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deermousie -> RE: Problems with my sister (8/6/2008 6:24:06 PM)
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Immature-and-on-a-mission mentality is a pain. Give her grace, and give yourself some space when it gets overwhelming. She'll be wonderful as God rounds her out in godliness, so pray for her growth and your graciousness. Right now it sounds like she's got the letter of the law but not the spirit of the law. So, an E for effort (it's still between an F and a D! [:D]). Use Scripture to gently deal with her; she's God's work-in-progress and needs gentle handling.
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ORIGINAL: I-Luv-My-Flowers
My question is: How do you deal with people that nit-pick you in order to "promote godliness" in you?
Grace. God puts up with all of us, which is far worse. Be like Him. Love. Draw near. Tell the truth when it's not a weapon of offense or defense. But don't lie down in the driveway while she's driving.
She's playing Holy Spirit with you, and that's not a job she's equipted for.
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she, consistently, at the rate of every other week, finds something to criticize me about.
Tell her this. ^^^ Tell her she's dragging you down and hurting her relationship with you. When God tells us to edify each other, it means build up, not tear down. She is violating Scripture (be kind when you tell her - it will shock her and stand her worldview on its head. Give her time to see God is right. Be nice about it).
Romans 14:19
Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.
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*She complains that I don't talk to her about my problems,
I'd be running, too! [:D] People who criticize aren't the same as people who help us in our weakness and hold our hands to something higher.
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but when I talk about some of the situations I have to deal with at school, she gives the "Well, that could never happen at my CHRISTIAN school" speech.
She's bragging, not helping you in any way. Pride is a sin.
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*She recently told me that because I might be the "only Bible that people would read," the way I dressed was offensive to God because it made me unapproachable to non-believers.
Uh... say what? How does anyone dress that offends unbelievers? They're the ones that think anything goes.
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*She asks personal questions, and when I won't give her an answer, automatically concludes my reasons must be dumb.
She's getting too personal, especially for someone who constantly tears down. No way are you going to tell personal things to - she's not safe. We tell personal things to people who are wise and who love us and show it. The Bible says to believe the best of others, and she's not doing that to your silence. Her nagging has brought you to silence.
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*She says it is harder for her to criticize me than it is for me to receive it because she has to put up with my immaturity and poor argument skills.
With reasoning like that, won't she be a wonderful mother?! (yes, I am being sarcastic).
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*When I criticize her, she brushes it aside with "We're all sinners" and accuses me of harboring resentment against her.
Tell her to stop it. Just stop it. She's not helping, she's exaspering you and making her hard to live with, and she's making excuses. This is not biblical, nor is she showing a gentle and quiet spirit, but is contentious.
Proverbs 21:9
Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
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*Her conversation is sprinkled with remarks about how much she has matured spiritually.
Proverbs 27:2
Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips.
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*She drops small nasty remarks about other denominations a LOT.
Colossians 4:6
Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
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*When we talk about people at the church I go to, she says, "I went there far longer than you did and they never did that while I was there."
*When I have to skip the evening service because of a school event, she acts like I've broken the whole Lord's Day.
*After we've had a dispute, she'll act like it was nothing more than me over-reacting.
She's in college; I assume you are younger. Will your parents step in? I'm guessing your sister feels pretty safe in the lousy things she says. Yeah, you're growing up, too, and you're not perfect, but God doesn't treat us sinners like that so why is she? God didn't die and leave her in charge of the universe... or you. You need to start talking back with Scripture. It will help you to dig and to learn grace and hopefully God will grab her attention and convict her of her contentiousness and lack of grace and love.
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I'm not sure what to do. I've been going to church for a year now, so I may be confusing "nit-pickiness" with the real need for other believers to build each other up. The "as iron sharpens iron" verse comes to mind...
The people on this list are building you up. Your sister is exasperating even me, and I don't live with her. She's a little girl who thinks she knows it all, and doesn't realize how little she knows (a mark of a person who knows a lot is that they think they don't know much because they are aware of how much more is out there to be learned).
I wouldn't talk to her like I'm telling you because with her I'd need to soften my words with grace, and I'm just giving you hard facts. I could take your sister on and verbally beat her to a pulp, but I never would - she's just a little girl with a twisted worldview who needs tons of grace. She, Lord willing, will be that gracious woman some day. And she'll apologize to you and mean it. Pray for her and love her, obnoxiousness and all. That's how God treats us.
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But...
It seems that she's playing emotional games with me by nagging me until I either agree with her and/or do what she wants. I've asked her to stop, so that we can chat about other things but she accuses me of being ashamed of my faith.
Tell her to stop it. It's unbiblical. Show her the verses I've given you, and if she makes excuses then gently tell her she's making excuses and not responding to God's truth. Keep saying it over and over until she realizes she can't verbally batter you into a corner anymore. Just say it again like a broken record. There's nothing she can do about that.
God bless you, dear one. This won't last forever, so learn what you can, grow as much as you can, and look forward to the day she matures and loves you better. Keep thinking about the kindness with which God treats us (Eph. 2:7) and endeavor to do the same. I am praying for you today. (((Hugs)))
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