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peace2008 -> grown Children (8/5/2008 10:39:02 AM)

Hello,

I am a new poster but long time lurker. I just need some advice on how to deal with immature grown children. My son, recently divorced is currently living with me and driving me crazy. He is so darn irresponsible with money I can hardly believe it. I don't know how to handle it. I have tried talking,prayer. patience and anger.

He want to live rent free. He resents when I ask for help with bills, he doesn't even buy food. I am fed up. My nerves are bad, my budget wrecked.

I can't believe he is this way. I think we spoiled him and he needs a dose of reality. He thinks because he has to pay child support, and it does take a large chunk of his pay, that I should understand?? I have tried to give him time to get it together, but he seems to feel entitled to my car, my home etc.

I guess this is more of a vent and a request for prayer.

Thanks for reading and any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.Especially by anyone having gone though something like this.

Be Blessed,
Peace



Memaw. -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 11:17:40 AM)

Hi :)
I think it's time you sat down with him and laid out some ground rules.
Let him know what is expected as far as rent, utilities, groceries, use of your car, etc.
Put it into writing and have him sign as a contract, and as a contract, let him know if his end isn't kept, expect to be evicted.

We did this with our oldest DD when her family lived with us and it worked out very well.



deermousie -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 11:28:26 AM)

He is dealing with entitlement: my money is mine (and I resent having to give my money for my commitments to ex-wife and the helpless children God gave me and I'm only doing it because I'll go to jail if I don't) and your money is mine.

This is evil. It's theft, it's not providing for his own family, which God says is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever

Talk to him and show him this verse. Then pray like crazy, because your son is failing at life catastrophically. He's on God's bad list, if you want to put it that way.

I'm praying for you and him, Peace. You have a spritual emergency on your hands. God bless you both, and his abandoned family, too.



hotrodkev -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 11:58:04 AM)

Tell him to grow up and face the real world, you wana be irresponsible and drive your life in the gutter you do it, but you cant always pick him up. Let HIM fall flat on his face if it takes it. The disrespect to you, your house, and life is unacceptable. So TOUGH LOVE.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 12:07:37 PM)

Give him 30 days' written notice of eviction. On Sept. 6th when he has still not moved out, put his stuff on the curb, change the locks, and report your car stolen.

Begging and pleading clearly isn't gonna do it.[&o]



jaimestarcross -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 12:11:22 PM)

If you've told your son he's got to pay his share of expenses -
enforce that rule... if he doesn't comply, he can find another
place to live... he's done it before... ie, when he got married, divorced etc...
he can get a roommate to help with cost.



peace2008 -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 12:37:54 PM)

Thanks so much!!! I HAVE to set ground rules and stick to them. I felt guilty for wanting to ask him to leave, but if I am going to stay sane..I must.

Thank you all for advice and prayers..



pbaribeault -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 12:45:49 PM)

If you feel guilty, you have a fundamental problem with understanding what is (and is not) your responsibility.

When you give birth to somebody, you are responsible for their childhood, not their personhood. Adult children are in charge of their own lives. Your son is grown, and if he wants to live in poverty, he is free to. It's not your job to prevent it.



Sadey -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 8:33:03 PM)

Just remember, no mom ever died from feeling guilty. Doing the right thing when its killing us is tough love and real love. I promise you that when you have a kid like this, they always land on their feet, they like their creature comforts and won't ever let themself get in a position to be without a roof over their heads, food, ect ect. So kick him out and know that he will find a place to live and also know he'll be back in your life. He may stay away for awhile but he'll be back.
Hang in there and don't give up or give in.



Onecontent -> RE: grown Children (8/5/2008 10:15:49 PM)

Peace2008,

Check the laws in your area concerning eviction. You may have to go to court to have him legally removed from your home.



MC4JC -> RE: grown Children (8/6/2008 1:47:26 PM)

When our 1st son had to move back home due to wanting to get out of drug related roommates, we had a long discussion about it (me and hubby). We laid out 2 pages of ground rules if he was to move back in.

Our son had to agree to everything or he had to find another place to live. He had to sign the paper too. We set up a certain amount of "rent" and he was to look for jobs.

He lasted about a month at our house before he found some other friends to stay with. Within 2 weeks of moving back, he was staying out late and overnite (who knows where) and didn't want to get up in the morning to look for jobs. He knew the consequences so we had to tell him that if he could not follow our rules, then he couldn't stay. He moved out with other friends.

Now he has his own apartment and is living with his fiance' and is doing a lot better then he did 5 yrs ago. I think he will make it.

Time to lay down the law in your house - your son either shapes up or moves out. Sometimes we have to do tough love with our kids and let them experience the consequences of their actions.



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