completely confused

completely confused (Full Version)

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jsttalking -> completely confused (8/4/2008 1:18:39 PM)
i've been in a relationship - a great one, actually for the past 6 months - last week, she freaks and now seems like a stranger - the talking has ceased it blows me away - she is very needy and somewhat bitter from her divorce last year - i prayed to meet someone special and bam, i did, my christian friends tell me not to give up, jst wait and pray, with little contact, friendly hello's and the like - it's brutal to deal with, she's become such a part of my life and now she wants to put it away because of a fear and doubt - do i love her, yes, a bunch - did she love me yes, i felt it daily and she expressed it with her whole heart - there is alot of pressure from her ex. whom cheated on her numerously - they've only been divorced a year or soo - i just want to here from God - but he's not sending me any emails

MWD -> RE: completely confused (8/4/2008 1:35:12 PM)
> they've only been divorced a year or soo That was your mistake. Don't get involved with anyone who's still cleaning up after a prior relationship. My general rule of thumb is that a person needs 50% of the duration of her previous relationship to get completely emotionally-free of her previous mate. The clock starts only after ALL CONTACT with the ex is finally broken, and I mean forever. If you follow this rule, life suddenly sheds all of its drama and aggravation. Well, at least the dating part. [:D] I have no textbooks or formal surveys to back this up, only my own observations of dozens of others' experiences, and my own experiences, too, of course. There's the larger question of whether you're even supposed to be seeing someone who's divorced. I don't want to go there. Maybe the other folks here will.

preserved -> RE: completely confused (8/4/2008 1:50:25 PM)
I do not date anyone who is separated, legally separated nor divoriced for less than 3 years...Feelings are still involved especially if one has been married for quite some time... She has not completely healed from her previous marriage and you need to allow her to do so. She needs to deal with it...not drag someone else into it...she is expecting you to help her deal with her issues...

jaimestarcross -> RE: completely confused (8/4/2008 1:59:30 PM)
Many people divorce too quickly because their spouse cheated - usually there's been no counseling due to hurt feelings and roller coaster emotions(some go into counseling but due to a heartened heart they don't make a sincere effort to deal with the issues)...not to mention the wrong kind of encouragement from well meaning friends> Too many think and say to others - divorce the cheater and find someone else - You have a right to be happy and to have someone to love! You have to be careful with whom you share your heart with - prayerfully navigate through the throng of women who are seeking someone to date/love. Look for a woman who's focused, rooted(stable emotionally/spiritually) and Following Christ. *pay attention to red flags - like she's needy and bitter - her ex is pressuring her...

Wild-Rose -> RE: completely confused (8/4/2008 3:03:08 PM)
quote: a lot of pressure from her ex. What does this mean? Her ex wants her to do what? Why is she still in contact with her ex? Does her ex want her to re-marry him?

jsttalking -> RE: completely confused (8/4/2008 3:42:50 PM)
i can see the different points of view, i really can, it's just that their marriage of over 10 years was finally over officially a year ago, there was deception and unfaithfullness throughout - they stay in contact because of children, mainly, but yes, he constantly sends her emails, txts, about other chances, i still love you, etc...says she wants no part of him, but i does cause her stress, and me too - its like shes using a her coping skills to avoid any further depth with our relationship - she's become my dearest friend and thats the part that stings the most - feeling alone, rejected and somewhat foolish - shes asked me to never stop loving her a couple weeks ago, now, she's, da know, cralled in a hole - like i don't exist

pbaribeault -> RE: completely confused (8/4/2008 5:59:04 PM)
It's tragic that you have been so badly hurt by your involvement. You loved with a whole heart, and she had the best of intentions... but divorce is complicated and everyone gets hurt. You too, I'm afraid. She just couldn't sort herself out enough to bring you in to her life well. You have my sympathy, and here is my advice: chalk it up in the "better to have loved and lost" column, grieve and try to grow. There is no peace in this relationship, now or in the future... well possibly in a few years, but only if you let it go completely at this point.

preserved -> RE: completely confused (8/5/2008 2:30:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jsttalking i can see the different points of view, i really can, it's just that their marriage of over 10 years was finally over officially a year ago, there was deception and unfaithfullness throughout - they stay in contact because of children, mainly, but yes, he constantly sends her emails, txts, about other chances, i still love you, etc...says she wants no part of him, but i does cause her stress, and me too - its like shes using a her coping skills to avoid any further depth with our relationship - she's become my dearest friend and thats the part that stings the most - feeling alone, rejected and somewhat foolish - shes asked me to never stop loving her a couple weeks ago, now, she's, da know, cralled in a hole - like i don't exist She is not ready for any relationship right now...Sorry your heart is in it and she is not....

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