maturity issue, but it may be something you can never tolerate. I am not such a natural leader, and I could have never led anyone in a marriage iwth the tendencies you describe.
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RE: Bad moods/rude behavior in women... when is too much? - 9/13/2008 8:28:25 AM
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Oldwing
Posts: 137
Joined: 9/12/2008
From: New Hampshire, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
The few woman that I have had a relationship with gave me some big surprises. I guess I am still naive but I couldn't believe it when she would act so sweet too me one minute and then a few hours later she was acting rude for no apparent reason. One of the reasons I didn't think these women were right for me was because of how rude they got. I figured they were just mean people. Then, when I started seeing this in just about every woman I got close to I realized that maybe when I meet the right girl I will be able to put up with her rudeness. However, that doesn't seem the case. Whenever someone I am dating gets real impatient with me and says something mean- red alarms seem to go off in my head. Like here is an example. I have been kinda slow moving (I haven't asked her out, just flirted some) with a girl who I think wants me to ask her out. I was talking to her (on a day when she seemed to be mad at me for being so slow about asking her out) and she answered me in a real rude manner. The phrase "she answered me in a really rude manner" makes me sound like a wimp and maybe I am. But if one of my friends talked to me the way she did I would be angry. So I think: "I want someone with character. She is already being rude to me. This shows a lack of respect for others. I shouldn't date her." But I wonder if I go by that philosophy then I will be single until I put on pine pajamas. I wonder if my expectations are too high and maybe I should just learn to put up with rude comments for things that dont' seem that big. I know us guys have some pretty bad stuff that the women in our lives must put up with.
I have been married for over 20 years and there are still times when I am completely mystified by my wife's sudden turns in mood. Menopause can explain it some. Her upbringing can explain it some as she was abused badly. But in the end she always sees her error and asks my forgiveness. I, in fact, have my own challenges with patience and will ask her forgiveness when the 'heat of battle' is past. Humans are 'stiff-necked' and we must learn to forgive those tendencies.
Then again, there are some people who are simply incompatible. If rudeness is not followed by recognition of such and asked forgiveness for then I would say maturity was the issue and that person needs more time to become comfortable with the world. Superiority complex can be a hard path to follow.
_____________________________
Gary
These things I command you, that you love one another. John 15:17
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